Dame Shirley Bassey - 'Get The Party Started'
PAIN! OH UNIMAGINABLE PAIN! Someone in Dame Shirley's camp (and let's not underestimate the power of THAT word in this instance) has really got it in for my poor ears. I've no idea what they can have done to cause such offense, but it must have been something TERRIBLE. Actually, thinking about it, one of them is a bit pointy at the top, in a Spock sort of way...maybe it was that. I mean I know these singing stars can be a bit demanding, so it's possible that I've walked past La Bassey without realising she was there, and she saw my Spock-ear and decided to try and blast it from existence for daring to be a slightly odd shape in her presence.
The theory behind a song like this is based in a concept that we here at ChartBlog like to call 'The Insane Juxtaposition Query'. It is best represented by a formula.
If X = An iconic popular song, and Y = A legendary singer, the Insane Juxtaposition Query is what happens when a music producer with too much time on his hands (*cough*Ronson*cough*) decides to add X and Y together, to try and produce Z, which = An amazing reinterpretation of a classic, and a career-saving highlight for some old musical warhorse.
Sadly, more often than not, the result is Q. And Q = An undignified dog's breakfast and embarrassment for all concerned.
This song is so Q it hurts. Me. BADLY. Apart from the soaring chorus, which kind of works if you don't think too hard about the actual words, nothing that comes out of Dame Shirl's mouth sounds right. And sometimes it's not her fault either...
The big problems are twofold: The lyrics don't support her voice, and her voice doesn't suit the melody. So for every moment where you can sort of let yourself get into the big production and melodramatic theatrics on show, there's an equal and opposite moment of massive cringe, where you realise that someone has forced this grand old dame of British song into trying to find a way to sing "boulevard is freaking as I'm coming up fast" and mean it.
It's enough to make you run hot and cold all over. The HUMILIATION!
And even if Shirley herself doesn't mind how wrong it sounds for her posh foghorn voice to enunciate these lyrics - lyrics which sound fine coming out of Pink's mouth, because that's clearly how she THINKS - I mind. I mind A LOT that the FOUR producers it took to make this have no idea about matching the right song to the right voice. I mind that this whole thing has the definite air of 'dragging someone down to the level of the kids', when pop music (and Dame Shirl) deserves a little more respect than that.
And most of all, I mind that pointing all of this out makes me look like a massive party-pooper, when it's a rubbish party in the first place.
Now, does anyone know the number of a good plastic surgeon who specialises in ears? I can't let this happen again...
Download: Out now
CD Released: July 23rd
(Fraser McAlpine)
Comments
My mum's friend's husband is a plastic surgeon... let him listen to the song and he'd probably do it for free ;)
How dare you malign Her Majesty, Queen Shirley of the Bassey!
Don't you know that she's a national treasure, does lots of work for charidee (which she doesn't like to talk about) and even if she has managed to finagle a career out of impersonating a seal in distress, then we should be admiring her showbiz chutzpah, friendships with all the greats (and Cilla Black), and wishing we could do the same.
She's 103, you know and still has all her own teeth.
Pointy ears are hot :)
It's Really Not That Bad!
Actually, she reminds me of the title - Living Legand!
She's the only artist who sings twice of the Bond theme!
This re-make is also somehow 007 style of party, sounds quite interesting actually!
I must respectfully disagree with dear Fraser. I'm assuming he's appalled at what must surely be a degrading of a national treasure. The point I believe he's missing, and what Ms. Bassey seems to have gotten, is the high kitsch factor involved in having a 70-year-old pop/jazz vocalist cover a Linda Perry tune.
And being from Nevada, I know my kitsch. :p