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Fraser McAlpine | 17:09 UK time, Friday, 6 July 2007

The Adventures of Captain Mika by Mika* (aged 34 21)

mika_superhero.jpgDeep in the heart of the mirror forest, there lies a tiny little house. It's a funny-looking house, but it is not funny. Not at all. From the outside, the house looks as if someone had painted the walls using a rainbow on a brush, and the windows are as bright and shiny as a new pin.

The reason the house is so very, very colourful and the windows are so very, very shiny, is that this is the where Captain Mika lives.

Captain Mika is the most fantastic man who has ever lived ever. He can sing, he can dance, he can play lovely tunes on his piano, and he has all sorts of special powers which only come out when someone is in trouble.

It's like a special gift he has, right, where someone might be all sad and fed up, and then Captain Mika hears all about how sad and fed up they are, and quick as a flash he goes shooting over to where they are, and he does his special mystical dance for them. Well, there's nothing people like more than a special mystical dance, is there?

And when Captain Mika is doing his special mystical dance, all colours come raining down from the sky and everything goes all rainbow-y and sparkling. And the person who is all sad and fed up becomes all happy and smashing. That's the kind of fantastic mystical powers Captain Mika has got.

One day, Captain Mika was sitting at his golden piano in his house, when he heard the sound of crying. At first it sounded like it was a girl's voice. But then Captain Mika realised it wasn't just A girl who was doing all the crying, it was lots and lots of girls.

In fact, Captain Mika could hear the noises of crying girls from all over the world. And what the girls all over the world were crying about was that they were looking in the mirror and it was making them sad. At first, Captain Mika couldn't understand why looking in the mirror could make someone sad. Captain Mika always liked mirrors, and mirrors always liked Captain Mika right back!

But then he realised that they were crying more at their own reflections, rather than at the mirrors. And then he realised why. "Not everyone can be as beautiful and fantastic as Captain Mika", thought Captain Mika, "suppose you're a minger, or a troll, or a big chubby one, or a great ugly munter...well, maybe the sight of your own reflection might be upsetting. Not as upsetting is perhaps it could be to people who have to look at you, of course, but still pretty upsetting."

Now, if it had just been one person crying, all Captain Mika would have needed to do is rush to see them and do his mystical dance. But there were just so many crying girls, and only one Captain Mika. How could he help them all in as short a time as possible?

Well, being a clever and thoughtful type of person, Captain Mika sat and had a bit of a think. He sat in his special thinking chair, which was all plush and expensive, and he put his fist under his chin like you see people do when they are thinking, and he did some thinking.

Captain MikaAnd then suddenly, he leaped out of his chair and struck a dramatic pose, like as if he had a cape, but he didn't have a cape...you just have to imagine the cape was there, even though it wasn't...actually you have to imagine the dramatic pose too, unless I can do a picture of it and put it alongside this writing bit here. But that's the kind of pose he did, and it was striking.

Captain Mika was suddenly very excited, because he had had a brilliant idea! There was a way he could make everyone feel better really quickly, and it was easy too. He rushed to the piano, and starting banging away with his supple fingers.

A week later, it was all over. Captain Mika was back sitting in his thinking chair again, and thinking about his amazing week. His idea had been to record a song which attempted to cheer all the unhappy girls up by telling them that he, in an act of unimaginary kindness, would still do any of them, even the fugly gimmers. And it had been a total success.

In fact 'Sweaty Minger (You Could Still Pull Me, Probably)' had sold in massive amounts, and had single-handledly made all of the sad, crying girls realise that they had a lot to live for after all.

Captain Mika raised his special bone-china tea cup to his perfect ruby lips, took a sip of earljeeling tea, and, holding his pinky aloft, put it back on the saucer with a satisfied sigh.

"It has", said Captain Mika, "been a very satisfactory adventure". And with that, he leapt athletically up out of his chair, and, pausing for only a minute or two, or three, to check his radiant reflection, bounded up the stairs and went to bed.

And when he woke up the next morning, it had all been a dream.

THE END.

*This story is entirely fictitious. Any resemblance to any over-excitable squealy-voiced pop stars is entirely coincindental. Even the bits where we've used his actual name.

Comments

  1. At 06:23 PM on 06 Jul 2007, sarah wrote:

    ha ha!
    was this actually written by a child? i used to write like that - "it had all been a dream"

  2. At 10:15 PM on 06 Jul 2007, Jamesy wrote:

    Lol, great stuff, fun read, topped my Birthday off nicely. :)

    I always used to remember all the way back in like Year 8 or so at school in English when we we asked to write a story to be marked, and they always used to say something like 'And the most important thing of all, don't make your ending stupid like...and it was all a dream...' :P

    Who says you can't end stories with an ending like 'It was all a dream,' it actually can be good sometimes, like demonstrated here. :D

  3. At 12:30 PM on 07 Jul 2007, wrote:

    Haha this is so funny...I love your choice of words. For example: 'fugly gimmer' or 'great ugly munter'. I use that all the time. And minger. And twanger. Okay, you get the point. I'll climb back into my hole now. Bye! *looks sheepish*

  4. At 08:07 PM on 07 Jul 2007, ~Rachel~ wrote:

    This is hilarious!!!

    But 'Mika', I can't believe "it had all been a dream" - that's devastating - I thought it was all REAL...hee hee hee!

    I think if Mika did read this, it would be his worst nightmare - a more accurate mirror than all the mirrors!

  5. At 07:51 PM on 08 Jul 2007, Vonny wrote:

    You will need mirror for all life...GOOD LUCK..

  6. At 07:47 AM on 09 Jul 2007, Jack Violet wrote:

    This is hilarious.

    I think if Mika did read this, he would think it was pretty funny too.

  7. At 01:36 PM on 09 Jul 2007, BS wrote:

    Very very clever. A great story! Hope the real Captain Mika himself comes over and does his special mystical dance whenever you are in need too. What a gem!

  8. At 01:38 PM on 09 Jul 2007, wrote:

    Omgs! I have no idea what to think. Did MIka really write this? It doesn't see so. Anyways, it's a cute sorry i guess. Very fun to read indeed. I was a little unsure about the solution to the "crying girls with the bad reflections" but whatever,its fun all the same.

  9. At 01:43 PM on 09 Jul 2007, Faline wrote:

    Hahahahah!!! So funny!

    Even tho I also think Mika would love it

  10. At 04:03 PM on 09 Jul 2007, Asun wrote:

    Brilliant! Captain Mika, my Gosh!! Love it!

  11. At 05:19 PM on 10 Jul 2007, wrote:

    You know this can be potrayed in 2 different ways:
    1) you are totally taking the pee...and insultin mingin girls

    or

    2)it is a bloomin fantabulous story and deserves to be published

    i feel more from number 2!
    people tell me im mingin but i dont care...coz i am beautiful really theyr just jealous!
    BRILLIANTE STORIA!
    BRAVA!
    the imagination you have is amazin! i want it! can i have it please?

    xx

  12. At 08:45 PM on 11 Jul 2007, ~Rachel~ wrote:

    Or, Hannah, it could be:

    3) both 'totally taking the pee' (out of Mika...and NOT 'insultin mingin girls') AND 'a bloomin fantabulous story'!

  13. At 11:03 AM on 12 Jul 2007, Loz wrote:

    I think it, was RUBBISH and quite BORING, they could inprove it by using better words such as consenquently.
    :) The good thing is you tryed hard, but you didn't SUCEED!
    Luv ya
    Loz
    xxx

  14. At 02:49 PM on 13 Jul 2007, higuys wrote:

    hi im kl i just so f***ing bored!!

  15. At 01:10 PM on 22 Jul 2007, wrote:

    hi id just like to say that u did a great job Mika writting this - even tho u r Dyslexic !! anyway i guess spell checker came in handy for the spelling its a very influential stary i love it and i got to say the song "big girls 9you are beautiful)" is amaxing by the way Mika youve done a fantabulous job . Its most certainly cheered me up plus i seriously COULD imagine you doing that the dramatic pose and everything !!!!

    love you MIKA penniman i love you LOADS !!!!!!!!!!! libby xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  16. At 10:23 PM on 26 Jul 2007, Valentine wrote:

    Ooo earljeeling - nice choice may I say =) X

  17. At 08:03 PM on 18 Oct 2007, Kipper wrote:

    Ha. Sweaty minger (You could still pull me probably) that is clever.
    Yes the "and it was all a dream" ruined it! Why? It should be real life. Whoever wrote that is a bit like my friend. She writes really imaginative, rambly stories in English. That is fab tho.

  18. At 01:24 PM on 05 Nov 2007, Marilyn Mastin wrote:

    Oh what a brilliant story! I loved every bit and tears of laughter are still running down my face.

    Mika is a real life superhero to all of us, and he does have very special magical powers!!

  19. At 01:43 PM on 05 Nov 2007, Space wrote:

    This is brilliant! I love this story!

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