大象传媒

4 years ago, Jeremy's wife left him for another woman ...

When Jeremy's wife made friends with a woman who happened to be a lesbian, Jeremy was, at first, unworried but, "as the months went by, I began to be worried by it. Eventually it came out that they were in love."

Although Jeremy's feels that much of the 14 year marriage was a sham , he thinks that "if people aren't a little bit resentful and annoyed - they're not really facing up to the reality. The fact that my wife left me for another woman, made it quite a bit easier in some respects than if my marriage had broken down in the usual way. I don't have to say someone else has taken my place..."

In spite of what happened, Jeremy feels that his 2 sons are "doing brilliantly well, I don't want to sound too rosy, but I think they find the experience of their mother being a lesbian makes them interestingly different. They spend half the week with me and half the week with their mother - she lives in the country, and I live in town, so it's quite a nice set up."

Jeremy's family was very supportive, "I was brought up in a very liberal minded family, so I have the advantage of not being horrified at the thought of homosexuality. But I felt a bit of an idiot. I think a lot of my friends and family thought 'poor guy, he must feel a bit of an idiot. ' But as the years went by, I got very frustrated that people aren't prepared to talk about it - they're embarrassed ..."

Although it has been hard coming to terms with his wife leaving him for another woman, Jeremy feels " if someone is married and they discover they are gay , there's no hope of keeping the marriage going. Admit it to themselves and to the wife or husband and come out. This kind of marital breakdown can make it a little bit easier, maybe, than the other kind of marital breakdown. You also have a sense of finality. Once your wife or husband has left you for a person of the same sex, you know your marriage is over. There's no lingering hope that you'll get back together and that's a help."