大象传媒

It was perhaps in the middle of 1943 when the Higher Echelons of the British Army deemed that we were - finally - to be trusted and not give comfort to the enemy by letting him know where we were. He seemed to know all that already without us telling him, but we could now tell our friends and relatives that we were indeed in Sunny Italy - that land of Wine, Women and particularly Song which always delighted the travel agents but who invariably did not mention the torrential rain which, on occasions teemed down on the unsuspecting tourists like the proverbial stair rods. Our own experience in this caused us to miss an important battle as we were hit by the side of a mountain which was being washed down from above - naturally in the middle of the night. It took us a whole week to clean and make ready for battle a 180 unit Tank Brigade of 40 ton Churchills which always took a fair bit of cleaning, as did our blankets, personal effects etc.

The method of sharing our whereabouts with relatives and friends was by using a 6" X 8" green envelope which was unhampered by the attentions of the Censor with his unbiquitous blue pencil, and so we could make our news and views known to all,and send little trinkets home as long as they were not too bulky. The point was made particularly the fact that not one of us were anywhere near the awful fighting which was going on at the time. It must therefore have been quite a shock to many parents to receive the telegrams from the War Office that their Johnny had been Killed In Action - or missing presumed wounded in my own case.

Like all new things however they became commonplace and a fair bit of trading went on with some lads who had 'stuff' to send home with others who did not have 'stuff' to send anywhere as we were rationed to one envelope per month, perhaps !

These envelopes were brought back to the fore one day in the middle of a battle when our driver, Charlie Bailey from Keighley, North Yorkshire, reported that we were running
low on petrol and if we didn't do something about it we could very well come to a rolling halt in front of the business end of an 88mm anti-tank gun which in all probability would be attached to the latest model German Tiger Tank, Koenig Tigris in fact, which were known to be in our locality.Our Commader, Trevor Williams from Barnsley, South Yorkshire, saw the wisdom inherent in this report by the driver, and called the Squadron Leader, Major Lyall Lusted from Dorking Surrey asking for permission to leave the battlefield. This was very reluctantly given on the understanding that were to " make sharp and get back toot sweet'

We then pulled out of the line by some half a mile and called the "B" echelon for fuel and water etc. with full instructions as to our whereabouts. The 'Gunda Din' (water truck) was first on the scene driven by a new and very inexperienced driver who pleaded with us to be as quick as possible. Just then - owing to the dust he had kicked up by his bad driving - the enemy decided to liven things up by stonking us with a couple of nebelwerfers.These were away off target but the water truck driver didn't understand this and the next thing we knew was that he threw his truck into gear and went careering off into the sunset with four spigots fully open and laying a water mat all over the road preventing the dust from rising, which he should have been doing on the way up !

The fuel truck next appeared and the driver thought that it would be a good idea if we could point the Tank downhill in order to really fill up both tanks which held 90 Imp gallons each, and he could get on with maintaining the main brakes, steering brakes, clutch etc. Which we did and Harold Whattingham of London - co-driver, was in the driving compartment, Harry Gray our Gunner from Halifax Yorkshire, Trevor and myself took care of the fuel intake most expediciously in order to get back into the battle as soon as possible(sic).

Charlie then started to bleed the main brakes and so called to Harold to "pump the mainbrakes" - Harold then called out that he couldn't do this as the hand brake was on. "Quite right" shouts Charlie -" I'd forgotten that " and started to replace the bleeder nipple and tube, at which point the 40 ton Tank gave a lurch as - in his wisdom - Harold had released the hand brake ! As if an Olympic starting gun had just fired - four men executed swallow dives off the back of that Tank and gazed in wonderment and trepidation for Harold who was obviously pumping all of the brake fluid out of the main brakes in his efforts to slow down the monster, all to no avail, as it made it way down the mountain side gathering speed until reaching the bottom it literally flew over the near ditch landed on top of a driverless - by this time - Jeep and finally imbedding its front end into the far ditch.

As we were pondering this situation the Squadron Leader happened upon the scene
and we could only stand to attention and listen to his marvelous use of the English language and particularly many of the wonderful words he used which were foreign to us - at that time !This was - in hindsight - tame in comparision with the Brigade Commander who arrived on the scene bewailing the fact that he had lost a Tank and crew, and not by enemy action. He finally went off speechless after some fifteen minutes !

We then prepared a meal and set about getting some sleep as , no doubt , someone would deliver us a new Tank in the morning. It was not to be a restfull night however as just then a battery of 5.4 medium guns dug in around us and set up a barrage which seemed to last all night.

Thereupon the driver of the flattened jeep came up to us and asked " does anyone have a spare green envelope" ? He was the subject of some abuse until he was asked why he wanted this and his answer was a classic.

"I want to send my Jeep home to my Mum !"

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