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Nicole Scherzinger ft. TI - 'Whatever You Like'

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Fraser McAlpine | 10:35 UK time, Wednesday, 8 August 2007

Nicole ScherzingerSometimes a little bit of research can unearth the most startling facts, even when you're fairly sure you don't really need to do it. I mean anyone who's been paying any attention to the last couple of chart years knows who Nicole is. She's The Pussycat Doll. The one who sings. But a quick look at her (you can hear the song there too) has unearthed a very early blog posting, from the days when PCD were mere kittens, in which she manages to hint at her personal artistic standards without even realising it.

What Nicole actually said - all the way back in 2005 - was this: "We just got back from Europe which was a blast..I love fromage!"

And, having listened to this song very thoroughly, I can't really argue with her.

It's not that there's anything here which is bad, far from it. The super-minimal bleeps, breaths, sirens, whoops and claps feel like the state of the art in terms of R&B production right now. And there's plenty of tumbledown glee to be had at lines like "first stop, let me pop, drop like a helicop", if only because "helicop" is an amazing pop word.

But surely, as a race of people with ears, we've all outgrown the "love you long time" reference? I mean it's been done by everyone from 2 Live Crew to Nelly Furtado to Dame Shirley Bassey (probably), and it's just ridiculously cheesy. See what I mean about fromage?

Other lines in this song which are also unintentionally funny include:

"She’s hot as a stove, her name is Nicole"
I'm no expert in rapping, but 'stove' and 'Nicole' don't really rhyme, do they? Having said that, "she's hot as a stove, she's moving to Hove (nr Brighton)" isn't any better. Nor is "she's gone for a stroll, her name is Nicole". So maybe TI's got the right idea after all.

"Boy, you’re charming me,
Just like this beat is gonna do on the radio"

Lovely, isn't it? In the middle of creating a sexually alluring atmosphere, a slight pause to remind everyone that a product has been manufactured, and it would be nice if it was a successful product, so could everyone in the Pussycat Dolls Street Team please get out there and drum up some listener requests, please?

And best/worst/fromagiest of all, the bit where the ever-charming TI promises Nicole that if she were to give in to her obvious rampant desire for him and make, y'know, rudies *blush* - she is but human after all - he can promise her that she's "gonna need an icepack"

C'mon everyone, on a count of three - one....two...three... EEEEWWWWWW!

So, in summary, this is a brilliant song, with astonishingly bad lyrics. Which should make Nicole very happy indeed...

Four starsDownload: Out now
CD Released:
August 13th

(Fraser McAlpine)

Comments

  1. At 08:55 PM on 08 Aug 2007, Lisa wrote:

    I love this song way too much.

  2. At 02:22 PM on 12 Aug 2007, Anonymous wrote:

    T.I. doesn't say "She’s hot as a stove, her name is Nicole'', the producer Polow Da Don does, get your facts right

    [Thanks! Does that mean it rhymes now? - Fraser]

  3. At 01:44 AM on 30 Aug 2007, helena wrote:

    hey i love nicole i think she rocks and his is just rude, if anything her comments from her blog are cute and show how sweet she actually is. in person she is the nicest most beauutiful person you will ever meet and altough i found whatever u like to be a bit disapointing ( and this is coming from a nicole megafan) she has amazing vocals just look into her song "i'll be your love" with yoshiki and "you are my miracle" with vittorio, the girls got pipes and give her a break it was her first single ok, think beyonce, diddy, hilary duff, they werent exactly golden when they first started out and now theyre huge, give her a chance youve gotta admit, the girls got a presense

  4. At 09:42 PM on 23 Sep 2007, ali wrote:

    nicole's album in nov, will truly show what shes about, and i wont be surprised if she hits no1 here, because whatever critics may say, she knows what shes doing - and like rihanna, will take the front seat

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