Home Truths reporter, Ian Peacock garners a few handy hints on how to handle relatives over the Christmas season ...
Barbara Dorf has spent the last 25 Christmases hiding in her flat. She’s unmarried and describes herself candidly as in a "frightful, emotional, spinster-ish, frigid state. It’s very nice of people to think that because I don’t have children I should adore to meet them, but bless their little hearts, they’re at their worst at Christmas. I ususally wind down the year by writing a lot of letters, reading and doing odd jobs." When asked whether she found this made a happy Christmas, Barbara gave the wise response, " ‘Pleasing’ - for who may define ‘happiness’ ? "
Hibernating, though, isn’t an option for vicars. Ian asked Reverend Victor Stock, who’s been through a fair number of Christmases involving large crowds of mixed relatives, what the secret is of getting on with those whom you seldom see. "Smile a lot" he said, " And never show off!" He also advises that it is wise to put one of the family group on duty, ready to deflect the uncle or aunt or whichever of the assorted relatives it is, from getting on their particular hobby horse, dominating all other conversation and boring eveyone to death.
John Morgan, The Times etiquette correspondent’s recommended opening gambit is to "be incredibly pleased to see whoever it is, even if you can’t remember a thing about them" and "What’s your news?" is a good follow up, sounding interested, even when you’ve no idea to whom you’re speaking. Don’t let any lack of sincerity worry you at this point.
Dr Aric Sigmund, a consultant psychologist, unnervingly observes of the annual family reunion that, "There are probably family members who have waited 12 months to get even," He spreads more seasonal cheer with, "Families meeting together only once a year have to go through a re-orientation process, which is stressful in itself. The whole 'have a nice day' phenomenon does take a toll on people in terms of health. Repressed hostility is strongly linked with cardio-vascular disease."
Hibernating, deflecting the party bore, insincere greetings, avoiding a heart attack - what’s next? Interrogation, of course! Avoiding The Obvious Question. Pupils at Headington School in Oxford poured withering scorn on any adult who should accidently open the conversation with, "My how you’ve grown!" It is also advisable, according to one pupil, for older people not to enter into talk of any sort about pop groups because, "They’ll only start talking about famous war songs ..."
Ah well, maybe Christmas in an isolation tank is the safest bet.
