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Classified Ads - 13/07/07

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Fraser McAlpine | 16:28 UK time, Friday, 13 July 2007




-------------------
WANTED: PURPOSE
-------------------
We made poverty history.
We remembered Diana,
& we saved the ecology.
What else can our music
do now?
Contact Geldof/Gore @
Rockers Against Things

-------------------
TEAM LILY
-------------------
Meeting: This Sunday
Location: Scout Hut
Agenda: Rumble with
Teams Tweedy, Kooks, Tabloid, Winehouse...

Subs to Kate Nash
BYO lollies.



-------------------
REMEMBRANCE SERVICE
-------------------
For veterans of P Diddy's
"make some noise if you
miss Diana"
speech.

Share your pain with
fellow survivors
Uncurl those toes...
We can help you

-------------------
FOR SHARE:
-------------------
Lightweight, handheld
collapsible canopy.

Perfect for
inclement weather.
No parasol-fans please.

Ella-Ella A. A. Hay.





-------------------
NO TROUBLE AT HOME?
-------------------
Want some?
Use my not-pain-free
book of snarky one-liners.
Includes the lemon one,
the intelligence one, and
"Ur! You smell. Of poo!"

Nash-Bash productions

-------------------
SITUATION VACANT
-------------------
That's not a job offer,
by the way.

It's just where I'm
at, maaan.

Donny Tooret Truwet Swearybags



-------------------
DON'T WORRY
-------------------
If you're tall, small,
plump, skinny, pimply,
hairy, mouthy, insecure,
violently aggressive or
painfully shy,
I'm still interested.
Call C Harris

-------------------
SLANG DICTIONARY:
NEW EDITION
-------------------
We're having a bit of
trouble with this word
'emo'. No-one will tell us
what it means.
Does ANYONE know?
Call Prof. Teenspeak





-------------------
WANTED: NEW NO.1
-------------------
Will consider any
reasonable offer.

No time-wasters.
(Mika, this means you)

HURRY UP!

-------------------
BEWARE THE
WELSH VAMPIRE
-------------------
He lurks in dark alleys,
waiting to suck the blood
out of innocent indie hits.

Stop the suffering.
Ring 666 (Ask for Stan)



-------------------
STYLIST WANTED
-------------------
To provide outfit advice
to international pop star.

I need all the help I can
get, my style is ridic-dic-
dic-ulous-ulous-ulous.

Call Nelly F.

-------------------
GRAMMAR TUITION
-------------------
Extremely affordable.
Easy lessons.

Learn to talk
like the way I are!

timbaland@
ihelplearnyougood.org





-------------------
MUSICIANS WANTED
-------------------
Let's see, we need
keys, bass, axe, drums,
Oh, and can
anyone play table-tennis
to a click track?

Ring Sleek-Rique
for deets

-------------------
BIG GIRLS
-------------------
Mika wants you,
Fergie says don't cry.
It's just bullying,
is what it is.

End Pop Star pressure!
Join Weightwatchers
today!



-------------------
WANTED:
-------------------
Moody, spotty,
hormone-crazed teen.

Must come
with own luminescence
for night-time use.

A Monkeys

-------------------
LOST: CONTACT LENS
-------------------
Last seen around the main
stage at Glastonbury.

Family heirloom.
Surely someone has it?

It's all blurry now.

Comments

  1. At 05:34 PM on 13 Jul 2007, Lisa K wrote:

    Love the Arctic Monkeys one! Can you start doing these weekly please, I love them! Classified rules!

    [Well I WOULD...but they really hurt my head. - Fraser]

  2. At 08:05 AM on 14 Jul 2007, Kerri wrote:

    al gore may have dedicated his the rest of his life to raising awareness about climate change (although he sees fit to drive around in a 4x4 in his film) but since when has he been a rocker?! the new no1 thing is great (mcr - teenagers please) (oh and its terrible news, mika has also invaded aussie shores :O) and 'emo' seems to be whatever you want it to be (eyeliner, self-harm, mcr, black hair, fob, skinny jeans, side fringes, hawthorne heights, a fashion statement or something that doesnt even really exist - take your pick!)

  3. At 10:11 PM on 14 Jul 2007, tasha wrote:

    A Monkeys? I am a moody, spotty, hormone-crazed teen. and i have my own luminescence for night-time use. please marry me

This post is closed to new comments.

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