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(. King Dappy is on his kissythrone.)

How else are we supposed to react to a song in which each member of the troupe explores their own version of being addicted to the opposite sex, by bragging at length about how much the opposite sex is addicted to them?

Dappy dangles the carrot of possibly falling in love, in order to commence falling into bed. But he does stress any potential candidates for his time should not get their hopes up. It's not that he CAN'T love you, it's more that he PROBABLY WON'T.

Tulisa, meanwhile, calmly explains that she's simply too hot and busy to be bothered by all of those randy guys, and doesn't need to be taken anywhere flash or expensive, bearing in mind she's a bloody great pop star, she's already in the VIP lounge, sipping on something ridiculous. You can try, but she's only going to ignore you, you miserable worm.

And Fazer? Well Fazer knows he's a bad dog. He knows that he can't be trusted, and that even though being left on his own breaks his little heart, it won't stop him chewing up the furniture while he waits - in vain - for his mistress to return. You knew the risks when you invited him into your home in the first place.

I'm not sure how any of this makes our heroes more loveable in the long run, but at least their jellified inner selves are safe from further heartbreak. That's for other people to have to deal with.

Download: Out now


´óÏó´«Ã½ Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

"N-Dubz have been quite successful in the UK, but their latest few singles have really been special or unique."

"A slick celebration of the female form, showcasing edgy beats and tough lyrics reminiscent of early N-Dubz hits."