MONDAY WAS FULL AS AN EGG AND SO WAS I AND DHERE鈥橲 WHY !
Please don鈥檛 feel like I鈥檝e lost the plot or anything, although I obviously have in many ways, but this week I have a chef who鈥檚 moved in for the week to show me how to cook what through each day and at the right time, in order to lead a good and healthy, happy and scrummy life. Yesterday our menu for Monday started off surprisingly with鈥
鈥acon butties ! The bacon was grilled and then dried off on some kitchen roll to get rid of any excess grease and then placed on some wheat germ bread lightly scraped on just one side with a low fat marg and the merest suggestion of ketchup.
She says it鈥檚 important to have what you like, otherwise any new radical regime will be abandoned within a matter of days. Seemed sensible.
鈥淵ippee, this is going to be fantastic,鈥 I thought and I wasn鈥檛 far wrong, next up was Italian minestrone Verdi soup for lunch, one of the freshest, healthiest, wholesome things one could wish to see on one鈥檚 hob. I scooped it up with glee and there鈥檚 plenty left for the rest of the week. We then finished off the day with lamb cutlets, the fat cut off from around the edges and then drizzled with a red wine jus and a heap full of steamed greens on a light bed of garlic infused mashed pots.
She鈥檚 already clunking away in the kitchen now, kicking off today鈥檚 treats, oh the only proviso was that she got the bed, this chef is not a fan of sofas.
She鈥檚 not a real real chef, she鈥檚 just a very good cook who鈥檚 in town for a week and when she saw how I went about my day she insisted on getting involved for the greater good. She鈥檚 also been plying me with wild honey, green tea and some hocum pocum concoctions.
I just had a dream about my own restaurant, the first one I鈥檝e had.
I dreamt the kitchen had multiplied inside and was now the size of a small aircraft hangar, all the kitchen staff were so far apart they could barely hear each other, I went to check the fridge to find a duck leg the size of a human thigh sitting on the top shelf, there was a banging on a window, I looked round it was the giant duck he wanted his leg back. All I could think to do was re-wallpaper the ceiling, I clicked my fingers and it was done鈥
鈥淗ey everyone what do you think of the new wallpaper, look up above you !鈥
鈥淕ood chef good !鈥 they all replied in a Platoon like fashion.
鈥淓r, chef Mark says he reckons he can do a deal with the duck on his other leg if you think we need it,鈥 said Stefan our kitchen assistant.
鈥淣o, no tell him to give the duckie back the leg we already have and tell him to tell the duck he can bring his family here any time he likes for a meal on me.鈥
Stefan looked at me as if I鈥檇 gone crazy.
鈥淏ut chef the duck doesn鈥檛 want his leg back and he doesn鈥檛 want to go back home. He has no mother and father or indeed any family. He was artificially raised to be part of Heston Blumenthal鈥檚 giant winter hamper collection and escaped last week, he鈥檚 been on the hop ever since. He says he listens to you everyday on the radio and would be honoured if you鈥檇 prepare him and serve him up in your restaurant in aid of children in need. Although he does have one condition.鈥
鈥淲hat on earth could that be ?鈥 I enquired.
鈥淗e says can you get Rebecca to blow him a big kiss and then play the live version of Lynard Skinnard鈥檚 Freebird, before you get to work on him.鈥
Well what can I say, maybe this has to be done, maybe the giant duck was speaking on behalf of all his feathery friends that have been lost to hungry diners in years gone by. I have no choice, tonight it will be done鈥o long my friend, so long.
x.
Comments
Good Greif Penfold!
You surely had something more than garlic in your mash last night! Either that or it was served with a few too many glasses of wine. Whatever the case the dreams are getting more surreal with every passing day. Not that I mind, after all they're very entertaining for a morning read.
Giving up your bed for the week to a woman that's going to help to show you what to cook... could be an interesting time if there's any sort of spark between you, you know what they say "the way to a man's heart" and all that.
I may start writing my dreams down when I first wake up, otherwise they're gone in a puff of smoke the minute I venture down the stairs and let the bears out.
Well all have a great day, I'll be listening later.
Mange Tout
Lynda
-x-x-x-
A very good morning bloggers and schloggers,
Another day another dollar! Why is it only Tuesday and I feel exhausted already :-(
Well Chris another flat guest for a whole week, now you have said she is in the bed but not that you were on the couch, so we will just make it up, no, no leave it to our imagination ;-)
The bacon sandwiches sound great only I would ditch the ketchup and replace with thinly sliced vine tomatoes! I could just go a couple of those right now.
You are spoilt with having a chef鈥.I have a wife but my workload is so great that she will not get up to cook me breakfast as I leave home by 6am and do not return until around 8pm. By 8pm I am lucky if the kids have left anything on or in the oven that is fit for eating.
Your dreams are weird you know :-) well they are to me as I rarely dream at all as I spend half the night awake and the other half thinking about what I have to do the next day!
I think the duck represents many of you current listeners (female) who would give their right leg/arm for some attention from you let alone get any where near to your kitchen ;-)
Happy Tuesday one and all :-)
Keith
X
P.S. Are you worried about what people think?
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race, and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for 拢10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR 拢10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is....being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life... Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Morning Chris
Moving a lady chef in for the week...mmm. Is this an elaborate seduction technique? The fact that this lady appears to be in control suggests the seduction is working in the opposite direction to which we might expect. Who, in this case, has whose feet under whose table...?
Just watch your waistline, Chris! History is littered with many examples of an innocent meal for two leading to unshiftable portlines years down the line. I suggest you invite lady chef to accompany you each morning on a 5 mile run. That'll help you find which side of the bread she likes to spread her butter.
Hope this helps
Joseph
Christoph
You are, quite clearly, as mad as a parsnip. But I guess that鈥檚 why we love you like we do.
I鈥檓 arriving at the great crossorads of life at the tender age of 36. In a nutshell, I鈥檓 bored. I love my wife dearly, and we will continue this wonderful journey of life together, hand in hand, but I need something more.
Get up. Go to work. Go to the gym. Home. Quick meal. Bed. A couple of hours sleep if lucky. Repeat four times. Supermarket. Gym. Wine. Gym. Papers. A couple of hours sleep if lucky. Put the needle back to the beginning of the record.
I think it鈥檚 time to grow a beard and become a goat herd in Tibet. Or something. Don鈥檛 get me wrong, I am a very lucky person. I have a wonderful wife who also happens to be my best friend, we live in a fabulous part of the world and we are both healthy, I have just come to the conclusion that there must be more to life than accountancy.
Tuesday crisis over. Must go and save the planet from those pesky accruals.......
Peace all.
Blimey Chris. A cook in your home, now that is something I would love. It is one of my wishes on my wish list if i won the lottery, that and a personal trainer!
must dash, had a meeting cancelled this morning so have time to enjoy another cup of tea and a scout about the t'interweb.
have a good day all.
xx
Chris,
A lady chef moving in for the week ??!! - THAT ol' chestnut : )
Gaby
xx
ps that's about all I can manage to write at the moment - had very, very little sleep last night - due to insomnia....no, I didn't have any luck in my search for a branch polilsher. Feel even more spaced out than usual - am now fully qualified to join the insomniacs corner : )
laters - hopefully
Hi Chris (and everyone)
How I would love to have a chef live with me for a week! Preferably Gordon Ramsay who is adorable (all that shouting and swearing, it's just an act - the man is a pussycat!). I am so lazy when it comes to cooking and if there is ANY mess, I can't handle it. I am seriously thinking of taking cooking lessons which, after 30 years of marriage, seems to be pointless but at least I may learn to make some economic dishes for our retirement - in about 15 years, so there's still time to learn!
Love to hear about your dreams which are crazy. My dreams are constantly full of fear and worry - life at the moment is just a tad stressful, so count yourself lucky that your brain can indulge in what appears to be nonsense (but of course there will be a hidden message in there somewhere).
BigUn, have you thought of getting a relaxation cd? It might help a little to get you off to sleep, but believe me, I know what it feels like to be awake during the night - it's been about three years since I had a full night's sleep! Horrendous, eh?!
Hope everyone has a good day (it's extremely cold and wet in the west of Scotland, but then apparently it's not long until Christmas)!
C xx
P.S. Chris, can I just say that last Friday's show, part of CIN, was just brilliant. I felt really involved just listening to it. Radio at its very best.
Morning all :o)
You seem to have answered your own kitchen dilemma - definitely knock through, you're dreaming about big kitchens, it must be fate!
Did anyone watch Local Food Heroes on the food channel last night, it has strangthened my resolve to buy local stuff, locally. Food that hasn't travelled 400 miles to get from a field about 10 miles away to a supermarket 3 miles away!
For anyone interested I got a new cooking type book the other week called the New English Kitchen (i think) which explains how to buy qulaity food on a budget, but make the most of what you can buy. It tells you how to use every last bit of expensive food to make it fit into your budget, cut down on wasteage and taste great!
There's a link to it but I got it through the Book People for a lot cheaper!!!
For me it's sausage sandwiches that I crave, I'm not too keen on Bacon, although the farm shop I shop at does very good stuff. His sausages are better though!
It seems that not even you use the spare room Chris so it must be knocked through into the kitchen - go on, do it. You'll be pleased you did when you have.
:o) Jo
morning chris and all!
Well today is my birthday! 26! It feels good to no longer be considered too young to possibly know my own mind! I was thinking this morning over a cup of tea who I was at 26!
Well I am a good friend I know that, easily done as I do have very good friends in my life that bring out the best in me! I strive to be a great mother and really get it right, surely the desire is half the battle?
This year I have decided to be better at this life thing. I want to only be filled with positivity for myself and about others. I want to do whats right not what is easy. I am gonna study harder and finally actually think about the effects my actions have on others and the environment!
Oh but one disappointment of the day, one of my friends decided it was a good idea to get me Chantelles biography as a joke??? What a waste of a book! So if anyone fancies it do let me know!
em26!x
Hi all
A couple of things were going through my head when i couldn't sleep last night, which i thought you guys could help me with.
1. Why is a sledgehammer so called? Is it used for hammering sledges?
2. Why, when we have twenty seven, dont we have tenty seven for seventeen, or if we must have "teens" why dont we say teentyseven?
3. For many years i have been walking my dog in the nearby woods, and i have never (apart from road kill) seen a dead squirral. What happens to them when they die?
and 4 (the most important) Why dont we give Father Christmas a present.
I will be shortly taking my little un to see the great man, and she will get a photo and a present, but why don't we give him anything? Surly thats not in the spirit of Christmas.
I think you Chris should start a campagin about this and encourage every one to give Father Christmas a present (which he could save and give to less fortunate souls if he wanted)
What do you think?
Chris - How the other half lives eh! Chef indeed!
By the way you said on your programme last night you had a snog. Was this with the Chef perchance??
BigUn here's a joke for you...
A farmer, envious of the local Vicar鈥檚 talent for catching rabbits, one day asks the Vicar for his secret. The Vicar, happy to pass on his knowledge, explained that he always went rabbiting after a quick firtle with a lady.
Next morning the farmer decided he would put into practice what the Vicar had told him. Spying his lovely wife in kitchen washing up the breakfast dishes, he snook up behind her and slipped his hand up her skirt. To the farmer鈥檚 surprise his wife, without a sideways glance said 鈥楳orning Vicar. You out rabbiting again?鈥
...See y'all soon.
which scottish place won the "live from your town". i missed the show after 5.30 and only the Fife place was in the running at that point?
Morning lovelies.
Matt #4 - so know where you're coming from, I hate this unsettled feeling. Wonder if we're suffering from SAD?
ChrissieS #7 - Hands off, Gordon is MINE!!!
Em25 - Happy Birthday!! Are you going to change your blog name?? Hope you have a lovely day. I can't remember 26!!
Parker - I think it's a lovely idea giving Fr Xmas a pressie. Which made me think of that cutie on the show last week who'd made up a shoebox full of treats for someone who wouldn't get any presents = what a star.
Have great days all.
xxxxxxxxxxx
This IS going to sound REALLY sucky upppy, but last night, Chris, I dreamed that I was working in a restaurant and you were the chef鈥! Spooky!
There were no duck legs , the kitchen was smaller than your dream, but you were definitely there and I was definitely working for you. Hey, you鈥檙e not going to go all Jamie on us are you?
Can I be really rude and ask鈥 the lady chef at your residence鈥+ 鈥he snog you confessed too yesterday when asked by the confidence lady鈥 Is there a connection?
Chris, you鈥檙e as mad and a box of frogs, but it鈥檚 very entertaining鈥hich is why the listeners are growing and getting as mad as you. Keep on doing what you鈥檙e doing.
Pommes de terre et des epinards
Lots of Love
Caroline
Good morning all,
Keep up the good dreams chris - it certainly keeps us entertained; and yes I have my suspicions about the live in chef - bring on the oysters and ginger.... and enjoy.
Was a little concerned about the bloggers that aren't getting much sleep at the moment - from the posts this morning (having said that i'm completely crackered ((as in cream)) but thats because the bad weather up here in scotland meant my drive home yesterday evening was 20 miles longer to avoid all the big puddles but that did mean that I got to hear MORE of the show last night HURRAH!) - In any case back to the insomniacs. You've probably heard it before but if you haven't there is only ONE answer - Lavender oil- it's magic.
Put some lavender oil on a tissue in your pillow case (the pure stuff) and you will sleep like an ANGEL. You could also add it to your bath last thing at night- and if you want to do that and you don't have any carrier oil, just add it to a little milk and chuck it in it works just as well.
Anyway I'd better stop being mummy and telling you all what to do and get back to WORK which is after all what I'm being paid for...
have a good day all.
Em
xx
Em25 (26) - Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you ooo, Happy Birthday to you!!!!
Have a lovely birthday.
I don't know why, and I'm not going to try to work it out, but I woke up in just the best mood ever!
No reason, work's the same, home's the same, family's the same (none of which are shabby anyway!!).
I'm just happy!
Hope you all are too. If you or a loved one is poorly or sad, I'm sending you my happy energy today!!!.
Hugs and smiles
Swx
Cooking - now I am somewhat of a legend ( or should that be a leg end! lol) with cooked breakfasts!
I have a fairly large house in Somerset and we often have a number of people stay over for boozy weekends etc, and they all look forward to my cooked breakfasts which contain all the things that Jamie Oliver tells us are bad for us lol! Sausages, bacon, fried bread, egss, beans, mushrooms, black pudding, fried tomatoes etc. Nobody ever leaves my house on a Sunday without feeling totally bloated!!!
Apparently I am told I do a pretty decent Chinese stir fry too!
Ross Hemsworth
Net Talk Radio
O M G Christof
The Minestone Verdi Soup must have had magic mushrooms in it.
I'm going to start keeping a log beside my bed of my dreams. I never remember them in such detail. Apart from the one where I found my husband with another woman, and I woke up, slapped him on the chops and didn't speak to him for 2 days.
He still hasn't let me forget that!
Nel
Toodlepips Lambiepies.
Em25 (or Em26 !) Happy Birthday !!! I hope you have a wonderful wonderful day. Enjoy yourself x x x
Emma SK - thanks for tip, will buy some lavender oil on next trip out.
Re insomnia - I know there are some regulars on here with sleep problems. I am, indeed, part of that group...however, I wonder if there is some planetary activity this week - or rather lunar activity - which may be catalysing some nocturnal activity of the non-exciting variety?
mange tout et dormez bien
Gabs
x
Hazel Love......Ca va bien? : )
Morning All,
Chris, I can't spot cheese on your menu yesterday, so it must just be your weird brain that makes you dream this stuff.
All I seem to dream about is my ex, or the blokes I work for. I'm usually trying to achieve even more impossible things than they expect from me IRL.
Matt at No. 4 - Accountancy would drive anyone half-mad. Time for a re-think. Can you study part-time and work towards another way of making a living? Downsize so you don't have to earn as much?
I'm at the mercy of a buffet lunch today at a work thing. Can I avoid pastry? This is the big question.
Good luck with the cooking Chris - you'll feel much better knowing and controlling what's gone into your food. It'll also go far with your seduction of any laydeez you may want to impress in the future.
Jan x
Interesting to read of everyone鈥檚 experiences of sleep, and the lack of.
I have suffered from sleep deprivation for some months now and it is so easy to get caught up in your own world and feel that you are the only one who has that problem.
I started a new job in April 鈥 same day as Chris 鈥 and very soon the journey began to take its toll 鈥 50 miles each way, the only thing keeping me sane being the fact that I finished at 5.00, ready for 鈥榞ood evening friends, and thanks for tuning in鈥 鈥 and the fact that I worked in a windowless, airless, soulless cubby hole. I also felt that I wasn鈥檛 as in control of what I did in the way that I was used to 鈥 crucial to the whole stress/sleep thing.
I am now in a different location 鈥 same company 鈥 and have a 40 mile each way journey and an office bathed in light with a window that I insist on keeping open all day 鈥 because I can.
Sleep is still a problem though, and this comes back to the control thing and the yearning to break free and go the 鈥榖eardy goat herd route鈥 鈥 see #4.
Songs for the inhabitants of the twilight zone? No sleep till Brooklyn, Daysleeper, I鈥檒l sleep when I鈥檓 dead..............
Hello,
Em25 (26) Happy Birthday to you and enjoy your day! Good luck with passing on the book! Cheeky friend.
Matt from Rudgwick I know what you mean with regards to more to life than accruals and month end! Unfortunately circumstances dictate that I can鈥檛 change anything at the moment! However I find planning the next holiday always a good thing!
I am fortunate enough that my other half loves cooking and cooks all the time鈥 am ashamed to say I had to phone him the other day to ask him how the top oven worked! Mortified to say the least!
Last day of the week for me tomorrow!
Yippee..
SaraB
Hello I'm back,
Matt #22
Really identified with what you said about journeys and sleep. I moved from South West London to Scotland in 2004 and initially did 60 miles to work (120 round trip a day) - moved again (still in Scotland!!) and currently do 50 miles to work (100 round trip. The journey absolutely wears me out on the dark evenings, and when the weathers plop it's even worse because I live in Lockerbie and work in the Scottish Borders, there's no motorway and no trains and hardly a bus- so it can take a lot of concentration just driving.
Having said that INSTEAD of sitting in traffic for an hour on my way 8 miles down the road to work, I am driving through some of the most beautiful scenery waving at the sheeps and cows and horses as I go - (when its light enough to see them lol) and YES i get much tireder when I don't get out of my windowless office and spend time travelling around to meetings, and when its grey and dark. And yes I do get some bad nights when my head is exhausted but the rest of me just doesn't want to go to sleep (that's when I resort to the lavender oil). Funnily enough I don't yearn for being a goatherd - just for longer weekends and shorter weeks...
Still all I can say is am ever glad that Mr Evans is on the radio - am deadly serious when I say that in the middle of a single lane dark lonely road with no houses for a 20 mile stretch its very comforting to hear your voice Chris- often wonder what all the other bloggers are doing as their listening.... visions of warm kitchens and cooking along to the radio... ??
Em S-K
re #24
sorry it wasn't MEANT to be anonymous it was me.
did say a day or so ago that am new to all this.
sorry.
em
x
Yup, I loathe my mortgage paying occupation, but love the wintry evenings now when I can get in the snug car and laugh/sing all the way home, sometimes having to stop on the drive to make sure i don't miss anything due to fumbling with keys and cats, falling through the front door and sending all paperwork everywhere (not that this happens often you understand...)
-x-
Your dream about the duck reminds me of a joke:
A duck walks into a bar and asks the barman;
"Have you got any bread?"
The barman says "No, this is a pub, we don't have any bread"
The duck ignores him and asks again;
"Have you got any bread?"
"No", says the barman.
"Have you got any bread?" asks the duck again.
"No!" shouts the barman, getting more and more annoyed.
"Have you got any bread?" asks the duck again.
"No!!!" shouts the barman.
"Have you got any bread?" asks the duck, unpeturbed by the barman's anger.
"No, no, no, no, no!!! And if you ask me that again, I'm gonna nail your bill to the bar!!!"
"Oh," says the duck, "Have you got any nails?"
"Well, er... no", admits the barman.
"Have you got any bread?"....
I'm here all week...
hi just a quick email or is it blog to say cheers to all those who showed support to linda in Perth .And a big thanks to Chris for cheering us up.Chris do you still go to the Harp opposite charing cross nick?Gavin
Hey Chris and Bloggers
I love the idea of having a cook to teach you how to eat good! Reminds me of what one of my wise friends often says "Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon."
I love that!
Happy Tuesday everyone!
P.S Wise friend also says "Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly" and "Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality."
Gosh I am lucky to have them as a friend!
XX
Happy Birthday Em 26!!!
Learn from Christoph last night. and the Optimism Woman... she said every night, think of three things which made you happy during the day and you will train your mind to be more optimistic and happy.
I did it... and I made my husband did it, and the two of us went off to sleep laughing our socks off.
Looking around now for all the things that make me happy today. I think there's gonna be more than 3!
Hel.
DWNB
Hi Chris, all blogs and blogettes and fellow insomniacs!!
Chris...a chef??? you lucky boy!!
What a beautiful day again..i love this time of year when its sunny and cold, think I should go and live in an Igloo by the north pole.
On a total go slow today... doing this whilst eating a scrummy Bacon and egg butty and supping a cuppa.....the joys of working from home! Oh, and Margarine on your bacon butty Chris????......hell with that, it has to be butter....
MMMMmmmmmmmm!!!!
Chris....You're barking!!!! I used to have mad dreams but never get enough sleep any more......just work too many hours at the moment...apart from this morning!!
Cathmel...have to agree with your comment last week about a bloggers get together......BLOGFEST!!!! what a laugh that would be!!
On yesterdays subject of male birds polishing their twigs......just met the most lovely male bird who has the most wonderful and yes "chirpy" sense of humour, is incredibly talented and tall, dark, handsome, modest and yes you guessed it....already has female bird sitting on his shiny twig!!! (as the vicar said.....) Never mind...chin up!!!
Anyway...better go do some work so I can pay my rent for this shiny branch that I live on!!!
Have a great day everybody and Happy birthday Em.
Cate XXXXX
Ps...What sort of bird would Chris be???...A cheeky little fellow with a beautiful Scarlet crest enthusiastically hopping up and down on his shiny branch trilling at the top of his voice...what an image!!
Chris
Re: Parker #10
My kids ALWAYS leave Santa a gift of mince pies and a (large) whiskey every Christmas Eve, plus a couple of carrots for the reindeer! And I have it on good authority that he really enjoys it, when the kids get up in the morning there are a few crumbs, an empty glass & two carrot tops.
How long will this last? I know that my two kids are sure that he's not real (as in a physical being that comes down the chimney - I know he's real in a metaphysical way) but they aren't sure if they'll still get a stocking full of pressies if they openly say that he doesn't exist!
Wow Chris, a full time chef to prepare and cook healthy meals, that sounds like the ultimate convenience to me. Most of the convenience foods I buy come in plastic, did she?
I dreamt about a lady friend of mine the other night. The next day I told her I had dreamt about her and she hasn't spoken to me since.
Chris
Ultimate bacon sandwich...
Bread and bacon done exactly the way you describe Chris, although you could also lightly toast the bread in the oven.
Vine tomatoes a great choice by Keith, but then you also need to add rocket and a drizzle of olive oil instead of the margarine. Then a small sprinkling of sea salt crystals on the top.
Salty bacon + salt complement the sweet tomatoes perfectly, while the bread and oil partner the peppery rocket to perfection...
Yum.
Happy healthy eating,
Moose
Well hallooooooooo to you Mr Wellfed, and a BIG BONJOUR any unstaffed peasants...
A Chef huh? Lucky boy. I have a theory that the reason (most) rich people are thin is because they eat when food has been prepared for them, and don't go running to the fridge/cupboard/cat bowl etc when they are a bit peckish. You will be skinnier than a reed by Saturday, but full of yummy food!
Myself and the boy have a kitchen that is marginally bigger than a ha'penny. We are thinking of getting one of those signs, like they have in lifts, that say 'Maximum capacity - 2adults or 1adult+3cats' (When fridge door open 1+1cat only)'. Having said that, when the boy is creating, it is best to keep out altogether at risk of having size nine footprints all over you...
Regarding the dream...Chris, you are letting too much play upon your mind. There is just one thing that you need to actually make a decision on right now...the rest can all wait their turn for the top of the pile. You are trying not to think of this one thing by diverting your mind in other ways, but you need to concentrate and decide. Prevaricating will only make your life more complicated.
Sorry have not been here...missed you all...was wundrin woss goin on as all posts from Friday were no longer there - blog peelers? - but silly moi, I'd posted them on THURSDAY. Friend did too...that'll teach 'em eh? I trust you are all as well as can be expected?
GABY #20 - Ca va bien merci beaucoup mwah! Et tu?
Em26 #9 - Bonnes anniversaires!
BIGUN.....
...so this bear walks into an employment agency and asks for a job.
Bloke behind counter looks up.
"Hmmmm...talking bear....Try the circus mate"
Bear says
"...and what would the circus want with a bricklayer?
Let them eat cake
love
hazel
x
Hi All,
I have been having a terrible time, my car packed in last Tuesday and the very nice man couldn't fix it, he really tried hard though. The very nice men at the first garage it was towed to couldn't fix it........ the next garage it was towed to fixed it, Yipeee after almost a week of public transport which was a complete nightmare, a nice little bill of over 拢1k! fantastic just what i needed before christmas. the only problem now is my radio doesn't work anymore! i can't find the code and am having to sit in the rush hour traffic in silence......... Arrrrrrrr!
At least i can pop in and out of the blog for my daily dose of cheer! Must say Chris I love cooking but would love to have someone cook for me helping me to stick to the straight and narrow! My will power has been shocking over the last two weeks!
Anyhow onwards and upwards,
take care Karen
Good afternoon all
re: Parker: leaving presents for Santa
My twin boys (X and Y) used to leave presents for Santa Claus. Not, as you might think, because they wanted to display their thanks for all the presents Santa brought them each year. Oh no. They wanted to bag a picture of Santa drunk and unconscious that they could sell to the newspapers.
I know this because I WAS THAT SANTA.
It happened when the twins were about to enjoy their sixth christmas. All year they had been pestering me for a playstation each, and I had constantly told them that the playstation does come with 2 controllers and that if they didn't stop pestering me, neither of them would see a playstation for at least another year. They persisted, and so I carried out my threat. Instead of a playstation, I bought them half a dozen wooden puzzles off someone on Ebay.
My heart softened, as it always does towards the big day, and I went out and bought a playstation. But I also wanted to teach them a lesson about pester power. So, on Christmas Eve, I went, as usual into the kids room to deposit their presents in their sack. Instead of the playstation, I took the wooden toys. My plan was to surprise them with the playsation the following day. As usual, they had, at my instruction, placed 3 mince pies and a large glass of sherry out for Santa. I readily gulped down the sherry and ate the pies. What I didn't know was that the children had injected the pies with pure ethanol they had somehow acquired from a secure laboratory in the Institute. They had also topped up the sherry with the same stuff and then dissolved several sleeping tablets into the mix.
I was already tipsy having shared a bottle of wine with Dolores. The effect of the extra alcohol and sedatives was almost immediate. I felt drunk, then woozy, then sick, then woozy again. I sat down on the floor of the childrens bedroom and started singing nursery rhymes before my brain finally shut down.
When I awoke, I was wearing a santa hat, a red dressing gown, and my chin was covered in shaving foam. I felt so sick that Christmas day was cancelled, and I forgot all about the playstation. The kids swore to me that they slept the whole night through. I only found out what they had done when the picture appeared in the local newspaper on Boxing Day. As if that wasn't embarassing enough, the copy attached to the photo stated that 'Dr Joseph McCrumble, our local so-called celebrity, took the Christmas spirit a step too far last night. Afer draining 3 bottles of sherry, he tried to offload a pile of wooden toys onto his kids for Christmas instead of the Playstation he promised. He was so stingy, he couldn't even dress up properly. Humbug to you McCrumble! We're sending your kids a playstation EACH to show them we care!'
Suffice to say, I confiscated all THREE playstations, and the kids were forced to spend the whole of January with all their toys, except the wooden puzzles, locked away.
Let this be cautionary tale to you all. Never, ever, underestimate the power of playstation.
regards
J McC
Matt #4 and 22
I agree there must be so much more to life than the mundane every day routine we all invariably find ourselves in.
i am having to reach out into the great unknown, husband type person decided that the only way to find more to his life was to go it alone 6 weeks ago, each day without him is a journey....
Chris and all the regulars here have become my link with whatever sanity I have left, thank you all
Happy Tuesday, looking forward xoxo
Matt,
Been through all that soul searching myself, even though my life was privileged and interesting (lot's of money, great husband and family,wonderful career , health etc ) I still felt empty inside .I found the 'cure' was to do things for other people.
Afternoon Chris
Just read your blog and it reminded me that I dreamt about you Sunday night:
You showed me a poem that your brother had wrote and I remember thinking how good it was -
it was very profound. Then we were trying out lots of different slides which was great fun - but sadly I don't remember anything else...thanks for the memories!
Wishing you a splendid day.
Lindsey xx
its fantastic being able to cook,i think that when you look in a larder or cupboard, and then choose the meal, you have the heart for cooking . going round a market and doing the same is also paying homage to the great old art of preparing a meal . think about the ingrdients and what they do to together and what it will become when lovingly put together and you will be able top cook anything at all . Thanks grandma for everything. her larder was Mary Poppins bag the things that came out of it were truly awesome ...I can still smell the sweet ness of my grans larder . cheers Chris for reminding me why i cook .
Dr J McC....UNCANNY!
I was once in bella Italia for the festive season...lo and behold, the might of the journolistas...Boxing Day morn...Shock, horror and plain old goodness gracious me! It doesn't translate too well but...
Little Wooden Boy in Jig-saw Scam
Il Dotore Guiseppe Briciola, who was found snoring in a remote lodge in Calendonia, clad only in a 'cheeky' pixie cap, knee-length black patent leather boots and a bemused grin, said "Well it's for the kids really isn't it. Christmas?"
A hooded figure nearby who appeared to be called 'Mr Reval' deigned to comment.
Hark the herald angles singe
love
hazel
x
Hi again :-)
Matt # 4. Take away the gym (well so often) and you have just told my life story and would you believe I am an accountant as well :-(
Chrissie #7+11 I have not tried any relaxation CD鈥檚 at all. I told Mrs B what I needed was a young masseuse to give me a good rub down :-) (Only medicinal you understand!) Lack of sleep is no fun though; even when I am knackered and fall asleep I am wide awake again in an hour or so :-( I loved the joke :-) LOL
Em 25/26 Happy Birthday to you!! :-)))
Gaby # 20. I do not pretend to understand the planets so if it is them that is doing this to me them bah humbug to them ;-)
Only 25 minuets until the show :-)
Be good and stay happy :-)
Keith
x
Is the dream the origin of the old joke; why is a duck?
Cos one of its legs is both the same.
No, it's not right written down, it works better at the pub after a few scoops.
Hazel Love - was wondering where you had got to ! Hope you`re ok x x x
Hi Chris and bloggees,
More dream interpretation......????
Actually I think this dream is just reinforcing that the whole cooking thing etc. is the right path and this was an affirmation. Hence everything being so big, (Fat Duck perhaps to encourage you to spend more time with Heston? Explore ideas with him??? There may be something more you should do together????Guess we should all watch this space.
I am also not sleeping so maybe I should investigate if there is something going on out there, will keep you all informed,
Take care all
Cx
Some possibilities re. lack of sleep, made me laugh:
Aries considers sleep too easy and makes a dare with themselves to stay up all night.
Taurus forgot to pick up their silk sheets at the dry cleaner.
Gemini's twin just isn't tired.
Cancer worries how everyone else is sleeping.
Leo is afraid to move around at all, fearful of what bedhead can do to their lovely mane.
Virgo keeps getting up to re-tuck the sheets and fluff the pillows.
Libra can't quite decide what to wear tomorrow.
Scorpio is doing something else entirely.
Sagittarius can't stop thinking of all the better things they could be doing other than sleeping.
Capricorn already took a strategically planned power nap.
Aquarius suffers from a chat room addiction that keeps them up until all hours.
Pisces has fitful dreams of past lives.
Your chef friend needs to be using extra virgin olive oil in her cooking to be truly healthy. Come and try ours, Chris....ex Cheshire girl (Knutsford) now producing our own oil in the South of France!!
Hi all,
Just a quickie I may do some more later!
#9 Em 25 Happy Birthday xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
#31 just u & me cat in the hat - it must be in the name!! Any other takers for a bloggers weekend away????????????
C
Of course, the one big advantage of being in the 'creatures of the night' club is that we'll all get to see the Ashes live!
Seriously though, good health to all bad sleepers.
I'm going to cheat and have a glass or two of wine tonight.
Hope it works, I don't need a hangover on top of the usual morning head.......
Peace all.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm bacon butties.
Happy Birthday Em 25 x
saz
Afternoon all....
Missed your show today Chris, had a meeting! I will have to listen to it later. Chef indeed....good stuff! Being a veggie myself, I understand the importance of getting all your nutrients and good stuff - along with the odd cadburys choccie bar and the odd glass of wine!!! :-)
Bongo....keep your chin up :-) We are all here for you xx
Emnow26 - Happy Birthday, I hope you had a great day.
Big Un and other sleepless in Seattle (or wherever you are) - yes try the Lavender - it is the most versatile herb - great stuff - verrrrry relaxing - I lurve Lavender anything!!!
Off to meet some gal friends for a glass of wine (yep that odd one I was talking about!!)
Take care all
Joannie xxx
Hi
So what's the difference between a real real chef and a very good cook? I expect it's all down to perceived status and how they might view themselves!
On the bacon roll (or buttie) front, I have to go with good ole HP rather than ketchup - all down to individual taste I guess. Someone once told me that meat eaters who became vegetarians were often tempted back to the dark side by the smell or thought of a bacon roll. Fancy that!
On dreams - I've had the strangest - some exhilerating - you know those in which you fly - others apocolyptic. In some of this latter catagory I have felt the most fear yet at the same time the deepest, deepest love for my nearest and dearest.
This is my third blog now. Still feel like a bit of an intruder - but love reading your blog Chris and those of fellow bloggers.
Anyway to all those who can't sleep - sweet dreams. And good wishes to all.
EG
Evenin' Chris and Bloggers!
First time blogging but have been reading all Chris' entries and your responses for months as I sit here in my call centre waiting for someone to call. You all seem like proper lovely people!
Have been driven to write at last, not in response to Chris' meanderings but in response to Bongo#38. In just those few short paragraphs I could really feel your confusion and pain. Am sure that no cliches will help at all but just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and it will all make sense in time.
Vic8
hi c and all the b's
blogs broke again
happy birthday em25 u no you never get older on here great !!
chris u coming to gods own lovely land in a fortnight. good luck with that.
giving up your bed so often should really answer a previous question you asked, to knock threw or not. get a decent bed for the spare room is my advice. also think that you should give up your bed for guests. i think it sends out a signal more than words could ever say about how you feel about the person staying.
i see you got a day free on your week away chris. might i suggest you spend the friday in southern ireland. a place called ballydung couple of skankers called podge an rodge do a telly show from their living room three nights a week. they a bit like your old mates zig and zag only little old men. funniest thing on rte telly at the monent. show might have to go out after the water shed cos you would't know what they say next.
i was convinced you and gaby of the blog had something going on .
any way got fix this thingy now
barney the waffler
Hi Chris et al,
I have been so busy I have not had time to read the blog for ages. Working all hours on a major project. There is an end in sight - hooray.
When things are on my mind, I always dream about the house I grew up in (age 4 to 16). What is that about? I dreamt about me as I am now in my old parents house just last night! I loved living there - hated it when my parents moved. I dreamt that I'd made myself at home and that I must dispose of the wine bottle before they get home! I also ran up and down the Close outside amongst the kids playing (I used to play outside as a kid).
Must be stress related?
All is very ok at work, I've had lots of praise. I have to do a good job at whatever I do - and I put in the effort.
Anyway, I'm talking to a computer - no-one and yet someone - I think.
I love home made food, and home made gravy. Chris did you put the gravy recipes on the web - please let me know - I couldn't find them.
Thanks.
Hi Chris and Blog Buddies
Good dream or great imagination... Your cook friend sounds the ideal visitor but I'm sad you had to bin your Casino Royale tickets. It's those wizards at work again, leading you elsewhere - and at least you were following, with a smile on your face!
Bad timing, we're off to France for 3 days tomorrow morning so I'll miss any titchy little chance we might have had to be real-live shloggers with the show in our living room! IF our little village is picked, let's hope someone else nearby will put up a convincing case for the show to be here. Shortly after moving to this house (we lived in a nother one up the road for 10 years before that) we had a TV programme broadcast from here, so we've had our fun really.
Au revoir et a bientot. Bonne chance et we'll be mangeing tout.
Jill xx
any chance of nigella lawson moving in with me for a week.
it is very early wednesday morning, and i have only just read Tuesdays blogg...oh how lovely to have a chef with you for a week...i am trying to eat healthily, which I am enjoying, but oh the washing up!
you really are mad as a hatter chris evans but i love you xx
Em25 - happy birthday! Hope you had a great one, i reckon you are right you know. Half the battle to being a good mum is knowing how hard you have to work at it - however naturally it may come. I really hope my man cub is proud of me when he grows up and that is incentive enough to try my best.
Tracy-Ann - woke up this morning and pondered on the day ahead and you happened to come in to my mind, i wondered to myself if you were still feeling upbeat despite the odds. So I just wanted you to know that altho you havent mentioned it recently, people are still passing the positive vibes.
looking forward to todays blog. My next to last one before my holiday.
xx
Sorry so late wishing you happy birthday for yesterday Em, you are so lucky to be so young, I am 38 next month and I feel (like Matt) that life is going at an amazing rate and I need to achieve something quickly.
Chantelle's autobiography will be great, I bet if you give it a go you'll be pleasantly surprised. I'd read a book about anyone, everyone's had interesting things happen to them haven't they? Also i think she's a really sweet girl and Preston is gorgeous (if a little young for me!).
Chris, i thought it was really interesting yesterday when you made sure we all knew that you had sorted it for Rebecca to speak to Richard Branson. I think that showed you are not as confident as you seem, but maybe I should stop playing the amateur psychologist!!
Love Em xx
to Em SK
I have exact same situ.
I work in the middle of the Kent Countryside and have a 50 minute journey down single track lanes etc and am very gratefull to Mr E for making the journey so pleasurable. I used to drive 45k a year nearly all on motorways and travel all over europe. I gave it all up when I didnt know which country i had flown to and had to ask someone but the final straw was a 15 hour journey from Bristol to Kent .
I now work at a Golf Club, have zilch money BUT sheep and pheasants outside my window, no stress and two chefs to cook whatever my heart pleases! Great excitement today as the rams joined the girl sheep! need i say more!!!!!!
what a great rant you had on the blog yesterday , sometimes we all need a big reminder of whats going on in this world of ours, i dont have sky and dont oftern buy a news paper, but all i know is that i want to have a choice and i want my daughter to have a choice when she is fully grown so lets keep this little country of ours under the control of the people ..
love the blog and your gossip!!!