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Thanks for sharing. It is a really interesting insight into the dual challenges you face and the opportunity of two milestones six years apart helped demonstrate how much you have personally changed in that time.

It's all about working out how you will accomplish whatever it is that you want to do. I find that pre-planning virtually everything works well... to the extent that my dearly beloved says that I am extremely good at hiding what I cannot do!

Hi Tim, I just stumbled accross your blog. Your experience of parenthood describes so clearly the familiar emotions of anxiety shared by most new parents. But I was also struck by the irony of the advantage of being a Dad who is at home with his child as she grows, a joy many parents miss out on. I am able bodied and managed to drop each of my babies at least once in their babyhood...............all now healthy adults! Best of luck with all the parenting challenges to come.

I am a 49 year old dad in a wheelchair… In the Autumn of 2004 I was living with my daughter Becci who was 15 at the time. I remember her saying to me `don`t do anything silly` as I left her with a family friend before heading off for a paragliding trip to the Himalaya. The next time I was to hear her voice was when I held the phone to my ear as I lay in a hospital bed in Delhi, and the distress in her voice will I believe stay with me always. I had suffered a spinal cord injury as a result of a glider collapse and the ensuing fall and was now paraplegic - to clarify - paralysed from chest down with use of upper body only.
Once back in the UK and at Stoke Mandeville hospital, I was reunited with Becci and also my son Nick who was 18. My impression has always been that both my children have acted with great courage and spirit in the wake of my accident. They made the long journey to visit me in hospital on numerous occasions and I suppose it is at times like this that the bare bones of blood ties are laid bare. Both Nick and Becci were able to cheer me up and provide much relief from the hospital institutionalisation. Nick would take me on high speed wheelchair rides round the wards and corridors and it has to be said that the smooth and seemingly endless labyrinthine passages of the hospital were ideal for this kind of entertainment.
I spent close to 9 months in hospital before landing back in the real world in an accessible bungalow near Brighton. In the 7 years that have passed, Nick has graduated from business school and is forging an interesting career and Becci is on the verge of graduating in Psychology at Surrey University. Nick is based in Birmingham and is very busy, so I do not get to see him often. But it was great when he phoned me recently and said he will come and spend the night for my birthday. I see Becci most Saturdays when she helps me go sailing near Guildford at the Sailability club. Wow - a degree in psychology! That is the hub of this issue. How do we deal emotionally and psychologically within the family when serious injury comes knocking? Every family will deal with things in their own unique way. Perhaps this topic should be enlarged to include the view point of the injured son or daughter and how they relate to their parents. Another time maybe.

This is very amazing life story. Thanks for sharing it with us. If you don't mind I would like to know how did you deal with your accommodation issues? Did you have to relocate or refurbish your existing property to meet you and your family's need?

Miva Partnership Limited

Miva: We were quite lucky that our flat could be adapted for wheelchair access, but it still took about two years for us to be able to return home. Thankfully, Aspire (a spinal injuries charity) have some adapted accommodation available for people with interim housing issues. It's a really complex situation, because technically, we weren't homeless, it's just that I couldn't get into our home!

Paul, When we were both at the National Spinal Injuries Centre, I remember being impressed with Nick, and especially Becci and the way that she seemed to cope with what was happening.

It helped me to begin to picture my future child as someone with a disabled father, if that makes any sense.

I agree, it must be a tough challenge for the children of someone who suffers a sudden disability. They do seem to process stuff and adjust much better than many adults, but it's a lot to take on board if one has limited life experience.

Enjoyed reading this and will follow it .

I ended up in wheelchair April this year due to Spinal injury and have 4 children as a single parent .It makes for intresting challenge and yup i run the toes over now and then to .Especially the older ones as there feet are just so big

MIVA: When I reached a point in hospital where I could consider discharge, I ended up going down the private rented accommodation route. I had long given up the rented flat where I used to live and in any case it would have been impossible to get in and out of it because of the stairs. I found a bungalow in Peacehaven which is a few miles from where I used to live in Lewes, East Sussex. This is a bungalow hot spot - originally developed for returning `Great` War veterans I believe. The local authority then offered me a council bungalow which is also classed as sheltered accommodation which is where I now live since about 4 years. The council poured a fair amount of concrete to smoothen the passage for a wheelchair outside the bungalow and I put in a laminate floor which makes movement so much easier inside. There`s nothing quite like a smooth, hard, level floor and some max inflated tyres to make life a little easier.

Tim, I can associate with your comments on the little ones ability to control where you are sometimes and how as they grow things need to change a bit. I was hurt (T3/4 incomplete paraplegic) in May 2009 and spent 10 months in the QENSIU in The Southern General Hospital in Glasgow. I went in at 44 with 3 children, daughter just 8, son 6 and a baby girl 11 months old. the bigger two enjoyed whizzing around the unit on the chair footplate and I was able to hold and cuddle my littlest one after 4 months when I escaped the High Dependency ward and was able to move a little more. Since coming home the little one has been a hoot, she does not know me any other way and cooperates with me picking her up from my right side as I can't any other way, though in a month or so that will stop as she's too heavy now. She teases me by leaning back on he single bed so I can't reach her, putting dolls in a row on the floor so I can't get in, sneaking behind me where I can't see her etc.. The squashed toes thing they have all developed the necessary spacial awareness shills to keep their feet safe. The bigger two can strip and rebuild my chair is it needs to go into the boot, push me up gradients that are just a "little too steep" but also know not to push at other times as I like my independence.
If you can come to terms yourself with the life change that the injury brings the family have a way of morphing to suit and as a unit I think you get stronger, they certainly learn somne invaluable life skills from adapting to live in close proximity to someone with a significant disability if you include all the other issues I'll not mention here but other paras and tetras will know what I mean.
Ultimately it's not about what you have but how you feel.

Thanks Tim. I always want to hear from wheelchair users and their families how they are coping with their current accommodation and any plans for the future. It is very sad how the system is failing disabled people in term of suitable wheelchair accessible accommodation provision. Since my working life in the disability housing sector, I came accross many terrible stories. Although I currently work for myself as wheelchair accessible housing specialist,I always want to hear from wheelchair users and their families/carers about their life changing experiences. Miva Patnership is hear to help and welcome contribution from the disability community and the public. www.mivapartnership.com

Is that an attachment for your chair with handlebars for yr kid in the picture? Is there a seat for him/her as well? where does one find such a thing ? or did you fabricate it? Thanks for writing, I have a 10 month old boy and am having trouble with my inability to help teach him to crawl and walk.

Paul B: The attachment effectively make my wheelchair into a 3 wheeler, with a bigger front wheel for tackling tougher terrain and handlebars and brake for downhill. My daughter sometimes sits on my lap, but if I gave her her own seat I'd never get her off it!

There are a number of different versions of this piece of kit, you just need to try a few wheelchair suppliers.

As for crawling and walking, this can be frustrating. But most wheelchairs have plenty places to grip, and I remember acting like a human toddle truck when my daughter first started walking. Looking forward to doing it all again....

Good luck!

What a wonderful post. it sounds like you are not only a fully functioning father but one who is extremely caring. What a lot you have been through and you have put first the needs of your children. Your right nowadays there are many more adaptations in equipment for the home. When I first had my accident I had to purchase many things I only associated with a care home; spedning hours on the web looking for things like, wheelchairs, adjustable beds and . What really helped me was that I joined a forum and chatted to other people and they suggested lots of other small tools to get me functioning as a parent. No matter what your disability - whether your a good parent or not comes from within not whether you can play football.

What a heart warming story It's stories like these that give me joy and hope. You are right in that having a child made you focus and what a joy it has turned out to be for you.

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Although I don't no anyone personally who has a disability, however, I did have a friend who had a family member go through a tough time with heart issues and had to under go heart surgery which helped prolong his life. I have found a good reference site with additional information: