Paper Monitor
11:11 UK time, Tuesday, 10 July 2012
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Paper Monitor has been observing a rather amusing series of letters over the past couple of days in the Daily Telegraph on the subject of cold callers.
Earlier this month, that a government-regulated service which should enable people to block cold callers is being ignored by some teleÂmarketing companies.
Thus, readers put pen to paper, or tapped at their keyboards to share experiences and divulge secrets of keeping cold callers at bay.
Now, Paper Monitor notes that all of the letters featured on Monday and Tuesday were from men. Do women have a higher threshold when it comes to cold callers?
Monday's series of letters was headlined: "Wise and wacky ways to deter cold callers".
The first two fall into the "wise" category - relying on a caller identity service, or simply remaining silent after picking up the phone.
The next really needs to be put into an "unwise" category. Peter suggests blowing a whistle down the phone, but Paper Monitor would like to point out that only a few months ago a lady in Germany was fined 600 euro (£475) employing a whistle and damaging the hearing of a call centre employee.
So here are the wacky: Geoff responds to a cold caller by saying: "Before you go on to tell me things, can I ask what you're wearing?"
Hilariously, Steven from Lancashire recalls a made-up language from his school days which he saves especially for cold-callers.
I manage to rid myself of cold callers by replying to them in Agish, a language I learnt at school. You simply insert "ag" before each vowel sound in every word. Confuses them totally.
In today's letters pages, Peter from Essex simply sings cold callers away. However, Paper Monitor wonders if he doesn't rather like the sound of his own voice, because he bemoans the speed with which the caller puts down the phone. "I am quite a good singer," he states.
The relative's tip that Howard from Gloucestershire shares is pure genius: "Ask them to be quick as he's expecting the undertaker to call".
But there is one single word of sympathy for members of that profession. John from Hampshire writes:
In these days of high unemployment, they have probably struggled hard to find a job - I am sure that most of them don't particularly enjoy doing it. While I make it clear that I am not interested in what they are trying to sell me, I at least treat them with courtesy and thank them for calling.
Paper Monitor thinks this is a brave move. John resides in a small village and unless he's ex-directory, it wouldn't be hard to get him on the blower if ever a cold caller needs a shoulder to cry on.
The 
