大象传媒

Good Morning.

Like many others, I鈥檓 the daughter of a parent with increasing dementia. When my Dad died unexpectedly a few years ago, he and my Mum had recently celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. I鈥檇 only ever known Mum as someone with an impressively diverse range of interests, and a diary to rival the hardest working member of the royal family. So I became confused as she became confused.

A taxi driver told me he鈥檇 been listening to a radio programme about dementia, which highlighted that the longer a couple are together, their brains will synchronise. So it could be the shock of losing her life partner contributed to a change in Mum鈥檚 cognitive functions. But whatever explanations there may be along the way, they aren鈥檛 necessarily the point.

Me and Mum鈥檚 loyal friends have sometimes felt frustrated, or lost for words, as we try to engage her in conversations, often hoping that our shared memories will bridge the connection.

Feeling deflated one day, the care home manager with a compassionate yet straightforward approach, said that in the case of dementia, friends and family need to let go of their attachment to the person they think someone is based on the history of the person they knew. We were told to accept that Mum isn鈥檛 the person we expect her to be; she is different and may be different each day. The manager鈥檚 advice was to simply be with Mum as we find her in the moment.

Dear God, I鈥檇 like to give thanks to my Mum, who continues to teach me even as she approaches 90, still supporting me to evolve and grow. May I take these lessons into everyday life, dropping my expectations of others and accepting everyone I encounter just as I find them, with a sense of wonder of who I may discover in the present moment.

Sat Naam.