"Why is this happening to me?" yells Ice Cube towards the end of Are We There Yet? - a question you'll be asking too should you put yourself through this mean-spirited farce. The chubby ex-rapper plays a single guy who agrees to drive two obnoxious kids 300 miles in the hope of getting in their mother's pants. That we're supposed to find any of these characters appealing is just one of the mysteries posed by this so-called 'family' comedy.
Life is good for Nick Persons (Cube). Business at his sports collectibles store is booming, he's just bought a new SUV, and the girl across the road is giving him the eye. There's a problem, though: beautiful divorcee Suzanne (Nia Long) has two brats who gleefully terrorise any and all potential suitors.
"IT'S HARD TO KNOW WHO TO ROOT FOR"
A dubious solution presents itself when Nick agrees to bring seven-year-old Kevin (Phillip Daniel Bolden) and 11-year-old Lindsey (Aleisha Allen) to their mother in Vancouver for New Year's. Naturally the incident-packed journey wreaks havoc on his ride, wallet and dignity, as the terrible twosome miss no opportunity to humiliate, inconvenience and injure their reluctant babysitter.
It's hard to know who to root for: the child-loathing lech trying to worm his way into a single mother's affections? The workaholic parent who exploits him? Or the ghastly children with their malevolent pranks? The choice is yours. Then again, you could save yourself the trouble by giving the film the same body-swerve Cube should have the moment the script popped through his letter-box.
Are We There Yet? (2005)
