大象传媒

Some of my friends have been with partners since their early teens and are still with them after years and others have never claimed to love someone else in their life. I think about myself and I feel like I have only been 'in love' with one partner and that were my first boyfriend when I was just about fifteen. He lives/lived miles away in Yorkshire, Hull to be exact. He were the same age as me but a few months older and we met online. We talked for months and met and It were like nothing I ever felt before. There wasn't a thing about him I didn't like. Sex didn't even come into the equation, it was completely unsexual...Yes i were attracted to him obviously but it was beyond that. If I'm brutally honest with myself I do miss him but I know the ship has sailed. We were together on and off a long time especially for our age and even when we weren't together I beat myself up mentally for even looking at other people at first. I got past that and did date a couple of people when we were 'off' but alot of them couldn't reach that pedestal I'd put him on and if they could, something else would stop me from progressing, things like not wanting to get hurt. Its not that I didn't like them or care for them, but I gave my ex all I had to give and felt like I had nothing left for them.

The closest I got to a real relationship with potential to be long term and great since him was with a guy last year which lasted a few months but it didn't work out because I didn't try hard enough. I've known that first boyfriend three years now and even though we haven't spoken since the end of last year (December), I do think of him from time to time and sometimes I wish I didn't.. I won't brush him under the carpet because he is my past and my past is a part of me, I shall keep the happy memories and look forward to making new ones with somebody else one day (maybe not too soon though). As for that 'someone else', I am currently single but I am not particularly looking. That's not to say I don't have someone in mind (then again maybe I really don't, that would be telling).

My sex-life? Well I think that's something supposed to be private and I do not wish to flaunt it in anybody's faces but I am pretty sure you'd be surprised or would not believe me If i told you that I don't particularly believe in one night stands per say. I have this 'third date rule' that I do my best to stick to but I rarely ever got past the second date without deciding I wasn't right for them or vice versa and If i got to the third date It didn't mean I did take things to the next level straight away or at all.

Although I got to be honest with you, I have had a couple (just a couple) of hypocritical 'weak moments' in my single past where i have gone against my rules especially when I've been low or frustrated and they say all of the right words but I think that happens to the best of us and there was no romance nor 'two way love in our lovers dance'. I tend to think of it like when people pray though they don't believe in God, I know its nothing like that but It's that kind of irony. Lust is an invisible enemy you can't always fight and don't always want to. I have nothing against people who give into lust in the form of one night stands (I'd be a hypocrite if I did really). One of my closest friends is the girl said to have slept with fifty or so men in two years (She were on 'Sex:with mum and dad'). To me that's fine because I see no difference in sleeping with fifty men once to sleeping with one man fifty times. I wouldn't do it myself, but I appreciate that what she or anyone does behind closed doors is their own business so long as nobody gets hurt and they're very careful I don't see anything wrong with it. We all make mistakes both teenagers and adults alike, but what sets people apart is whether they have the ability to learn from them and make amends if necessary. I know i have.

I am really looking forward to Clubbing tonight in Stratford. It's the club's birthday and alot of performers will be there and like I said, I hope to capture being there on film for you. You may be surprised to see the adults more drunk and more mischievous than those my age, I'd almost put money on it...If i were into gambling.

Tomorrow I shall debut on the Victoria Derbyshire show, I am very nervous but also very excited. I hope I don't let Victoria and the team down and I hope my presence will be entertaining, informative and enlightening. I am very grateful for all of the positive comments and advice coming in, they really help and I hope they keep coming. Thank you for reading and sharing this experience with me.

Georgie

Read more of Georgie's posts here.