大象传媒

Stefanie Preissner is a best-selling author, screenwriter and playwright and the creator of Ireland鈥檚 hit TV series 鈥楥an鈥檛 Cope Won鈥檛 Cope鈥�. On The Conversation in Dublin she makes her debut performance of her spoken word piece commissioned by the 大象传媒, 'Subliminal Women'.

This is an extract of a programme where leading figures from Ireland including activist Ailbhe Smyth, Hockey Star Nicci Daly and broadcaster Dil Wickremasinghe tackle questions about life after the referendums for women in Ireland. There鈥檚 anger, laughter and life tips on how to say no. Click on 鈥楾he Conversation in Dublin鈥� to hear more.

Subliminal Women

By Stefanie Preissner

How can I be good? What is it that鈥檚 proper?
Making sure to make all my silver hairs copper?
To shave and to wax and to dye and to groom
And not be the loudest person in a room.
I was that good girl that could have been better
That B student, but not A to give it a letter.
I was described as always having room to improve
In a stultifying system with no room to move.

So now I don鈥檛 know how to feel if I鈥檓 not told
I鈥檓 afraid to be labelled disruptive or bold.

I keep notes in my phone about white male dominion
And scramble through Jezebel to form feminist opinions
Because I can鈥檛 on my own, I find it so tough
To form definitive opinions on that sorta stuff.
I鈥檓 finding my way but there鈥檚 no goddam map
Wouldn鈥檛 it be great if we invented some kind of app
That would tell how us how to be the right kind of lady
But wouldn鈥檛 that be the same thing we battle with daily?

Am I doing it right? Am I being a good girl?
Am I staying in my lane on the highways of the world?
We are socialised and raised to be good and compliant
Subliminal messaging to soften us so we don't get defiant.

Subliminal women will learn to be
Polite and quiet with a flare for maternity
From the very first doll they place in a pram
To knowing what garnishes go well with spring lamb
She can parallel park
She can cook a rare steak
She takes her holidays during mid term break
She has a sixth sense for when something is wrong
She鈥檒l remember her in-laws birthdays and look good in a thong.
She鈥檒l be a loyal loving friend who has learned to share
She鈥檒l have a perfect waist hip ratio and silky soft hair

These subliminal messages filling me killing me
Coming at me from all sides and silently willing me
To believe I鈥檒l be better if I invest in their stuff
Cause without the right shade of lipstick I am not enough
Without a pout shaded 鈥榗rimson cherry pop red鈥�
I am not worthy of love is what鈥檚 being said

If I can鈥檛 climb up a cliff face overlooking the sea
Or do couch to 5K effortlessly
If I can鈥檛 resist chocolate or get rid of fat
If I give in to wrinkles, if I鈥檓 not a doormat
If I can鈥檛 run in a sports bra or spin on a bike
Or go for a pre-dawn meditative hike
All while I bleed excessively and am in pain from the movement
I鈥檓 not a good enough woman and there鈥檚 room for improvement.

Subliminal women are curated from birth
Like seeds harvested from their mothers and buried in earth
And the soil around is fertilised, augmented
With impossible standards to drive us demented.
I am a woman. 鈥淣ice figure鈥� they shout
Here鈥檚 some figures we should try figure out
1 in 10 women experience sexual violence
15 million under 18 are married off in silence
32% of parliamentarians are female
but we earn 14-20% less depending on detail

I鈥檓 Googling facts to come up with these rhymes
But the figures are depressing and I鈥檓 wasting my time
Because no matter what way you swing it, or what way it lands
It seems women鈥檚 experience is shaped by male hands.

If all that is so clear to me why am I confused?
Why does knowing how I feel leave me feeling bemused?
Am I allowed to say I don鈥檛 know how I feel?
About pregnancy or breastfeeding or chemical peels.
Am I a bad woman if I don't share the tweets
If I don't wear the t-shirt or occupy streets
Can I find my own way to support the cause
Can I take time to consider things, just a brief little pause

Or do I have to be certain, steadfast no movement
Can I be a feminist with room for improvement?

Image: Stefanie Preissner
Credit: Emily Quinn

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