SO MUCH AND YET NOT ENOUGH, NEVER SO, NO NEVER.
I read your posts and know not where they come from and then I blog again anyhow and hope it鈥檚 all going to be alright.
You must forgive me for I have suffered yet another鈥
鈥ang on the head. I have moved to a new house without computer but with many low door frames, especially one bugger of a low thick piece of three hundred year old oak leading from my bedroom to the bathroom. Every night as my ever weakening bladder fails to hold on to anything more than a thimble full of liquid for more than a couple of hours I stagger to the loo and whack my head on the lowness of it all. Last night鈥檚 whack was the hardest yet, blood was drawn and I still have a splitting head ache. There鈥檚 a part of my head that鈥檚 beginning to look like the face of a well struck golf club. A sweet spot is being carved out as testament to many direct hits. To be honest my head is 鈥溌$%^&* killing me.
And what about this鈥
Now admittedly I live in a posh area but the local convenience store I swear is the most expensive in the land. A small bottle of pomegranate juice, 拢3.99, a kg of grapes 拢4.99 and the smallest bag of rocket you鈥檝e ever seen 拢 1.99 !
Couple this with a single chopped up apple in an air tight bag at the wild bean coffee stop for 99p, they are having a major laugh. We have to strike....
What else ? Oh yes鈥
Had a crazy dream last night鈥 Mel Brooks was watching a sound check for my radio show by the Temptations, we were broadcasting from a porta-cabin on top of a mountain in Switzerland. Passers by were stopping to see the goings on. Gene Wilder walked past with a drip in his arm pushing the thing they hang those drips on, it鈥檚 wheels getting stuck in the snow. He was mouthing to Mel and pointing,
鈥淵ou should know better鈥︹
Mel started to cry and began to wail for his late wife Anne Bancroft and then out of nowhere Danny Baker turned up..
鈥淗ey Danny do you know Mel Brooks ?鈥 I said to him.
鈥淗is name鈥檚 not Brooks, it鈥檚 Crooks, everyone knows that鈥lright Crooksie still pining for the old girl are you鈥.?鈥
And with that I woke up to a wet pillow where the ice I鈥檇 placed on me bump had melted.
Jeese I need a lie down鈥
Marguerite Pattern tonight鈥hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so excited鈥. X.
Comments
Ah Mr Evans,
you need to rest your weary head and have some TLC...
CLP - you're dreaming of portacabins - are my blogs getting to you?!?!?!?!
Do you know the best cure for water on the brain? ...... a tap on the head - BOOM BOOM!
See - I warned you portacabin life will slowly send you stir crazy.
Hope the bonce is soon repaired, ole chap.
Roll on 5 o'clock!
CtD x x
Hey Chris - i have just got into your blog in a big way and delighted you have returned to the radio. Re the convenience store - rocket, pomegranite juice - ur having a laugh had real sympathy with you until the shopping list came out - u really must live in a posh part of town - but then you deserve to! Suggest modern saw for 300 year old timber - small hole left in ceiling - no more bad heads. As my dad would say - "u can always tell a fool but you can't tell em much!!" remember to duck! Quack.
They have the same situation at the pub down the road, but they've put a neat little bit of padding covered with velvet/velour/pubmaterial tacked in place.
You still look like a lemon when you smack your head, but at least it doesn't hurt.
Ooh eck, sounds like you need to get a crash helmet just for bedtime. Either that, or start sleeping in the bathroom. Maybe you could get a 300 year old 'po' to go under your bed so you don't have to leave the room!
I love your wierd dreams and I love my own. They're the second best place in the world to be. The first being my dog Tucker's kennel where I regularly snuggle in the straw with him for a nice cuddle. Mind you, last night the bugger stood up suddenly and my head was above his, so I ended up smacking the back of my head on the kennel ceiling and the back of HIS head on MY NOSE!!! Ouch, I can relate to your headache!
Looking forward to the show (of course) and really enjoyed the de-clutter thing last night. It's got me all fired up for a sunday clear out. Keep up the good work matey and get yourself some buffers to put around the door jamb. xxx
Ooh eck, sounds like you need to get a crash helmet just for bedtime. Either that, or start sleeping in the bathroom. Maybe you could get a 300 year old 'po' to go under your bed so you don't have to leave the room!
I love your wierd dreams and I love my own. They're the second best place in the world to be. The first being my dog Tucker's kennel where I regularly snuggle in the straw with him for a nice cuddle. Mind you, last night the bugger stood up suddenly and my head was above his, so I ended up smacking the back of my head on the kennel ceiling and the back of HIS head on MY NOSE!!! Ouch, I can relate to your headache!
Looking forward to the show (of course) and really enjoyed the de-clutter thing last night. It's got me all fired up for a sunday clear out. Keep up the good work matey and get yourself some buffers to put around the door jamb. xxx
Ooooh Chris - get yourself down to Lidl (other continental 'alternative' supermarkets are available). I just bought 3 trees for 拢12. A cherry, a pear and an apple, can't wait to move to the new house and start planting them up!
Why don't you stick a push light onto your troublesome beam, then when your bongo bangs it, rather than continuing on your quest for bladder relief in the dark you would at least have a bit of light.
As for hoping it's all going to be alright, of course it is. (At this point it may be convenient to resubmit my Don't tell me... track of Hakuna Matata from the Lion King (other disney films are available)). Or you could try singing to I have confidence from the Sound of Music for inspiration?
Please excuse my ramblings, I've an addled brain (comedy trait number 2!)
:o) Jo
Hello again everyone...
Please, please, please - let me, let me, let me, let me get another first post today!! (In the tune of the Smiths song...)
Who's Marguerite Pattern?
Coops
Hello CLP and other bloggers!
Poor Head! You are going to have to program your mind to have a timer for stooping down in the night.
I used to live in a house with a loft bedroom which I slept in and most nights for the first few months I banged my head... Finally my head got used to stooping down to avoid the bashing and life became traquil once more... At least you have an aga and lots of room for Enzo now, life has it's compensations... or you could have a piece of sponge attached to the beam so the bumps were less painful...
Mange Tout
Can't wait for the show
Luv
Lyndyloo
-x-x-x-x-
Hi Chris,
Interested to hear about your problematic water works. I'm about a couple of years older than you and I had something similar a few years ago. I tried Saw Palmetto tablets (you can get them from Holland & Barrett) for a few months and it seemed to do the trick. I didn't notice anything for the first 3 months and then suddenly my bladder returned to normal. I took them for a couple of months after that and then gradually stopped taking them. I'm OK now ... no more getting up in the night to go to the khasi.
All the best,
Fred Scuttle
Oh Chris
You need someone to chop your apple up for you, someone to drive somewhere less convenient for you, and someone to make a BIG SQUISHY cushiony thingie to put over this beam...then at least if you bang your head, you'll rebound...or you could just get a gazunder...
so, Marguerite Patten tonight eh. I take it that this would be the chef, and not the design for the wall paper in your new hallway?
Whatever, don't let her cook you anything containing chocolate or cheese. Judging by the sound of you lately, you need a damn good dream free nights sleep.
Two nytol (other sleeping aids are available) and a glass of red wine 20mins before you go up, and a wee jimmy riddle just before you tuck up should do ya! And other than the wine, don't have anything else to drink in the hour or so before you go to bed...give it a go anyway!
bon soir
a bientot
love
hazel
x
CHRIS THIS IS ESPECIALLY FOR YOU!!!
What ever worries you have that you don't want to share (with all of us I mean) with your family or friends are not insurmountable, but the longer you leave it and keep the thoughts inside, they'll be gradually more difficult for you to overcome. You need green at the moment. Either wear green, carry something green, or be somewhere you can look green. Meditate on a dark green. You need heart energy my friend, and with that you can go ahead and all will be well, and you'll have the strength to deal with whatever the troubles may be.
bless you
with love
hazel
x
Hello again everyone...
Please, please, please - let me, let me, let me, let me get another first post today!! (In the tune of the Smiths song...)
Who's Marguerite Pattern?
Coops
Oh Wow.
You need to paint the low beams with some luminous paint, the glow in the dark brand so that you see them when you get up in the night.
If not that, then wear a crash helmet to bed.
Whatever you do, don't get a Dream analysis book. Get accept the dreams for what they are. My husband bought me a book to analyse my dreams and thru it out after every dream I looked up told me I was suicidal or mad.
And I'm definitely not. maybe slightly odd, but not bad.
DWNB
Hey Chris
Not blogged for a few days, keep getting the 'you aren't allowed to comment' message, what is that all about?!
Looking forward to Marguerite Patten, should be fab!
Have a better, bumpless day!
love Tiggyxxx
Oh Wow.
You need to paint the low beams with some luminous paint, the glow in the dark brand so that you see them when you get up in the night.
If not that, then wear a crash helmet to bed.
Whatever you do, don't get a Dream analysis book. Get accept the dreams for what they are. My husband bought me a book to analyse my dreams and thru it out after every dream I looked up told me I was suicidal or mad.
And I'm definitely not. maybe slightly odd, but not bad.
DWNB
Hi Y'all
Hey Chris sorry to hear about yer head. Yer need to get yerself an american football helmet to sleep in.
Hope this helps.
Wet pillows is something I have to live with due to excess dribling dreaming about Mrs Robinson.
Party on
Hi Chris,
I am a first time blogger, after reading your entry today suggest you get a small night light the sort that plugs directly into the wall socket so it lights your way to the loo and saves you banging your head again but is not bright enough to wake you up! I use one to save stubbing my toes on the landing and my toes have healed up nicely have a good day and hope your headache gets better.
Barmysue.
Things you should never say to a cop when he
pulls you over:
20. I can\'t reach my license unless you hold my
beer.
19. Sorry officer, I didn\'t realize my radar
detector wasn\'t plugged in.
18. Aren\'t you the guy from the villiage people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up
with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good
physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to
finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You\'re not going to check the trunk, are
you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn\'t inspire
confidence.
11. Didn\'t I see you get your butt kicked on
cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because
they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that\'s terrific. The last officer
only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just
so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I
know there is no other cars around, that\'s how
far they are ahead of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are
the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of
crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged
between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to
speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That\'s nothing compared to
this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full
cavity searches?
aha Chris, even I can decipher this one. You say you hit your head. Mel Brooks, Gene Wilder, Danny Baker you quite obviously hit your head and saw STARS then as you hit the deck you must have caught your funny bone, 'cos they're all FUNNY STARS!
Note to self Christophe, Convenience doesn't mean "at a reasonable price" it simply means handy, but being handy can also mean "captive audience" and I don't mean that in a good way like your bloggers and shloggers and listeners. Perhaps you need to use your minibus to fill up at Tesco's (other large supermarket chains are available) with all the convenience items that are overpriced at your "convenience store" and set up a little bit of competition. Watch the prices tumble!!!!
WRT sleepy trips to reliefsville, I also have the problem of low flying wooden beams, my solution after many attempts at softening up my forehead is to crawl to the toilet, (vertical is not all it's cracked up to be anyway). Problem occurred the other night having drunk a bottle of red falling over liquid, did my finest commando crawl butt naked to porcelain telephone only to be savaged from the rear mid-crawl by one small pussy-cat who was convinced that those dangling objects he could see gently swaying were new cat toys. I have now gone back to walking to the toilet, headaches are much less painful!!!
DD out
Chris
Like you, we also have huge old oak beams in our house but we always leave our landing light on at night and if you did the same, you might not keep bumping your head on your beams!!!
Tata for now
x
Hello one and all.
Dreams are fascinating however there is a mountain top in Swizerland. The base of the Junfrau.A modern cogwheel railway first takes you to Kleine Scheidegg with an altitude of 6,762 feet -- located at the foot of the notorious Eiger North Wall
From here, the Jungfrau Railway climbs to the Eiger Glaacier Station which is well known for its mountain restaurant and polar dog Kennels.
Several concerts have taken place at Klene Scheidegg. Maybe it's not a dream..... could be Radio 2 Switzerland calling.
Hi Chris (and everyone)
Where are all the comments today? There's no way I'm the first!
Living in older properties - always a danger of low door frames and ceilings - people were really small in days of yore! Once you've whacked your head a few times, you'll get the message!
A long time ago, our first house was an old property but with really high ceilings (cost a fortune to heat) and was nothing but trouble. The reason we bought it was becaused I loved the lampshade in the hall!! (I was 19, what did I know?!)
As for prices, I know this is terrible, but I just don't look any more. If I need it, I buy it and then worry about it later. Hence, I never have any money!
Will hopefully hear the show tonight - it's been one of those weeks where I have been getting home late every night!
Love,
C xx
Hello Chaps, chapettes, the lovely chris and his a team
well, I'm trying again..I'm appartently not allowed to comment?! I'm obviuisly too much of a stalker!
Chris - you and dreams..what is it all about? I've looked it up in my dream book which slightly spookily interprets that your dream may mean 1 or more of the following things:
You have alot on your mind
You have just moved house
You have had an encounter with a fairground ride recently
Food is very important in your life
You've suffered a recent head injury
You will have had a chance encounter with a Home Economist.
Blinking heck..books/dreams/blogs are wonderful things
Marguerite Pattern- The doyenne of Home Economy..what an honour to have her on your show. will be Listening tonight
Love Caroline X
if you want to know about problematic water works, try being pregnant!!
x
CLP - of course it's going to be alright!
Might I suggest you nail a thick piece of foam to the said 'bugger of a low thick piece of three hundred year old oak'? Whilst you might not miss whacking your bonce on it, it will at least be a bit softer for you - well that's a woman's logic for you anyway ....... that, or find another bedroom and save that one for guests!!! Mind you, conistent bangs on the head might actually explain the strange things that have been going on 'a la blog' of late - they might also help us to understand the quite frankly bizarre dreams that you're having at the moment!!!
Hope Mummy Evans is keeping well - like my mum, she probably learned her cookery craft from the likes of Marguerite Patten - a wonderful woman is MP.
jillygoat xx
PS Rub some arnica cream on your head - it'll bring out the bruising quickly x
hey Chris and fellow bloggers!
Chris, it's our age - I'm just a couple of months younger than you and I'm having those old lady moments when I now daren't pass up the chance of a wee stop when I'm out shopping or even just walking past the loo at work to get to the photocopier!
Have a good Wednesday all.
xxx
Afternoon Chris
Sounds like you need to wear a crash helmet to bed my friend.
I know where you are coming from regarding the rip-off food prices. Supermarkets seem to think that all they have to do now is add a tag-line such as 鈥楩inest鈥, 鈥楾aste The Difference鈥 or 鈥榊ou know that it is the same stuff in posh packaging with an extra couple of quid added on鈥 (OK, I made the last one up) and we鈥檒l lap it up on the basis that our tastes have become more sophisticated now that Gordon, Jamie et al are our culinary gurus. Or that we鈥檒l pay a fiver for a carton of 鈥楶apaya, mongoose and claw hammer juice鈥 because the Amazonian Indians drink it and live to 317 years old.
Nope. Back to basics. Dig out that juicer that Aunty Freda bought you two years ago and used once. Dust off Delia鈥檚 vegetarian cook book and subscribe to Olive. Not only will you get enormous pleasure from creating things from scratch, you鈥檒l save a bloody fortune.
Much peace and love
MfR
PS Happiness is a warm gun
PPS Whatever, nevermind
PPPS You can鈥檛 handle the truth
Hey Chris - poor, poor you. Whacks on the head are horrendous I know. We moved into a Welsh cottage years ago and sufferred exactly the same thing. Nurofen are brilliant for the pain. I had to stop at our local store for a lettuce on the way home last night cos the leaves I bought at lunchtime got accidentally left in my work's fridge. 拢1.29 for a lettuce! Daylight robbery I told the boy who served me and then felt like an old fogey cos he couldnt care less. Admittedly it was an iceberg but it was so tired I had to peel half the leaves off and it ended up the size of a grapefruit! Cant wait for Marguerite tonight - I've had her folder with all the different segments for at least 30 years and still use it today! I cant believe Coops said who's Marguerite Patten!!
Sandra x
Coops - marguerite patton is the doyenne of celebrity chefs. She was celebrity chef in War!
I am fed up writing lovely stories and being Blog Policed.
Christof Lambie Pie......
Sing Me A Song on the Radio Tonight.....
Give me a blast of "bring me sun shine.... that always makes me smile"
DWNB
Coops - marguerite patton is the doyenne of celebrity chefs. She was celebrity chef in War!
I am fed up writing lovely stories and being Blog Policed.
Christof Lambie Pie......
Sing Me A Song on the Radio Tonight.....
Give me a blast of "bring me sun shine.... that always makes me smile"
DWNB
Coops - marguerite patton is the doyenne of celebrity chefs. She was celebrity chef in War!
I am fed up writing lovely stories and being Blog Policed.
Christof Lambie Pie......
Sing Me A Song on the Radio Tonight.....
Give me a blast of "bring me sun shine.... that always makes me smile"
DWNB
And there was me thinking of starting a chain of up-market food shops with the name "You know that it is the same stuff in posh packaging with an extra couple of quid added on" on the basis that people will respect me for honest marketing and my shops would become a mecca for celebs (proper ones like you Chris and z-listers welcome).
But now Matt from Rudgwick has gone and blown my grand plan by releasing the name and the idea to the world too early.
And I was thinking that I'd be a millionaire this time next year...
Oh well, back to the drawing board. Maybe I should sell...
Crash helmets for sleeping in?
Padded bits for beams?
Catheters?
Headache tablets?
Ice packs that don't melt on your pillow?
Trained dogs that go to the toilet in the middle of the night for you?
Portacabins?
Old Temptations records?
Gene Wilder DVDs?
I shall start a web site and call it "A Bang on the Head". Look out for www.abangonthehead.com
Can I count on you as my first customer, Chris?
Moose
PS Actually I do hope your head gets better soon. I worked in an office years ago that was the same - it took me about a month to stop banging my head after I woke up at my desk needing the toilet, only to stagger out of the door to the inevitable bump...
Good afternoon, Christoff!
Oh, you poor Lambie Pie! Low door lintels are no joke 鈥 but weak bladders are the worst! Now 鈥. my excuse is having been pregnant and having a HUGE baby practicing the Riverdance on my bladder in the womb! I keep trying things - pelvic floor exercises 鈥 bladder muscle exercises 鈥 celery tablets 鈥 cranberry tablets 鈥 but I鈥檓 HOPELESS at remembering to take them! Even when they are beside the kettle, the most heavily used appliance in my kitchen! Never heard of Saw Palmetto tablets, Fred Scuttle, but, if you use them Chris, let us know if they work! They do say that you should cut out caffeine 鈥 but you DO NOT want to see me if I haven鈥檛 had at least 2 lattes a day (BTW each latte is supposed to contain the same amount of calories as a chocolate bar!). :0( It鈥檚 also been suggested that you go to the toilet ever hour and a half regardless of whether you need, but don鈥檛 know if that鈥檚 through the night too! Acupuncture is also seemingly very good 鈥 but I have a needle phobia, so I think you should try it first, Chris!
Perhaps you should consider getting an en-suite built! Save having to wander through the house at night! I hope you haven鈥檛 got concussion! I鈥檒l bet the air was blue and Enzo has learned some interesting new words! If you have a beam that鈥檚 300 years old, I鈥檓 guessing you鈥檒l need permission to make any structural alterations, though!?
As for the prices at the local store 鈥 are they having a laugh!? There鈥檚 no need for that! Don鈥檛 have pomegranate juice at our store! You鈥檒l need to investigate if there is a farm shop nearby, or see if there are veg deliveries made.
Was your dream before or after the bump on the head!?
Look forward to hearing Marguerite Pattern! I keep meaning to get her book, Victory Cookbook - had a flick through it and it looks fascinating!
Hope you鈥檙e having a restful day! See you at 5!
Huggles,
Susan, Highland lass
'One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.'
Virgina Woolf
Hmmm 鈥 methinks boogers still abound in blogland today! There is only 1 comment!
Good afternoon, Christoff!
Oh, you poor Lambie Pie! Low door lintels are no joke 鈥 but weak bladders are the worst! Now 鈥. my excuse is having been pregnant and having a HUGE baby practicing the Riverdance on my bladder in the womb! I keep trying things - pelvic floor exercises 鈥 bladder muscle exercises 鈥 celery tablets 鈥 cranberry tablets 鈥 but I鈥檓 HOPELESS at remembering to take them! Even when they are beside the kettle, the most heavily used appliance in my kitchen! Never heard of Saw Palmetto tablets, Fred Scuttle, but, if you use them Chris, let us know if they work! They do say that you should cut out caffeine 鈥 but you DO NOT want to see me if I haven鈥檛 had at least 2 lattes a day (BTW each latte is supposed to contain the same amount of calories as a chocolate bar!). :0( It鈥檚 also been suggested that you go to the toilet ever hour and a half regardless of whether you need, but don鈥檛 know if that鈥檚 through the night too! Acupuncture is also seemingly very good 鈥 but I have a needle phobia, so I think you should try it first, Chris!
Perhaps you should consider getting an en-suite built! Save having to wander through the house at night! I hope you haven鈥檛 got concussion! I鈥檒l bet the air was blue and Enzo has learned some interesting new words! If you have a beam that鈥檚 300 years old, I鈥檓 guessing you鈥檒l need permission to make any structural alterations, though!?
As for the prices at the local store 鈥 are they having a laugh!? There鈥檚 no need for that! Don鈥檛 have pomegranate juice at our store! You鈥檒l need to investigate if there is a farm shop nearby, or see if there are veg deliveries made.
Was your dream before or after the bump on the head!?
Look forward to hearing Marguerite Pattern! I keep meaning to get her book, Victory Cookbook - had a flick through it and it looks fascinating!
Hope you鈥檙e having a restful day! See you at 5!
Huggles,
Susan, Highland lass
One cannot think well, love well, sleep well,
if one has not dined well.
Virgina Woolf
Oh Chris
You need someone to chop your apple up for you, someone to drive somewhere less convenient for you, and someone to make a BIG SQUISHY cushiony thingie to put over this beam...then at least if you bang your head, you'll rebound...or you could just get a gazunder...
so, Marguerite Patten tonight eh. I take it that this would be the chef, and not the design for the wall paper in your new hallway?
Whatever, don't let her cook you anything containing chocolate or cheese. Judging by the sound of you lately, you need a damn good dream free nights sleep.
Two nytol (other sleeping aids are available) and a glass of red wine 20mins before you go up, and a wee jimmy riddle just before you tuck up should do ya! And other than the wine, don't have anything else to drink in the hour or so before you go to bed...give it a go anyway!
bon soir
a bientot
love
hazel
x
CHRIS THIS IS ESPECIALLY FOR YOU!!!
What ever worries you have that you don't want to share (with all of us I mean) with your family or friends are not insurmountable, but the longer you leave it and keep the thoughts inside, they'll be gradually more difficult for you to overcome. You need green at the moment. Either wear green, carry something green, or be somewhere you can look green. Meditate on a dark green. You need heart energy my friend, and with that you can go ahead and all will be well, and you'll have the strength to deal with whatever the troubles may be.
bless you
with love
hazel
x
I've ate too many polo mints now. Am going to have diaho.
Look on the bright side...........at least your are only forgetting that there is a beam rather than where the bathroom is!!
Thought Stuart did a good job interviewing Marguerite last week - but always interested to hear more form her.
Hello Chris
I thought for a mo there you were going to abandon us again! Looking forward to tonights show, whats wrong with this blog at the mo hey? Everything is wiggly wobbly and my post numbers keep changing, i was 4th yesterday, then 8th!
I love it when I do the same stupid thing over and over again - well not love but you know what i mean, i am convinced i could write a rather good book about it.... Called something like "The sillly repetativeness of the stupid things i do" :0) x
Oh dear Chris, maybe you could stuff a few socks into the front of a woolly hat and wear for bed?
...or consider a bed pan? poor you hope the head gets better soon
Lou x
Chris,
Your show is great. I used to listen to my own music every night when I was driving my 37 mile trek home - the same CD every night for months on end (I'm not joking!) - but I chanced upon your show and now my CD is in the glove box!
I've never been sure whether I liked you or not - TFI Friday was good - sometimes I thought you were a bit daft, (maybe you've had a few bangs on the head over the years) but now I think you are the king of the airwaves!
And another thing - stop taking holidays. I was gutted when you were on holiday for a month over Christmas. What was that all about? I got 2 days off! Don't even think about sick leave!
Cheers from
ginger ink in Leeds
Aw, poor poor Chris. Know what you mean about keep whacking your head. We moved into a Welsh cottage years ago and suffered exact same thing. Not old enough for the bladder problem tho - haha! I had to stop at our local store last night for lettuce cos the leaves I bought at lunchtime got accidentally left in my works fridge. 拢1.29 for a lettuce!!! Daylight robbery I told the poor boy serving me and then felt like an old fogey cos he was completely disinterested. Admittedly it was an iceberg lettuce but it was so tired I had to peel off half the leaves before it became usable and it ended up the size of a grapefruit! So looking forward to Marguerite tonight, I've had her folder with all the different segments for about 30 years ( I started young! ) and still use them today. I cant believe Coops said who's Marguerite Patten! Anyway have a great time with her Chris - you're going to be a little cheeky chappy with her arent you!
Sandra x
Hello Chris
I thought for a mo there you were going to abandon us again! Looking forward to tonights show, whats wrong with this blog at the mo hey? Everything is wiggly wobbly and my post numbers keep changing, i was 4th yesterday, then 8th!
I love it when I do the same stupid thing over and over again - well not love but you know what i mean, i am convinced i could write a rather good book about it.... Called something like "The sillly repetativeness of the stupid things i do"
I know what you can do about the beam tho, in the New Dr Who mag (which i bought for littlist bro today) they have some rather lovely glow in the dark stickers in the shape of Daleks :0) x
Hello everyone
I'm trying again..posts seem to hang around virtually, and one doesn't know what to do..post again and dupli or triplicate. Of course, i have be made aware that some people cleverly copy and paste, so they don't have to retype..how clever!
I've looked your dream up in my Dream Dictionary and this dream may be interpretted that you may have recently had a bang on the head
I'm looking forward to Marguerite Pattern, as the Doyenne of modern cookery and (i think) an honorary Home Economist..she will charm you totally
Love caroline x
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak
with the burglar who had broken into his house the
night before. "You'll get your chance in
court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!"
said the man. "I want to know how he got into the
house without waking my wife. I've been trying to
do that for years!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A rookie police officer was out for his first
ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A
call came in telling them to disperse some people
who were loitering. The officers drove to the
street and observed a small crowd standing on a
corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and
said, "Let's get off the corner people." A few
glances, but no one moved, so he barked again,
"Let's get off that corner... NOW!"
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave,
casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of
his first official act, the young policeman turned
to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"
Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially
since this is a bus stop."
You know what they say.
DUCK OR GROUSE!!!
EITHER WAY YOU'LL GET A BIRDIE!!!!
Sorry
Sent this post over 2 hrs ago - will it appear this time?
I mentioned that you needn't worry Christoph - all will be well.
I also suggested that you cover the dastardly beam with a large lump of foam to ease your poor noddle. Mind you, these consistent bangs on the head could explain things, in particular the very dodgy dreams you keep having!
Eating and drinking late in the evening, as you've been doing, isn't good for your sleep or your bladder so, nothing to eat or drink after 8pm for you my lad!!!
Looking forward to 5pm
jillygoat xx
PS put some Arnica cream on your bonce and it'll bring the bruising out more quickly
Hi there,
Sorry to hear about your head Chris, hope you feel better soon.
Sitting here stewing, got made redundant yesterday and I am devastated. Been here for ten years and I feel awful today.
Looking forward to listening to the show on my way home tonight :)
Deb x
I don't listen to the show I think it would ruin the blog maybe this is a strange approach.
Chris
You could do as many have suggested and add some sort of padding to the beam but i think you'll eventually get used to it. Then when you're in some strange hotel bedroom dip unneccesarily when you go through to the bathroom.
Rocket from a convenience store!! Good grief the only rocket you can get from our local co-op are the type that you let off on Bonfire Night. That is what you pay all the money for - the convenience of being able to pay 拢0.99 for bits of apple.
Hope the bump is getting better. My Mum used to put butter on bumped heads - though don't really know why! You could try that.
Ciao xx
Chris
You could do as many have suggested and add some sort of padding to the beam but i think you'll eventually get used to it. Then when you're in some strange hotel bedroom dip unneccesarily when you go through to the bathroom.
Rocket from a convenience store!! Good grief the only rocket you can get from our local co-op are the type that you let off on Bonfire Night. That is what you pay all the money for - the convenience of being able to pay 拢0.99 for bits of apple.
Hope the bump is getting better. My Mum used to put butter on bumped heads - though don't really know why! You could try that.
Ciao xx
'Ello, Ello, Looks like the BP are out in force today!!!
DD out
Hi Chris and fellow bloggers
There are beams in the low ceiling in our local pub with sign above it that says 'Duck or Grouse' - I've seen so many people pondering the sign as they pass that they smack their heads on the offending beam and it's only at that point that they figure out what it means.
Hope it gets better soon!
And glad to say that you seem more like your usual self today.
Sigh
Hi Chris and fellow bloggers
There are beams in the low ceiling in our local pub with sign above it that says 'Duck or Grouse' - I've seen so many people pondering the sign as they pass that they smack their heads on the offending beam and it's only at that point that they figure out what it means.
Hope it gets better soon!
And glad to say that you seem more like your usual self today.
Sigh
Hi Chris,
Poor old you .....
Well the dream has sort of highlighted your problem and the solution all in one....
The problem is; you wish that you were as short as Danny Baker ... so you won't bang your head when walking through your doors... but the problem with that is ... short men tend to be a little short on tact as well as height and that would mean people wouldn't love you so much..... so having the lower half of your legs amputated and pushing a drip trolley around for a while.......isn't really an option ......
The solution though; thankfully, is obvious!!! You rent your house out to Danny Baker ....and with the revenue, you buy a portacabin and pop that in your garden and live in there; smiling to yourself all the while cos, you have Mel Brooks going around in your head saying .... You're 5' 10 " you buy a house with 5' 6" doors ... and you wonder why you have a bump on your head.......what a shmuck!!! Go figure!!
Keep smiling
Rachel x
PS Chef's Table ......... you know it makes sense....
'Duck or grouse', as a sign I saw in a pub said.
I can't get to the radio and there's no speakers on my 'pooter and it's already after 5.
Howdy Pepes
Having to post this today (Wed) since Beeb network problems (allegedly) stopped my attempts to post between 5pm and 7pm Tues when I gave up. Now I鈥檝e had to change 鈥測esterday鈥 references to say 鈥淢onday鈥 (or using my own rules should that be
顿补测-叠别蹿辞谤别-罢耻别蝉诲补测鈥..)
Firstly, Chris, I hope that things work out for you, whatever it is that is going on. White coats and otherwise. Whatever and/or who-ever, it is better to know. One of my (few) philosophies is that I don't fear the known, it's the unknown that is of concern. Once you know, you can plan through and/or around it. But life always has a way of pulling you up short. I think I've mentioned before that when I had a "family thing" years ago which four days later spilled in to the public domain (or should that read the VERY public domain; radio, newspapers and TV plus police statements and appeals) I went about my business and no-one knew until it all hit the fan. It caused me to look at folk going about their business and ask in my head "What is going on in your life that that facade is hiding". Whatever and/or whoever it is with / for you, you know the gang here is thinking of you. (Wed addendum : Are the white coats related to the umpteen and plentiful bumps on the head?)
On clear-outs : Over Christmas / New Year, I had a "flukie" and had a clear-out. I washed and ironed three carrier bags of clothes for the charity shop, added four bags of books and another two bags of Christmas presents going back three years that I've never used (blush). But guess what, I'm STILL tripping over them. Worse, there are at least five charity shops two blocks away from me (well walking distance anyway). Clearing out is SO therapeutic. One night two years ago I went home and dumped all my Uni notes from XX years ago (and was startled not to be able to fathom out the advanced Maths stuff that I flicked through that I must have been able to do at one point in my life. I didn't copy anyone - honest !). I was still sitting at 4am though reading thru some old school stuff (well my English essays, I couldn't understand the French and German ones anymore)
Re my "poem" DBT (Mon) and the Blog Police.
Susan S. #66 from DBT (Mon) : I haven't a clue how it got through especially since my next post didn't. Either the BP didn't understand the 鈥減oem鈥 or my long-standing theory is being confirmed that the BP is an automaton which kicks out posts containing certain banned words. I've had three posts fall by the wayside now, and only one would I admit to being a bad-tempered keyboard bash but even then there was no swearie words in it, nor was it defamatory against any named individual or group. My second on DBT was just a blether about '24' and had no spoilers in it; past Seasons that some here wouldn't have seen yet or the current Season (how easily we fall in to the Americanisms when "over here" we would say new Series. I knew I had been watching too much American TV when at the weekend I said "That is SO not funny" Oh the shame !
Re bumps on the head : I have this neurological thingmy (REALLY, I do !) where if I have a tumble or bump my head I have an idea. Sometimes they are complete turkeys, sometimes they are 鈥榓nswers鈥 to summat that has been bothering me (for a solution) and sometimes they are new ideas for work. When my 鈥渨ork鈥 idea is a bit out 鈥搊f-the-box, those in the 鈥渒now鈥 ask me (quite publicly at meetings) 鈥淲hat brought this one about?鈥 in a vain attempt to get me to blush. The last time someone tried I shamelessly (and childishly) turned the tables on them by asking them 鈥榠n innocence鈥 鈥渨hat鈥檚 today鈥檚 word of the day?鈥 which was a reference to what we all (not so) secretly counted how many times the Chairperson said. Talk about simultaneous beetroots sprouting鈥︹.
As always people, be Blessed.
Hi Peeps
Ouch !! Chris, Oooohhh How Much ??? As Peter Kay always says " Do a BIG Shop " supermarkets not always the best but not far off, As for the P@* ing thingy Been there done that, got to the point i slept while stood at the pot !!!
Im listening to the show at work GREAT cant wait for the chef bit, i keep meaning to buy one of her books.
Im thinking of going to a Tai Chi class this eve, not sure if its for me. Its where we did the panto and i bumped into the chap who runs the class he's invited me down just as a trial thing. Comments welcome.
Have a nice Eve all
Kev c
Hi Chris
My mother met Marguerite at a Book launch in the 70's they shared the same table and she very kindly gave mum her autograph on the back of an envelope with her address on it! I still have the autograph to this day.
Maybe you can help your local shop get good fresh produce cheaper and then they can compete with the big boys?... Get Jamie back on the phone...he's the man for the job ha ha
Hi Chris
My mother met Marguerite at a Book launch in the 70's they shared the same table and she very kindly gave mum her autograph on the back of an envelope with her address on it! I still have the autograph to this day.
Maybe you can help your local shop get good fresh produce cheaper and then they can compete with the big boys?... Get Jamie back on the phone...he's the man for the job ha ha
I'll have some of what Jamie Oliver's having : )
Well done Chris for holding it all together for the last 10 minutes : )
xx
Hi
Trying drinking more alcohol before you retire and then you'll crawl on all fours to the loo = no banging head. Your liver won't thank you but hey! who can see see your liver............!!
Expensive local shop, then get your fruit and veg delivered by a man/woman in a van from W***rose - spend 70 quid and delivery is free, but make sure you give a tip, because I know a man that does this job and he doesn't get paid well!
Not many people mentioning your dream? Too wacky for most people to decipher! I do miss Danny Baker on Saturday morning radio though.
Have a great Wednesday everyone, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW, and I'm quite excited!!
JoJo x
Hi Chris
Sorry about your head. After 28 days of headaches you should develop a new routine so you remember to duck!
Jan x
Hi Chris
My mother met Marguerite at a Book launch in the 70's they shared the same table and she very kindly gave mum her autograph on the back of an envelope with her address on it! I still have the autograph to this day.
Maybe you can help your local shop get good fresh produce cheaper and then they can compete with the big boys?... Get Jamie back on the phone...he's the man for the job ha ha
I'll have some of what Jamie Oliver's having : )
Well done Chris for holding it all together for the last 10 minutes : )
xx
Hope the head has stopped throbbin'!!
My tip is sticky velcro and a pillow applied to the offending beam just before bedtime. At least when you bump it won't draw blood.
Cheers Me
Isn't Marguerite fabulous!!!!
She sounds just like my Grandma used to when she was alive. She knows so much! Grandma used to make all our jams, pickles, cakes, bread and so, so much more all in a Rayburn cooker in a tiny kitchen.
Sometimes I wish I could just be a Mum and a housewife, baking for a family instead of running round like a maniac trying to be a single, successful, workaholic Mum to my 2 bears looking for the answer to life in general.
Luv
Lyndyloo
-x-x-x-x-
And there was me thinking of starting a chain of up-market food shops with the name "You know that it is the same stuff in posh packaging with an extra couple of quid added on" on the basis that people will respect me for honest marketing and my shops would become a mecca for celebs (proper ones like you Chris and z-listers welcome).
But now Matt from Rudgwick has gone and blown my grand plan by releasing the name and the idea to the world too early.
And I was thinking that I'd be a millionaire this time next year...
Oh well, back to the drawing board. Maybe I should sell...
Crash helmets for sleeping in?
Padded bits for beams?
Catheters?
Headache tablets?
Ice packs that don't melt on your pillow?
Trained dogs that go to the toilet in the middle of the night for you?
Portacabins?
Old Temptations records?
Gene Wilder DVDs?
I shall start a web site and call it "A Bang on the Head". Look out for www.abangonthehead.com
Can I count on you as my first customer, Chris?
Moose
PS Actually I do hope your head gets better soon. I worked in an office years ago that was the same - it took me about a month to stop banging my head after I woke up at my desk needing the toilet, only to stagger out of the door to the inevitable bump...
I too had a crazy dream last night - in fact more of a nightmare. Basically, it involved me trying time after time to post to the blog - this of course had happened to me in reality throughout the last few days
Is blogging stressful for others?
Missed the show tonight so going to listen to a replay later. Looking forward to Marguerite - she was soooooo good last week.
EG
oh chris!
I think you need to put some padding round the door frames unti you get used to the new house!
now listening to the show, fab as ever
I have just ordered a book off amazon called "He's just not that into you" as i'm fed up of you blokes and getting mixed messages!!!
We always want it to be like the fairy tales when if someone likes you they tell you, but either men can't be bothered to do this or no man fancies me!!!!!
I will be writing about this on my blog tomorrow can't tonight as have got some knitting to do!!
Love to all you bloggers, missy xx
Oh dear oh dear yet again you brave little soldier.
Or should that be You Big Daft Feckin' Eejit. Try my old trout mother Renee's remedy. It goes something like, OOooh no LOOK at that. It'll be a pig's trotter in t' mornin'.
Well, it doesn't hurt any less but it polarises the thoughts.
Anyway, Greetings and Howya from a somewhat overcast yet fantastic Galway City, where the sea is a lovely shade of khaki and is lashin' the rocks like Hurricane Harry, I look like Phyllis Diller with a face full of Guinness froth, and feel like not so much Ryan's daughter as Ryan's f*** up old granny, hurrah!
Wish you were here........by that I mean I wish I could hear you all but I'm cut off from civilisation. D'oh.
So hurrah, I'm told you're to look into TedFest. Well, I can't wait. I've me wimple on as we speak and am buffin' up the Doc Martins to wear beneath the habit.
See you on the boat then. I'll be the one with the This Season's Must-Have lifejacket with the whistle all chewed up.
Oh yes. Happy Birthday to me. And Johnny Rotten. And Mozart. And Canon Roger Royle. And Vlad The Impaler.
Clodagh.xx
Chris, didya try the microwave leeks?!?!?
I bought one from co-op on the way home tonight, chopped it, washed it , stuck it in microwave with just water from washing, salt and loadsa fresh-ground pepper and then stirred in some butter when it was cooked....words fail me! I had to turn off the TV whilst I ate and savoured it. I've had micowave fennel before a la heston blumenthal, but this was awesome! I'll never have a leek any other way again!!
pete x
Hi Chris and the world
I was a blog virgin until one night a couple of months ago when I blogged on the Evans portal! Now breaking my silence I blog a second time, but first I have to say how much I rate the programme.
Not trying to be sychophantic, but it's intelligent (truly!), amusing, sensitive and inclusive - and I don't feel compelled to substantiate my answers.
It should be owned though, that I'm an Evans convert. He really has improved - used to be a bit of an arrogant **** on TV, but I actually do think he's developed immensely later since then.
When my sons were younger he was an irritating influence - but they seemed to be influenced by everyone but me - and now they're great people!
I could go into the backdrop of Radio Two in my life (erratic - sadly not erotic) at the moment! It's been different at different times, living in different spaces. And now, on a short term contract in the UK once again, I come out of work and drive (rather than cycle at present) along to the Evans.
But another word about CE as a broadcaster - so full of enthusiasm, and fun. Saw him on the box a while ago, before he came onto R2, and he asked a question of a guy on a chat show which seemed to render him extraordinarily vulnerable. That quality was perceived by the guy he was interviewing, who responded really sensitively, saying he'd talk to him after the show.
So, that's about all for the moment. I can't believe that the guy with whom I had a relationship a few years back was CE's age! (I'm older). Time really is an odd thing.
Which brings me onto the night prowler and the bangs on the head. It won't take long to embody the map of your new layout. Hope you're very happy in your new home.
And yes, keep on being positive, and everything, it seems genuine. Keep being good to your mum, and caring about old 'uns like Margeurite Patten, and I'm sure you'll manage to have a third marriage much more successful than the last.
Maybe now you've moved away from old contacts it's a new beginning in unexpected ways. Even I, who enjoys life immensely on my own, don't feel that it's impossible to have another partnership at some stage...you sound in your life as though there's a real space for some truly lovely person to enter again.
And you cook - sorry I don't watch enough TV to catch you on Saturday Kitchen. Ah...take care ...enough of this rambling..
Ah but before I go...now you have an Aga (I had one with my ex, but we left it in the house when we moved, and then I moved further away). My red Aga was like the beating heart of the house, somehow.
Porridge in the bottom of the Aga is wonderful, made overnight. So is a fruit compote (and believe me, I'm not very domesticated, that's the great thing about Aga's). I moved onto Australia and loved to sleep in a swag under the stars. (A friend of mine had gone over there yonks before, built a yacht, and then did a swap with an architect. The architect got the boat, and he - friend - got the wife!) Melba toast is great too, scallops in the bottom oven, and venison as well cooks beautifully in the bottom oven. Moules marienaire (oops - sp) is wonderful to gather round Sat. lunch with friends after am amble And isn't the smell of Aga toast to die for!
And a PS to the porridge; a place in Great Yarmouth (the Imperial hotel I believe) traditionally offer porridge with a "wee dram" as sweetener for breakfast.
This really is enough..
Laters
Di
chris pop into boots by a sponge and tape it to the beam above the door, i know someone who did this till he got used to it and it worked. As you say he also hit his head in the same place all the time so just that little extra protection helps!
KNOW HOW YOU FEEL WISSY, BANG ON THE HEAD OFTEN EQUATES TO A BLOODY GOOD DRINK AND I HAVE JUST HAD THAT, WIFE EXPECTING NEXT WEEK AND I HAVE TO GET IN AS MUCH AS POSS AS SOON AS POSS, WHERE IS THE ICE?
Late-ish night witterings,
New houses are bizarre things, Mr E. You spend an age trapising around trying to find the one you think will fit best, yet when you finally find yourself curling your toes through the shag-pile in front of the 'feature fireplace', it sometimes doesn't fit quite so well after all.
I've yet to find home. That's not to say I wander around aimlessly, in somewhat of a key-jangling state, trying to remember which house is mine, and thus find myself writing this from under the viaduct. My abode of newness just doesn't feel right. It makes all the wrong noises. It clicks and thuds, when it ought to creak and patter. The sunset is obliterated by other abodes, and vast amounts of cloud. There's hundreds of telly channels, and nothing stays still for more than two seconds, let alone two minutes.
I hope yours fits. Like a glove, if you fancy. Bespoke gloves at that. It would seem you have done it in style after all ...
E x
Hi Chris
Hope your head is feeling better, I recently have had a dream about a portacabin - weeeeirrrrd! I was cooking egg and bacon for a load of brickies that were building a sculpture of a crab - no idea what that was about!
Belting show with Marguerite tonight a culinary delight. Inspired me to go home and bake myself a birthday cake instead of getting a rubbish one from the shops. My kids loved it - cheers mate.
Cat b
Ouch, poor Chris
Our house is the same - very low beam just inside the kitchen door to ruin many a warm and loving welcome... "Watch out for the beam" has to preface all else. But us inmates have got used to the knee-bends as we go under it. The better-off neighbours down the hill just went for it and had the floor lowered!!!
Don't know how they'd cope with the low beam upsyairs, not sure they have one. We have but not in our bedroom! Think a much sheeps-fleece or other soft padding is the answer if you can't face the luminous paint plan.
Hope you've found a better soother than a block of melting ice tonight...
Feel well soon, ride on the positive thoughts from your friends on the Blog
Just finished late-night work catch-up, hence late posting
Love to everyone here - Jill xxx
BPs are making up for omissions by double-postings
Hey Chris
Marguerite was SUPERB, but once again I was only able to listen to an early bit of the show...loved Jamie, trying to be an old friend, but totally in awe!
Hope you're ok
love
hazel
x
Ouch Chris, bumping your head on a wooden beam is bad enough but doing it when you are half asleep on the way to the bathroom....isn't good! Maybe you should take some tips from the schloggers, lots of options for you to try.
Hope you and Enzo are settling into your new home, and whatever else is going on gets resolved with the best possible outcome for those concerned xx
Great show as always tonight, Margaret was fantastic, it was great to have phone in, she sounds a delightful lady.
Sallycat - Haven't seen you for a while, hope you are well xx
Goodnight all
Mary xx
Marguerite Patten was wonderful, I really think we need to show respect to people like her who have so much to teach us, rather than laughing at oldies like a lot of us do.
I've been doing lots of baking lately, i find it really relaxing, and at least that way i know what's going into my kids' tummies!
So well done Chris, i think your show just goes from strength to strength (I would say that as you read out my text the other day!) No i really, really mean it.
You rock!!
Em xx
Hi Chris
Hope you are feeling better.
I only heard a bit of Maruerite Pattern, she used to
bake cakes with powdered eggs in the war apparently.
We have a large book of hers, and if you can't find a
recipe in there it doesnt exist.
love, hugs and cuddles,
Penelope xxzzxxzzxx
i'am really impressed!!