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Presenter: Portia, one of theatre’s strongest heroines and a crucial piece of casting. No audience is going to root for her unless she’s played by an actor who can embody her many virtues. Tricky. She’s got money and she’s funny. She’s bright and full of fight. She’s a menace to the men of Venice, winning with her wits and not with her… good looks. She’s bored of her situation and she sometimes dresses up as a bloke. Sounds like an ex of mine. This is Casting Portia!

First actress: Hi.

Presenter: She certainly looks the part. Portia is meant to be beautiful.

First actress: By my troth, Nerissa, my little body is… weary of this great world.

Director: You’re very sweet but I need someone with a bit more bite.

First actress: Ok. Thank you.

Presenter: Wetter than a weekend in Wales. Portia is hard core, remember? There, there. It’s ok. Shh.

Second actress: Are we doing this, or what?

Director: And, action.

Second actress: Don't rush me!

I had rather be married to a death’s-head with a bone in his
mouth than either of these. God defend me against these two.

Presenter: She’s definitely nailing Portia’s feisty attitude.

Director: It’s very good, but, erm, could you try something for me?

Presenter: The director’s just giving her a few notes. Let’s see what she does with them.

Director: I didn’t mean it. Your performance was great.

Presenter: I don’t think this is going to work out.

Male actor: Alright?

Director: Erm… I think you’ve made a mistake.

Presenter: Yeah. Those shoes with that handbag?

Male actor: Oh, please, come on, give me a chance.

Presenter: Actually, he’s got a point. Portia does disguise herself as a man and women weren’t allowed to be actors in Shakespeare’s day.

Male actor: God made him, and therefore let him pass for a man.

Hold on. This girl acts like all men are pathetic idiots. I’m not doing this.

Director: Oh, come back! That attitude is perfect. Let’s talk.

Third actress: Yep?

Director: Oh, I’m sorry. Are you the person who was just in here?

Third actress: Yeah.

Director: It’s just, you look totally different.

Third actress: Well, Portia’s a master of disguise. So am I.

Director: Wow. That is amazing. If you can do that every night, you’ll be perfect.

Third actress: Sure thing.

Male actor: Did they buy it?

Third actress: You ruined it.

Director: Get out.

Third actress: Get out.

Male actor: Sorry.

Portia: The quality of mercy is not strained,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives, and him that takes.
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest, it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown.
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway.
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself,
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When mercy seasons justice. Therefore, Jew,
Though justice be thy plea, consider this:
That in the course of justice, none of us
Should see salvation. We do pray for mercy,
And that same prayer doth teach us all to render
The deeds of mercy. I have spoke thus much
To mitigate the justice of thy plea,
Which if thou follow, this strict court of Venice
Must needs give sentence 'gainst the merchant there.

Presenter: Here are the directors: 12 divorces, nine law suits and three stints in rehab between them, these guys know what they want and they normally get it. Today, they’re looking for effective ways to disguise the character Portia as a man.

In Act 5, scene 1, Portia reveals that she was the lawyer, Balthazar, to her lover, Bassanio. The directors want the audience to believe his shock at this revelation. Does theatre designer, Graham, have the right idea?

Director 1: OK, Graham, and what’s your name, sir?

Susan: Susan.

Director 2: Graham, Susan, with a disguise that good the audience would really believe the shock Bassanio feels. I love it.

Director 1: Obviously, there’s some quick scene changes in this play. How long does it take to get all this makeup on and off?

Graham: Well, it’s not the fastest process but one would argue that the effect…

Director 1: Answer the question!

Graham: About three hours to get on, two hours to get off.

Director 2: Those sort of timings might work for a film, but never on stage. That’s ridiculous. I’m out.

Director 3: I don’t think I’ve ever met a man called Susan before.

Presenter: Next into the Directors’ Den are two designers with a colour-coded costume idea.

Actress: Here is a letter. Read it at your leisure. There you shall find that Portia was the doctor,
Nerissa there, her clerk.

Director 1: I like it. It’s quite simply simple and simply effective.

Director 2: The audience will know that Portia is disguised as Balthazar so you could argue that we don’t need to try to hide it from them. Well done.

Director 3: Look, I like the idea and I like you two, but blue is simply not your colour, girlfriend. It clashes with your eyes. For that reason, I’m out.

Presenter: Next into the Directors’ Den is theatre designer, Tracey, from Cheam. She wants to try something very traditional with the character of Portia.

Tracey: And, of course, this technique removes the need for a disguise when Portia is pretending to be a man.

Director 2: Tracey, in Shakespeare’s times he had to cast men as women because it wasn’t allowed for women to be actors.

Director 3: You’ve merely created the same problem in the opposite direction. I’m out.

Male actor: I told you we should have waxed my bikini line.