Hacker T Dog:
Science. Finding things out and that. It's more than just putting on goggles and wearing a white coat.
Hacker T Dog:
My journey into science began by accident. But it took me to some wonderful places. Come with me to those places. Where it took me. By accident. That I mentioned at the beginning of the. Oh you get the gist.
Hacker T Dog:
My story starts on a Sunday. Funnily enough the day that I always goggles and a white coat.
Hacker T Dog:
The National Heavy Onion Championships.
Hacker T Dog:
Growing giant vegetables, a chance to learn more about science and nature.
Hacker T Dog:
And a 拢500 prize [LAUGHS].
Hacker T Dog:
Was it fate? Probably not. Because fate wouldn't be very scientific now would it?
Hacker T Dog:
And science is gonna help me win.
Hacker T Dog:
The stakes were high. So I selected a top secret location to grow my onion.
Hacker T Dog:
No one will ever find me here, cockers [LAUGHS]. Uh.
Lindsey Russell:
Hacker.
Hacker T Dog:
What?
Lindsey Russell:
Sorry. What are you doing here?
Hacker T Dog:
I'm planting a onion to enter into the National Heavy Onion Championships, aren't I, cocker. It's top secret. Actually what are you doing here?
Lindsey Russell:
Oh, I'm always here. It's the Blue Peter garden.
Hacker T Dog:
Ah, I wondered what that big ship was all about [LAUGHS]. Well as long as you're here you might as well make yourself useful. Here, plant this.
Lindsey Russell:
Oh, alright. Here we go. Ready.
Hacker T Dog:
Drop it in the droppings there. I'll be back you pesky onion. But don't let Radzi near it. I know what he's like. He'll eat anything as soon as you turn your back.
Radzi Chinyanganya:
Oi. I heard that.
Hacker T Dog:
It's a serious business winning 500 quid. I mean, I mean growing onions. But I've got science on my side. And by science I mean a top space scientist.
Hacker T Dog:
So, Dr. Maggie Aderin-Pocock. How come you're such an expert in growing h-onions?
Dr. Maggie Aderin-Pocock:
Well it does sound weird. But us space scientists we're really interested in how plants grow. This is because in the future we might travel to other planets and when we get there our survival might depend on how well we can grow plants.
Hacker T Dog:
Fair enough. Now, I'm a busy dog, cocker. So what are the key points I need to remember whence growing onions?
Dr. Maggie Aderin-Pocock:
Well, one of the critical factors is light. Plants need light.
Hacker T Dog:
Ah, light you say. Right, stay right there I won't be a tick. Yank.
Dr. Maggie Aderin-Pocock:
Hacker?
Hacker T Dog:
Oh, light? Who'd have thought plants needed light to grow. I just thought they needed to be cosy. Nah.
Hacker T Dog:
Sorry about that Dr. M. I completely overlooked the whole light thing. Right. Why do plants need light to grow?
Dr. Maggie Aderin-Pocock:
Plants are one of the few things on earth that can actually make their own food. And they do this by taking light. They also take carbon dioxide. That's the stuff we breath out, it's in the air around us. But they also need water.
Hacker T Dog:
Oh, from a watering can.
Dr. Maggie Aderin-Pocock:
[LAUGHS] Well it could be from a watering can or it could just be ray. The whole process is called photosynthesis. And it's driven by the power of the sun. Which is why plants need light.
Hacker T Dog:
Ah, thanks Dr. Maggie Aderin-Pocock. Nice talking to you, cocker.
Dr. Maggie Aderin-Pocock:
Hacker. You mentioned some prize money. You said 25% was my cut.
Hacker T Dog:
No. Pfft. Looks like you're breaking up, cocker. No. go away.
Dr. Maggie Aderin-Pocock:
I'll send you my bank details.
Hacker T Dog:
Don't bother.
Hacker T Dog:
Photosynthesis is the process that plants use to make their own food so they can grow. Plants need three things for photosynthesis. Light, water and a gas called carbon dioxide. Plants usually get their water from the soil and their leaves capture light from the sun and absorb carbon dioxide from the air. Don't ask me what that looks like, cockers, 'cause you can't see it. The plantuses energy from the sunlight to break down carbon dioxide into sugars. The food that helps the plant grow. Plants also make oxygen during photosynthesis but they don't need it so they just get rid of it into the air. Which is lucky for us as we need oxygen for important things like, oh,you know, breathing.
Hacker T Dog:
I set about making sure my onion had all the light that it needed to photosynthesize its way to greatness.
Hacker T Dog:
Observation one. The average temperature in the garden is currently chilly degrees centigrade. Huh, my onion seems happy with that. At least I haven't heard it complain, huh. It can't talk, do you see, that's a joke that is. Scientific observation two. Light. Well, yeah there is some light yes. Weather.
Hacker T Dog:
Variable.
Hacker T Dog:
It's the day before the competition. How do I feel? Thanks for asking, cocker. I'm feeling confident. A little bit nervous maybe. But my onion has had the best start in life science can give it. What could possibly go wrong?
Dr. Maggie Aderin-Pocock:
25% of 拢500 is 拢125. I can do the maths you know.
Female, blonde hair:
This is a real night mare鈥
Dr. Xand van Tulleken:
Sounds like a case of small onionsitis.
Dr. Chris van Tulleken:
We diagnose small onions syndrome.
Hacker T Dog:
Ahhh. Night sweats. Not good if you've got fur. Gulp.
Hacker T Dog:
The morning of the National Heavy Onion Championships. As I made the long lonely trek to the wrong side of the Pennines my mind was buzzing with questions. Did my onion get enough light? Am I in with a chance of winning? Did I remember to even pack my onion?
Hacker T Dog:
Oh no. Driver. I forget me onion. Quick, turn round. Three-point turn is the only way. I've left the onion elsewhere. The judging's in three hours. Put your foot down. We might to get to Wigan and back before then.
Hacker T Dog:
Harrogate Flower Show. Home of the world famous National Heavy Onion Championships. At last my onion's destiny and the first chance to size up the competition.
Hacker T Dog:
[LAUGHS] You call those giant onions? They're tiny. Mine's enormous compared to those.
Hacker T Dog:
But as I got closer I realized my mistake. These onions weren't smaller than mine.
Hacker T Dog:
They were just further away. Definitely smaller.
Hacker T Dog:
In the spirit of scientific discovery I set about garnering onion growing tips off what, if you were being charitable, I suppose you call the experts.
Hacker T Dog:
So, come on let's be honest you've cheated haven't you? That's clearly carved out of polystyrene. It's hollow. Have you ever heard of light and temperature?
Onion expert:
Well, what you do you put artificial light on 'em and give 'em a 12 hour day in the middle of the winter.
Hacker T Dog:
Like a sunbed?
Onion expert:
Yeah.
Hacker T Dog:
Yeah. I like your shirt, where's it from?
Hacker T Dog:
So this was it. Weeks of hard science-y work. Me. And photosynthesis. My onion.
Hacker T Dog:
The judges now are weighing everyone's onion and they're gonna weigh my onion and I'm in with a chance of winning this 'cause my onion is tiptop high quality and plump.
Judge:
6.65 kg.
Hacker T Dog:
Rubbish compared to mine.
Judge:
6. And we have the final weigh-in for the entry exhibited by Hacker T Dog.
Hacker T Dog:
That's my onion. Get this in focus. Here we go. Fingers crossed.
Judge:
It's not even registering. Can we, can we.
Hacker T Dog:
Lean on the scales. Lean on 'em.
Judge:
And it weighs in at a massive. Quarter of a gram.
Hacker T Dog:
Is that all? Is that all?
Hacker T Dog:
Pipped at the post. Of course winning isn't everything. We have to rise above disappointments in life.
Hacker T Dog:
I can't believe it. It's not fair. [HOWL] Oo! Ah! Eh!
Hacker T Dog:
Well I suppose congratulations are in order, [Peter]. You certainly know your onions. A, winning must have put a spring in your step. Spring onions, you get it. That's shallot. Now go away.
Hacker T Dog:
There was nothing in it really. I decided against demanding a remeasure.
Hacker T Dog:
Hello, oh yes, Dr. Maggie Aderin-Pocock? It's me [LAUGHS] no not Dodge, no, Hacker. Bad news I'm afraid. What do you mean did I follow your instructions? What do you mean do I not know nothing about science. You've let me down about this Pocock. Yes, but don't come running to me when you want to send a dog to Mars. Because I'm out. Do you hear? OWT, out.
Hacker T Dog:
My onion adventure was over. I wasn't a champion but I've learned some important science along the way.
Hacker T Dog:
So, what factors affected my onion's growth? Well let's be honest lack of growth. Why didn't it bloom into a national champion?
Hacker T Dog:
Could the weather have been a little warmer? Or a bit colder? Did my onion get the right amount of light?
Hacker T Dog:
I need you guys out there to investigate with your own spring onion.
Hacker T Dog:
Because here's my theory, cockers. Losing could not possibly be my fault. And that my friends is a scientific fact. Huh.