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Of course, the only way to really fix a situation like this one is to turn it into a lovely story. So here it is.

Forget Harry Potter, this is the tale of Lykke Li And The Blogger's Cockup.

Once upon a time, a nice lady called Lykke Li and a slightly befuddled blogger man were having a talk on the telephone. The blogger man was asking a series of impertinent questions and the nice lady was answering them as best she could, given the circumstances.

Here's the nice lady singing a song of hers called 'I'm Good, I'm Gone'.

As they chatted, a few things became clear to the bloggerman. He decided to write them all down in a list, so's not to forget them. Here is that list:

Thing 1: The pronounciation of her name is not something which it is easy to investigate on the web, as people make many different claims as to the correct way to say it. Lykke says you say it like "lickily". But it's not clear if that means her first name is "licky" or not.

Thing 2: Lykke likes to play with a minimum of fuss. This means that she can rock a crowd with just an acoustic guitarist and handclaps for company. She likes to do this because it proves that her songs are good. If you can't sell a song when it's stripped of production and arrangement, she reasons, then it can't be that good a song in the first place.

Thing 3: The bare minimum she would need for a good show would be a man in a thong and a tambourine. The tambourine is the key musical ingredient here, but she is quite clear on what she expects from the man too. He can't be too muscley, or emo-skinny, he can't wear makeup, and she's ambivalent about whether he should be oiled up or not. The thong is non-negotiable though.

Thing 4: She would quite like to create a massive theatrical extravaganza, but worries that it would mean a lot of rehearsal. Currently the Lykke Li live experience is not one which requires any rehearsal, as they're all spontaneous people, her and her band. That said, she would like to fly out over the audience, Bon Jovi-style, and quite liked the blogger's idea about dropping sweets as she goes.

Thing 5: Lykke also likes the idea of guerilla gigs, and once busked in Washington Park in Portland, getting as much as $100 for her efforts. However, she does not like any of the suggestions the blogger had for good places to try. As these include Buckingham Palace ("I don't like posh venues"), the gents toilet at Paddington station, a zoo and the moon, it's not hard to see her point. She did like the idea of performing a gig in the middle of someone else's gig, but would really rather other people did that to her, instead of the other way around.

Thing 6: The blogger asked how it works when other musicians claim to spontanenously turn up at gigs, ready to jam. Lykke revealed that this is a totally fake, staged situation, and that in showbiz, this type of thing happens more often that people are prepared to admit. She claims to be pretty fake herself, but after a fierce cross-examination, admitted that the bun in her hair is real. So we can all sleep easy in our beds now.

Then, with a friendly exchange of good wishes, the pair went their separate ways. Lykke went off to see her band, and the blogger banged his face on his desk, over and over again, because he had just discovered that he had entirely failed to record so much as a moment of their chat. What a great big silly the blogger man is!

THE END

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