Paper Monitor
10:02 UK time, Wednesday, 5 October 2011
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Sometimes Paper Monitor is so on top of the daily papers it's actually ahead of them.
Just take yesterday's column and its reference to not getting "catty" about issues.
It's almost as if Paper Monitor knew felines were going to end up centre stage at the Conservative Party Conference, prompting every cat pun on the planet to be featured in today's papers.
The "cat fight" is over Theresa May's big speech calling into question the Human Rights Act. During it she claimed that in one case an illegal immigrant had not been deported because he had a pet cat.
The home secretary said a judge had argued that the fact the Bolivian man and his partner had bought the animal - called Maya - proved the "strength and quality" of their family life.
But after the speech Justice Secretary Ken Clarke accused May of "misrepresenting" the Human Rights Act. He even offered her a bet that she was talking nonsense.
"", trumpets the Sun. Its coverage includes the vital fact that May was wearing kitten heels as she delivered her speech, adding:
"The bust-up was immediately dubbed the battle of the kitten heels versus the Hush Puppies."
The Daily Telegraph says the two got involved in a "cat flap", the Independent says and the Daily Mail has dubbed it "".
But it's the Guardian that goes a step further and throws another animal into the mix with "". Ho ho.
The Daily Mirror, however, is preoccupied with another story. It is one of sabotage, a classic whodunit which has left the victim "extremely shaken" and in tears.
It seems someone ripped the hemline of Nancy Dell'Olio's green ballgown just before her performance on Strictly Come Dancing at the weekend. They also poured some water on it. The paper has fellow contestant Edwina Currie, sharp-tongued judge Craig Revel Horwood and former "love rival" Ulrika Jonsson among its list of suspects.
Ever the professional, Dell'Olio went on with the show but felt the incident "badly hampered her dance". That's the dance where she tripped over her feather boa and was awarded just 12 points out of 40 by the judges.
Now, Paper Monitor is no detective but is hazarding a guess that two left feet might have actually been the culprits of that poor performance.
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