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Daljit Nagra - Singh Song:

"I run just one ov my daddy's shops
from 9 o'clock to 9 o'clock
and he vunt me not to hav a break
but ven nobody in, I do di lock
cos up di stairs is my newly bride
vee share in chapati
vee share in di the chutney
after vee hav made luv
like vee rowing through Putney.
Ven I return vid my pinny untied
di shoppers always point and cry.
"Hey Singh, ver yoo bin?
Yor lemons are limes.
Yor bananas are plantain.
This dirty little floor
need a little bit of mop
in di worst Indian shop
on di whole Indian road.
Above my head,
high heel tap di ground
as my vife on di web
is playing vid di mouse
ven she netting two cat
on her Sikh lover site
she book dem for di meat
at di cheese ov her price
my bride
she effing at my mum
in all di colours of Punjabi
den stumble like a drunk
making fun of my daddy
my bride tiny eyes ov a gun
and di tummy ov a teddy
my bride she hav a red crew cut
and she wear a Tartan sari
a donkey jacket and some pumps
on di squeak ov di girls dat are
pinching my sweeties
Ven I return
from di tickle ov my bride
di shoppers always point and cry:
Hey Singh, ver yoo bin?
Di milk is out ov date
and di bread is alvays stale,
di tings yoo hav on offer
yoo have never got in stock
in di worst Indian shop
on di whole Indian road
Late in di midnight hour
ven yoo shoppers are wrap up quiet
ven di precinct is concrete-cool
vee cum down whispering stairs
and sit on my silver stool,
from behind di chocolate bars vee
stare past di half-price window signs
at di beaches ov di UK
in di brightey moon
from di stool each night she say,
How much do yoo charge
for dat moon baby?
From di stool each night I say,
Is half di cost ov yoo baby,
from di stool each night she say,
How much does dat come to baby?
From di stool each night I say,
Is priceless baby - "