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What does Simon look like?

Wiry, balding

Any activites since graduation?

On and off looking for jobs but deciding not to apply for any. Watching a lot of Question Time. Quite a bit of time spent on the phone to customer services departments. Also, completing Command and Conquer for the third time.

Ministerial position in ‘Team Jared’

Strategy Adviser; the guy behind the guy; the ideas engine.

What qualifies them for this position?

Not great in front of cameras

Why did he get into politics?

To change the world (and because football was no longer an option after knee operation)

What’s their greatest political achievement?

Seeing William Hague in John Lewis (haberdashery deptartment)

How would they describe themselves?

Confident, thorough and strong

And how would everybody else describe them?

Arrogant, pedantic and 'arsey'

They can often be heard saying…

"That’s a terrible idea Mel for several reasons"

Where are they likely to end up in 5 years time?

A think tank or estate agency