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Blog Party: "And On Lead Catwalk...It's Victoria!"

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Fraser McAlpine | 17:04 UK time, Monday, 3 December 2007

Just imagine what it would be like to be backstage at the very (featuring all five Spice Girls) in nearly TEN YEARS! I mean, five fractious ladies like that, there's surely going to be no end of wayward behaviour going on. There'll be tears (boo!), excitement (yay!), trauma and drama (booyay!). It's got to be worth sending a tiny little spy over to Vancouver with a miniature microphone and tape player to try and get the inside scoop on life in Spice Camp, right?

Well, naturally it WOULD be worth doing. God, if you could actually do it, you'd be able to put up one of those blazing banner headlines that reads "WORLD EXCLUSIVE!" and "THE STORY THEY TRIED TO BAN!". Y'know the kind of thing that makes you buy the newspaper/magazine in a fever, and then slowly regret having done so, once you find out it's just some recycled quotes from an interview you've already read.

Thankfully, we haven't had to go to the expense of hiring a miniature detective. Instead, we've managed to get hold of the transcript to a live interview the girls attempted to record backstage, for some kind of podcast or something*.

So, here it is...a world exclusive. The story they tried...y'know...banning and stuff. Whoo.

====================================

*tape begins*

Geri: is it on? Is it? Is it on? Cos there's no point in me talking if it isn't on! The fans want to hear me talking and there's no need for me to talk if it isn't on, so is it on?

Mel B: Oh my God shut up Geri! If you don't shut your mouth right now I'm gonna smash your teeth so far down your throat...

Emma: [Interrupting] Now, Melanie, remember we said we wouldn't shout. Victoria's got a headache after all that screaming.

Victoria: How dare you! I wasn't screaming! I was singing!

Emma: No, no, I meant the screams from all the fans.

Geri: I love all the fans - hi fans! - I do. I love them all. Our fans are like the optimism of a new generation. Or Geri-nation, really!! Did you hear what I said Melanie? Did you? I said Geri-nation instead of generation! That's because I am clever and good with words! My teacher said so, and he was right....

Mel C: [Quietly] My teacher said I was a good singer and a good runner and good at gymnastics. I am a good singer and a good runner and I am good at gymnastics. I can do a backflip.

Emma: That's right, Melanie. You can do a backflip. You can do lots and lots of backflips. Who wants to see Melanie do a backflip? Girls?

Victoria: Melanie! What have I told you about doing backflips in your new designer tracksuit? You'll get all scuff-marks on it and we won't be able to take it back. I'll be made a laughing stock! Is that what you want? Is it?

Mel C: No, Victoria, sorry Victoria.

Mel B: Oh leave her alone, Vicky. She's not doing anyone any harm, is she? It keeps her happy...

Victoria: [Hissing] I told you never to talk to me like that in front of the other girls! It's demeaning! I won't have it!

Emma: Can we talk about something else, please? We're supposed to be recording this for our fans to hear. What was everyone's favourite bit of the concert tonight?

Geri: [Immediately] 'IT'S RAINING MEN'! That was BRILLIANT! Lots of people in the audience said so too! I asked them!

Mel B: Yeah, but 'Wannabe' is the song they all wanted to hear, and I got to do the best bits of that. So THAT is MY personal favourite.

Emma: Personally, I was very pleased with my singing in '2 Become 1', I think I really captured the emotion of the moment there. I could see tears in some people's faces. Victoria? What did you like about tonight?

Victoria: Do you even need to ask? I had my very own fashion show! I had fake paparazzi, and I was scowling at them! It was a theatrical tour de force, not unlike my sterling work in the Tesco advirtisement. I showed my poise, I showed my grace and natural bone structure, and people were in awe. In AWE I TELL YOU. I was working that catwalk like a DIVA! Oh you can keep your SINGING! I was strutting, I was posturing, I was THE QUEEN OF FASHION...AGAIN!

Mel C: I did two backflips. I think I hurt my knee...

Victoria: If you got a scuff-mark on that tracksuit I will TAN YOUR HIDE, you just see if I don't!

*tape ends*

====================================

*You don't need me to tell you this is all made-up, right?

Comments

  1. At 03:27 PM on 04 Dec 2007, Emma wrote:

    Ha ha Thats made my day! So funny!

  2. At 11:06 PM on 04 Dec 2007, Kat wrote:

    Lolage.. I rather like this Mel C :P

  3. At 10:15 AM on 18 Dec 2007, elziie and delz wrote:

    i thought it was amzing i heard there concert on the radio they rocked!!!!

  4. At 02:59 PM on 08 Jan 2008, louise hunter wrote:

    heya everyone yous ovisly dnt no me like but i loves yous 2 bits!!!! i think yous r great!! and always have i havent got a ticket for your concert but i hope to c yous on t.v love yous louise x

    email me bk.......

  5. At 08:04 PM on 10 Jan 2008, Dodger wrote:

    hi

    again

    i havent been here in ages but this was so funny it made a rubbish day much better

    love yoooos xxx

    [Dodger! Welcome back! Love you too! - Fraser]

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