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The problems with Glitter are obvious. As this tale of high-pitched New York warbler Billie (Mariah Carey) unfolded I just couldn't give a monkey's. From the very start, with a young Billie entering an orphanage after being dumped by her single mom, you could see that Mariah would be guilty of over-egging emotion with her one "sad face", hewn from granite and hauled out throughout the film at appropriate moments. Not to mention her excruciatingly over-explaining lyrics ('She was kinda fragile and she had a lot to grapple with...'). I got the point from your pout, Mariah. I need no more information on your grappling issues.

But this weakness becomes Glitter's gift. I was so turned off by Mimi's melodic couplets, my attentions then turned to the film's second star - Dice. Here was a character hungrily played by Max Beesley, frantic to prove himself in his Hollywood debut, proud like a cockerel from high-profile Mel B love-ins and blissfully unaware that the TV slag heap of Hotel Babylon was waiting in the wings like a stalker. Dice is supposedly the most famous DJ/producer in New York and boy does our Max go for it. Resplendent in singlets or leather trousers (or both) for most of the film, he bounces around like a panting puppy. Sometimes he's the overprotective manager, outraged when his Billie has to wear skimpy outfits for video shoots. Other times he's a grinning in puppet master with ADD, eager to push Billie's cleavage into the faces of every music mogul in town.

Glitter works best not as a music star's vanity project but as a film about a man gagging to prove his worth. Mariah may look bored, but Max is hyperactive. As an accurate portrayal of alpha male desperation, it's up there with Fight Club.