Christmas is coming and
people who subscribe to the newsletter have started sending in cracker jokes.
Q: What do you do when you see a space, man.
A: Park in it, man.
(David Anne Jude Evans)
There were two cats - an English cat and a French cat.
The English cat was called 'one two three'.
The French cat was called 'un deux trois'.
They decided to have a swimming race across the channel.
Who won??
Answer:
One two three cat won, because un deux trois cat sank!!
(Sean Muirhead)
"What's small brown and sticky ?"
A stick
(Richard Pain and Mandy Rea)
Got this one last week in a cracker I pulled:
Q Why did the pilot land on a house?
A Because they'd left the landing light on
But my ALL-TIME favourite of ALL-TIME is:
Q If buttercups are yellow, what colour are hiccups?
A Burple!
(Andrew Disbury)
Q. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A. A 'Doyouthinkhesawus'!
(Anna Franklin)
What's green and stands in the corner?
A naughty frog
(Kevin Luff)
What do you call a donkey with three legs?
Wonky!
(Alison Page)
Why did the French train derail?
Too loose le trek.
(Stephen Brady)
Oh and here are some of the Christmas cards we've received...
thanks to Charlie, Little Miss Poppy and Witchi
Then there was this glorious one from Gossipmistress (can you name all three?)
And Dr Hackenbush has created this:
Thank you all!
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Listen to PM
God save us!
Christmas is coming. True. And, many will eat and drink to excess. Also True
Anyway, in conjunction with all of the usual dietry advicewe might also consider this:
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans
3. Africans drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans
4. Italians drink large amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans
5. Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you
Feliz Navidad y Bon Nadal..!
Aperitif @ 1
As much as I like you. Don't hold your breath
Charlie (2) Thanks for the advice regarding my heart - now what can you tell me about my gallstones which were diagnosed yesterday?! ;o(
I sent this to all my friends - and Eddie.
Gillian @ 4
I'm sorry to hear your news
If you haven't already found this link, it's very well worth reading:
Try not to worry and enjoy your Christmas..!
Charlie (2) - Hold on a minute! Your conclusion appears to be based on the premise that Americans speak English.
As they might say: "This theorization based on dieticiary datas from mulipliciatory regionary authorities should be the subject of further objectivesed analization."
Thank you Charlie (6) Despite the advice given to me by the man who did the scan, I will NOT be eating crackerbreads for my Christmas Dinner!
Cracker joke told to me by a 7 year old.
Did you hear about the man who didn't know the difference between arson and incest?
He set fire to his sister. Don't think the 7year old got it
Gillian - my friend's just had his removed and he feels great! (He was - unlike you! - overweight and is still losing weight 4 weeks later as well so he's a happy bunny!)
Gillian, I seem to remember that Samuel Pepys had his stone removed without anaesthetic, (this being the 1660s or thereabouts and medical practice being a bit basic then) and subsequently used to carry it about with him in a specially made case and show it to people.
Hopefully yours will be less troubling!
Gillian, sorry indeed to hear about the gallstones. Been there, done that, and as a fit thirty-year-old who wasn't even blonde I have to say that sometimes the things are nothing to do with *any* of the conditions noted on the factsheet. They can be simply NOT FAIR.
It took ten days to be reasonably fit again after the surgery, and given that it was a nineteen-stitch incision, that's pretty short as time goes, which might be a slight comfort.
*Then* someone told me that sometimes, just eating brown bread and lots of lettuce dissolves the stones and one doesn't need the surgery. So if I tell you that now, and you happen actually to like lettuce and brown bread, it might be worth your trying it. I do not say that I know it to work, too late alas too late...
Good luck whatever happens.
I thought Pepys was 'cut for the stone' in the bladder - or did I get that muddled with the gall bladder?
Horsey, there is a transatlantoid incorrectitude in your spellingization of 'objectivesed'. It should be 'objectivezed', with a zee.
Thanks everyone - I don't know if I'm a candidate for surgery yet as I was too flabbergasted to ask how many stones there are, or how big they are. I've had 5 ''attacks'' in the last 18 months, so that might not be fequent enough to warrant an op - which I am SURE would be done through key-hole surgery with a general anaesthetic!!!
I'm seeing my GP after Christmas so I'll have a better idea of what's what soon.
Thanks again for your thoughts. Anyone for a brown bread and lettuce sandwich, or shall I save them for breakfast?!