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Summer 2004 competition winners

26 August 2004
For our summer competition this year, we asked you to write a poem that Will could read at his wedding ceremony, and you responded magnificently with parodies and original verse of all metres and rhyme schemes.

Entries were judged on wit, technical skill and relevance to the storylines. Because of the high standard we couldn't choose an outright winner, so have awarded three first prizes. Each author will receive a signed pre-publication copy of Who's Who in The Archers 2005.

To find out what poetic masterpiece Will actually chooses, tune in to Friday evening's episode.

The Winners

Two winning parodies drew on similar inspiration:

by Deadly Ernest
Shall I compare thee to a pint of Shires?
Thou'rt more full-bodied and more sweet to taste
Excess of booze oft quells the amorous fires
And robs the lover of his ardent haste.
Flat, tepid Shires, where once the bubbles rose,
And dire collapse of that proud frothy head
Sad tokens are of that fell day she chose
To make a breach of our connubial bed.
When I consider how the foaming yeast
Gives life to this, I cannot think enough
Of my true love, and how that lecherous beast
My brother Ed, hath left her up the duff.
And ere my beery inspiration stops
I ponder how from bed to bed she hops.

by Lady Macbeth
Can I compare you to a jersey cow?
That was abducted by my brother Ed?
Though lovely Baby Spice is long gone, now
Her image still runs round and round my head.
Last night, whilst polishing my Purdy gun
(A wedding gift from noble squire, Matt)
I thought I heard time's wing-ed chariot run
Creeping up behind me where I sat ...
It carried Ed and Baby Spice and you
And Greg was sitting in it - far behind
But they're all gone; why were you in there too?
What don't I understand? Are you still mine?
But looking at you, in your strapless dress
I'm sure that Time will heal this awful mess.

The third took a different tack:

by Verandah
I always knew that I would find her
I felt our lives were intertwined, her
Love for me I know is tender.
Our love's too strong for us to squander


She sits and stares out through the window
Hypnotised by sounds of thunder
Will things be right? I sometimes wonder
I wish that she could be much kinder.


Like wind-blown patterns in the sand, her
Love for me begins to founder?
Does she think she's made a blunder?
Are other men to steal my thunder?
To tiptoe in, to loot and plunder
The love for me, I know is tender.


I know that she would not have sinned, her
Love for me I know is tender


I wish that she could be much kinder.

Highly Commended

The judges were impressed by many other entries, and in the true spirit of the Flower and Produce Show awarded "Highly Commended" (no prize, but huge honour, obviously) to Little Dot, Liz Simpson, Mikes Beans, Phyllis Doris and Stephen Haworth.

Read the

Of particular note - although not qualifying for the competition - is Deb Z's epic version of Hiawatha:

William Grundy Wedding's Feast

You shall hear how David Archer
Fresh from classes, taught by Gloria
Danced at William Grundy's wedding;
How the gentle Fallon Rodgers,
She the singing contest winner,
Sang her songs of love and longing ...

Read the full .

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