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You recall that day on the Ambridge Green
There was Caz and Chris and Carly
They were taking part in these veggie games
As they tried to win a gold

Then this chap came up, said we must compete
He was a proper Charlie
"There's the lentilchase, the wheel-marrow race
Where you can win a gold"

He told us about his Olympic rings
And how we could toss the cauli
That's when we gave in, said we would take part
And try to win the gold

So we asked his name and he said to us
"I was christened most bizarrely
I'm an Archer son, I'm a zealous guy
My name it broke the mould"

Then the rev came by, with this Asian chick
They were cruising on his Harley
When an Ambridge wife said "It can't be right
The Bishop must be told"

And another guy, who was quite a toff,
Kept weeping for his Charlie
But for all his woes, yes he still took part
He's got a heart of gold

You remember me, girding up my loins
I hurled this beet afar-ly
It was quite a throw, it was best by far
If I might be so bold

And this woman there measured out my throw
How loudly she did parly
"Ooooh nooooo" she wailed "You've surpassed my man
You're sure to win the gold"

Then this guy came up, said he'd try his luck
He said his name was Olly
Then he hurled his beet, it went well away
Would he beat me for the gold?

But I stayed ahead in the veggie toss
Beating Sterling into silver
Punched the air with joy on that day of days
The day I won the gold

And now ev'ry night I look at my gold
With eyes like Jacob Marley
How I love its glow, yes it shines so bright
Oh yes I love my gold

More parodies - from Agatha Christie to Damon Runyon



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