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3 Oct 2014

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Sex, Marriage and the 大象传媒

It can seem that sex was only invented in the sixties. But in the mid-fifites, Ruth Coombes' parents were sorting out whether it was possible to have a marriage without it...

In 1956, Ruth鈥檚 mother was in her early sixties and her father was well into his seventies. Ruth describes her father as, "A highly sexed man. We always knew he was very lovey-dovey ...", and Ruth tells the story that although her parents had a fulfilling sex life, her mother, worried about her husband's health. "Look Henry", she said, "This sex business has got to stop because it鈥檚 going to kill you!" Henry鈥檚 response, was "No sex, no marriage!" They鈥檇 been married about 40 years or more, and were, according to Ruth, a very loving couple. Ruth鈥檚 mother was a bit confused by this response from her husband - surely their marriage could sustain this change?

Some time later, and quite unexpectedly, a call came for Ruth鈥檚 mother from the 大象传媒, from the Edgar Lustgarten show,on television. The show aired all sorts of problems posed by their viewers, and Ruth's mother was told, "We鈥檇 love you to come to London and be on the show, because your problem is a nationwide problem." Ruth鈥檚 mother protested, "What problem? I didn't contact the 大象传媒!" The reply was, "But I've got your letter here!" An extract was read out to her. It said, "My husband says I鈥檝e been living in fairyland because there is no such thing as pure love in a marriage, because sex is the main thing in the marriage." Ruth's mother realised that her husband had written the letter in her name and demanded its return. She also realised that it was his attempt to prove that, if aired in public, his point would be upheld.

Although Ruth's mother confided her hurt and disillusionment to her daughter, marital relations were resumed. Neither mother nor daughter revealed to the adored husband and father that they knew about the letter, "We never ever mentioned it," says Ruth, then adds, on a final irreverent note " but I dined out on it years later!"

Has an occurrence within a long-standing relationship taken you by surprise?
What happened and who was involved?
Did it strengthen or weaken the relationship?

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