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Devoted to Archers listeners, this is where we show off their multiple talents!



			The Poignancy of Poinsettias by Epponn-kneerae "It's comin' on Christmas, Poinsettias massing on supermarket shelves ..."

			Ruth the telepath by Sovietsong "David says nothing Just expects his wife to be Ruth the telepath ..."

			The llamas intervene by Deb Z "You know," said Wolfgang, after a few minutes, "You ought dress up more ofden as chambermaid, you look quide good een thad oudfeet ..."

			Efening ad the Llamas by Deb Z "No," smiled Constanza, batting her eyelashes at him, "We haff romanteec efeneeng ..."

			From Ambridge to Limerick "... Sophie Barlow, we love her, she's sweet Her visit is really a treat But will David she steer To the treehouse, m'dear And pay back deceit with deceit..."

			From Ambridge to Limerick "... Sophie Barlow, we love her, she's sweet Her visit is really a treat But will David she steer To the treehouse, m'dear And pay back deceit with deceit..."

			Titcombe's Declaration by Vicky S "... In his imagination he travelled to Spring. New growth, renewal, spikes of green pushing up through the rich Borsetshire loam ..."

			Lily's news by Vicky S "... we went past my cousins house his dad is a vet and is good at dead animals ..."

			The Travels of Ed by Walter Littlewood "... Ed had no destination in mind as he reached the Borchester by-pass ..."

			Ambridge World Cup by DebZ "... Caroline Sterling: Italy. Much like France but comes with a hint of scandal ..."

			Ma帽ana para la ma帽ana by DebZ "... "Now, Wessmeenster Catheedral fullee booked unteel Julio 2008" ..."

			Foiled 'gain by DebZ "... "Marmalade." breathed Constanza, expectantly. "Ees there anee theeng else you wan' say to me?" ..."

			Desperate Housewives Anonymous by Vicky S "... Dorcas in her down-at-heel hushpuppies. Venus in her Geiger pumps. Circe in her cheap market stall slingbacks. Demeter in her shabby clogs ..."

			Wheestleeng een the weend by Deb Z "... Whad do you know of the angueesh of a mother? Does Eddee comprehend whad thees ees doeeng to Claree? I wash my hoofs of all of you! ..."

			Grand Designs by Vicky S "... Thank you for your letter enclosing the rough sketch of your plans for the barn conversion you and your partner are planning on your dairy farm ..."

			Mothering Sunday Duty by Vicky S "... I've sent you some flowers, they're on the way ..."

			A fine peeckle ... by Deb Z "... You doan care thad Montee probablee become juvenile delinquent! ..."

			A mother's care by Fancy_Day "... Jill smiled to herself as she added home made stock to the casserole ..."

			Boxcar Wolfie by DebZ "... We was so poor," continued Wolfgang, "we used stand oudside chippee for cast off newspapers ..."

			A Chicken's Tale by Vicky S "... every door up time is new knowing. every door down time is new thinking ..."

			Thanks for ... by DebZ "Eet was lovelee funeral," sniffed Constanza, removing her ribbons ..."

			Constanza Calling ... by DebZ "Hola! Ees thad Bee Bee See Acc铆on Line? ..."

			When We Were Very Small by VickyS "My head hurts, and my tummy hurts. Where's my mummy? I want my mummy ..."

			Musical Archairs by Gnome de Plume "Darkness sank over Ambridge Organics. Stupid people, stupid world. What a waste of space everyone was! ..."

			Tuning in The Archers take over the Radio 4 schedule ...

			Fifty Years On? by Misty "The figure stopped drying her hair and began to get into bed beside Phil. ..."

			Parrots and Pomeranians by Vicky S "everyone knows Pomeranians are possessive and* sensitive to loud noises ..."*

			Bridge Farm 2020 by Bella Milbanke "we've been putting out his dinner place for 15 years and he's never once turned up ..."

			Alistair Gets his Goat by Gnome de Plume "Vets make diagnomic decisions, then give bad-tasting sweeties to animals! Easy peasy."

			Summer fantasies A bumper selection, with parodies from Rudyard Kipling to Little Britain.

			Susan's Lament by Jenny Darling "... Oh welcome to my little home it's very clean and new ..."

			Regina vs Shula by Gnome de Plume "... The judge raised a hand; silence fell like a stone ..."

			Wedding of the Year by Early Closing "... at this point Mrs Elizabeth Pargetter choked on a salmon bone ..."

			惭别别蝉蝉补辫辫谤别别丑别苍肠铆辞苍 by Deb Z "... . Large tears welled in Constanza's eyes and dripped into a small pool on the floor ..."

			Brenda goes for it by Gnome de Plume "... she strode strongly towards the office, a smile on her face, a song in her heart ..."

			Great Pargetters Remembered "... he lost the manuscript in a bet on a ferret race ..."

			Dead Girl by Little Dot "...Alice felt very afraid, but she walked steadily forward, eyes fixed on the shape ..."

			Predee Polee (tunnels) by Deb Z "... I theenk thad I shall nefer see, a theeng as lovlee as a tree, sang Wolfgang happily ..."

			Izzy's trip to Brookfield by Litchick "...the looming form of Ruth Archer began to swim into focus ..."

			Miss Archer's day out by Vicky S "...it had taken her nearly an hour to tease her hair into the masses of little plaits ..."

			Efer deecreeseeng circles by Deb Z "... You mighd say there thad Joleene haf El Seed by shord and Curlee, no? ..."

			Memento Mori by Deb Z "... Staring into the distance, Constanza pondered this deeply affecting vision ..."

			Alan and the Erchers by Liz Simpson "... seeing Bathsheba bathing on her roof does have a certain resonance in Ambridge ..."







	Archers Parodies? Go to our new Parodies page and choose from our literate and witty Archers parodies that range in style from Alan Clark's Diaries and Flashman to Georgette Heyer.



			Devil's brood by Deb Z "Well, speak of the devil, thought Josh, as they arrived at Glebe Cottage ..."

			Kenton's Kabin by Mace Spray "Kenton had thought of everything... or had he?"

			Brian Aldridge - This is Your Life! by Deborah Z "...We聮re here today to celebrate the life of a man who has brought pleasure to countless women."

			Responsible Disposal of Vermin by Primrose Moocow "Ruth looked up from her desperate filling out of the Sheep Annual Premium claim form ..."

			A Shadow in the Night by G M Seed "The figure crept towards a grey mare in the corner box. She looked built for speed - important to put distance between the fugitive and the pursuers who would be so quickly on the trail ..."
			The Devil Rides In by Steve Killick A new vicar - cause for rejoicing? "鈥極ooh a new Vicar, Aunty Chris, how exciting,鈥� trilled Shula, as she flicked through the pages of Horse and Hound. 鈥楢nd didn't the Liberty and Livelihood march go down so well?鈥�"

			The Bess Laid Scheemes by Deborah Z "...鈥榃olfang,鈥檚aid Constanza 鈥檞e must act. We cannot let thees happen. We must begeen revolucion!鈥�..."

			Working Girl by Sheila Soviet Song "Tom admired her new navy DKNY suit and stilletoed Manolos ..."

			Eddie's answerphone by Vicky S "As usual World of Grundy turkeys will be available ..."

			Southern Cross Hospital by Vicky S "Mel lay back on the pillows and smiled bravely ..."

			Hush by Mayqueen "... Along the road come six figures. They seem to glide effortlessly and a closer examination shows that, marionette-esque, they are indeed gliding, about a foot above the ground ..."

			Great Pargetters by various "... Hubert de Pargyterre was not present to witness the signing of Magna Carta on Runymede, as he had been misdirected to Canvey Island ..."


			Double Whammy by Liz Simpson "...Well, Simon had four tickets for a recording of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue* in Borchester last night. Apparently it's a funny radio programme ..."*


			The Ultimate Speaking Part by SheilaSovietSong "Brian聮s Car sat outside Lower Loxley, trying to control his nerves. Only a few minutes to go now, and then it was it, his greatest moment so far."

			Trial by Jury by Ken E "...Prisoner at the bar, how do you plead? Brian: Well, normally something like "Jenny, forgive me; I'll always love you." That usually does the trick..."

			4'33" by Primrose Moocow "Phil lifted his eyes from the music manuscript. 鈥業t's almost there, dear, almost finished, and, if I may say so, it will be a masterpiece ...鈥�"

			Liz Shears by Appolonia "...A high pitched whining drew nearer and it soon became clear that Elizabeth once again wasn't happy ..."

			The Ambridge Abduction by Brian Whitby With some excellent and original artwork. "...Avtar sighed and absent-mindedly scraped all three of his spindly fingers across his bare, bulbous grey head. "Has it all been in vain?" he asked, more to himself than to his companion ..."

			Death by Marmite by Mel O'Drama "...I haven鈥檛 seen anything like that since my days of ration coupon counterfeiting in the war, said Peggy, dewy eyed ..."

			Who shot BA? by Little Dot "...Alice wished her parents would just sort out what they were going to do: that her father would just leave, if that's what he wanted ..."


			The Way the Cookie Crumbles by Boudicca (Queen) "...Daniel Hebden-Lloyd carefully analysed the reasons why his most recent attempt to kill his step-father had failed ..."

			To HSE or not to HSE? by Anne Goode "...Debbie looked thoughtfully from the 9 button on the Home Farm yard office telephone to the accident book and out to the scene in the lower yard ..."

			The Witches of Ambridge by Little Dot "In the kitchen at Home Farm three figures were seated around the circular table. Five candles lit their faces with a flickering, ghostly light ..."

			Sorry to leave? Moi? by Mary Sanderson "Urrgh Urrgh," Jill squeaked. Ruth lassooed her ankles and started tugging. "Urrgh Urrgh," Jill squeaked again. David appeared with a stout walking stick ..."

			Siobhan's Three Wishes by Liz Simpson "That's just the kind of toot that Christine wants to fill up her house with - I'll just buff it up." And as she did so, a plume of blue smoke came out of the spout ..."
			The Ghost of Keepers Past by Ken E "Suddenly, though the doorway comes a ghastly apparition ..."

			Landlord, Fill the Flowing Bowl by Ken E "Pat a gnome's 'ead Each night before bed ..."

			Revenge of the Neglected Woman by Eve Robinson "Eet ees 鈥榦rrible! It is affreux! It is abominable ..."

			The Erchers (sum mair...) by Liz Simpson "...Davey Ercher was enjoying a pint of heavy with his brither Kenny ..."

			Poedree Pleese by Deb Z "Santa Maria y todos los santos!" expostulated Constanza ..."

			Matches and Meetches by Deb Z "Eet catastrophe! Tch, tch, tch ..."
			Dolores by Boudicca (Queen) "Shula gazed disconsolately at her legs ..."
			Pachelbel's Canon a relay story "Alan paused in shock, and his face visibly paled ..."
			When the Revolution Came by Anglo-Norman "It began like a normal day. The sun was shining, the tea was brewing, the strawberries were ripening ..."
			The Diary of Chaba P by Clint Driftwood "I am in Ambridge to start my jobbings as strawberry plucker ..."

			The Erchers (agane,听agane) by Liz Simpson "Davey Ercher sat in the darkest corner of the bar, nursing not only a pint o' heavy, but also ..."

			The Summer of Love by Mandy Lifeboats "What does it matter?" Lynda murmured. "Winning, losing, it's all so illusory. It's life that's important. I love life ..."






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