Every parent wants to do the best for their kids but sometimes this can put us under lots of unnecessary pressure.
This mum and dad guilt has been made worse thanks to endless social media posts of other people 鈥榳inning鈥 at parenthood. Which means it鈥檚 never been more important to cut yourself some slack.
Parenting author and mum-of-four Sarah Ockwell-Smith says: 鈥淣obody鈥檚 perfect鈥 especially me and I鈥檓 a parenting expert!鈥
Here Sarah shares some easy ways to bust the perfect parent myth and instead concentrate on being good enough.
1. Use the 70/30 rule
It鈥檚 impossible to be a perfect mum or dad. Instead, Sarah says simply aim to be a 鈥榞ood enough鈥 parent 70% of the time. 鈥淚f you鈥檙e always perfect, that鈥檚 a really unrealistic role model for your kids. They鈥檒l never learn how to make mistakes or know how to apologise. Instead, aim to get things right 70% of the time and try not to worry about the other 30%."
The most important thing is when you do mess up, use that as a lesson for your kids showing them how to cope with getting things wrong and how to say sorry.
2. Get back to basics
Your little one has a very short attention span. So don鈥檛 stress yourself out trying to set up complicated activities.
鈥淚 often hear from parents who get irritated when their child isn鈥檛 interested in a craft activity they鈥檝e spent ages preparing," says Sarah.
Try not to overthink activities or spend too long prepping them. "They will get much more enjoyment from doing simple, everyday things with you like helping you tidy up or make dinner.鈥
3. Click 鈥榰nfollow鈥
Tech is useful for parents, but air-brushed images of family life on social media are not.
鈥淣obody is as perfect as they鈥檇 have you believe on Instagram or Facebook," says Sarah. 鈥淚t鈥檚 all perfectly curated images. Even people you think are inspiring on social media can be quite damaging."
If you start questioning yourself or second guessing yourself as a parent then unfollow or mute them and find someone more realistic to follow.
4. Have a chat
You don鈥檛 have to spend money on toys to keep your child happy. Instead, Sarah says a cuddle on the sofa, looking at a book or just chatting to your little one is what they really want.
鈥淓ven if your baby or toddler is too little to answer you, that doesn鈥檛 mean you can鈥檛 chat to them.鈥
She suggests watching what they are doing and then helping put their feelings into words. For example, if your little one giggles when you sing a nursery rhyme you could say, 'you really like that song don鈥檛 you!'. This is called mind-minded parenting, when you realise that your child has independent thoughts and feelings.鈥
5. Take things with a pinch of salt
It鈥檚 not just on social media that people pretend to be perfect.
鈥淎 lot of parents aren鈥檛 honest and when you chat to them, will make things sound better for whatever reason," says Sarah.
鈥淪o try not to compare yourself to other parents. If someone is saying their child sleeps through the night 鈥 and yours doesn鈥檛 鈥 remember what they are saying might not be true. I wouldn鈥檛 get involved in those conversations. Just nod and move on!鈥
6. Be kind to yourself
Taking time out for you is really important but make sure this doesn't become another 鈥榩erfect parent pressure鈥 says Sarah.
鈥淵ou can feel you鈥檙e missing out if you haven鈥檛 taken up a new hobby or done some exercise," she says. 鈥淒on鈥檛 put that pressure on yourself. Instead, just be kind to yourself and lower your expectations. Remember: no one is perfect!鈥
Sarah is a parenting expert and author of books including The Gentle Parenting Book.
