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29 October 2014
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No looking back - not even a sneak peek
by Morris Telford
Morris Telford - The Blog
Morris Telford's - Diary of Adventure
His mind made up to become a force for good in the world, our hero Morris Telford has ventured forth from Moreton Say, and reached... er... Shrewsbury. What perils will he encounter on his epic journey? Read on to find out.
SEE ALSO

The Morris Telford archive. Read about Morris's previous exploits, and find out how the adventure has unfolded.

See what everyone's saying and leave a message on our

Follow Morris's journey
Day One
Day Two
Day Three
Day Four
Day Five
Day Six
Day Seven

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FACTS

Name: Morris Telford

Age: 33

DOB: 18/04/70

Occupation:Unemployed

Hobbies: Enlightenment, Philosophy, Bingo

Favourite book – Ordinance Survey Map of Shropshire 1999 edition

Favourite foods – Pickled Eggs

Favourite band – *(shameless plug)

Biggest inspiration – Marlowe Bidforth

Worst moment –18th June 1986

Best Moment – 17th July 1995

Height – Variable

Weight – Variable

WEEK 2 DAY 1

Sleepless night last night, I miss the familiar comforts of home, the delicate haven of my old bedroom, my Star Wars duvet cover, my collection of bingo markers and the close proximity of Sophia.

Sophia lived next door and resembled Felicity Kendal, only younger. I never had the courage to ask her out, actually I never had the courage to speak to her, though I did once clean her guttering.

That isn’t a euphemism for anything. Her

quote

I need to apply myself to having a greater impact on the world.

Not in a devastating impact way like a meteor hitting the earth and wiping out millions of lives, more a general surprise to everyone, like when Will Young won Pop Idol.

quote
Morris Telford

guttering was clogged. It needed cleaning. I cleaned it.

I waited until she was out though.

The first week of my personal odyssey hasn’t really gone as well as I had expected - no front-page headlines, no outstanding triumphs. I’m beginning to realise that good intentions and 13 years saving money are not in themselves enough to change the world.

It takes more than that; I need not only to be a man of compassion but a man of action.

In saying that, I have managed to travel further from home than ever before, nearly 80 miles so far. I need to apply myself to having a greater impact on the world.

Is Morris a madman, a genius - or both? Have your say on our Morris Telford Message Board - and see what other people are saying about him.

Not in a devastating impact way like a meteor hitting the earth and wiping out millions of lives, more a general surprise to everyone, like when Will Young won Pop Idol.

To make a modest start I visited the Job Centre today and compiled a list of alternative occupational opportunities that might appeal to someone disillusioned with the fast-food service industry and from these made up a number of ‘job-packs’ by utilising the photocopying facilities at a nearby library.

I just need to think of a way to distribute these packs to those poor people I saw at that restaurant.

WEEK 2 DAY 2

AM - All the television seems to talk about at the moment is situation with Iraq.

I’ve considered travelling to see Saddam Hussein and see if I can’t sort things out but when I called Lunn Poly they told me travel to Iraq is not currently a package they offer.

So I’ve decided on a preliminary plan - to contact Tony Blair, (and then possibly his friend George Bush) and explain how easy things could be if we all just try to get along with each other.

quote
I’ve considered travelling to see Saddam Hussein and see if I can’t sort things out but when I called Lunn Poly they told me travel to Iraq is not currently a package they offer.
quote
Morris Telford

I feel that a personal visit from someone who understands the inner workings of a happy community can offer some useful pointers, if Tony realises that what happens in the global village can be just as happy as the village of Moreton Say in Shropshire, then we can put an end to all this talk of war before the missiles start flying around.

I mean, what if one of them misses London? It could hit Shropshire.

PM - I tried to get hold of Tony, he seems to be avoiding me.

I did speak to a number of the staff at Downing Street where Tony lives and finally got through to a man called Gregory who sounded very important.

I explained at length my goal of a socio-political system based on Shropshire village life, specifically Moreton Say and how important it is that people just try and get on with each other.

He promised to pass the message on to Tony as soon as he saw him. Gregory also told me not to bother calling George Bush as he was sure Tony would tell George all about me.

So that’s world peace sorted and war averted. Not a bad day’s work.

WEEK 2 DAY 3

Fresh with enthusiasm from sharing my vision with Gregory yesterday, I decided to revisit the fast-food restaurant, scene of my previous disillusionments.

I ordered a vanload of sandwiches and pastries from a local bakery and had them deliver to the front of the restaurant and park outside.

I fashioned a sign offering free food to anyone considering eating inside the fast-food restaurant and waited for the place to empty.

Then I entered the restaurant, a beacon of new hope for the grill chefs, a glowing messiah of opportunity for the service assistants, and started handing out the job-packs I had prepared to the otherwise unoccupied staff.

quote
Today was a good day, I feel my work here is done and tonight will be my last night in Shrewsbury. .
quote
Morris Telford

I also offered a cash incentive to anyone prepared to leave there and then. Twelve of the twenty staff left there and then, their spirits visibly lifted like slaves unshackled and tasting sweet freedom for the first time.

Oddly, Robin, the 12-year-old acting supervisor was among the first to go, I wish him well in his new life.

Unfortunately Robin’s immediate superior did not see my actions as liberatory, but as he put it ‘illegal and stupid and get out of my restaurant’.

I felt it prudent to leave then.

Today was a good day, I feel my work here is done and tonight will be my last night in Shrewsbury.

WEEK 2 DAY 4

My mother rang me. After she stopped shouting I ascertained that Toby arrived at my old home this morning.

I told her I had given him permission to live in my room, and she started shouting again, something about owning the house, axe-murderers and no longer having a son. I could tell she was upset so I hung up.

I’m sure Mother will come to see past Toby’s grubby, menacing exterior and appreciate his finer qualities.

People need reminding that when life gives you lemons, you should concentrate on their cheery colour and rich vitamin C content rather than the bitter taste and acidic, stinging juices.

Spent most of today travelling, not many people spoke to me. I’m in no rush to get anywhere, which is just as well since I’m relying on public transport.

quote
I explained to him that the likelihood of a Premier division team signing an 18 stone, 57 year-old man with inch thick spectacle lenses were quite slim and he should set his sights a bit lower.
quote
Morris Telford

I didn’t sleep very well again last night; I feel the pressure of solving the many global problems weighing heavily on my shoulders.

One of the biggest obstacles to general harmony, as I see it, is that people are too preoccupied with their own problems to worry about other people’s problems.

Well I don’t have any problems of my own, so I’m going to try and tackle as many belonging to other people that I can, alleviate the pressure on the general populous and thus aid international harmony.

I met a man called Stephen Hampson on the bus today; he’s an office worker, much like I used to be in my former life. He told me that instead of spending his time pushing a pen, what he really wanted to do was be a professional footballer.

As gently as I could I explained to him that the likelihood of a Premier division team signing an 18 stone, 57 year-old man with inch thick spectacle lenses were quite slim and he should set his sights a bit lower.

To cut a long story short, he left me with definite plans to become a referee.

I’m sat on a bus and I just saw the most astonishing thing. A car overtook my bus, it was blue, I’m not sure of the model.

As it passed I saw the driver and I am absolutely sure it was the popular rapper Eminem.

What he is doing driving into Shropshire I don’t know, perhaps researching material for a hard-hitting new rap-rock fusion concept album about Shropshire.

The bus just passed the blue car, it isn’t Eminem after all, not unless he’s had radical surgery recently.

WEEK 2 DAY 5

Just had a nasty emotional jar.

I never thought a road sign could trigger such melancholy, such anguish, I’ve just passed a sign confirmed my worst fears; I’ve just left Shropshire.

I’ve been stopping at a few smaller towns and villages, prolonging my journey and I think, subconsciously trying to stay in Shropshire for as long as possible.

Now I have forever left behind the glistening spires of Hodnet, the rugged greens of Marchamley Wood, the commercial frenzy of Market Drayton and the whimsical good folk of Bletchley.

The A529 is now no longer a mystery to me, a golden highway leading to unfathomable adventure, it is now just one of many roads I have travelled, roads that I am leaving behind.

I feel a transformation today, a new spiritual level has been reached, I am sad to leave beloved Shropshire behind, but I can continue stronger, a man with a mission, my heart swelled with inspirational ideas to better humankind and save the world from tyranny and misery, and uneven pavements.

WEEK 2 DAY 6

I accidentally got on the wrong bus today; I was aiming to find somewhere to stay in Birmingham, but ended up heading towards Wales.

Due to this, I was forced to revisit the emotional roller coaster of re-entering Shropshire.

quote
I have to put personal feelings aside if I am really going to make any difference.
quote
Morris Telford

The landscape seemed to change before me, as if the land itself were smiling to welcome me home, humming with welcoming warmth and safety.

I was just considering popping home to see how Mother and Toby were getting on when the bus left Shropshire and I was once again forced to leave Shropshire and confront my feelings once again.

Emotionally drained, I am heading back to Birmingham, but taking a circuitous route to avoid the sensual allure of my homeland.

I have to put personal feelings aside if I am really going to make any difference.

WEEK 2 DAY 7

Staying in a 2 star hotel in Birmingham, at least I think it’s a 2 star.

The sign outside has two gold stars and a third stain where it looks like a star has fallen off.

Is Morris a madman, a genius - or both? Have your say on our Morris Telford Message Board - and see what other people are saying about him.

I didn’t like to ask the manager if this was because it had just dropped off or been deliberately stripped from the hotel by tourism officials.

Judging from the communal bathroom, I suspect the latter.

quote
I have chosen to take the bull of fate by the horns of decision and ride him into Birmingham.
quote
Morris Telford

Toby rang me today, he was very grateful for my help and has settled in at my old home. It gave me a real feeling of well-being to hear someone tell me I had changed their life.

The first of many. Once my Mother’s initial hysteria died down, she apparently was quite welcoming and Toby has become my adoptive brother.

He is staying in my old room, and he has even applied to work at my old office, doing my old job. I warned him about the pitfalls of working in office procurement.

He told me he has met a local girl already and formed a fledgling relationship, I couldn’t be happier for him and wished him well.

I felt no twinge of regret at the hole I left in Moreton Say getting filed by someone else so speedily, life is change and I have chosen to take the bull of fate by the horns of decision and ride him into Birmingham.

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