After the newsletter
and this only really makes sense AFTER the newsletter...
A man comes home to find his wife on the sofa, asking "Hello, darling, do you notice anything different about me today?"
The man looks at his beloved, and can't think what it is - but he tries to bluff it. "You've had your hair done?"
"No."
"You've bought a new dress?"
"No."
"Um, you've had a makeover."
(arms folded...getting more cross...) "No!"
"New shoes?"
"NO!"
By this time the man is beginning to panic and he starts rattling off more and more wild guesses, until eventually, after about five minutes, with nervous sweat pouring off him, he shouts "OK. I give up. WHAT is different about you today?"
The woman says: "I'm wearing a gas mask".
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Tee hee.
What am I looking at at 5 pm? The clock on the PC to see if I can get away with leaving work yet!
And that BA employee knew full well she wasn't supposed to have jewellery on show at the checkin desk, regardless of it's connotations. Such a fuss. She's going to wreck my excuse that my cross is just a necklace and not a religious symbol if she goes on with this.
I have no Newsletter therefore it was 'Pointless'
;-)
Hahahahahahahaha.
Actually, I think the wife was being very practical -- the husband's farts were no doubt real stinkers.
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
All I can say is don't give up your day job Eddie, that's if you have one, of course! ;)
Mary
Harumph!
If you are going to post blogs that only make sense "after the newsletter" try ensuring everyone has got said newsletter first!
You really have had your head "done in", haven't you???
Eddie, I'm sorry but you are going to have to email Fifi for some new material as hers is MUCH better.
Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.
That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.
Is it common?
It's not unusual
Glass..bottle. Bottle ... glass.
Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Bottle ... glass. Glass..bottle.
So I went to the dentist. He said 'Say Aaah.' I said 'Why?' He said 'My dog's died.''
'Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.''
Glass..bottle. Bottle ... glass.
Oh dear, Eddie. That's all, Oh dear!
Appy, the Newsletter said:
Hello,
The storm clouds are gathering over Television Centre. I'm not trying to make some point about the 大象传媒 (we've just had Ed Balls on The World at One, which has got to be worth another 1% on the licence fee) - I just think it's going to rain.
On our programme tonight, we'll hear from a veteran of Iraq about the Prime Minister's visit to Afghanistan. I know that doesn't make sense but trust me it will. Or it will come so close to making sense, that if you're doing something else while we're on air, you probably won't notice the joins.
There's been a development in the story of the BA employee who wants to wear a cross. We're looking at the story of the drug that could help a woman in a persistent vegetative state "wake up": her family don't want her to have it.
And do you "take" The Times? Honestly, before it was pointed out to you - did you notice anything different about it today?
Which reminds me of an old Tommy Cooper joke. It takes a bit of telling, and to be honest, you really need him to tell it. But if I get a moment later, I might post it on the blog. Not a word to Balls though or we're done for.
By the way - our announcement about a big new thing we want all our listeners to take part in, is just around the corner. What are you looking at, at 5pm, when we come on the air?
Best wishes,
Eric "just like that" Muir
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down.
Do you think I could stay the night?"
The Monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car.
As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound not like
anything he's ever heard before.
The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his
mind.
He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound.
The next morning, he asks the Monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a Monk."
Distraught, the man is forced to leave.
Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.
The Monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a Monk."
The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a Monk, then please, make me a Monk."
The Monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a Monk."
The man sets about his task.
After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A Monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the Monks.
"In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for:
By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask; all a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."
The Monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a Monk. We shall now show
you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."
The Monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."
Te Monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.
The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.
Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The Monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."
The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!
With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound......
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a Monk
Mary
Eddie blogmaster and wireless presenter.
As stated by Aperatif, some of us are still waiting for the Newsletter. Could you please post the Newsletter here until the Newsletter machine works a little better. Otherwise I'll have to wait 27 Hours (on average)
Oh RobbieDo
Thank goodness you didn't leave us!
Are you 'inhabited' by Tommy Cooper? Do you wear a fez?
You certainly make me laugh ....
Now seen the Newsletter courtesy of Fifi on the previous 'Posh' thread
Thanks Fifi
Cup-ball, ball-cup...
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, 'That's a turn-up for the books.'
I went to Blackpool on holiday and knocked at the first boarding house that I came to. A women stuck her head out of an upstairs window and said 'What do you want?' 'I'd like to stay here.', 'Ok. Stay there.'
Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other 'Does this taste funny to you?'
Jus' like that. Hur-hur.
Eddie - Please desist from telling us anything which relies on prior newsletter reading, for obvious reasons. You could however copy various bitter complaints from others above, about not receiving the NEWSLETTER and paste into this space. I don't want to have to mention it again.
A man went into the dentists (did I mention it was late on a winter's afternoon) and said " I'm sure I'm turning into a moth"
The dentist said "So why have you come in here then, we're a dental surgery?"
Man;"Well the light was on..."
Mary! Please tell me.
A sinful man died and goes to Hades. The Devil greets him in a large hallway, with several doors leading off.
'Welcome, welcome, Brother. In which room would you like to lodge?'
The man answers: 'How can I answer when I know not what lies behind each door?'
The Devil, who is a helpful soul, smilingly replies: ' We have no secrets here. You may look inside each room before choosing your lodging place. But once chosen, you cannot change your mind.'
One by one the doors are opened.
In the first room boiling oil is being poured by devils over screaming souls.
In the second room a devil with pincers extracts the finger and toe nails from the souls within.
The third room is full of souls being pulled from limb to limb by devils.
The fourth contains souls being hammered repeatedly over the head.
In the fifth room, devils supervise a large number of souls who are standing up to their waists in a lake of s**t.
The sinful man, on seeing this, turns to the Devil saying 'This is the room I choose'.
The Devil smiles, and beckons him into the room. As the man enters, the Devil clicks his fingers at the souls within, adding the words:
'Okay, teabreak over. Back on your heads.'
Thanks Fearless.
And thanks everyone for the amusement. Marvellous. :-)
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind' ,
so he gave me a kite.
I got up just like that, well it could of been like that, but, no it was like that.... anyway I leapt up, and I opened the door in my pyjamas, It's a funny place to have a door I know.
So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'
'I was cleaning out the attic the other day with the wife. Filthy, dirty and covered with cobwebs.... but she's good with the kids...'
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
Great Blog.
And finally
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."
Glass..bottle. Bottle ... glass.
I'm getting fed up with never receiving the newsletter, so I've decided to finally get round to subscribing to it. Now I'll be able to not receive it with the rest of you.
In the meantime, here's one of my favourite stories. I do hope these don't all have to be TC's.
By the way, replace "blonde" with your stereotype of choice.
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes so badly, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll be lucky and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank.
Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts, "Oh! This one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Mrs Trellis - Beat me to that one!
just like that
AAAAaaaaargh!!!!!!
Stop it....
I can't stand any more.
I'm a monk (16) - I don't believe you!
Mary
Ah bless you all - you've given me a right good laugh today just when I needed it (am feeling distinctly under the weather and miserable..but not any more!)
Man knocks on the door, a little boy comes to the door with a glass of whisky and smoking a cigar.
The man asks "is your Mother in"?
The boy replies "what do you think"?
I went to the Doctor. He said "you've got a serious illness". I said "I want a second opinion"
He said "all right, you're ugly as well".
Ah...thank you & good night Mr Cooper wherever you are.
The manager sent his two centre halves on a team building course.
The course instructor gave them each a hunting rifle and sent them out to catch a wild animal. After a while they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and examined the tracks carefully.
The first centre half announced, 鈥淭hose are deer tracks. This is deer season, so we should follow the tracks and find our prey.鈥
The second centre half responded, 鈥淭hose are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. If we follow your advice, we鈥檒l waste the day.鈥
Each man believed himself to be the better woodsman. Neither would concede.
*
*
*
*
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Blame My Accountant!
A football agent called Thomas Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.
鈥淗ere lies Thomas Strange, an honest man and a football agent,鈥 he responded.
鈥淪orry, but I can鈥檛 do that,鈥 replied the stonecutter. 鈥淚t鈥檚 against the law to bury two people in the same grave, and the authorities would be confused. However, I could put 鈥楬ere lies an honest football agent.鈥欌
鈥淏ut that won鈥檛 let people know who it is鈥 protested the agent.
鈥淪ure they will,鈥 replied the stonecutter. 鈥淓veryone who reads it will think, 鈥楾hat鈥檚 Strange!鈥欌
Thank you, thank you, you've all de-stressed a nasty afternoon (all of my own doing, don't feel sorry for me!).
so the Director of the Hudersfield Contemporary Music Festival as interviewed on PM a few moments ago doesn't think ' you can differentiate between noise and music really'.
well that explains a lot then!
How nice to here the new PM theme tune from the Hudersfield Contemporary Music Festival.
I've just discovered a hitherto unrecognised musical talent - I had a slight accident in the kitchen and dropped my saucepans.
Oh and did anyone notice in the second bit of that piece there was a marked resemblance to the theme music of Noggin the Nog?
Mary
Trying to catch up with comments and suggestions*. Wracking my brains about photos, audio links, copyright, weekend moderation, beaches etc. etc. etc.
Peter the Editor (the real editor not just blog editor) is delegating everything to me and I'm referring everything back up to him.
Be patient. You are victims of your own success.
* Big Sis...am not ignoring your email...I am cogitating.
My SO is after something.
After making us lunch (admittedly only re-heating the soup I made yesterday) he is now mixing sun-and-yardarms for two.
Oh, and delivered mine. Hurrah! Quick dip at the beach, methinks, and then off in search of food.
Thanks for re-posting the Newsletter on here, Aperitif. I was all set to do it again but you beat me to it.
You're welcome Jonnie. Always!
Got stung by a bee this morning...
Ten quid for a pot of honey!
I was driving home the other day when the boss called to tell me I'd been promoted. I swerved a bit but was ok.
Ten minutes later he called again to say I'd been promoted again. I swerved a bit more, but recovered just in time.
Then the boss called me once more to tell me I'd been made the boss! I couldn't help but swerve off the road and hit a tree.
The cops arrived and asked me what happened.
So I told them, "I careered off the road"!
Went to the Doc's the other day. "How bad is it?" I asked him.
"Put it this way", he said, "don't put on any long-playing records!
Gawd bless yer Tommy, wherever you are.
That's all very well Lissa, but did you like the sneezing panda I sent you?
Lissa:
Don't over cogitate - It's not good for you!
Big Sis
in that annoying way words have when you are past 40 Lissa's title changeed to Blog Muffin when I first read it.
Could I just point out that if everything just gets referred down and then back up nothing is ever going to happen? It's a bit like query ping pong.
and what's all this about a sneezing panda?:-)
Admin annie (40), unfortunately, I've had that problem since my 20's...
and yes, Annasee, sneezing panda?
BTW, I've just received the PM auto-reply to the email I sent ~36 hours ago. The 大象传媒 servers must be doing something pretty fiendish on their own, to be so pre-occupied... questions, I think, to be asked...
I rather like Blog Muffin
Okay, that's just not on! All I said in the frog that was moderated was that when I hean the piece that admin annie refers to in (32) I happened to say out loud that he was talking complete "spherical objects" and I got moderated!:((
if you really wrote spherical objects FF then that is indeed harsh.
And while the word you undoubtedly used out loud at the time is not one that ever passes my lips I have to say that I am in complete sympathy with the sentiment!!
Would be interesting to know (re FFred 43), since it was suggested that moderation was done from the US, whether the list of words to cause posts to be excluded is UK-centric.
I know it is always difficult to get tone right, and goodness knows the Beeb probably has 101 guides to follow.
Lissa, would it help to have a more detailed moderation guide than is provided on the Message Board help?
I once got in fearful trouble for using the sh** word in a US/UK managers meeting and was told that US colleagues were shocked by my use of it. Given the language my children had picked up from US movies I found this astonishing, but then a lot of my colleagues were southern Baptists.
Mind you automated text checking is subject to all sorts of mis-interpretation - you try getting respectable medical research papers past some automated checking systems!
I just loved the report from Huddersfield. I have spent too much of my life playing music like that. It's not the playing that's the problem, it's the hours & hours of resentful practice you have to do to get it perfect for the concert. It may sound like chaos, but believe me that's deliberate. He meant it to sound like that. Whaddya mean you couldn't hear the tune? How old -fashioned ARE you?It's exciting. It's cutting edge. It's new. In fact, it sounds like PM to me!
I think I just frogged on the wrong pad. Everyone seems to be here and not there and I just feel so alone over there. So I'll come here instead. :-)
excellent laugh here today, thanks all.
How can you get moderated for referring to spherical objects when Ed Balls was on TWAO and Eddie referred to him in his newsletter?
Fifi (36),
My newsletter didn't turn up until 21.57. It was Fearless who put it on here because I whinged - I'll pass your thanks on to him.
A, x.
For some bizarre reason, my newsletter arrived at 1.34 - good eh? I've told you my theory already about them working from one end of the list to the other on alternate weeks haven't I? The first shall be last and the last shall be first?
Steve - 'frogged on the wrong pad', I love that!
Who else was with us on the Sweetie Run? I've gone blank (another common occurrence for the over 40 and then some mores)
Good morning.
Round here a good word for the over 50s (Valery P at 51) is CRAFT: Can't remember a fxxxxxx thing. My daughter kindly says that when you are older you have so much more to sift through in the brain.
I joined in very briefly in the sweetie run. It seemed a good idea at the time although i don't like sweets.
I am all for cogitation, beats moderation anyday.
Cogitation - moderation - cogitation - moderation -cogitation -moderation ....
... a new mantra, or a Tommy Cooper for the modern age.
Any further sweetie run thoughts welcome. Post here or send to Fifi for me to pick up - Thanks.
okay, maybe I didn't write spherical objects... but I did * the first o in the word. Maybe I should have used some of the alternatives:
The things on the side of a boat you put the oars in: the rollocks
The concrete posts seen in the street: the bollards
the hills in Somerset: the Quantocks
Any other suggestions?
FF:
Just in case the previous posting from me to you was moderated, I'll try balloons.
And another hug.
Big Sis x
Fearless (54),
I believe someone once produced a guide for doctors not brought up here to translate all the various euphemisms the British use for parts of the anatomy.
Perhaps we should try to get hold of a copy for users of the blog to circumvent moderation without causing offence.
Else we could resort to inventing words. I believe it was Ben Elton who, challenged to come up with an acceptable term for part of the female anatomy to use in a comedy sketch, coined 'toot toot'.
"This chap started talking to me about this and that - about which I know very little".
(Chick Murray)
Forum/blog moderation, FF (44), can be a minefield.
In another place, someone was trying to describe a walk from Tomintoul to ****bridge. Eventually he had to call it Male Chicken Bridge to stand any chance of people knowing where he was talking about!
What chance does this have then?
We have a chap at work here who lives on the Semicock Rd - honest it's true. More often referred to now as Halfprick Avenue
Oh Chick Murray - now he was a joy.
I never have had a good memory for the content but his style of delivery was wicked. My Pa and I used to get comp tickets to the Citizens Theatre in Glasgow, so I remember seeing him many, many many years ago.
You'll never believe this .....
I tried posting anagrams of certain words, and they, too, were moderated!
We live in a police state .....
(Jumping up and down) It was! It was! It was!
To clarify, prior to the balloons, I posted a Spanish offering to you, Fred. Something the bullfighters eat and which appears on menus, which is a completely proper word. But it has been moderated!
I'm reposting without the anagrams.
Am off now to visit aged parent. On the beach there is a bit of a discussion about starting a book club. Other froggers might like to think about it too.
See y'all at the next lily pad!
Whilst I hope not an issue for moderation, RobbieDo's comment reminded me of a place somewhere near where my dad used to live in the midlands (Twycross, Atherstone sort of way) - saw it marked on a map: "King Dick's Hole". Childish, I know, but I've been laughing at that for years.
The strange thing that I have noticed with the moderators is how abitary what they will allow is. The perfect example is RobbieDo (59) and yet poor old FF cannot say the B word. Strange eh?
Chick Murray...
"There are two rules for drinking whisky. First, never take whisky without water, and second, never take water without whisky"...
Och Aye! Cheers Chick.
As a bit of an aside - mainly because I'm desperately trying to get something done for this afternoon - I'm planning to start a web page on which I can park phrases that return "no matches" when put into 'oogle. (Hm, I think I may have mentioned this before - which would indicate how dull I am.) Now, I don't really understand the way 'oogle works, and it does seem to be the case that pages which it knows exist contain phrases which still then return no matches - so this isn't quite the paradox it seems - but some are still surprising. For example, "roasted turnips and mashed potatoes" does not match any documents, whilst "freaky fast cat" returns one. "the fuzzy haired dog" matches none, neither does "is this really the end of the world as we know it?"
In a lot of ways, this shouldn't be surprising because it is understood in linguistics that if you construct a non-trivial sentence, then it could well be unique. And yet I do still find it surprising.
John H...I know exactly what you mean.
John H
Just tried it and would you believe:
Your search - "the wit and wisdom of Eddie Mair" - did not match any documents.
Got to be a mistake!
But John H (67)
The search would no longer return "no match" if you did that.
Judith (69), that's the paradox bit... As I pointed out (slightly ambiguously), it does seem to be the case that some return no matches even if the phrase in question does appear out there in "web land". And, in part, this project appeals to me because some of these phrases deserve to be represented somewhere!
Fearless - I used the word for things in the road that's a bit like mallards once and it was moderated. I can only presume that's because it was followed by an exclamation mark, as you seem to have got away with it, but I'm not taking any chances. Also, anything that one puts asterisks into seems to be moderated - perhaps using the "just in case" school of editing? I think it msut depend upon which pixie (hello current pixie) is on duty.
John H (67) But why? Interesting as words and phrases are, you clearly have far too much free time. You need to get out more. Want my advice? Act fact!
Apropos of nowt, my dad's aunty used to provide digs for Chick in Glasgow.
Bizarrely, I was brought up not to find him funny. Nor Billy Connolly.
Prudish parents... I grew out of it, obviously!
RobbieDo (69)
Did you really think anybody could match "the wit and wisdom of Eddie Mair"?
H.
RobbieJohnDo,
Have you tried it without the words "and wisdom"? (Sorry Eric).
Ouch! Gosh Humph, you are sharp!
Nice one.
Gosh, I think I've been moderated for suggetsing that Eddie's wisdom may not be recognised???
Touchy little pixies today!
Re the wit etc of eddie mair check this out:
Appy - I'm sad enough to have gone and tried and hey:
Your search - "the wit of Eddie Mair" - did not match any documents.
BUT
"Eddie Mair" & "aperitif" gives 3 matches
Something we should know?
Freaky fast cat (68) - LOL!
Drinks (72) - ah, I can see that the point was rather lost with the made up examples - just for dramatic effect. This came about because sometimes when I'm searching for stuff properly (ie seriously), I'm amazed at what doesn't match anything.
What is this "getting out" you mention? If it wasn't patently ridiculous, I might think you were implying that there was something beyond the strange "glass panels" - ho, ho, what a joker you are.
Been sniggering about "act fact" though!
RobbieJohnDo (79), I wish! But only three???
JH (80) OK, your amazement is noted, but still - why? What would it achieve to have a page of apparently useful pharses that, when googled, match nothing but your lists of matches that cannot be found anywhere else? Or am I overly concerned with achievement? (Admittedly, this has been said before).
After considering your comment at some length, Drinks (81), I've come to the conclusion that you may be overly concerned with achievement.
I don't think it is supposed to "achieve" anything other than the mildly amusing - insignificant - paradox that doing it creates.
Anyway, after almost forgetting a talk today, best I don't forget to get Mrs H from the station!
Go for it, JH, set up your fairly pointless web page merely for the sake of amusement and ignore the likes of me - clearly my sense of fun has disappeared altogether. Oh the shame.
You do realise that, in collecting Mrs H, you are going to have to - gulp - go beyond the glass panels? Be careful out there.
Hope you've remembered how to talk too...
"Talk" - that's the white powdery stuff, yes?
Regarding the fact that well known phrases or sayings sometimes can't be found via oogle, have you tried other search engines? I did an HTML course once (you wouldn't think so now, would you?) and learned that the various search engines operate in different ways. So if I can't find what I want by ogling, I try asking another S/E instead. Then there's always the MSN search that comes in IE.
Thanks for the humour, all; I'm struggling to catch up after 1.5 days away...
John H - I encourage you to set up a site as suggested. Then -
John,
try .
xx
ed
JH (85), I'm amazed that one wasn't moderated. I suspect that the 'white powdery stuff' is what you were snorting before you forgot how to talk and leave the house...