WHEN YOU SEE SOMEONE AND THINK, "OH, OH."
Today I saw one of those people but had she seen me ?
Aggggggggghhhhhhh, yes she had, oh no again, she's coming over, I can already see the madness of nothing in her eyes. The petrifying smile that means anything but joy. The clenched teeth that look like they've just bitten the head off a small child. And then the denial.
The total denial of the fact we can't abide each other, not from me, from her, I am happy to admit it, indeed scream it from the tallest building. This is the sound of denial -
"Hiya, so aren't you going to say hello to me ?"
"Er, no."
"Why not ?"
"Because you're the second maddest person I've ever met."
"The second ?"
"Yes."
"So, who's the first ?"
"I don't know, I was just giving you the benefit of the doubt."
Other than that quite a pleasent day, how about you ?
CLP.
2007.
X.
Comments
Hiya everyone
New to me car is tigra, the closet I could get to a TT on my very small budget. The car is bright blue and very sporty at 1.6i so very pleased!
very wet day again today - does this mean there might not be a hose pipe ban next year? My cats are a bit out out being thrown out in the morning but not sure what else I can do - thinking about reinstating the box at night for accidents but it really is a misreable job first thing in the morning.
anyway - hope all okay,
Elm x
It is like that when you see ex-wives....... isn't it!!!
Nev
Har de har , v good, yes its a real joy , the un comfortableness (a word? should be, me thinks) of human fragility . . Just think of the bruised ego, the personal downfall, the meltdown of the human heart when someone you thought had nothing but love and respect for your humble self suddenly metaphorically ditches you from their life by glancing away - worse still is if one side had absolutely no idea of the underlying reality - I've been there on both sides, so gulilty m'lud of the giving and the taking . . .
Eleswhere in the world I got a lingereing glance this morning from a beautiful blonde about 30-year-old stepping out from a large new jeep, in her office sharp suit and black leather briefcase; a smile, a smoulder and it set me up for the day, it did . . .
D
My day was fine until I heard about the lost child benefit disc, with 25m peoples data on it.
Lost 9 days ago in transit - and only just announced!
Who has the disc? How did it get lost? Was it stolen?
Am I (amongst millions of others) now open to someone fraudulently using my details?!?
So I'm saying Aggggggggghhhhhhh - but for different reasons to you Chris.
Chris - try this 'Shakesperian Insult Generator' for those moments when somone annoys or irritates you. I found it through Stephen Fry's blog.
Take care
Ha ha let's hope the person you talk about in today's blog isn't reading this!
Sounds like you were quite blunt with her, let's hope she takes the hint.
Em xx
Greetings Ter ALL,
Bingo Star ere, coming ter yer from the bottom of a BIG 'ill in New Brighton!
CLP - Wonder who it could be? Sounds like either Nelly Furtado or Sally Boazman or Lady 'elen of 'ull!!!!!!!
Me Car Battery - (further ter me comments on the previous blog)- It's all gone wrong, me battery 'as gone flat.
So I let me car roll down the BIG 'ill ter jump start it but it wouldn't start.
I shouted "com on, damn it you sad car, START!!!!!!!! But it wouldn't DAMN start.... I was nearly in tears at the bottom of the BIG 'ill, yes tears blog friends & CLP man!
I realised i'd forgot ter put it in damn gear!!!!!!
I've ended up at the bottom stranded so I 'aled an AA van that am a member of (Automobile not acholholics AA) and said I need a jump.
The very nice AA operatative said "I love that tune", I said "wot", 'e said "yuv just 'aled a van for a jump...... Van Halen & Jump"!!!!!!!!
I said "oh it's 'cos the AA are owned by Saga yer being sagastic"!!!!!!!! (Sarcastic)
(Sorry, terrible jokes blog friends)
Anyway am re-jumped n' started so am bloggin' ere this time with me engine on, so me battery ain't go flat. Just 'op it doesn't over.... 'eat!
I'm just ploishing the Bingo Crystal Ball Of....... The Zodiac & will be back soon.
Chow!
Dan
Have you read posts 19 & 25 on yesterdays
blogg...??
X R
Chris remember your own 'mantra'
keep away from the bad people.....!!
You let one of them get to you ...!!
X R
sounds just like where I work.......with the majority!
I love your attitude, wish I was as brave!!!!
have a fab show
Leb x
I know just what you mean CLP. I have recently found out that I may have to move back to my previous office. Terror struck in my heart at the thought I may see HER!!!
She is directly responsible for ruining 2005 for me. She's a bully that made my work so intolerable, I'd cry every day on the way to the office.
So, the thought of seeing her is not good. BUT I will smile brightly at everyone around her and speak to them happily and tell them how fantastic life is.... and conpletely ignore her!
Looking forward to your show later!
S xx.
geri halliwell ? lol........
hope ya well chris...and whats yer pub called again?..thinking of stalking you again ! lol xxx
You have completely flipped. I have no idea any longer what you are talking about.
I thought you were talking about when mere mortals like us, bump in to higher elevated status persons like yourself, and We THINK we know you, but can't place you.....
I did that on Saturday to Navid, from Still Game.... do you get Still Game in England ? (better still do you have it with Subtitles). Anyways, I was walking thru Kelvingrove Museum, and there in front of me was Navid.... aka, Sanjeev Kohli, and I stood there grinning like a looney, before grabbing my husband and saying "looooooookkkkkk".
O M G I am so Sorry Mr Kohli for my ignorance, we mere mortals cannot asimilate your presence and act normally.
Any other famous persons out there. I apologise now for my lack of decorum.
DWNB
Dogwithnobrain -#9 - I did that once in Blackpool during party conference week and walked up to Jeremy Paxman saying - "Hello what are you doing here?" As he stumbled to avoid being rude to this completely mad woman, I realised he wasn't in fact someone I knew but someone off the Telly! I don't know who was more embarrased - and i sort of garbled "Of course you'll be newsing won't you" and fled. So a new verb 'to news'.
Mange tout or after yesterday's post is that now slightly pornographic? xx
You know something Chris? Life is too short for sharing it with people you don't get along with. I know you were blunt, but sometimes that's just the way it has to be.
Ages ago I met someone from my past and started tell her too much about my life. She said let's meet for a coffee and I stupidly said o.k. But I never got in touch. Fast forward six months - meet up with her again and she asked me why I hadn't contacted her. I said to her ... "when I really thought about it, I realised that what I had to tell you would only be five minutes gossip for you, but it's actually my LIFE". I really don't think she'll ask me anything else if we bump into each other on the street!
C xx
Hey Red
Thanks for the verse - xx v gd . . !!
Yes, have to admit that 3 times to Bermuda in 12 months is somewhat taking the p*** but sure, what the heck - I need a break away from this hectic Ulster land, before the onslaught of the winter festivities - its 25 deg or so atthe mo over there, so a tan will be had, by hook or by crook . . .
I blogged this earlier for you but ole CLP must have been snoozing -
Beautiful World:
She leaves my house - I go back inside;
Return her favour,
on Ink and paper . .
DtM x
Chris, you rock! I wish I could be so bold and tell someone what I thought of them without resorting to shouting or losing my dignity. "You are the second maddest person I know.." Priceless. You are comedy on wheels. Some of the best comedy comes from personal strife, frustration and anger, but to be able to do it spontaneously, unlike comics who draft and redraft is genius. And I'm no sycophant, my compliments are sincere and well placed!
And, further proof that you should write a book (restaurant reviewing is a start, but your comedy is surely best served toward/observed about people than food?) If you are not going to capitalise on your talent can we surgically transplant it from you into my brain and I will rock right up to the Publishers the following morning to cash in ;-)
Yo ALL,
Bingo Star ere again.
Ok i've got terdees astro reading.....
I'm 'aving difficulty seeing me Bingo Crystal Ball as the car wax extra gloss protection is so shiney am being dazzled so i've got me shades on ter reduce the dazzle ere.....
Ok.... rub, rub, rub, ploish, squeak, squeak.....
it's glowing and I can see teeth marks everywhere, bits beeneated outta everything. I can see a three piece suit 'alf eaten, now lookin' more like a two piece suit.
Wait..... no I can see legs, four legs.... oh it's the Goat aka Capricorn!!!!!
Okay blog friends this is me terdee, a Cap dude, as is Martin James too.
Capricorn is the most ambitious & determined of all the zodiac signs.
Caps never give up until they reach the top/ or what ever they 'ave set their sights on.
Capricorns are very 'ardworking, perfectionists who are always self critical. They are very cool/ calm & don't get rattled as easily as some of the other signs of the zodiac.
They are very loyal, 'ave a respect authority & overcome difficulties very practically.
Cap dudes are known for being very shy & awkward with the opposite sex but once in a relationship are known for being very passionate & are reputed ter be the most capable of all the signs when it comes passion.
When they marry it is normally for life.
Although cool on the outside, underneath Capricorns are intense & can be too serious sometimes.
Also very good with money/ wealth and give sound advice. Is an admiring spectator, cautious & realistic but can be a slave driver & too critical.
They are known for becoming more scittish/ fun as they get older & don't mind making fun of themselves/ being on the end of jokes.
Young capricorns tend to 'ave older 'eads on their shoulders & seem to get/ behave younger as they get older.
Leisure Activities - Capricorns are known for being loners so tend to like sports single person sports rather than team sports, such as golf, motor sports, fishing. Also gardening, history, antiques, thatre, walking, privacy. Also they are very musical both listening & playing.
Careers - Very good with money, 'ence make good stockbrokers, bank staff or accountants. Make good managers/ good organising skills. Very good at working under pressure so many high profile jobs suit the capricorn such as tv producers/football managers, celebrities.
Health problems linked with Cap Dudes - Teeth, throat, back, knees & skin.
Famous Capricorn Females - Sarah Beeny, Dolly Parton, Nigella Lawson, Carol Vorderman, Carol Smilie, smilie.... smileeeee, Vanessa Paradis, Mary J. Blige, Annie Lennox, Shirley Bassey, Sade, Dido, Mel C, Kate Moss, Faye Dunaway, Shirley Bassie, Ertha Kitt, Tracey Ullman. Janet Street Porter, Samantha Mumba & Kate Bosworth.
Famous Capricorn Males - Micheal Crawford, Alex Ferguson, Elvis, Rod Stewart, David Bowie, Sir George Martin, Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters singer), Micheal Scumacher, Lewis Hamilton, Tiger Woods, Val Milmer, Jim Carrey, Freddie Starr, Marilyn Manson, Muhammed Ali (The Pretty One), Kenny Everitt, Ricky Martin, Martin Luther King, John Thaw & Maurice & Robin Gibb.
Sorry lotta celebs terdee!
'ope this 'elps ter all.
Chow!
Good afternoon - sorry for my lack of presence this week - it's been a bit hectic this side of the country. What with hailstones and lighting yesterday and today alls quite again with a bit of rain.
Work is very busy and the lack of free time to enter the blog looms large.
I am now looking forward to shutting up the computer and going to the car to listen to the drivetime show.
So hello and so long for the time being from Dorset and will speak no doubt later in the week.
Congratulations to the CiN team for the organisation this year of an event which I am sure benefits many children who would otherwise suffer with little support.
Ciao
Phoenix
Hi CLP and bloggeroonies
It's been a strange old day but I can honestly say I haven't had to say hello to anyone I don't like... which is nice.
Off to see Frank Skinner tomorrow night. Got an email today to say that during the break in the show he'd be showing the England match. What a complete star!!!!
Apart from that thanks to all my blog friends for their continued support through my Dad's illness.
Luv you all
Lyndyloo
& Booboo
-x-x-
Chris, you're braver than me! But saying that, there used to be a lady that mostly ignored my existence where I used to work so I would purposely go up and say hello to make her talk to me. She made me uncomfortable by ignoring me so I tried to turn the tables a little sometimes.
Basically had a terrible day, battled every possible anxiety that could be thrown at me...off to turn the radio on and listen to Drivetime while doing some housework. Bound to feel better after that!
Love
Debbie xx
Bingo
Thanks for that but I am not sure I wanted to know I share my birth sign with Janet Street Porter and Freddie Starr!!
Funny that both Maurice and Robin Gibb are (or were) capricorn!!!!!!!!
Nev
In response to your throw away question re which car was first to be offered with a vinyl roof, I think you will find it was the Vauxhall Viscount (a tarted up Cresta) around 1966. As driven incidently by one Tam Paton, the (Prestonpans-born) controversial scottish manager of The Bay City Rollers; I believe the Regd. No. of his was LUS 66 E if my memory serves.
Hey three times in a year...and why not
if you ve worked for it ,
Nice verse :)
Diolch x
X R
your day could have been worse it could have been the first maddest person you know that you crossed paths with today. Be thankful it was only the second maddest...
I got heaven in my house - my two day old baby Bella Hope fills me with joy.
Otherwise - "Denial" - dats a river in Egypt. Next thing on the agenda with most is "lay blame" but then the few that take responsibility - I LOVE these people. Virtually rocking horse shit in the world I inhabit though.
Yup, cojones still being squeezed,
I LOVE my woman and I LOVE my baby. Its the world outside that is all gone mad.
I LOVE my piece of heaven in my bubble and I wish all the good funny people peace and goodwill early.
Lots of Love
M
Sammie,
Now I get it. I had the same experience - albeit 20 years ago now. o m g How can it be so long ago.
Weird thing was, on SAturday, I was out browsing round the shops and said to my husband "lets look in there". and as I got to the threshold of the shop, I stopped. my "nemisis" was last seen working in there. 20 years on, and I just couldnt step over the door "just in case".
Better to stay away from people like that eh?
DWNB
CLP
It could of been a lot worst.
You could of bumped into THE most boring man in the world, who wanted to tell you what FM transmitters broadcast Radio 2 AND tell you there frequencies!!
I would of like to but I can feel myself falling asleep..ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
CRAIG
P.S. Great Show! :-)
Morning all
How are you all today? Good? Excellent!
I agree about bumping into boring people, I alway use the Oh my phone's ringing, must answer it routine to escape! Thank god for silent, vibrating phones eh?
As for ex's and mad people, well I kinda enjoy that, but that's the sarcastic devil in me I guess.
Haven't had time to blog much this week but I have read it daily and loved the topics. Great to see new, returning and regulars all chipping in too.
Does anybody know how Hazel is?
Gaby, where are you?
martin - still going strong I hope mate? x
Off into Norwich this morning to buy day stuff for MrsW. Got to work tonight so won't be able to watch the England game, hope we win - but - I also hope Steve Mc stands down after. I'm not really a manager basher as a rule but I cannot believe we are in this position and that he's on tv as I type saying it's been a great campaign and we deserve to qualify??? IMO, we have struggled.
but then what do I know?
Nice to see some faces to names recently on the book of face!
Bonnet de douche
KWx
Hi Chris, got to ask .................. what new car did you get your self? (like you i am car mad)
Morning all. Looking forward to tonight's game - come on England! Also, have recently got into lime-infused Smirnoff (left over from Hallowe'en party) - it's bloody lovely.
Chris - who is this woman? Is she famous? Would love to know!!
Sammie - I agree. When confronted with people I know don't like me, I smile broadly and ask polite questions. Just love exposing their second faces!!
Lyndyloo - enjoy Frank - I'm sure he'll be great.
Mark Harrison - cute baby name.
Gingembre - I too hope Macca buggers off after tonight's game but, if we qualify, I cannae see it happening.
Good luck England x
May I have it on record that I am in Letterkenny, N.W. Ireland, where it's next stop on the bus Rekjavik, and was nowhere near Christoffe Lambie Pie yesterday.
Hmm.
Clodagh.xx
Mind you. Let's hear it for the mad people.
I myself have a little mad person who seeks me out like a guided missile whenever I'm in Galway.
Apparently I remind him of his missus. Now I wasn't sure about this as he's about 103 and clearly mad as a wasp, but when he stared lasciviously at me and came out with "Ah, yous is just like a young Dora Bryan... (hic).." I was utterly delighted and shall never receive a better compliment than that, ever. Marvellous.
Well, not from a mad centugenarian Irishman with a glass eye and one tooth in 'is 'ead anyway.
I'd 'ave given 'im a big kiss but I'd rather be shot than poisoned and even I have limits.
The curious thing is, last time I was there I felt there was something missing, and realised it was him. He's probably up in the big Murphy's Bar in the sky bless 'im.
Speakin' of madmen, Bingo. Yes thanks, petal I did hear it, I was driving through Belfast at the time and thus was able to tune the knobs in as it were. Hurrah.
Ok must go, there's a polar bear with a wire hanger tryin' to rob me car.
Whale blubber.
Clodagh.xx
Good morning!
Well, the sun was shining when I left home, but strangely enough, it's not shining outside my workplace - ho hum.
Traffic was hell this morning, a bad journey takes 30 mins - today it was over an hour into work and not because there was an accident or incident or anything like that, no, it was just sheer volume of traffic.
Am v disappointed. Some young builder type chappies are hanging round my office doing 'stuff' today and there's not a muscle between them, I kid you not!!! Honestly, they're skinnier than the chap that does the Mr Muscle (other cleaning materials are available) adverts!
No chance of a diet soft drink break today then!!
Hope you're all having a lurverly day,
S xx.
P.S. Mark H - I could feel the love as I read your blog!
Bingo - I'ma cap too and you got me top a tee - well done.
PS - is there anything wrong about being an accountant if that is what you wanted to do as a child?
Greetings Of Friendship Ter CLP & ALL Blog Operatatives,
Bingo Star ere, coming ter yer from the waiting room of me local garage!
Bad News ALL, while doing yesterdees astro blog (See yesterdee & day before comments) I left me engine running ter stop me battery draining & unfortunately me car did over...'eat.
I've melted me coolant system!
So i've 'ad ter be towed ter me local garage were they are kindly letting me use their waiting room ter blog!
Nev & Elm - Glad ter be of service, unfortunately I've made a mess of me own/ our own sign - finding it the 'ardest ter write.
So just like ter add : Capricorns are kind, caring, sensitive ter beauty, very witty, always support the underdogs, make good school teachers & very good parents. But errr... can ber abit egotistical.
Also fogot famous cap dudes : Micheal Stipe (REM), Micheal Hutchins (INXS), Gary Barlow, Pete Waterman. Pat Benator, Phil Spector (Beware this is what 'appens when yer music goes ape), plus Des O'Connor & Richard Whitley - interesting Coundown all caps - The Vorderman too!!!
Nev - Err The Bee Gees - don't know if yer knew but Maurice & Robin were twins -'ence same day. Must be very in tune if yer 'ad a twin - same astro exactly!!!!
Plus Barry Gibb - Virgo - 'ence BIG earth 'armony aswell as BIG vocal 'armony...... haa, haa, haa, haaaaarrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! (Sorry just cracked me window!!)
Clodagh - I may be mad but it's your turn next..... oh yes..... Aquariaus - ALL will be reveal termoz about your sign & that of many a R2 employee - lot of Aqs on R2!!!!!
'ope this 'elps!!!!!
'old on the service centre manager needs ter speak ter me.......... "AYE.... 'OW MUCH!!!!!!"
"Does that include anti freeze?"
Chow!
Bingo - love the astrology, if my birthday is 21st Dec does that make me more Sag or Cap?
Good Morning
So when is it ok to cry and when should you try not to?
Just got a bit of a telling off from my boss, it's just his way of talking to me that I find hard to deal with at times. He is so abrupt and I'm not good with that kind of person. The minute he walked out the door, tears, floods. Maybe of frustration who knows, but feel that I should not have cried and should be tougher. Before he left he said 'you don't mind me talking to you like this do you?' Yes I bloody do.
Roll on 5pm
Debbie x
PS. Bingo my husband is a Capricorn, spot on mate x
Debbie: poor you! Your boss sounds like a real sweetie! I have a boss who can be very abrupt and really quite rude, but only if he's had a pint or two at lunchtime. After that, he answers the phone to me saying "WHAT?". I ask him not to be so rude, because it's not on. Of course, he is always mortified the next day. When he doesn't drink, he is not like this at all.
But as for you, you are feeling very vulnerable at the moment and this won't help. Can't you say to him to please not be so abrupt? After you've said it once, he will hopefully get the message ..... unless he goes to the same pub as my boss!
C xx
Yo ALL,
Me again,
EnM - I've already answered your question - see comment #26 18th of November blog - I put abit in that days astro writted just for you.
Debbie - Good match your 'usband being Cap & you a Taurean operatative!!!!!!
Prof Plum - Thanks for your kind words the other dee - i'll be doing your astro soon - Pisces!
Chow!
Debbie
Don't feel awful for crying, you must let it out,
just turn away and don't let him see...
But, another time, when you feel stronger tell
him 'YES I do mind you talking to me like that'
C' mon, head up, shoulders back, onward &
upward......don't let the bad people get you
down :) :) :)
X R
Two faced one and all
That's what some people are.
Debbie don't let your boss upset you, just have a laugh behind his back. Maybe he deserves the nickname Mr Angry. You could also drug his coffee with a laxative perhaps.
I have to say I don't understand the face book thing really. I just took a likeness test but I am left wondering what the answer was. It just said next test due in 24 hours!!!
So I'm 24hrs from Tulsa or what.
Bingo looking forward to Pisces.
I am quite interested in past life readings though. I am convinced in my past life I was an acrobat in a Circus.
Mad dear me dear no dear.
Ciao
Hi Chris,
Is it true? Are you the Chris Evans who has bought the Newbridge on Usk near the Celtic Manor?
The news has caused a frenzy amongst our friends and the gossip is spreading like wildfire!
We could all be wrong and its probably Chris Evans the boring biotechnology billionaire, Wales second richest man but we live in hope!
Excellent idea though which could prove very profitable, especially with the Ryder Cup looming.
Love Nicola x
I've just caught up with the Sunday papers and it amused me to read that "despite his millions, Chris Evans can often be seen driving an old VW Beetle" - such good taste Mr Evans, I have 2 old ones, a new one and a VW camper (and none of your millions :-D )