Sample task and responses
Task
Write an article for a magazine in which you argue for or against public libraries.
In your article you could include:
- how libraries are used
- how libraries compare to the internet
- the positives and negatives of using public libraries
Attempt one
Go to the library
We shouldn鈥檛 get rid of libraries because they are places where a lot of people like to go. For example students. The books are free which means no one has to waste their money on more books and can just borrow them and have them on loan. This is useful if you鈥檙e skint. Teachers keep going on about how the Internet isn鈥檛 really the best place to get your information for research and stuff. They say if you use books it鈥檚 more trusting. So we should keep libraries so we can use books and double check the things we read online or find out more about it all. It鈥檚 like we鈥檙e trying to put everything from books onto the internet, so maybe one day it will all be online anyway and then we won鈥檛 need libraries after all. For now though, they are good.
Feedback 鈥 basic
- Makes a clear argument.
- Attempts to use formal Standard EnglishA form of speech that lays claim to a grammatical 'correctness' and clear pronunciation. This is sometimes called '大象传媒 English'..
To improve
- Paragraphs would help to make this piece easier to follow.
- Some sentences run on and would be better split into shorter sentences.
- Avoid using slang: 鈥榮kint鈥, 鈥榞oing on鈥.
- Develop each point in more detail.
Attempt two
Books are Better
Libraries are places of learning and have been used by students for many centuries. They are valuable to society and let people have access to books without having to buy them. For many of us they are the place we develop a love of books.
A lot of the information on the Internet is untrustworthy. Some sources that students use, such as Wikipedia, can be edited and have often been changed by members of the public just for a laugh.
A lot of the information on the Internet is untrustworthy. Some sources that students use, such as Wikipedia, can be edited and have often been changed by members of the public just for a laugh.
Feedback 鈥 improving
- alliterationA sound feature; the repetition of the same sounds (mainly consonants) usually at the beginning of words. in the headline is effective.
- Establishes a clear and increasingly convincing argument.
- Language mostly appropriate for audience and form 鈥 Standard English used throughout.
- personal pronounThe pronouns in English (I, you, he, she, it, we, they, me, him, her, us, and them) showing contrasts of person, gender, number, and case. include the readers.
To improve
- Include more sophisticated vocabulary.
- Include literary techniqueA technique used to add depth and colour to writing. Includes simile, metaphor, alliteration (amongst others). to make the writing more engaging.
- Develop the argument more thoroughly.
Attempt three
Bring on the Books!
It seems that more and more people are glued to their screens these days. You see them walking through the streets, phones in hand, barely even noticing the world around them. They鈥檙e like zombies, not really present in the real world at all. And their brains are rotting away because rather than relying on books for information and memory, they outsource their minds to the Internet.
This is a potentially dangerous habit. In fact, for many people, their dependency on the Internet is bordering on serious addiction.
What they need is bibliotherapy 鈥 and the library is just the place to get it!
Libraries are storehouses of books. And books are more reliable than websites. They have been through a process of checking and editing that doesn鈥檛 always happen online. Our libraries are valuable resources. Rather than trading them in for social spaces, we should find ways to make more of them.
In fact, destroying libraries in favour of social spaces would be criminal. There are already plenty of places where people can go to socialise: coffee shops, leisure centres and parks, to name a few. The beauty of the library is that it is a sanctuary. It is a place of peaceful focus and learning.
Let鈥檚 make use of our libraries鈥nd our brains!
Feedback 鈥 even better
- A convincing and lively argument.
- Appropriate language used throughout.
- Some sophisticated vocabulary choices: 鈥榙ependency鈥, 鈥榮anctuary鈥, 鈥榖ibliotherapy鈥.
- A memorable headline using alliteration and imperative to engage the reader.
- emotiveLanguage that makes the reader experience a certain emotional response to the writing. language used persuasively: 鈥榙estroying libraries鈥ould be criminal鈥.
- Uses a simileA comparison using 'like' or 'as' to create a vivid image, eg as big as a whale; float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.: 鈥榣ike zombies鈥.
To improve
- The points could be clearer, but overall this is very good.