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Sara Cox:
So London, would it surprise you to know…

London Hughes:
Yeah.

Sara Cox:
…that all these people here, even the teachers, all comedy writers…

London Hughes:
No. Yeah. How? How is that possible?

Sara Cox:
…already?. Because every time they send a text, a funny text, or a picture with something funny written next to it, they're already comedy writing.

London Hughes:
Well, if that's the case, then what are we doing here?

Sara Cox:
I dunno. Shall we just go shopping, or something?

London Hughes:
Shall we just go? Let's go.

Sara Cox:
Shall we go for a coffee?

London Hughes:
Yeah.

Sara Cox:
No, we've got to stay here, got to stay here.

London Hughes:
Oh.

Sara Cox:
Basically, you just need to sort of fine tune your writing skills, okay, using the toolbox. That's what we're going to be doing today. So everyone here, and everyone watching in the classrooms, around the UK, our virtual audience, get ready with Activity One, it's called, "Write a Funny Caption". Let's find out how to come up with the funniest captions, okay, for any photo. Now, we're going to meet a guy who does this for a living, he actually gets paid for it. He's a brilliant comedian, he draws comics, he writes captions, and he's here to talk us through the process. It's Tiernan Douieb: .

Audience:
[APPLAUSE]

Sara Cox:
That was a very–. That was a very serious hand gesture…

Tiernan Douieb:
It was good. I liked it.

Sara Cox:
…I did for you there.

Tiernan Douieb:
It was very, very gallant.

Sara Cox:
Tiernan, welcome onto to Live Lesson. You love a caption, don't you?

Tiernan Douieb:
I love a caption, pretty much live for them. And the best thing about captions, is that we see them all the time, they are absolutely everywhere you look.

Sara Cox:
Okay. How would you define a caption? What is it?

Tiernan Douieb:
Well, a caption's like a little bit of text, or blurb, that you attach to a picture, and what it does, it gives a different, and often very, very funny, story, to the one that you actually see.

Sara Cox:
Okay. Now we're going to see some masters at work now, with the caption, aren't we.

London Hughes:
Yeah.

Tiernan Douieb:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of my favourite shows, and some of you may have seen this, is, "Have I Got News For You?". And they are brilliant, cause they use loads of captions on photo's, to get comedy from topical events, and the week's news.

Sara Cox:
Okay, let's have a look.

Paul Merton (off camera):
I woke up this morning, feeling a little hoarse.

Audience:
[LAUGHS]

Charlie Brooker:
A man who thought he'd fulfilled his life's ambitions, wakes up to discover, sadly, it was all a dream.

Audience:
[LAUGHS]

Charlie Brooker:
A leaked photo, from the set of the new Star Wars film, suggests that stress-counselling has worked wonders, for Darth Vader.

Audience:
[LAUGHS]

London Hughes:
Great stuff there.

Sara Cox:
Excellent.

London Hughes:
So, what writing techniques can you use, to make a caption funny?

Tiernan Douieb:
Well, really good captions ignore the most obvious thing in the picture, and they try and surprise a reader.

London Hughes:
Okay.

Sara Cox:
Okay. So we're going to have a quick look at a picture.

Tiernan Douieb:
Yeah.

Sara Cox:
Get ready, it's quite cute. [nyah] It's a dog. Oh, they don't care. You're just cold. They're like, yeah, it's a dog, so what?

London Hughes:
[LAUGHS] So what?

Tiernan Douieb:
Don't care about dogs at all.

Sara Cox:
It's a cute dog. Okay, so tell us a little bit about this picture, and what you've done with it.

Tiernan Douieb:
Okay. Well, the most obvious thing in that picture, is there's a dog slightly too close to the lens, or a giant dog, whichever way you want to look at it. So, the best thing to do, would be to look at something other than that, in the picture. So, my first caption, was this one. "Steve still couldn't work out which of his dogs was eating all the other one's food, but he'd find out somehow."

Sara Cox:
Okay, excellent.

Tiernan Douieb:
Yeah, so focusing on the man, in the corner, and his other pet dog, trying to give a kind of narrative to the picture, that you might not expect.

Sara Cox:
Okay. Are you using any of these yet? Do we need these signs yet? There's a bit of absurdity in there, I guess.

Tiernan Douieb:
Indeed, that is a bit absurd. The idea that a dog might eat so much food, it becomes ginormous. And a bit of juxtaposition in that I'm putting a narrative to a picture, side-by-side.

Sara Cox:
Okay, nice. And the next one uses absurdity even better, the next caption, doesn't it?

Tiernan Douieb:
Yeah, so you can do as many captions as you like, for any one picture, and give it as many different stories, till you find one that you think is the funniest. So, here we've got, "Henry is so pleased that Rover had learned how to obey his 'photobomb' instructions. Soon he'd be ruining people's photos all over the UK".

Sara Cox:
Very good. And that's funny, cause the thought of a dog learning how to photobomb, is pretty good.

Tiernan Douieb:
It's great, they should learn better tricks like that really.

Sara Cox:
Yes, excellent. Okay, so we've got one more picture that we're going to have a quick look at now, and then it's sort of over to you guys, in just a second. Let's have a look at this lady, and see what you just instantly think. Have a look at this picture. What strikes you instantly, that you could write a caption about, okay? London's in the audience, with all the guys over there. Any ideas?

London Hughes:
Yeah, I'm looking for some captioneers here. Hello, sir.

Male:
Hello.

London Hughes:
Okay, so what do you think about this picture? What do you see?

Male:
A really angry woman. [LAUGHS]

London Hughes:
A really angry woman, that's right. You're very perceptive, well done, ten gold stars. Okay, and what about you, beautiful? What do you see in this picture?

Female:
She's got something on her collar. It looks a bit strange.

London Hughes:
Something on her collar. Tiernan, what do we think? Angry woman, something on her collar?

Tiernan Douieb:
Yeah, I mean, that was–.

Sara Cox:
Pretty good actually.

Tiernan Douieb:
Yeah, pretty good observation. I mean, cause a lot of people might look to that, and said, it's from Doctor Who. It is Petronella Osgood. She's obviously in some sort of aeroplane, or something like that. What I was looking for, with my caption, if we have it up here. I've said, "Oh. Of course they're called shirt collars, Susan realised, wishing she hadn't use permanent marker." So I, much like you, looked at the little question marks, on her collar, and thought, what if this picture was someone who's confused by her own clothing? That's a little bit more funny.

Sara Cox:
Like, what are these things here? So a bit of absurdity in there, cause she's written on her collar. And also, the fact, why is it so funny that you've called her Susan?

London Hughes:
[LAUGHS] It's a funny name.

Tiernan Douieb:
Yeah, it is, sorry Susans. It is, but rather than just giving her name from the Doctor Who thing, give her a completely different character, that's often a bit more funny.

Sara Cox:
Okay, so think on with that, it's quite a good, sort of swap names around, just play with that a little bit. Excellent stuff, Tiernan. Thank you very much.

London Hughes:
Now, at the beginning of the show, we showed you this picture, and asked you to send us your best caption for it. And I'm pleased to say, we've had lots and lots of great suggestions. Tiernan, have any caught your eye?

Tiernan Douieb:
Yeah. Yeah, there's been some really, really good ones sent in. I've picked a couple, that I particularly liked. This one is from Raisa at Eastbury. "Marco's dad's attempt to conquer his fear of clowns went too far when he arrived at school this morning…" And that's very nice as well.

Sara Cox:
Excellent.

Tiernan Douieb:
He's added a whole sort of back–.

London Hughes:
I like that one.

Tiernan Douieb:
Raisa's added a whole back story, and kind of the idea that someone has set it up, to stop them being scared of clowns, and they were going to turn up to school that day, and be terrified.

London Hughes:
Brilliant. I like that one.

Tiernan Douieb:
It's brilliant.

Sara Cox:
TLG, in Central Birmingham, says, "I looked at the picture and all I saw was the class clown ruining it for the other students!" Very good, the class clown.

Tiernan Douieb:
Good bit of word play. Yeah.

Sara Cox:
With the word play, like that.

London Hughes:
And we've collected some from our live audience, and have one here. Okay, so, let's have a look, it's this one.

Sara Cox:
Oh, Alexandra, from Woodside High School. Are you here Alexandra? Hi, there she is. "When the substitute teacher underestimates your powers."

London Hughes:
Ooh.

Sara Cox:
Very good.

London Hughes:
Very good.

Sara Cox:
And, is there one more?

London Hughes:
There's one more. From Georgia, at Woodside High School. Where's Woodside High School? Where's Woodside High School? Where's Georgia? Are you here?

Sara Cox:
Give us a shout.

London Hughes:
Hey, babe, how are you doing? I know that High School. Hey babe. So, "Give me a slice of Pi." And that's the mathematical sign, not the food.

Sara Cox:
Very good.

London Hughes:
And that's the mathematical sign, not the food.

Tiernan Douieb:
That's very good. Yeah, again, really good, really good on the puns, and the word play, it's absolutely fantastic.

Sara Cox:
Excellent, so well done guys, that's so good. We did have some captions from professionals, is that right?

Tiernan Douieb:
Yeah, we did, yeah. A couple of professional comedians sent them in. Taz Ilyas, who's very, very funny, sent in, "When the headmaster forgets to tell you that Ofsted are in…". That's one for the teachers. And, Francesca Martinez, who's a comedian, writer, and actress. She said, "I'd like to set up a practical joke workshop and then not turn up!" Which again, good word play.

Sara Cox:
Some great ones sent in, they're really good aren't they, very funny.

London Hughes:
The familiar setup, the lights, the mic stand, yes, it's standup comedy, my favourite category. I am a standup comedian, and it's the reason why I'm here today. It's literally what got me into the business. Standup is quite easy, it's the simplest form of comedy. Basically you write jokes and perform it to the audience, just you and the mic stand. This is great, okay guys. Most comedians, they're usually, they do observational comedy. Observational comedy can be anything from like talking about what happened on the way to school, or talking about your parents, or even what you had for breakfast, but as long as you make it funny. Alright? Cool.

Sara Cox:
You're just so relaxed there.

London Hughes:
I know, I just feel like I'm at home.

Sara Cox:
I find it frankly terrifying. London, I imagine to be a standup, you kind of need to be the class clown, is that true?

London Hughes:
Yeah kind of, I was the class clown in school, but I did it like so the boys would like me, and it worked. [LAUGHS]

Sara Cox:
If any of your old teachers are watching now, are they going to have a nightmarish flashback? Years of therapy, having taught you. They're like, she's back.

London Hughes:
She's crazy. But yeah, but you don't have to be a class clown. Like, a lot of comedians are really quiet.

Sara Cox:
Okay, fair enough. So just tell us like your sort of, you know, your top tips with, because here you are, you stand on stage, you do all your jokes, but where do you begin writing these jokes?

London Hughes:
Well most jokes come from maybe something funny you said to your friend, and then that friend said, that was funny, and you could go home and then turn that joke into a story, a funny story and just write, write, write, and yeah, find the funny in it. It can literally come from anything.

Sara Cox:
Okay. So if people are watching now thinking, oh I'd love to do standup but I'm just too shy, they can just write the jokes for standup, can't they?

London Hughes:
Yes, some comedians, like some of the top comedians on television, they have comedy writers. They don't even write their own jokes guys.

Sara Cox:
Tell us immediately who.

London Hughes:
I can't, because they'd all kill me.

Sara Cox:
Oh rubbish, okay.

London Hughes:
Please welcome comedian and actress Gemma Whelan: to the stage. [APPLAUSE]

Gemma Whelan:
Thank you, thank you, thank you. [GAGS] Get my first gag out of the way. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. So often in life we learn our lessons that hard way, so I'd like to share with you now a few times that I've learned lessons in my life the hard way. For example, the other day, I discovered that Kettle Chips aren't actually made in a kettle. No. I found that out the hard way and now my kettle is broken. Thank you. Carrots help you see in the dark, they say, don't they? Well no, they don't. I found that out the hard way and did a wee in a cupboard. Thank you. The phrase, sweating like a pig is misleading pigs don't actually sweat. No. I found that out the hard way and now my pig is exhausted. Nothing funnier than watching a pig try to do a chin-up. They can't. Trotters. Thank you. [APPLAUSE]

Sara Cox:
Gemma. Very good. Thank you so much for coming on to our live lesson, our comedy classroom. A real pleasure to have you here, sharing your comedy genius and your know-how.

Gemma Whelan:
Thank you Sara.

Sara Cox:
Love the pig joke. Where do you get your inspiration from? Share it with us.

Gemma Whelan:
Well, for the pig joke I just thought, I did actually find out it's a fact that pigs don't sweat, so I thought, well I wonder, how did they find that out? So I thought maybe that they had an experiment where they put a pig into circuit training or they put it on a treadmill, like how did they find out? So I thought maybe…

Sara Cox:
It's so funny, you think a pig in a tracksuit, you think a sweatband.

Gemma Whelan:
A pig doing a chin-up is a funny image, so I sort of started from there and worked backwards really.

Sara Cox:
It's quite good if there's any like little quirky facts that you know, that you could just get a little joke from maybe. How long does it take you to write your routines?

Gemma Whelan:
It depends. Sometimes a joke can come to you really quickly, you'll get inspired, it's written, it's ready. And other ones, you'll write the sort of, the seed of an idea, maybe even a year ago, and then something else will inspire you and you'll be able to finish it off. So it's an ongoing process, so you've just got to write, write, write every day.

Sara Cox:
Do you wake up in the night and like scribble things on your leg, like this is a good joke.

Gemma Whelan:
Well, not on my leg, but on my phone. Often I'll wake up in the middle of the night, because I think I'll remember it, if you think you'll remember your idea, you won't, write it down. That's the key. Write it down.

Sara Cox:
Good tip, so how do you get then your few jokes that you've written on your phone to the stage? I imagine it takes, do you just sort of refine it and practise it? What do you do?

Gemma Whelan:
Yeah, I suppose you just workshop it and workshop it, refine it, and get it in front of an audience, you know. Don't be frightened of saying your material out loud to your friends, your family, it depends how kind your family are. So yeah.

Sara Cox:
Okay, well this is when we ask our class comedians what they're thinking. Over there, live to our comedy reporter out in the audience, any good ideas happening London?

London Hughes:
I think so, I'm trying to find out if there are any comedians in this audience. Okay, now if you were a standup, like me, what would you write jokes about?

Male student:
Probably the time I went out, played as Simba and I forgot my nose. A lot of confused people.

London Hughes:
What, say that again? What?

Male student:
I had played as Simba, in the theatre.

London Hughes:
A Simba, what's a Simba?

London Hughes:
The King, Lion King.

London Hughes:
Oh you played as Simba and forgot your nose? See, you need to speak English boy, so the time that you played as Simba and forgot your nose. Was that embarrassing?

Male student:
Yeah, a lot of kids looked at me and they're like, why don't you have a nose? And I was like, oh man.

London Hughes:
[LAUGHS] Oh I'm sorry, but that was funny. Well done. He could be a comedian. What about you beautiful? What would you do, if you were a standup comedian? What would you write jokes about?

Male student 2:
The time my brother broke his arm, when he thought he could do a back-flip.

London Hughes:
[LAUGHS] Was that funny? That sounds horrible. Was it funny?

Male student 2:
Yeah.

London Hughes:
Okay, he is a devilishly funny comedian. Well done. Over to you Sara.

Sara Cox:
Thank you very much London. Okay, we've had some great subject ideas coming in. See what you think about these Gemma. So Sarah from TLG Bradford Central, hey Sarah, thank you very much, thank you, says she's found out, I found out yesterday I was colourblind, it came right out of the blue.

Gemma Whelan:
That's a great joke.

Sara Cox:
That's very good.

Gemma Whelan:
Well done, yeah, yeah.

Sara Cox:
So that's good, just snappy one-liners.

Gemma Whelan:
Snappy one-liners, exactly. She's started with one and she's sort of flipped it round.

Sara Cox:
Zach at Ackland Burghley School, Hi Zach at Ackland Burghley, I would do stand up about my dog because he barks at everyone. He's crazy but cute.

Gemma Whelan:
Yeah, you see animals are always a good source of material, always they'll make you laugh.

Sara Cox:
Animals and family, like stuff your mum says.

Gemma Whelan:
Anything really close to you is always a good place to start.

Sara Cox:
Okay, so once you know the subjects, once you've picked your subject, then what do you do?

Gemma Whelan:
Well there are a few basic things to get started. A big ingredient in comedy writing is surprise, so you make the audience think that you're going to say one thing, and you say something else.

Sara Cox:
Okay, nice. Now in our comedy toolbox we've got sarcasm, our glamorous assistants over there. Sarcasm, slapstick and metaphor.

Gemma Whelan:
Three of my favourites.

Sara Cox:
Okay, all of those three favourites of yours?

Gemma Whelan:
Yeah they are.

Sara Cox:
We know what slapstick is obviously, that's a bit of goofing about, falling over.

Gemma Whelan:
Yeah, goofing around, exactly.

Sara Cox:
Funny faces. Let's see, sarcasm, yeah, nobody knows what sarcasm is.

Gemma Whelan:
Yeah, no idea at all.

Sara Cox:
And metaphor.

Gemma Whelan:
Well metaphor is just kind of saying one thing to describe another, using one thing to describe another.

Sara Cox:
Okay, and it's important that people sort of stick to their own comedy, isn't it, they try and just do what makes them laugh.

Gemma Whelan:
Yeah, being true to your own comedy voice and not only getting influenced from all sorts of different comedians, but also say things the way that you feel they should be said, and then they'll be true, and funny.

Sara Cox:
Perfect, remember that, it's important. Okay, so we're going to whack a great big dollop of sarcasm, slapstick and metaphor into your set and see what affect it has. Are you ready?

Gemma Whelan:
I'm going to do the same set again, but I'm going to try and add those three things to the set. See what difference it can make, so let's see.

Sara Cox:
See if you can spot when she's added them in. Okay, let's see what effect it has. I'll do a proper announcement and everything. Ladies and gentlemen, live from the radio theatre, it's Gemma Whelan: . [APPLAUSE]

Gemma Whelan:
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. [GAGS] Get my first gag out of the way. [CLOWN NOISE] Thank you. So life is a rich lesson of learning opportunities, a rich ocean of learning opportunities, and often we learn our lessons the hard way. So I'd like to share with you a few times where I've learned my lessons the hard way in my very, very short and youthful life. My mum says I've got a face like a baby aubergine. Soft and smooth and dark purple. I need to have a word with my mum. So the first thing that I've learned is that kettle chips aren't actually made in a kettle. No. I found that out the hard way and now my kettle is broken. Broken like my dreams of having some kettle chips that afternoon. [NOISE] Excuse me. Thank you. Carrots help you see in the dark. No they don't. I found that out the hard way and did a week in a cupboard, which added to my brother's nickname to me, the Walking Wee Wee Machine. It's just a phase, it's lasted a while. The phrase sweating like a pig is misleading because pigs don't actually sweat. No I found that out the hard way, and now my pig is exhausted. There's nothing funnier than watching a pig trying to do a chin-up. [NOISE] They can't. Trotters. Thank you. [APPLAUSE]

Gemma Whelan:
It's a work in progress. [LAUGHS]

Sara Cox:
It's very good. I loved the metaphor and, you know, but I just love the squeaky thing.

Gemma Whelan:
Yeah the squeaky thing's the best, if in doubt, just.

London Hughes:
How are you doing that?

Sara Cox:
It's so good. Gemma, that was fantastic, thank you very much.

London Hughes:
I love sketches. A sketch is a funny idea, that you could turn into a written scene. It has big characters, a big idea, and jokes. Now, teachers, this section relates to the Sketch Activity Worksheet. To tell us more about how to write a laugh out loud sketch, please welcome back our sketch writers, Johnny and Inel.

Sara Cox:
Hi guys. Hi guys. So what is a comedy sketch? Why are you two so amazing at it? And, what are they key ingredients?

Johnny Cochrane:
I think the key ingredients to a sketch are taking a big idea, maybe sprinkling in some big characters, and most of all, making it funny.

Sara Cox:
Yes. And you two work together a lot, don't you, when you're writing it. Does it help, when you're writing with a friend?

Inel Tomlinson:
Yes, it's great to write with someone you like, and enjoy their company. And you can write anywhere, as well. You can write on the bus, on the train, and you can just use anything you like, use your phones. And me and Johnny, whenever we get together, we're always laughing out loud, but always remember to write your ideas down, as well, afterwards.

Sara Cox:
Yeah, and I guess it helps if you're with a pal as well, if you're a bit shy maybe, if you're working with a mate, you're there for support for each other, you guys.

Johnny Cochrane:
Yeah, absolutely.

Sara Cox:
It's lovely, it's a beautiful thing. We're going to have a look at an example of a sketch, from Goodness Gracious Me, now. Have a think about the tools that have been used, to create humour. Look at this.

Kulvinder Ghir:
Ah, Trooping of the Colour, great. The Queen looks nice, doesn't she?

Sanjeev Bhaskar:
Nice? Of course, nice. Because she's Indian.

Audience: :
[LAUGHS]

Kulvinder Ghir:
Not the Queen!

Sanjeev Bhaskar:
All of them, the whole royal family, Indian.

Kulvinder Ghir:
What are you talking about?

Sanjeev Bhaskar:
Well, think about it, yeah? Descended from Queen Victoria, Empress of India, so Indian.

Kulvinder Ghir:
Rubbish.

Sanjeev Bhaskar:
Not rubbish, look at them. Huh. They all live in the same family house together, Indian.

Audience: :
[LAUGHS]

Sanjeev Bhaskar:
All work in the family business, Indian.

Audience: :
[LAUGHS]

Sanjeev Bhaskar:
All have arranged marriages, Indian.

Audience: :
[LAUGHS] [APPLAUSE]

Sanjeev Bhaskar:
They all have sons, daughters no good, Indian.

Audience: :
[LAUGHS]

Kulvinder Ghir:
But Dad.

Sanjeev Bhaskar:
Children live with their parents until they are married, Indian.

Audience: :
[LAUGHS]

Kulvinder Ghir:
Dad, Dad.

Sanjeev Bhaskar:
What more do you want? You want them to put on turbans, and charm snakes out of baskets?

Audience: :
[LAUGHS]

Kulvinder Ghir:
But Dad, Harry, Wills, Fergie.

Sanjeev Bhaskar:
They're all Indian. All except Prince Charles.

Audience:
[LAUGHS]

Sanjeev Bhaskar:
He's African.

Audience:
[LAUGHS]

Sara Cox:
[LAUGHS] Very good. Love that. Everyone enjoyed that here. Fabulous stuff.

London Hughes:
Very funny.

Sara Cox:
Goodness Gracious Me, awesome stuff there, but what did you spot there? What have the creators used from the toolbox?

Johnny Cochrane:
Well, the first thing that jumps out, is repetition. And obviously, within that sketch, the word Indian gets repeated often, over and over, and over again. And that kind of sets up a situation, within the sketch, that you come to expect what he's going to say, after that.

Inel Tomlinson:
Yeah.

Johnny Cochrane:
So when he flips it, at the end, it creates a humour.

Inel Tomlinson:
Yeah, yeah.

Johnny Cochrane:
A funny.

Inel Tomlinson:
There was also absurdity in there as well. The viewpoint of the father is quite absurd as well, cause he thinks everything is Indian.

Sara Cox:
Yeah, and a bit of juxtaposition as well?

Johnny Cochrane:
There is a bit of juxtaposition in there.

London Hughes:
Our favourite word.

Sara Cox:
Oh, you love that word.

London Hughes:
I love that word.

Sara Cox:
You make me chuckle.

Johnny Cochrane:
It's juxtaposing kind of stereotypical Indian family life, with the life of the royal family, and kind of contrasted them, which is funny.

Sara Cox:
Okay. Well spotted, you were right, five points you guys. Now then, you have been busy writing a special script, which is very exciting. You've done it especially for the comedy classroom.

Johnny Cochrane:
Absolutely. We did create a little sketch for Live Lessons, lucky you.

Sara Cox:
And you don't need, I mean, I can't see any fancy sets being wheeled out, or anything.

Johnny Cochrane:
No, absolutely. All you need is a couple of willing volunteers, I think London, and Isy's going to help out. And then, all of a sudden, you don't need a massive, you know, some special effects here, we've just got a table, and some chairs, and suddenly, this becomes an office space, guys.

Sara Cox:
Oh, we're in an office. Okay.

Johnny Cochrane:
Yeah, a bit of imagination there.

Inel Tomlinson:
Yeah, you don't even need any blockbuster effects either, all you need is simple props. All we have is two phones, and I'm going to be doing the sound effects myself.

Sara Cox:
Okay, lovely stuff. Our live Audience: here, and virtual Audience: s across the UK, can follow along with the Sketch Activity Worksheet. Add your own ideas, for your own sketch, as we go along. Keep an eye out for the comedy tools in this debut, of the award winning comedy, exaggerating a bit, so here it is, the comedy classroom sketch, Phone Interrupted.

Johnny Cochrane:
Inside of a Manager's office, we have the boss, sitting behind her desk, looking busy, doing some work. We hear a knock at the door.

Isy:
Come in. Oh, hi Leanne, take a seat. I'm pleased I managed to catch you. I've had some reports that you're being easily distracted, whilst at work. And I–.

London Hughes:
Sorry, I really need to get this. Hello. Oh my days, I know, [innit] Yeah, I know. Oh she's such a good singer. It's about the money, money, money. Yeah, it's my babes, yeah. What, no, I'm just at work. A bit bored, to be honest.

Isy:
[CLEARS THROAT]

London Hughes:
Sorry, I've got to go, I'm at work, [innit] I'll call you later. [UNSURE OF WORD]

Isy:
As I was saying, before your phone call, Leanne, I'm worried that you're being easily distracted at work, and I–.

London Hughes:
So sorry. Just got to get this.

Isy:
Okay, this is–.

London Hughes:
[LAUGHS]

Audience:
[LAUGHS]

Isy:
Okay.

London Hughes:
[LAUGHS]

Isy:
Okay, Leanne, could you–.

London Hughes:
[LAUGHS] This is so funny, she's so funny. It's literally making me LOL. [LAUGHS] Let me just text back. [LAUGHS] No, I ain't going to go and see X Men. [LAUGHS] If my man takes me to see that film, he'll become my ex man. [LAUGHS]

Audience:
[LAUGHS]

Isy:
Leanne, if you're quite finished, I was saying I've become quite alarmed at how easily you're becoming distract–.

London Hughes:
Sorry, I need to get this. Snapchat. What's up, Snapchat? What you saying? I'm in the office, what, my boss is there, yeah, yeah.

Isy:
Leanne.

London Hughes:
Ooh, sorry, Instagram. Oh my days, so why is he comment on my picture for? Who is he?

Isy:
Leanne.

London Hughes:
Why is he using emoji's? Does he know me like that?

Audience:
[LAUGHS]

Isy:
Leanne! I've had quite enough of this nonsense. Now, I'm your Manager, and if you want to keep your job, then I suggest you switch your phone off, be professional, and listen to what I have to say. Do you understand? Well?

London Hughes:
Yeah.

Isy:
Good. Right. As I was saying, I've been deeply disturbed at how easily you're becoming distracted. Sorry. I really need to get this. [LAUGHS] How are you? Yeah, just telling another one off, for not being professional. [LAUGHS] What time do you want to go out tonight?

Johnny Cochrane:
End scene.

Audience:
[APPLAUSE]

Sara Cox:
Very funny. [LAUGHS] That laugh is so infectious, is London. Okay, she's heading out into the Audience: now, so we want to just find out, what tools were used in that sketch there? Audience: , has anyone got a clue out there? What tools were used?

London Hughes:
Okay, well, I'm just going to get comfortable, sorry babes. Okay, now, can you hold that up for me? Hold that up. Okay, what does that say?

Female:
Repetition.

London Hughes:
And what did I repeat in the sketch, just then?

Female:
Like, getting interrupted.

London Hughes:
Yeah, that was right. That's very true. And what else did I say? What was my little catchphrase? Sorry, I–?

Female:
Sorry, I just need to get this.

London Hughes:
That's right, repetition. Well done, ten gold stars to you. Okay. Who else has a sign? Who else has got one? You do, amazing. I'm going to, not going to sit on your lap, cause you're probably taller than me. But, hello. Misdirection, what was the misdirection going on in that?

Male:
It must have been how like, [LAUGHS] sorry. On my God.

London Hughes:
Oh, it's alright, I get that, people are like that around me, it's okay, it's cause I'm famous. Don't worry. Basically, what he's trying to say is, the misdirection was at the end of the scene, isn't that right, Johnny and Inel?

Inel Tomlinson:
Yeah, well let's help him out.

London Hughes:
It's alright, babe.

Inel Tomlinson:
Yeah, misdirection was used, right at the end, because what we established was the phone was always ringing, it was Leanne's phone, always constantly ringing, and then, right at the end, we misdirected you, and it was the boss's phone that rang.

Johnny Cochrane:
Absolutely. And that's one of the, that's why repetition is so important, because it builds up a pattern, that at the end, if you swing it around, using misdirection, it creates comedy.

Inel Tomlinson:
Yeah, they go really well together. And I saw a young lady over there, was holding up absurdity as well, and that is, yeah, the character of Leanne, played by London, was very absurd.

Johnny Cochrane:
Yeah, absolutely.

Sara Cox:
Now, can we add in a bit more absurdity? Is that possible? We can spin it a bit, can't we?

Johnny Cochrane:
Absolutely. So all of these features, within the comedy toolbox, you can focus on one of them. For instance, now we could focus on absurdity. So in this setting, as you guys would know, it's a kind of managerial meeting, with an employee, so you would expect the boss to be sensible, and strict, and you know, straight down the line.

Sara Cox:
Don't give it away, don't give it away. Shall we get London back in, for her acting debut. Come on. Come back in. Okay, so we're going to put in absurdity, to see if they can spot what you do, okay.

Johnny Cochrane:
Okay, okay.

Sara Cox:
Just to shake it up a little.

Johnny Cochrane:
This is to emphasise absurdity more, this one.

Sara Cox:
Okay, perfect. And you've got your second scripts, you're ready?

London Hughes:
Yeah, ready.

Sara Cox:
Excellent.

London Hughes:
Memorised.

Sara Cox:
Okay, okay.

London Hughes:
Cool.

Sara Cox:
Take it away guys. Good luck.

Isy:
Come in. Oh, hi Leanne, take a seat. I'm pleased I managed to catch you. I've had some reports that you're being easily distracted, whilst at work.

London Hughes:
Sorry, I really need to get this. Hello, listen, I'm at work, don't call me, okay. Just go away.

Isy:
Oh, let me speak to her.

London Hughes:
What?

Isy:
Hi there, this is Leanne's boss, how are you doing? No, you don't know me, but we can totes be friends. Listen, I've just got to finish telling Leanne off, but I'll call you later. Okay, yeah, bye. Bye, bye. You hang up, bye, bye, bye. [LAUGHS] So, as I was saying, I just wanted to say that I've heard you've been distracted easily. Aren't you going to get that?

London Hughes:
It's just a text message.

Isy:
Oh, let me see. Oh, that's funny. Your mum said, dinner's at seven.

London Hughes:
Okay.

Isy:
No, I don't want dinner, I'm having dinner at Nando's, with the boss.

London Hughes:
I'm a vegetarian.

Isy:
Brilliant, more chicken for me.

Audience:
[LAUGHS]

Isy:
Anyway, as I was saying, I've become very alarmed at how easily you're becoming distracted.

London Hughes:
Do you know what? I'm just going to turn it off, yeah.

Isy:
No, it's fine, it's fine. Oh, now this guy is hot.

London Hughes:
Hold on.

Isy:
Hello gorgeous, where have you been all my life?

London Hughes:
Should I just go?

Isy:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just crack on, Leanne. I can't remember what I was going to say anyway. Just keep up all the good work. Yeah.

London Hughes:
But, you've, my phone?

Isy:
Just, shut the door on the way out.

Johnny Cochrane:
End scene.

Audience:
[APPLAUSE]

Sara Cox:
[LAUGHS] Very good. I enjoyed the, whoa, from the Audience: .

Inel Tomlinson:
[LAUGHS]

Johnny Cochrane:
[LAUGHS]

Sara Cox:
They're like, what? Okay, so, you were saying before, you just twisted it a bit, by adding some absurdity, didn't you, you guys?

Johnny Cochrane:
Absolutely.

Inel Tomlinson:
Yes.

Johnny Cochrane:
Absolutely. So, in this kind of scene, in an office, you would expect the boss, as being a manager, to be a lot more serious, and a bit more strict, and the employee to possibly be a bit more silly, if she's being told off. However, it would be quite absurd, for the manager, who's actually telling the employee off, to actually be the silly one, in this situation.

Sara Cox:
Yeah.

Inel Tomlinson:
Yeah, you could do that with anything you can get, like a mother and a son, and you can flip that around, and maybe the son is telling off the mum.

Sara Cox:
Yeah.

Inel Tomlinson:
Who knows.

Johnny Cochrane:
Absolutely.

Sara Cox:
Fantastic stuff, that's great. Can we just have a quick round of applause for our actors please?

Audience:
[APPLAUSE]

Sara Cox:
That was very good.

Audience:
[APPLAUSE]

Gemma Whelan:
No-one likes a blank piece of paper, so start writing comedy now.

Isy Suttie:
No-one likes a blank piece of paper, so start writing comedy now. You can use repetition…

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Isy Suttie:
I said repetition first.

Gemma Whelan:
I said repetition first.

Isy Suttie:
I said repetition first. You're as much use to me, as a helium anchor.

Gemma Whelan:
That's not very useful.

Isy Suttie:
Yeah. That was a put down.

Gemma Whelan:
And that was slapstick.

Isy Suttie:
Within the confines of ����ý Health and Safety.

Gemma Whelan:
Within the confines of ����ý Health and Safety. Are you alright?

Isy Suttie:
Yeah.

Gemma Whelan:
Good.

Tiernan Douieb:
Quilts, phone books, crows, jam, spot the absurdity, if you can. Eyebrows, hedgehogs, PE kit.

Gemma Whelan:
Don't you know brevity is the soul of wit?

Isy Suttie:
Don't you know brevity is the soul of wit?

Tiernan Douieb:
No.

Isy Suttie:
Hands on your head, jump up and down, stage directions are really fun, pretend to be a bird, make a nest.

Gemma Whelan:
These stage directions really are the best. That was sarcasm, by the way. Thank you. No-one likes a blank piece of paper, so start writing comedy now.

Isy Suttie:
No-one likes a blank piece of paper, so start writing comedy now. Your voice is like a princess's.

Gemma Whelan:
Thank you, metaphor.

Isy Suttie:
Who was raised by wolves, in a cave.

Gemma Whelan:
Ah. Misdirection. You've got a really interesting chin.

Isy Suttie:
Thanks, it's my best chin.

Gemma Whelan:
Did you get it in a bargain bin?

Isy Suttie:
Straight put down. Boom

Gemma Whelan:
Boom. No-one likes a blank piece of paper.

Isy Suttie:
No-one likes a blank piece of paper.

Tiernan Douieb:
Oh, I love a blank piece of paper.

Gemma Whelan:
We've done sarcasm. So start writing comedy–.

Isy Suttie:
We've done sarcasm. So start writing comedy now.

Gemma Whelan:
Now.

Isy Suttie:
Now.

Gemma Whelan:
Now.

Isy Suttie:
Now.

Gemma Whelan:
Now.

Isy Suttie:
Now.

Gemma Whelan:
Now.

Tiernan Douieb:
Singing.

Audience:
[APPLAUSE]