Crisis? What crisis?
It's been a year since we last heard from musical legend Brian Pern. A few days ago we announced his return to these fair web pages - now, here's his first update from Poggle Studios! Look out for more next week.
Brian Pern writes...
Brian Pern here. Hello. Thanks for all the birthday wishes, though I am not sixty until 2012 and it isn't my birthday for eight months. Those guys at Wikipedia have got their math wrong, as the Americans would say. Incidentally, Wikipedia also claims that my last solo album only sold 25,382 copies when it did in fact sell 25,885 copies.
I have a problem with Wikipedia. Though a very useful resource, it can be manipulated by the general public who can get their facts wrong, and lazy journalists rely on it too heavily for information rather than doing extensive research. So, for fun I asked Ned, Sue's son, who runs my website, to make something up about me and post it on the Wikipedia site, just to see if any journalist fell for it.
Well, low and behold, whilst promoting my iTunes Essentials package, I had an interview with a guy from the Metro and he asked why I had the world's largest collection nappy TV commercials from all over the world, featuring footage of babies' naked bums being changed.
Firstly, I was annoyed with Ned; he could have made something else up, like, I don't know, my love of Corned Beef or my phobia of carpets. But no. This baby stuff is a tricky field and many fellow rock stars have been accused of being nappy hounds in the past, and I did not want tarnished with the same brush. I denied this of course and explained my Wikipedia experiment. It was research. The Metro guys didn't buy this and have since informed the police. The case continues.
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ALBUM UPDATE
I have spent some time with Lady Ga Ga in the studio and she is mental. She ended up wearing half of the studio equipment on her head that night when we went to the premier of The Expendables together (great movie btw). She must have a strong neck to wear the entire mixing desk on her noggin.
Lady Ga Ga is very difficult to work with but a great artiste. She reminds me of dear Kate Bush dressed in disguise as a charity shop. Lady Ga Ga insists on being called Lady Ga Ga and only close friends are allowed to use her real name, which is a closely guarded secret. I don't know if this is true - I read it on Wikipedia.
An exclusive CD of my 10 best songs comes free with this week's Mail on Sunday. I am not a fan of the Mail, but they did a nice job on the CD so I forgive their right-wing attitudes and Jonathan Cainer's Horoscopes, which are always way out.
SOUNDTRACK NEWS
With sadness I had to pull out of Mel Gibson's latest film, for obvious reasons. One cannot defend his performance in Edge Of Darkness. It was nowhere near as good as the original, late, great Bob Peck.
I had been asked by Mel to write the soundtrack for Billy Bongo, his film about the 17th Century African Freedom Fighter, a film with no dialogue only grunts and groans. Mel is a great guy, very funny and charming and despite its factual inaccuracies, Bird on a Wire is one of the finest films of the century - but Edge of Darkness was the last straw for me. Also, he copped out of the kissing-the-daughter's-dildo sequence, which was so powerful in the original. If Mel won't kiss his daughter's dildo in a movie, he's not worth working with.
I also suspect that he is a bit of a racist. On three occasions he said that he wasn't a fan of reggae, though he didn't mind UB40 - that says it all.
Well, til next week - Get real quick.
Watch and read Brian Pern's previous updates and on Facebook!
Brian Pern is brought to you by ITV Studios and written by Rhys Thomas and Simon Day.
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Brian Pern writes...
Brian Pern here. Hello. Thanks for all the birthday wishes, though I am not sixty until 2012 and it isn't my birthday for eight months. Those guys at Wikipedia have got their math wrong, as the Americans would say. Incidentally, Wikipedia also claims that my last solo album only sold 25,382 copies when it did in fact sell 25,885 copies.
I have a problem with Wikipedia. Though a very useful resource, it can be manipulated by the general public who can get their facts wrong, and lazy journalists rely on it too heavily for information rather than doing extensive research. So, for fun I asked Ned, Sue's son, who runs my website, to make something up about me and post it on the Wikipedia site, just to see if any journalist fell for it.
Well, low and behold, whilst promoting my iTunes Essentials package, I had an interview with a guy from the Metro and he asked why I had the world's largest collection nappy TV commercials from all over the world, featuring footage of babies' naked bums being changed.
Firstly, I was annoyed with Ned; he could have made something else up, like, I don't know, my love of Corned Beef or my phobia of carpets. But no. This baby stuff is a tricky field and many fellow rock stars have been accused of being nappy hounds in the past, and I did not want tarnished with the same brush. I denied this of course and explained my Wikipedia experiment. It was research. The Metro guys didn't buy this and have since informed the police. The case continues.
Ìý
ALBUM UPDATE
I have spent some time with Lady Ga Ga in the studio and she is mental. She ended up wearing half of the studio equipment on her head that night when we went to the premier of The Expendables together (great movie btw). She must have a strong neck to wear the entire mixing desk on her noggin.
Lady Ga Ga is very difficult to work with but a great artiste. She reminds me of dear Kate Bush dressed in disguise as a charity shop. Lady Ga Ga insists on being called Lady Ga Ga and only close friends are allowed to use her real name, which is a closely guarded secret. I don't know if this is true - I read it on Wikipedia.
An exclusive CD of my 10 best songs comes free with this week's Mail on Sunday. I am not a fan of the Mail, but they did a nice job on the CD so I forgive their right-wing attitudes and Jonathan Cainer's Horoscopes, which are always way out.
SOUNDTRACK NEWS
With sadness I had to pull out of Mel Gibson's latest film, for obvious reasons. One cannot defend his performance in Edge Of Darkness. It was nowhere near as good as the original, late, great Bob Peck.
I had been asked by Mel to write the soundtrack for Billy Bongo, his film about the 17th Century African Freedom Fighter, a film with no dialogue only grunts and groans. Mel is a great guy, very funny and charming and despite its factual inaccuracies, Bird on a Wire is one of the finest films of the century - but Edge of Darkness was the last straw for me. Also, he copped out of the kissing-the-daughter's-dildo sequence, which was so powerful in the original. If Mel won't kiss his daughter's dildo in a movie, he's not worth working with.
I also suspect that he is a bit of a racist. On three occasions he said that he wasn't a fan of reggae, though he didn't mind UB40 - that says it all.
Well, til next week - Get real quick.
Watch and read Brian Pern's previous updates and on Facebook!
Brian Pern is brought to you by ITV Studios and written by Rhys Thomas and Simon Day.
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