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• The Four Noble Truths explain that suffering is caused by craving and can be lessened by living according to the Buddha’s Noble Eightfold Path.
• Buddhism has a long tradition of monastic celibacy. However, most Buddhists live in couples or families, married or unmarried.
• Buddhism does not involve the worship of a creator or God who blesses or requires marriage. Therefore, Buddhist marriage is often seen as a legal agreement between partners, instead of a religious duty. However, many Buddhists may see their marriage as a significant social and spiritual life event.
• Buddhist tradition recognises sex as a part of human life. The Buddha taught of the need to avoid causing harm, whether in same, or opposite sex relationships.

Remember

The Four Noble Truths are one of the most important teachings of the Buddha. They consist of the following teachings:

1. Life can never be perfect. It always involves some suffering (dukkha).

2. The cause of suffering is desire (samudaya).

3. It is possible to end suffering (nirodha).

4. The way to end suffering is by following the Noble Eightfold Path.

These teachings can be applied in all areas of life, including family and relationships.

Buddhism has a long tradition of encouraging monastic celibacy. This is because the life of a nun or monk, free of sex and family responsibilities, may provide the best conditions for practising the Buddha’s teachings. However, most Buddhists live in couples or families, married or unmarried.

Buddhist families vary according to the customs of the country they live in, and include nuclear families , extended families and same-sex parents, as well as couples without children.

The Five Moral Precepts and the Noble Eightfold Path are important guides for the Buddhist family and other areas of life.

The early Buddhist scriptures teach that husbands and wives should respect and honour, show love and trust, and remain faithful to each other.

They also teach that parents should practise the Four Sublime States of loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity when raising their children.

Some Buddhist parents educate their children about the teachings of the Buddha, including how to meditate. Other parents prefer to let their children decide for themselves, later in life, as to whether they want to live by the Buddha’s teachings.

There is guidance on how parents should raise their children in theSigalovada Sutta, which states that a parent’s role includes:

…restraining you from wrongdoing, guiding you towards good actions, training you in a profession, supporting the choice of a suitable spouse.”

Sigalovada Sutta (31:28)

The Sigalovada Sutta also includes guidance on how to live a skilful life, including encouraging children to respect and support their parents:

I will support them who supported me; I will do my duty to them.”

Sigalovada Sutta (31:28)
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The nature and purpose of marriage

The Buddhist tradition often sees marriage as a legal agreement between partners. It is not a religious duty.

Buddhists generally follow the marriage laws and customs of their country. It is common to visit a temple or have a ceremony there, after the legal ceremony has taken place.

The Sigalovada Sutta offers guidance on how a couple should treat each other. The Five Moral Precepts also offer guidance in this area of life.

The Sigalovada Sutta gives instructions on how men should treat their wives:

In five ways should a wife… be respected by a husband: by honouring, not disrespecting, being faithful, sharing authority, and by giving gifts."

Digha Nikaya 31 (Sigalovada Sutta)

There are also instructions on how a wife should behave in a marriage:

The wife so respected, reciprocates… in five ways: by being well-organized, being kindly disposed to the in-laws and household workers, being faithful, looking after the household goods, and being skilful and diligent in all duties.”

Digha Nikaya 31 (Sigalovada Sutta)

However, many modern Buddhists would see the duties described as equally applicable to both partners in a marriage.

The Buddha also taught about the importance of friendships and that we are deeply interconnected with those around us. Therefore, many Buddhists would consider that relationships between family and friends help to build a healthy and stable society.

A wedding ceremony in Buddhism

Ceremonies for blessing Buddhist marriages vary from tradition to tradition. Some may be created by the couple themselves.

Below is an example of an Asian Buddhist wedding ceremony:

Polygamy

Polygamy is illegal in the UK. According to Buddhist teachings: “Being a co-wife is painful,” (Therīgāthā 10:1). Buddhist teachings do not forbid polygamy but suggest, as it could cause suffering, it is not ideal and therefore is not encouraged.

Let him not have a wife in common with another.”

Jātaka 6:546
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Divorce in Buddhism

Buddhists tend to believe that if couple is unable to live in peace and harmony with each another, it is preferable for the marriage to be dissolved, thus avoiding further dukkha for them and their children.

But most Buddhists would consider that divorce should not be entered into lightly. For example:

Too many people in the West have given up on marriage. They don't understand that it is about developing a mutual admiration of someone, deep respect and trust, and awareness of another human's needs…The new easy-come, easy-go relationships give us more freedom – but less contentment…"

The Dalai Lama

Remarriage in Buddhism

Most Buddhists would see remarriage as an opportunity for a new relationship that provides support and happiness.

I believe that at every level of society, the key to a happier and more successful world is the growth of compassion. Just as compassion is the wish that all sentient beings be free of suffering, loving-kindness is the wish that all may enjoy happiness.”

The Dalai Lama

Through the Four Sublime States the Buddha taught that the mind of a Buddhist should focus on the ideal qualities of karunaand metta. Most Buddhists would consider it important to have karuna for those whose relationships have broken down, and to be glad for those who find happiness in a new close relationship.

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Remember

There are two main divisions of Buddhism.

Find out more about Theravada Buddhism and Mahayana Buddhism.

Many Buddhists would make little distinction between homosexual and heterosexualrelationships, although this will vary, depending on the cultural views of where they live.

For many Buddhists, it is the ethical quality of the relationship, rather than the gender of the partners, that determines whether or not a relationship is ethical or not.

Homosexuality is neither right nor wrong. It is just something that people do.”

Ven. Master Hsing Yun (Chinese Buddhist teacher)

Many Buddhists believe sex outside of marriage is acceptable and do not consider marriage necessary. It would be important to them to avoid unskilful sexual behaviour, for example, behaviour which causes suffering because it is selfish, greedy or dishonest. Such behaviour would be a breach of the Five Moral Precepts.

However, other Buddhists may consider unmarried sexual relationships as unskilful and a breach of the Third Moral Precept.

Many Buddhist monks and nuns choose a life of celibacy. This is so they can live free from the attachment of sexual desire and intimate relationships and have more time and energy for meditation, study and reflection.

However, there is a great deal of variation across the Buddhist world, for example, in the Zen tradition, which is part of Mahayana Buddhism, priests are often married.

Most Buddhists would consider adultery to be a breach of the Third Moral Precept because of the dishonesty and craving which is usually involved, and the suffering it causes to all those involved. This would also apply to unfaithfulness in relationships where couples are not married.

Not to be contented with one's own wife, and to be seen with harlots and the wives of others – this is a cause of one's downfall."

Parabhava Sutta

Most Buddhists today would consider the use of contraception as a responsible method of limiting family size and preventing unwanted pregnancies.

Some Buddhists believe that rebirth takes place at conception, therefore disagree with some contraceptive methods, as they see these as breaking the First Moral Precept.
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Watch the video below to compare Buddhist, Christian and Jewish attitudes and teachings towards procreation.

The Buddha taught that men and women were equally capable of developing the compassion and wisdom of enlightenment and the early scriptures record him teaching both genders, whether monastic or lay.

However, there are many examples of inequality within Buddhism. For example, in some Buddhist traditions women are ordained to a lower level than monks.

Some Buddhist teachers, such as Ajahn Brahm, a Theravadin monk in Australia, have broken with tradition by ordaining women to the same level as men.

Other leaders have created new traditions without monks or nuns, such as Sangharakshita, founder of the Triratna Buddhist Order. Members of this Order all have the same ordination, regardless of gender, and whether they are in sexual relationships or choose to be celibate.