大象传媒

I have been saving money since 1989 and today I am going to quit my job, pack my bag, or possibly bags, and go out there, beyond Moreton Say, beyond Telford, beyond even Oswestry to make my mark on the world, to right wrongs, to expose the hidden conspiracies, to damp the fires of evil with my hose of truth.

Morris Telford

Yesterday I strode into my manager聮s office, an overbearing little Hitler called Mr Magson, blazing with pride and determination. I had prepared a written speech-

"Mr Magson, I come to you today not to discuss the ordering of office consumables or petty problems with procurement, I come to speak my mind. I have given this company the best years of my life, while others fulfilled their dreams, stayed up until late at parties and suchlike, my dreams were about responsibility and ordering paperclips, toner, packs of A4 copier paper. You have tried to stifle me, wear me down, bully me into submission over the years, it ends right here. Listen to me now, no more shall my life be ruled by your blinkered little autocracy, I quit, I hand in my notice, I tell you to take your job and shove it. You shall not see me or my like again, I am leaving and will not return."

As a final stroke of defiance to his regime, before I left I over ordered the laser printer toner cartridges, they now have enough to last until December 2008 by which time that model of printer will almost certainly be obsolete. Justice has been served.

Morris Telford

I spent ages writing that.

So I walked into his office yesterday and Mr Magson is on three weeks holiday in Goa. I left him a note.

I said goodbye to those in the office who had been kind to me. Theresa who bought me Jammie Dodgers and Greta from accounts who looked like an even older Charlie Dimmock.

As a final stroke of defiance to his regime, before I left I over ordered the laser printer toner cartridges, they now have enough to last until December 2008 by which time that model of printer will almost certainly be obsolete. Justice has been served.

I spent today packing, tonight is my last night at home, my mind is made up. Mother is sceptical; she seems to think she can measure the time period I intend to stay away for my counting the clean underwear I take with me. I explained that most 33-year-old men leave their Mothers much earlier and she must accept I am going for good. She just smiled and returned to counting my Y-fronts.

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my Father and Mother, but now I am at a crossroads and need to take the less travelled route 聳 in this case the A41 southbound.

AM - So this is it.

I聮m officially leaving home. Saying goodbye to over thirty years of my memories, farewell to my room, au revoir to my haven of cloying love. My mother is crying so I will update this later.

I聮m going to change the world by searching out injustice instead of turning away from it, by putting things right instead of leaving them be and by learning, understanding and acceptance instead of ignorance, fear and hatred. Sort of a cross between Batman and Jesus.

Morris Telford

PM - I am in an electrical retailers in the thriving metropolis of Market Drayton trying out some palmtop PCs that I can update this blog with as I live my life. I want to be able to write on the move, plucking the essence of the moment from the immediate vibe. The shop assistant is reading this and he (his badge says Gavin) wants to know what my blog is about. Well, Gavin, it聮s about life, about my personal struggle to make a difference. He聮s taking the palmt

HI IM GAVIN - Gavin has been very helpful. I聮m going to buy this model and catch a bus.

LATER PM - Met a girl on the bus, she didn聮t give her name but she was lovely, she looked like a younger Emma Freud. I told her I was from Moreton Say and wanted to change the world. She asked me how but her stop came before I could think of a good answer.

After she got off I thought of some really good answers. I would have said I聮m going to change the world by searching out injustice instead of turning away from it, by putting things right instead of leaving them be and by learning, understanding and acceptance instead of ignorance, fear and hatred. Sort of a cross between Batman and Jesus.

Stayed in a modest B&B just outside Shrewsbury. Had a fried breakfast that looked spectacular but had no discernible flavour.

I聮ve put 聭pavements in Kent聮 on my list of wrongs to right. Not a high priority, but it聮s there.

Morris Telford

I started talking to an elderly couple (Richard and Kay) from Kent over breakfast. I asked them what world problems they would like to see addressed. I expected an answer like world famine, or Iraq, or terrorism, or immigration, or disease, instead they both agreed that the world problem that most desperately need addressing was the uneven pavements around where they live in Kent, and proceeded to tell me in great detail how Kay nearly had a nasty fall last Tuesday. Just goes to show that perspective is everything.

I聮ve put 聭pavements in Kent聮 on my list of wrongs to right. Not a high priority, but it聮s there.

I walked around Shrewsbury today, talked to as many people as possible.

It聮s hard to make casual conversation with strangers here.

I told Toby about Moreton Say and gave him my mother聮s address and some busfare. She has a spare room.

Morris Telford

In Moreton Say I can talk to anyone and expect a conversation, in Shrewsbury most of the people I approach either accuse me of trying to sell them something, tell me to go away or run off themselves, sometimes all three.

One person I did talk to today was Toby. Toby is 18, homeless and was squatting in a doorway with a smile and a polystyrene cup, asking for money. I sat with him for a while and saw all the people avoid eye contact, some stopped and gave him some cash, but no-one seemed to want to talk to him. He told me he 聭didn聮t get on聮 with his parents and left home at 16, had a bedsit for a few months then ran out of money. Seemed like a nice, positive young man.

I told Toby about Moreton Say and gave him my mother聮s address and some busfare. She has a spare room.

I went to a fast food outlet for dinner today. I聮ve seen them advertised on TV but I聮ve never actually been to one before and was strangely excited at the prospect of a branded burger.

It was massively disappointing. Everyone in the queue seemed to be late for something and on a mobile phone. The staff all looked ill and their smiles had a tortured, vacant, drug-induced look to them. A couple of young female staff seemed to be suffering from nervous exhaustion, holding onto the counter to stay upright, but still smiling that desperate smile. Their eyes were not smiling, their eyes were crying out for help.

I tried to get some of the staff to come with me, quit there and then and find a better life, but they told me, in the coarsest terms, to go away.

Morris Telford

I ordered a burger and fries, they looked much better on the back-lit menu photo than they did in person.

After eating, I asked to see the manager. When he arrived his name was Robin and he appeared to be 12, possibly 13 years of age. He asked me what I wanted and when I explained I was worried about his staff, they seemed under pressure and stressed, Robin seemed to lose interest. He asked me if I had a specific complaint and again I said yes, I do have a complaint, your staff seem under pressure and stressed. He didn聮t take me seriously and was very dismissive, so I told him I was from head office and he was to close the restaurant right now.

He didn聮t believe me so I left while he was checking with head office. I tried to get some of the staff to come with me, quit there and then and find a better life, but they told me, in the coarsest terms, to go away.

Feeling a bit disheartened today, so I watched some daytime TV in my room and slipped from disheartened to losing the will to breathe.

I feel like I聮ve failed already. I haven聮t really thought through this whole changing the world thing. Yesterday I was faced with miserable people working in miserable conditions and couldn聮t do anything about it, worse still the restaurant was full of people oblivious to the suffering of the staff serving them.