Not so mighty oaks (53)
- 7 Sep 07, 11:25 AM
Rambouillet, near Chartres, in the rain, Friday - A new morning, a new campsite 鈥 and a new way to be woken up before any normal human wants to be unsnoozed.
Yesterday, it was a rabid dog attacking the campervan next door; two days ago, the freezing dawn air whistling round the van after someone 鈥 let鈥檚 call him Den Birs 鈥 left the windows open and the electricity off.
Today? Today it was the sound of unspecified lumps of something falling out of the trees above us and crashing onto the roof of the van.
Donk. Donk. Donk. CRASH. Donk. Donk.
In those pre-dawn hours of feverish, scratchy dreams, the noise was terrifying. What in the name of all that is holy was going on?
Were we being hounded by a crack squad of giant, conker-throwing Gallic squirrels, hell-bent on ridding their country鈥檚 bucolic campsites of any foreign rugby fans that dared set foot in their territory?
Had the Dutch couple two pitches along decided to wreak a terrible revenge for being kept awake by the sound of Dirsy and me yelling in anguish each time a mouthful of late-night burnt its way down our gullets?
Or 鈥 shudder 鈥 were the trees themselves about to crash down onto our puny home, crushing us instantly into a tin grave like a couple of unwashed, unshaven sardines?
The pair of us staggered from our vehicle, eyes wild, hair sticking up like demented hedgehogs, wailing and shrieking like a couple of fruity old divorcees at a concert.
What did we find?
Acorns. Acorns the size of chickpeas. Acorns so small, so soft, that you could throw a cluster at a nearby meringue and not even leave a dent.
And they say this generation has no bottle.
Today we journey on towards Nantes, with a stop-off in the Loire Valley en route to catch the this evening 鈥 ideally somewhere dripping with Gallic atmos. All suggestions welcome鈥
Ps. By the way, we鈥檒l have some new pics of our van up on flickr at some point today. Any ideas for a name for the old girl?
Tom Fordyce is a 大象传媒 Sport journalist travelling around France in a camper van with Ben Dirs.
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The Bloggernaut.
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Great blog!
Any one got any ideas how to read this while at work without getting grief of the IT guys!!!
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Well obviously a female name.
It has to be well adjusted, an old name, but with a hint of modern new...
And obviously something you could imagine your neighbour's wife being called.
So how about Janice, or Doreen?
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Our kids call ours 'PIKEY'
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Great Blog guys, would it be too sensible to call the old girl Winnie?
Has Dirsy splashed out on a windscreen sun strip with your names on? That would be classy.
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All this male bonding is making you much less of a man.... Only girls name their vehicles - ask Clarkson!
Anyway, hope you do some good reconnaisance in Nantes and let us know the places to be.
Arriving on thursday evening for the SA match... Anyone know any events happening thursday night & friday before the game?
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Glad you stood up to be counted as the bombs fell on you this morning lads... who says the English spirit is faltering ;P
personally, i think you should paint the van up in a nice White and Red with "Cool Ruckings" down the sides... did the Beeb specify that it couldnt have a custom paintjob?? im sure itd be only too easy to find a few lagered up England fans to give you a hand with the finer applications of some dulux...
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Veg Meister... NO-ONE.. and i mean no-one listens to the IT guys... just throw a copy of STUFF magazine (or any other fine gadget magazine... no biase :P ) into their office... problem solved (though all productivity may cease for a week or two... like anyone would notice). :D
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Van-est-ca for your lovely transport's name?
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How about 'Big Jessie', since there are obviously a pair of them in the van...
p.s. I'd like to point out that, as I don't live in the UK, I'm not paying a single penny for your antics, but I'm loving every minute of reading about them! Keep up the good "work".
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I'm surprised (or maybe I'm not) at the time it is taking you to travel. Having driven from Poitier to Brussels in under 8 hours a year last July just to get home to see the boy Rooney get a red card I know the autoroutes are fairly swift! Is it that you are trying to save grog tokens for road tolls from your 大象传媒 expense account and using minor roads? Are you finding the nearest auberge to your campsite and spending all afternoon acquainting yourselves with the local gastronmie? Why such slow progress?
And a name for the camper? Could I be so non-PC to suggest (after all it is a rugby blog) that you name her after one of those songs we fondly remember singing down the club in our formative years --- Maggie May, Diamond Lily, Carolina, Dinah, The Good Ship Venus???
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Ben and Tom
Speaking from a squirrells point of view. Would you like 2 lairish yobs sleeping underneath you, with Calvados/Garlic breath, floating its way up too you, making unruly noises all night waking you up in a dodgy old camper van, hired from a mate where the maximum speed is 45kms per hour?
Anyway. That prize of a Jammy donut. Its not good enough really is it?? Your thoughts?
How about call the camper van FIONA and we could call it quits!!!
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I think you should call her Matilda or does that sound too Australia? Mabel? Rose? Gertrude? Agatha? Its beginning to sound like a WI meeting? Where are people planning to watch the Opener? I can't spend my usual Friday down the pub because I have to get a good night's sleep as I'm getting up at the crack dawn to drive to Lens.
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After the Mother Womble "Madame Choulet" as teh way your describing yourselves you sound like a couple of wombles getting up each day!!
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Is there a city in the world that DOESN'T have an Irish Bar??!!!
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You're in France, gastronomic centre of the known universe - so surely it must be Priscilla, Queen of the Dessert?
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I think as you work for "Auntie" Beeb, you could call the van "Uncle". Kudos for Ben and yourself walking / driving round france proclaiming to be "The Men from Uncle"
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I would second the naming of the vessel "The good ship venus". Which of the intrepid bloggers is the Captain and which the first mate is a matter for debate.
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Gallic squirrels...pah, our Philadelphia hood squirrels laugh in their pathetic galois faces. The wife and kids are terrified when they go out the back door and see the squirrels from the hood insolently sitting on the rubbish pins gnawing on some ill gotten food - I am not positive, but I am sure one of them whispered "do you want a peice of me" the other day.
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Gotta be 'Bertha' for the van.
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Pah, the Philly Homey Squirrels laugh in the face of Garlic French Squirrels (sounds like a menu item you might see in deepest south USA - any other suggestions on how to cook them...). The kids are sure they are going to get mugged by the vicious blighters that have sent up home around our trash can (rubbish bins to you Dirsy). Apparently one whispered to my son " d'ya want a piece of me?" the other day.
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I know it seems to go against the spirit of this thread but I thought I might ask a rugby related question. Although I rate Olly Barkley highly (and think he merits his place in the squad)does anyone else think that Brian Ashton should have taken specialist fly-half as cover for injury prone Jonny?
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I'd love it to be called "The Wanton Dog II" after our original Wanton Dog, a C-reg Renault Trafic converted minibus with easy open windows and an apparent gas chamber, was "put to sleep" last year. The Dog is dead, long live the Dog II.
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Ben and Tom
I think I have worked it out why you haven't been sleeping very well of late.
SOLUTION
I'll give you the solution first. Ben you need to wear a hat on your head to cover it up.
REASON
It was a full moon last night, very bright, and everytime the clouds passed under the moon it was similar to a lighthouse going off and on in your camper van because of the moon shining on Bens head!! No wonder the squirrells were kept awake!!!!
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"The Mullet" after Ben's hair. And you could always claim it's pronounced "Moul茅" which is French for cake tin. Quite fitting by the sounds of your van!
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Is your van rouge? Or is it a van blanc?
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You really should call the transport ' Coq's au Van'
N'est pas mon braves?!!
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I'd name her after a great England and Tigers legend, but make it female. It's got to be Martina!
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There are 3 irish pubs in Central Nantes:
* John McByrne - 21, Rue des Petites Ecuries
* Buck Mulligans - 12, Rue du Ch芒teau
* Molly Malone - 33, Rue de Verdun
(John McByrne usually has the biggest screen.)
There's also a french rugby bar which is OK:
* Webb Ellis & Co - 6, Rue Santeuil
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What? you want a name for the camper??
this is a rugby tourament isn't it?
why not 'sweet chariot'? or is that too partisan towards one side?
I know the tourament hasn't actually started yet, but I haven't seen any rugby jerseys in paris yet - it's like a rugby ghost town!
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It's gotta be the Sweet Chariot!
Or something along those lines; perhaps the 大象传媒 Chariot or the "ForDirs" Chariot...
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The only possible name to give this transport and get to keep your membership of the Man Club is "Death Bus 2007"
And to Veg Meister: The answer is *be* one of the IT Guys Muahahahaha! Ignore Aaron, he forgets that the IT Guys know which web sites he visits *and* know his mum's email address :D
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Well there's certainly an Irish bar in Nantes - I was in it in October last year, although there didn't seem to be anyone non-Irish in it, including the staff.
Trev Wallace, that'll be Madame Cholet I think you'll find, named after a town which is actually only a short drive from Nantes, if the guys fancy a visit.
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My aunt used to call her van Gloria, as in "sic Transit Gloria".
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Right - we've arrived in Angers now, and with mere moments to go until France-Argentina kicks off, we're going to dive into town and see what cheeky madness we can find.
Before then - loving these names for our camper. After intense consulatation, the top three options at this point in time (in reverse order) are:
3. Priscilla Queen of the Dessert (bit of a mouthful, but then so are most French puddings)
2. Van Blanc (clean, crisp and elegant, much like Dirsy on the dancefloor)
1. The Bloggernaut (because it, er, sounds like juggernaut, and includes blogger too. Ahem...)
Final decision to be made when we stagger back to the van in the early hours, well and truly celebrated after Le Grande Match.
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nickc - in a word, yes. Going to the Rugby World Cup with Wilkinson as your only specialist fly-half is a bit like entering a nightclub with only one chat-up line. If that fails, you're pretty much having to make it up as you go along.
Chris - Death Bus 2007? Are you a goth?
Fiona - Oi, oi, oi, calm down love, no need to be offensive - I am as God made me madam.
Helen - Mullet? Do me a favour, my hair may have grown a bit out of control, but I haven't quite gone down the Terry Nutkins route. Yet.
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The World Cup is just hours away... COME ON!
Going along with the Winnie theme, but with a nod to RWC95, I think the campervan should be called Mandela - after Winnie Mandela.
Enjoy the feast of rugby lads,
Ade
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Just checked out the photos to try and put faces to the cricket commentary that gets me through hours of tedious office time and got to say Tom is looking suspiciously like the blonde one from that Colin and Justin decorating programme.
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Oh oh!! I have it!
How about...
"Indiana Dirs and the Fordyce of the Lost Cause..."
Despite being an avid England fan, its just like the red roses chances this time round isn't it haha.
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Please refrain from any further comments about Ben's cheveux, clearly a sensitive issue and we should not go there (at least until review of the next video update).
Looking forward to the opener, should be a bone crunching bruiser of a match, Allez les Pumas!
Hope Tom and Ben make it back safely to the Home on Wheels tonight. This is going to be a long haul trip, and as I imagine they will make some friends along the way, how about "The Humpster".
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Lads, if you're following the rugby then why is someone else commentating on the opening match?? would hate to think my licence fee money is helping you pickle your livers while you swan around france and letting someone else pick up the slack (which i'm guessing there's a lot of if your six sheets to the wind)
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Re: names for the behemothmobile.
Using Ben and Tom as an acronym you could call it the BATmobile..... noone's used that name before have they???!!!!
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since you are representing England, it would be appropriate for the van to be called 'Rosie' I would think ..
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In Nantes
Night time - head for the Caf茅 Pop. Tiny. Nice people. In the daay time you absolutely have to go to Ile aux Machines to see the 12m high mechanical elephant walking about. This is truely a site to behold
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Neither of you are even remotely funny. Honestly, why not give it up now and go back to a lifetime of hospital radio.
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Mais bien sur, toodle-pip, les garcons!
Rumours abound in the Shire that you have found a strange land where babies ride bicycles, a house costs less than ten pounds, and snails eat huge pies filled with nothing but marmalade made from onions.
C'est veritablement vrai?
And do you find this place through a huge under-sea tunnel? A rustic land which only exists between May 1st and October 31st, sleeps 8 people and you have to arrive and leave on a Saturday?
Allo allo!
Maybe it is true, I said. But then surely Non! Do not ask me to believe you have chanced upon a world where the working class play rugby!
Ridicule!
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You should try Blois.
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Surely it has to be 'van rose'. Fits with being English, French wine and 2 blokes sharing such close quarters for so long!
Remember Angers is the home of Cointreau!
Certainly quite a few Irish bars in Nantes on streets below the cathedral.
Nev
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If Monsieurs Fordyce & Dirs are intent on visiting real rugby country, go to Yves' bar in Homps (Aude)on the Canal du Midi between Carcassonne & Narbonne.
Le Bar Rive Gauche serves fabulous salads, fried whitebait & chips and cheap and cheerful pub grub that is almost English in style, save that the sausages served with egg and chips are Merguez and pack far more punch than the sad balloons of rusk and grizzle slopped up in Britain.
Order a litre of the local anaesthetic and watch a match in an atmosphere akin to being in someone's living room with a family of rugby fanatics - either code, 脿 treize o霉 脿 quinze.
The next day, go to either Olonzac (XV) or L茅zignan-Corbi猫res (XIII) rugby clubs to watch a televised match.
Le Sud Profond - the deep south, true home of French rugby,
even if most players are called Rodriguez or Fernandez - but that's another story....
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Whilst waiting for the France/Argentina kick off, we noticed that 大象传媒2 were showing 鈥淏ill Oddie鈥檚 top ten British birds鈥. Naturally later that night we set about creating our top British Birds rugby side: Crow, Seagull and Raven in the front row (a formidable and nasty combination), Heron and Swan at Lock (height), Buzzard, Osprey and Golden Eagle in the back row 鈥 power, speed and athleticism. Kingfisher at scrum half (decision making and darting speed). Woodpecker at fly half (intelligence and grace), Swift on left wing (obviously), Barn owl at inside centre and captain for his power, intelligence and obvious game reading skills, Grouse at outside centre (sudden burst of speed and a barrel chest), Kestrel on the right wing (every team needs a good sized and quick winger) and Sparrow hawk to clean up at full back and attack the line with real pace. On the bench: Cuckoo and Magpie for the forwards (ball stealing skills) and Starling and Bullfinch for the backs (they try hard but just aren鈥檛 big enough). Coached by Tawny Owl!
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Watch out for the Oak Procession Caterpillar!
I was in the Vendee in August and there has been a plague of the beasts which although they will have become Oak Procession Moths, their hairs still stay in the grass and undergrowth for months to come. These pesky hairs are V poisonous and can be breathed in causing a really nasty, itchy rash, and can cause problems if you are asthmatic.
Just thought I'd warn you...
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Simon Smith you obviously have WAY too much time on your hands!!
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It seems to me that the use of bonus points may lead to a situation where a team can win all of the pool games but not finish at the top of the pool.
e.g. Team A team wins all of it's pool games without gaining a bonus point but team B can win 3 games with bonus points, score four tries against team A but lose by 7 points or less, therefore achieving 17 points in the pool stage compared to an undefeated team with 16 points.
Perhaps I haven't grasped the rules regarding bonus points but I have seen nothing on the web to contradict this.
Any opinions?
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