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3 Oct 2014

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On deaf ears

Gemma contacted Home Truths about the problems of being the only hearing person in a deaf family.

From an early age, Gemma was required to be her family's chief communicator.

She would use a combination of lip reading and sign language to 'talk' to her deaf mother, father and brother. She was their main source of contact with the outside world, relaying conversations and making phone calls.

Growing up in a house where no-one spoke, Gemma experienced difficulties developing speech herself. As a child, she mimicked her parent's voices and began to speak like a deaf person.

But unfortunately, her mother's behaviour towards her did not make life any easier. Gemma says, "My mother really had an intense dislike for me from quite a young age". This extended to preventing Gemma from mixing with her father and brother, who were also encouraged to treat her badly.

Gemma's treatment was highlighted by the birth of her brother, four years after her. He was born deaf but he was treated with a lot of affection. The only thing that makes sense of the situation is envy. Gemma was being punished because she could hear and speak. "The fact that I could hear was everything she wanted, but couldn't have."

At the age of 21, Gemma started to go out with someone who she met at work. But this made the situation worse. Only three months after beginning the relationship, Gemma was given an ultimatum: either give up the boyfriend or leave. Gemma describes it as the worse moment of her life, but she decided to leave.

Her boyfriend's family took her in and she now calls them mum and dad. She says, "It's been so lovely to live a normal life in a normal family". Gemma and her boyfriend are getting married later this year. She says she's no longer frightened of being herself.

Gemma can't wait to have children herself, "I can't wait to treat them how I should have been treated".

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