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blog three eight zero six.

Chris Evans | 11:56 UK time, Wednesday, 11 June 2008

When bad bad bad food turns even worse. Last night I had to...

...go to the airport to pick up my mum and her pals from their hols.

Now here's the deal... the pick up was Gatwick North at 23.15, awkward, awkward time. You see I couldn't leave London last night until 21.30 as I had to go and catch a band showcasing (favour to a mate), and Gatwick is only an hour away at that time of night so, it was hang around here or hang around there. I could have gone home but I would have only been able to stay for about five minutes before setting off again. Anyhow it ends up with me getting there an hour early and of course you're not allowed to wait, I'm also very hungry at this point. "I know," I thought, "I'll go to the garage around the corner, pop in, pick up a bite to eat and then park up until I am summoned by ma ma."

Not the most complicated of plans I know but nevertheless, what could possibly go wrong ?

Cue: my point of view, looking at the refrigerated sanwiches one day old !!!

I had no idea that what could look so effortlessly unappealing by day could look so positively deathly by night. The plastic packaging now mottled with a gloomy condensation, almost doing us a service by disguising what might lie inside. Rows of unselected garbage stood like lepers in a far flung wilderness. What were they to do ? They knew they were not good enough to be real food eaten by people who may care about seeing tomorrow morning. As I looked at them they looked away unable to return my stare. They knew they were not meant for this world. The fruit salads had turned brown, the pork pies had begun to breathe and upon closer inspection even the normally more hoity toity chicken wraps were shriveling up with embarrasment.

Seriously, this was a desperate enviroment for desperate people of which I was now one. So what did I do ?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I bought something, yes something to eat, yes I confess, I did I really did. However the story does not end there.

Stuck on the plastic window of my triangular round of cheese and onion kamikaze roll read the following label....CHEESE AND ONION - NEW RECIPE !

Excuse me, new recipe? It's cheese and onion, that's it...cheese and onion, CHEESE WITH ONION, CHEESE ALONG WITH ONION, ONION AND CHEESE, AN ONION CHEESE THING.

Oh and hang on a minute, these labels were everywhere... look...BACON LETTUCE AND TOMATO...NEW RECIPE....HAM AND MUSTARD...NEW RECIPE, what the hell are you talking about ?

And as if anyone that has to buy one of these sandwiches, who must be on the verge of STARVATION to do so in the first place, cares.

Drivers, late night dudes, hungry people of the roads of great Britain, you have my deepest sympathy.


CLP.

2008.

X.

FORGIVE ANY SPELLING I AM a litlle emotional.

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