Every parent has been there, just about鈥 When you鈥檙e in the supermarket and your little one starts kicking and screaming and there鈥檚 just no apparent way to end the tears.
But why do toddlers have tantrums and what can you do to help them?
In the video below, we've put together a handy guide to help you understand and hopefully cope with toddler tantrums.
You鈥檝e gone into the shop because your kid wants spaghetti hoops. You pick the one they like, and they start screaming. 鈥淣o Daddy, NO NO NO!鈥 Do they want the letters, the cartoon ones in the blue tin, the red tin, the ones they once had at nan's鈥?
None of these tins will stop them crying, throwing a massive strop and saying "no no no!" And everyone is staring, and it makes you just want to scream - "AAARGGHH!
"Look, don鈥檛 beat yourself up. Kids have tantrums -girls and boys, from around 18 months old. It鈥檚 hard to know why they start. Most tantrums are them communicating.
Often: I'm tired, I'm frustrated. They just want to express themselves, but don鈥檛 always know the words yet.
The good news is, tantrums should pass as your child learns to speak more - hopefully by the time they're four.
Phew! So, if your kid鈥檚 really kicking off, what can you do?
Keep calm, take a deep breath, (like you often do as a parent!)
Stay close to your child, and talk to them in a calming voice. Rather than shutting them down, by saying 鈥渂e quiet鈥, or 鈥渟top just stop!鈥, get down to their level, talk to them gently, to understand why they鈥檙e having an outburst.
Ask them one or two simple questions like: 鈥淎re you hungry? Tired?" Give your child words to express how they feel.
They鈥檒l hopefully start to tell you what's going on, rather than acting it out.
That's a great reason to encourage them to talk, as much as they can. Start with simple words like 鈥渟ad鈥 and 鈥渁ngry鈥 to help them name their emotions. And maybe save the more complex words like 鈥渇rustrated鈥 for how you鈥檙e feeling!
Why do toddlers have tantrums?
It can be difficult to tell why toddler tantrums start. However, a lot of the time they happen when children are feeling an emotion or sensation that they just don鈥檛 have the words for yet. This could be 鈥業鈥檓 hungry!鈥 or 鈥業鈥檓 tired!鈥 or 鈥業鈥檓 frustrated!鈥.
Learn more about helping your child deal with uncertainty and change here.
Tantrums are a way of expressing these feelings without the ability to let you know clearly.
The good news is, as children鈥檚 speech develops, they usually grow out of tantrums as they become able to communicate their feelings more effectively.
When do toddler tantrums start?
Toddler tantrums usually start at around 18 months.
Do boys have more tantrums than girls or vice versa?
Tantrums affect both boys and girls equally.
3 top tips for dealing with toddler tantrums
1. Stay as calm as possible.
- Take deep breaths, use a calm voice and get close to your little one as you speak to them.
2. Try to identify the problem.
- Get down to their level and calmly ask them simple questions like 鈥榓re you hungry?鈥 or 鈥榓re you tired?鈥.
- Don鈥檛 shut them down by telling them to 鈥榮top鈥 or 鈥榖e quiet鈥.
3. Give them words to express their emotions.
- Give your child words to express how they feel and they鈥檒l hopefully start to tell you what鈥檚 going on rather than acting it out.
- Start with simple words like 鈥榮ad鈥 and 鈥榓ngry鈥.
Created with help from child psychologist Dr Claire Halsey and child development researcher Dr Michelle Lowe.
