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A milkman would a-wooing go
By typewright
 A week in the life of Ambridge, inspired by the nursery rhyme , from the Fantasy Archers topic of .
A milkman would a-wooing go,
Heigh ho! says Gormley,
A milkman would a-wooing go,
Whether his daughter would let him or no.
With a roly poly vicar and Usha,
Heigh ho! says Anthony Gormley.
So off he set with his wallet so fat,
Heigh ho! says Gormley,
So off he set with his wallet so fat,
And on the road he met with a rat,
With a Gormley, Scargill, miner and picket,
Heigh ho! says Anthony Gormley.
Pray, Mr Banker, will you go with me?
Heigh ho! says Gormley,
Pray, Mr. Banker, will you go with me,
Two matching rings in a shop for to see?
With a cut-glass bowley full of Joe's spinach,
Heigh ho! says Anthony Gormley.
They came to the door of the jeweller's shop,
Heigh ho! says Gormley,
They had a good look, and then Vicky cried "Stop!"
With a blingy ring, a dress and a teddy,
Heigh ho! says Anthony Gormley.
Pray, Mr Rat, are these two rings for us?
Heigh ho! says Gormley,
Oh yes, kind sir. Pay, and don't make a fuss.
With a moany Tony packing up spinach,
Heigh ho! says Anthony Gormley.
Pray, Mrs Perks, will you give us some beer?
Heigh ho! says Gormley,
For I'm knackered and broke and I need some good cheer.
With Freda's special, it's gammon and spinach,
Heigh ho! says Anthony Gormley.
Pray, Mr Fry, will you give us a poem?
Ooooh, nooooo! says Ruthie,
Well, look at the time, we'd best hurry off home.
With a rumbly tumbly, pieces of pizza,
Heigh ho! says Anthony Gormley.
(A couple of verses here have been lost in the mists of time, or in the attics at Lower Loxley)
But while they were all a-merry-making
Heigh ho! says Gormley,
A pusscat and nephew came tumbling in
With a rolling gait and a packet of ciggies,
Heigh ho! says Anthony Gormley.
The cat she seized the Matt by the crown,
Heigh ho! says Gormley,
The nephew he pulled the little swine down.
With a roll 'im, punch 'im, grapple and spin 'im,
Heigh ho! says Anthony Gormley.
This put the old Prof in a terrible fright,
Heigh ho! says Gormley.
He took up his hat and he wished them goodnight.
With a growly scowl at gambler Ali,
Heigh ho! says Anthony Gormley.
But as Jim he went back to his cottage
Heigh ho! says Gormley.
A lily white horse came and ended his dotage
With a wholly holy galloping Shula,
Heigh ho! says Anthony Gormley.
So there was the end of one, two, three,
Heigh ho! says Gormley.
The Matt, the Mike, and the Prof, old Jimmy.
With a Village Fete and a ham on a plinth,
Ha, ha! says Anthony Gormley.
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