大象传媒

鈥淎 Dot鈥檚 Life鈥� 鈥� by Dorothy Buchanan
(Being a child鈥檚 view of the war 鈥� an extract a larger piece of autobiographical writing)

It was during one of these afternoons that the radio programme was interrupted with an important announcement:
"War had been declared on Germany".Grandma and Aunty Milly became very upset, I couldn't understand how war with Germany could effect us?
We were taken home very quickly.
Mother looked very worried when we arrived home too "Its terrible news, we're at war with Germany and all the men will be called up in the forces to fight the Germans!"
I hadn't thought of that, "Will Dad have to go and fight too?" I asked. "No he's too old they only take the younger men, thank goodness" she looked relieved with this thought.

Everyone seemed to be talking about the war.
Our street was full of people clustered in groups, saying bombs might be dropped on us any minute!
The news bulletins on the wireless were listened to by everyone regularly.
Most people began preparing for air raids, they glued brown paper strips across their window panes to protect them from shattering glass and some made a decorative feature out of this with diamond or cross designs.
No house or building had to show any light from outside, so blackout curtains had to be put up at every window.
Black paint was used to obliterate the name "LIVERPOOL" from everything; road signs, trams, lorries, railway stations and posters. The street lights on main roads were muted and most side streets had none at all.
Gas Masks were issued to everyone, adults being issued with them in a cardboard box holder with a long leather strap to carry across your shoulder, young children had Mickey Mouse masks which were made of blue rubber with a floppy red nose and silver eyelets. David had one of these.
Mothers with young babies were given huge rubber cylinders to place the baby, with an outside pump to give the baby constant oxygen and a broad viewing area. Fortunately no gas masks were ever required, except for practice but at the time we all thought they would be!
Lots of men got their calling up papers to join the forces as Mother predicted, and some joined up of their own accord especially if they were unemployed.
Uncle Leslie was called up, and went into the Royal Air Force. Grandma, Daisy and Aunty Milly were devastated.

Lots of families in our street had noisy parties the night before their husbands or sons went off to war, the following morning they would be crying on the steps waving them goodbye.
Air Raid Sirens began to be practised daily; a very loud up and down sound for an on coming "Air Raid" and a long one note sound, for the "All Clear" The noise was so deafening you could hear it everywhere.
Big silver barrage balloons went up high in the sky. Presumably, they would ignite if a plane touched them!
Emergency water tanks were erected in lots of open spaces E.W.S painted on the side. Some daring boys used to swim in them!
Air Raid wardens were recruited, mostly middle aged men they were given tin hats with ARP written on the front their job was to help and instruct people during an air raid making sure people were safe, that no lights were visible from outside houses etc.
Male members of families began reinforcing cellars or under stairways, with planks of wood that lined the walls and ceiling for safety during any bombing.
Dad did this to the bottom of our cellar stairs.
He even erected a small shelf to hold a candle, matches and a bell, in case we were ever trapped!

The war and the preparations for the bombing were talked about by everyone constantly.
At school we had air raid practices regularly, we had to go to an air raid shelter in the cellar of a building opposite our school. It was all very exciting to us, especially climbing the ladder to get in the cellar!
Big lorries came into our street one day to collect any iron we had, lots of people gave them flat irons, pokers and steel kettles, then much to everyone's amazement they began uprooting the railings and gates from the fronts of the houses!
All the householders were out shouting and swearing at the men for removing them, but they carried on saying "Sorry Misses, but we have our orders, its for the War Effort!"
Dad spent a lot of his spare time replacing the iron railing with a wooden fence, much to Mothers relief but not many other people bothered.

Public Air Raid shelters made of concrete and reinforced with steel girders began to be built in lots of side streets, one was erected in front of our house! Mother of course was livid, but there was nothing she could do except complain, which she did daily.

At the back of our house in Huskison Street stood a large empty building that was once a Domestic Science college.
The vast cellars were now being reinforced to make a public air raid shelter, which would hold quite a number of people.
Jean and I watched as lots of heavy planks of wood, steel girders,chairs and benches were taken in.

The first time the sirens went off was in the early evening, we had just finished tea.
Mother and Dad were in a panic, Dad rushed upstairs and brought down a holdall, Mother running around switching off lights and gas. "Hurry up into the cellar" shouted Dad
"This is an air raid alright" he looked very worried.
Mother carried David down into the cellar, Dad carried the bag, pushing me ahead of him.
We all sat on the stairs feeling very frightened, huddled together in candle light. Everywhere was quiet.
After about half an hour the All Clear sounded.
"It must have been a false alarm" Dad said, looking relieved. As we made our way upstairs I wondered why Dad had taken the bag with him.
"Why did you take that bag Dad, what's in it?" I enquired.
"Inside here, are all our worldly goods!" he said smiling.
"If an air raid occurs when I'm not in, I'm relying on you to take this in the cellar for me"
"What are worldly goods?" I was intrigued.
"Insurance policies, your mothers watch, engagement ring, the rent book, and any money that we have"
I don't know what I expected but I was disappointed!
Further raids followed but they were like the first, we became accustomed to nothing happening, and it got very boring sitting for ages on the cellar stairs.
We heard lots of reports on the wireless of dreadful raids and people being killed in other parts of the country mostly in London and South coast areas.

CHAPTER NINE
One night after the siren had sounded, we sat as usual on the cellar stairs, for the first time since the raids began we heard the drone of heavy aircraft overhead. This was unusual we'd never heard them before?
"They'll be our planes searching for any German bombers"
Dad had hardly finished his sentence, when a loud bang like a heavy clap of thunder sounded somewhere near!
Mother and I screamed with shock, David began crying loudly, Dad was doing his best to calm us.
"Its alright, its alright keep calm all of you" he shouted,at that moment a terrific explosion sounded and within seconds Dads reinforced alcove shook and collapsed around us missing David and I by inches! Mother became hysterical screaming at Dad
"We're all going to be killed, do something Cyril, for God's sake!" Dad did his best to comfort her while trying to hold up the planks of wood, he kept telling us to go upstairs but we all seemed rooted to the spot. Then he lost control.
"Just get up the bloody stairs right away will you, I can't hold on to this lot much longer!" He screamed
I'd never heard him shout or swear at Mother before, or look so angry.
His face was red and big blue veins stuck out on his forehead. Without another word, we all ran up the stairs and under the dining room table until the All Clear sounded.
We were all very shocked and frightened.
Outside seemed quiet now, Dad was giving Mother aspirins and cups of tea to calm her, and David was still crying, I was shaking like a leaf.
"That was a near miss, I thought we'd all be killed, I wonder where that bomb dropped, it was defiantly not far from here?" Mother said between sobs.
It took a long time for her to compose herself.
"Next time there's an air raid" she said, "We'll be going to that shelter in the Domestic Science College, I'm not chancing staying here any longer!"
The college, with its vast cellars now reenforced professionally, was a better alternative to our make-shift arrangement!.
Nobody ever thought of using the concrete shelters that had been built in the front street, they were used as toilets by drunks coming home from the pub and reeked of urine.
I was secretly hoping for an Air Raid, so I could see what it was like inside the college shelter.

The next raid came the following night, quicker than anyone anticipated!
Mother and Dad David and I all rushed into the entry, then through the back gate of the college to the door of the shelter.Searchlights were scanning the sky.
Lots of people were already there shouting, swearing and getting abusive with the Air Raid Warden, who was standing guard at the entrance.
He was trying to make himself heard above all the noise.
"For Christ sake will you all be quiet and listen, I can only let four of you in at a time, otherwise the light will be seen outside!"
Not many heard him, they were shouting and screaming and trying to push their way through the door.
I was jostled around by the angry crowd and no longer with Mother and Dad, I called them but my voice was drowned with the din I tried my best to find them but it was hopeless being so dark too.
Eventually I was pushed through the heavy door with three strangers into a small passage, the heavy iron door closing behind us, then a further door opened into the glaring lights of the shelter. Not seeing Mother and Dad I realised they still hadn't yet got in. After a few minutes Mother appeared looking very angry and seeing me shouted-
"Why didn't you keep with us: we could have been killed looking for you. You damned nuisance, keep with us in future, do you hear !" she pushed passed me into the corridor before I could explain.
I followed her feeling humiliated, knowing everyone must have heard her shouting at me.
The long corridor was full, I'd never seen so many people,
some sitting on benches against the walls, others making a bed for themselves with blankets on the floor, some were unpacking bags with flasks of tea, and sandwiches.
Lots were singing and laughing very loudly,the air was a haze of cigarette smoke.
The walls had been whitewashed and the floors concrete, the numerous iron girders were everywhere, securing the ceilings. Two rooms off the corridor housed lots more people on benches. "We'll sit in here" Mother decided making her way into the first room claiming three seats.
Nobody was lying on the floor in here, or singing, everyone seemed to be quietly talking in hushed tones.
In the distance rumbling could be heard, more like thunder than bombs or gunfire. But it felt safe in the shelter.
I was getting bored just sitting staring ahead of me, listening to the fun that seemed to be going on in other parts of the shelter.
I was anxious to go and explore and see if any of my friends were around, but I didn't dare ask, knowing Mother was still angry with me.
David became restless sitting on Mothers knee.
This was my chance.
"Can I take David a walk around" I asked.
"Yes that's a good idea, but watch him carefully wont you" I assured her I would.
I was in my element exploring everywhere with David.
There must have been a few hundred people there!
Some young fellows and girls at the far end of the shelter were all singing and I could hear a guitar being played.
As I made my way towards them dragging David along, I spotted Jean amongst the crowd.
"Hi Dot" she grinned, looking pleased to see us.
"Come over here, I'm glad you're come to this shelter"
"Look, our Jimmy's brought his Guitar, and he can't half play too, listen" She looked admiringly at her brother.
"I'll lift your David up so he can see" with that she hauled him over her shoulder.
I just hoped Mother wouldn't come looking for us!
A big crowd had gathered around Jimmy as he stood playing.
I'd never seen anyone play a guitar before, it was all very thrilling.
I thought Jimmy was wonderful. He was very handsome, all the girls were pushing each other to get closer to him.
Then they all began singing, Jean and I joined in, although we didn't know the words to any of the popular songs, like most of the older girls and boys, but it didn't matter.
We sang just the same and enjoyed ourselves, I hoped it would go on all night!
Much to my disappointment, after about an hour the all clear sounded.
I quickly made my way back to Mother and Dad.
"Where did you get to, I was getting worried" said Mother, while David was repeating "I saw the band!"
"That would be the music he heard" Mother said. I made no comment, I couldn't wait to go to the shelter again!
The raids became more frequent, so lot's of visits were made. Quite quickly everyone got to know everyone else, and claimed their particular spot.
Some had seats, some occupied the floor and others stood in groups around the doorway.
One man stood out from the rest, he was dressed very smartly whatever time the raid began.
He stood alone and didn't talk to anyone, although he always made a big fuss of David each time he saw him, lifting him up and giving him a hug.
The shelter folk made unkind remarks about him between themselves and referred to him as the "Mystery Man".
"He must go to bed dressed like that" they'd say and laugh.
One evening during a raid a policeman and two plain clothes men came into the shelter.
They wandered around for awhile much to everyone's curiosity,then they surrounded the Mystery Man,
A crowd gathered around him wondering what was going on, but after a brief chat the policeman handcuffed the man and led him outside.
There was a buzz of excitement everyone had their own theories as to who or what he had done, most decided he was a German spy. Whoever he was or whatever happened to him we never found out.
A year or so later a parcel arrived at our house addressed to "David" of Egerton Street Liverpool the wrapping was badly torn and the post mark unreadable.
We never received parcels and Mother was very apprehensive about opening it, but David and I were anxious to find out what it could be?
When finally the last paper was removed there sat a very expensive looking sailing boat with "David" painted in neat little letters on the side. David was thrilled and even took it to bed with him that night. There was no message or address in the parcel just the boat. I felt sure the Mystery Man had sent it, but we would never know, it was a lovely gift nevertheless.
David treasured it for years.

A scheme was brought out to evacuate children from inner city schools to country places to avoid the bombing.
From Liverpool most of the children would be sent to Wales. The schools had the job of organising it.
Living in the country, sounded exciting and I badly wanted to go. Mother and Dad weren't keen on the idea but agreed reluctantly to let me go. I was so pleased as lots of my friends were going and we talked about it endlessly, thinking it would be like a long holiday!
The day arrived for my departure. My little leather case was packed and a luggage label with my name and school, attached to my lapel.
We didn't know who we'd be living with until we arrived.
Just before I was about to leave the house, Mother began to cry "Its no use I can't let you go" she sobbed
I became very angry and ranted on for ages, but I knew I wouldn't be going!
As it happened lots of children who did go, were very unhappy with their placements and returned home quite quickly!
Only two girls I knew, were settled in good homes, and stayed in Wales for the duration of the war.

After that first scramble to get into the shelter everyone now behaved more orderly. We usually saw the searchlights scanning the sky while we waited our turn to go in, and for some reason they gave us a secure feeling.
I looked forward to seeing my friends too, especially Jean, she hadn't been evacuated either.
We played cards or sang songs and often stood with the older fellows and girls listening to their conversations.
We'd pull faces at each other when we heard them swear but they all made quite a fuss of us. It was hard to believe an Air Raid was going on outside, except when we heard gunfire and then everyone would cheer loudly.

As lots of young men had been called up there were vacancies in jobs for older men, and Dad managed to get a job in Bibby's a Cattle food manufactures. It was far better paid than being a caretaker of a church, the only problem being shift work (early mornings, afternoons and nights rotating each week) Mother hated being on her own at nights.

It was now May 1941, school work had altered a lot. With the threat of pending air raids we concentrated on Reading, Writing and Arithmetic not much Art, Science, History or Geography. I enjoyed reading very much and we read out loud in class from famous books like "The Black Arrow" but I hated Arithmetic, probably because I wasn't very good at it!
We didn't have any exams or homework so our evenings were free.

About four o'clock one morning the sirens sounded and we all dragged ourselves from sleep,and rushed to the air raid shelter.
Once inside the tiredness disappeared, as usual the atmosphere was noisy with lots of chatter and laughter and some already singing!
I always felt happy and secure there.
As usual I quickly wandered off to find Jean.
The older girls and fellows were having a guessing game and allowed us to join in!
We loved being involved with them, although we were both only eleven, they made us feel grown up!

A lot of noise was going on outside but no different than we'd heard many times before. We could hear the drone of heavy planes overhead and a lot of gunfire.
Everyone was settling down to their various pursuits and then quite unexpectedly a deafening bang occurred, the building shook those standing were thrown to the floor, the force was unbelievable. I felt terrified as I was also thrown to the floor,
I thought at any moment the building would collapse on top of us.
The noise of the raid outside could still be heard in spite of the screaming and shouting in the shelter.
Guns were still firing and heavy planes were overhead with many more explosions.
Some people in the shelter were hurt when they were thrown to the ground.
Although I ended up on the floor I wasn't hurt, I slowly stood up but I was shaking uncontrollably.
I watched the warden doing his best to get some order out of the chaos and help the injured.
Panic had set in and a body of people were banging their fists on the front door. "We'll all be killed in here you've got to let us out" they screamed at the warden.
Babies everywhere were crying, complete mayhem seem to take over.
The warden was frantic trying to tell everyone to lie on the floor for safety but not many heeded his advice, most were too hysterical I wasn't able to get to the room were Mother Dad and David were, I tried to push through the crowds, but it was hopeless, I didn't know what I should do.
After what seemed like hours the All Clear eventually sounded. I was as relieved to see Mother, Dad and David as they were to see me.

Once in the street, dawn was breaking and the smell of phosphorus was very strong. The sky was alight with reflective fires and we arrived home to find the back door wide open, blown open by a blast, the living room window rested on the dining room table as if it had been placed there- the window panes intact? Thick dust was everywhere and as Dad ran up the stairs to see if we had any further damage, I followed.
There was a strong smell of burning in the house, he inspected every room.
When we got to the front bedroom he pushed me out saying
"Get me the bin lid and the shovel quick!"
I took them up as fast as I could.
Mother was distraught she shouted up the stairs to Dad
"What's the matter Cyril what's burning? I can't stand much more of this!" But Dad and I ignored her.
When I entered the room Dad was inspecting a long thick silver object on the floor, in front of the fireplace.
"Keep well back, this is a bomb, and it hasn't gone off properly, its burnt all the linoleum, and look at that hole in the ceiling!" He pointed with a trembling hand to a gaping hole, were the flamed sky was peeping through!
I was far more interested in the bomb and I viewed it from all angles; a long silver cylinder with part of the end burnt.
I was fascinated to think that bomb had been brought all the way from Germany just to land on our house!
My previous fear in the shelter vanished.
This was a big status symbol and I could hardly wait to tell my friends, I felt almost proud!
Dad very carefully placed the bomb on the shovel and covered it quickly with the bin lid, then ceremoniously carried it slowly down the stairs and into the backyard.
Dad spent a long time cleaning away the thick dust, and fixing the window back in place. Repairing the hole in the ceiling proved more difficult as he only had bits of linoleum and wood to cover it.
The following morning Dad put the bomb in the rubbish bin and in the afternoon the bin was emptied, I watched as the bin men threw the contents into the Dust Cart, unaware of the bomb!

The big explosion we'd experienced that previous night was a Land Mine that had dropped on a large house in Parliament Street, a main road which I crossed each day going to school.
The house was completely demolished it was just a mountain of rubble, rescue workers with tin hats and hankies over their mouths, were already digging in the mound of debris.
A lot of people were believed to be in the house at the time and a big crowd had gathered, hoping to see someone rescued.
Jean and I were amazed to see the damage the bomb had done to the adjoining houses.
Most houses had windows blown out and huge chunks of masonry missing. The street was littered with broken glass, gravel, bricks and here and there were pieces of glinting silver shrapnel.
Lots of children were collecting it and boasting when they found a large piece!.
Jean and I joined the crowd that had gathered to watch the men dig for survivors, there was a peculiar smell in the air. Gradually the hole they were digging became deeper and now each spadeful produced something different; fragments of chairs, tables, toys, clothing, and bedding.
The crowd watched in silence except when these items appeared then they would say "OOH" in unison. One of the rescue workers spotted a slippered foot peeping out of the debris and called the other fellows to help him, they all dug furiously.
The crowd swayed forward to get a better look, hoping to see someone rescued, more of the leg appeared as they gently eased away the debris, then to everyone's horror, that was all there was! The screams from the crowd were deafening for a moment, then it went deadly quiet, everyone then slowly walked away crying at such a dreadful sight.
Jean and I went home in silence. We were equally shocked, we didn't know any of the people who lived there,but they must have all been in the cellars sheltering when the house got a direct hit.
There were no survivors from that house. We tried hard not to think about it, but throughout the next few days we relived that moment again and again.
We were thankful we used the big shelter believing that could not have been obliterated so easily! The following evening the sirens sounded just as David and I were about to have our tea, raids held far more fear now and we all dashed to get to the shelter as quickly as we could, settling ourselves down to what might be a long night ahead. David began crying asking for his tea and I was also very hungry.
"Are you SURE you haven't brought anything to eat with you?" I asked Mother for the umpteenth time, she was already irritated with David crying.
"I didn't have time to get anything you know that, stop asking ridiculous questions!"
Then as an afterthought she said, "If you are so desperate for something to eat go and ask the warden if he'll go with you to our house, and get those scones I made this afternoon"
"But I might get killed!" I shouted.I was horrified at her suggestion.
"Don't be silly. The warden will know when its safe to make a dash for it, you can run there and back in no time at all!"
I was terribly hungry so was David, Mother and Dad had had their meal earlier, so they were alright.
I felt frightened and a bit excited as I went to look for the warden, he didn't seem at all surprised at my request?
Maybe a lot of other people had done the same?
"Just keep with me, we'll chance it when it gets a bit quieter" he said, as we waited by main iron door.

It was very dark when we got outside and waited in the doorway,but the sky was bright with searchlights.
The sound of gunfire and explosions could be heard in the distance. We waited for awhile and then the warden took my hand.
"Come on, lets make a run for it!"
When we reached our back door after running across the entry he said "Go on, I'll wait here for you." I was shaking so much it took me awhile to find the keyhole, after a bit of fumbling at last the door opened.
I could smell the aroma of baked scones but couldn't think where they would be? Stumbling around in the dark kitchen was frustrating as my hands seemed to touch unfamiliar objects.
I was patting the same things over again and the sound of heavy planes now overhead, made me nervous.
I'd never heard them so loudly before and I began to panic.
At last I remembered where Mother would have put the scones, they would be in the cake tin on top of the food cabinet.
I usually stood on a chair to reach it, I gave a few jumps and managed to dislodge it onto the floor. Fortunately it didn't burst open!
I shook it to make sure the scones were inside, then tucked it under my arm quickly locking the back door after me, then ran as fast as I could to find the warden.

The air was thick with horrible smelling smoke and the noise of explosions, planes and gunfire deafening, searchlights were still flashing overhead as I got to the entry my heart was beating fast.
I expected to find the warden waiting, but nobody seemed to be there!
I was terrified as I ran towards the shelter, the sky seemed crowded now with planes flying low. One of them appeared to be swooping down towards me like a huge black eagle. I stood looking at it not knowing what to do.
Then someone grabbed the back of my coat and pushed me face downwards to the ground.
"Quick lie down, put your hands over your head" he shouted gruffly.
I immediately did as he asked, he lay close beside me.
The cake tin rolled somewhere across the ground as we heard repeated machine gun sounds all around.They were aiming at us!
I was petrified by now, I thought we'd be killed any minute. I was so thankful I was with the warden.
Then as quickly as it began it was over and the plane made off, it all seemed more like a nightmare!
I felt myself being pulled to my feet, my legs were wobbling like jelly, I couldn't control them.
"Come on lets get in that shelter before any more"Jerries" think we're sitting targets!"
"I have to find the cake tin first" I gasped,
"Never mind that now" he sounded angry, just at that moment my foot kicked it, I picked it up as quickly as I could, thankfully it hadn't opened I was so relieved!
I took his hand, "Thank you very much" I said my whole body now shaking.
"We were bloody lucky, but you shouldn't have been out here at all!" he still sounded angry.
The relief of getting in the shelter was wonderful.
I turned around to thank the warden once again still holding his hand, but it wasn't the warden, the man was a complete stranger!

While Mother gave out the scones I related all that had happened my voice hoarse with shock, but Mother brushed me aside, "Well you're alright now thats all that matters. Here you are, have a scone" I didn't feel hungry any more and I still couldn't stop shaking. I went to find Jean as I knew she'd be interested.

We had a week of fierce air raids after that, bombs falling in almost every area of Liverpool. It was called the "May Blitz" and the city centre was almost demolished. Houses, even streets were completely destroyed. Our school was bombed and badly damaged, so we couldn't go to school.
Grandma Phillips' house was bombed during that week too, so badly, she couldn't live there again.
Everyone knew someone who'd been "Bombed Out" as it was called.

Grandma Phillips came to stay with us and Grandad went to stay with Aunty Mary. I thought Grandma would be very upset, but she joked about not having to put up with Grandad for awhile!
When the sirens went the following night Grandma flatly refused to go in the shelter and Mother insisted I stay with her.
We sat opposite each other in armchairs, not under the table as Dad instructed.
"Don't worry Dolly If your name's on the bomb you'll get it" she joked.
I didn't feel as frightened as I thought I might, but I missed going to the shelter and seeing my friends.
After an hour or so she said she was going upstairs to bed?
"No Jerry is going to deprive me, of my bed!"
She made her way upstairs to my bedroom. I was sleeping on a bed chair in the living room while she stayed with us.
When Mother and Dad returned from the shelter they were surprised to find both Grandma and I fast asleep!

CHAPTER NINE
I was enjoying being off school and I thought I'd never have to go again! That pleasure didn't last long as we were informed classes could take place in some pupils houses while the classrooms were being repaired.
Many parents offered the use of their front parlours, but most were too small to house many children.
June Furlong's house was chosen to take some of our class, as her house was larger than most. Even so, only ten pupils were taught at one sitting.
June's house was lavishly furnished and we all sat around a long highly polished table in awe of her lovely home.
We spent most of the time admiring all the unusual ornaments and carvings her seafaring Uncle had brought home from Foreign countries.
We had different teachers daily, so the school work was haphazard, and classes only lasted two hours.
Reading or writing were the only two subjects taken and we quickly became bored with the lessons and our surroundings. Happily this arrangement was short lived as some of the classrooms were patched up- ours being one of them!
Although there had been a lot of bomb damage to the school we soon got accustomed to our makeshift classrooms with broken doors, chipped walls, boarded windows, and a great deal of dust. It didn't bother us at all.

A family who had lost their home in the bombing, were housed next door to the "Bad House." Jean made it her business to find out all about them.
"They have a boy called Billy" she came running to tell me, "His Mother and Father look really old but he's got a smashing' dog. You should see it, its really friendly too" Jean loved being the first with information!

Soon afterwards we saw Billy and his dog in the street.
I asked him the dogs name, "Mailer" he said, It was a medium sized brown mongrel, with a lovely kind sort of face. Jean and I called him and he came bounding over, licking us all over, he certainly was friendly!
Billy was slightly older than most of us and he had a vivid imagination telling us weird and wonderful stories about himself!
At first we were amused and pretended to believe him, but we soon tired of the game!
However, we all liked his dog "Mailer" as he was very clever and when we played rounders, we didn't need a fielder as he'd always fetch the ball for us!
Every day he was out roaming the streets, he seemed to feed on anything anyone gave him.
We shared our sweets and any bits of food we had with him, he soon attached himself to us and followed us everywhere; even when we went to the local shops we'd find him behind one of us.
A few times he followed me to school and bounded around with the children having a fine time in the play ground. The old caretaker wasn't pleased as it took him ages to catch him, and push him out of the school gate which was always locked after we were all in school.

One day Billy told us "Mailer" would have to be put down as his parents didn't want him any more!
We didn't know whether to believe him or not, but it turned out to be true.
We were all very upset but Billy wasn't a bit perturbed,
"I'm not bothered. We'll be getting an "Alsatian" soon, because my Mam likes them better than mongrels!"
We didn't believe him, neither were we interested what he was going to get. Mailer was our main concern. If only we could find him a good home as we hated to think he might be put down. He'd survived all the bad raids too and Billy had told us he was outside in all of them? (But we doubted that)
I decided to try and persuade Mother and Dad to have him but Mother always said dogs caused too much mess.
During tea that evening I told them the sad story of Mailer, stressing what a friendly obedient dog he was, which was a slight exaggeration, but I'd have said anything to sway them.
Then I chanced asking them outright.
"Why don't we have him? I'd look after him. He knows me and he'd be no trouble at all? Mother said no, immediately, but Dad gave me a glimmer of hope.
"I often see that dog on my way home from work and it does seem friendly enough" I went on and on about all the smart things Mailer could do.
I was desperate to persuade them.
"You'll be safer with a dog in the house when Dad is on nights too" I said.
Mother didn't answer. but Dad said "Yes that's true, we'll see anyway." That sounded far more hopeful.
I carried on each day talking about Mailer.
Grandma even backed me up a few times, which I was pleased about, but Mother gave her a frozen look and said "Cyril and I have to make decisions in this house Mother, nobody else!" Grandma looked at me and pulled a face without Mother seeing.
Later on she whispered "I'm only a lodger here and I have to keep my nose clean, just like that dog if ever it comes here!"she gave a knowing grin as she spoke.
I really hoped they were considering having Mailer, as Dad had said.
But time was running out.

A few days later while eating breakfast, Mother said casually,
"Dad and I have decided to have that dog, for a trial period only remember, If its any trouble its off to the Dog's Home!"
I was so thrilled I wanted to hug her. Instead I thanked her over and over again, until she said told me to stop being so silly saying "All this fuss about a dog!"
I could hardly wait to get out of school that day.
Mailer was in the street as usual when I got home and I went to tell Billy's mother we would have him.
She didn't seem at all interested and just said "Fine" and closed her door.
I proudly took Mailer home, with a piece of string for a lead.
Mother was at the front door "He looks as if he could do with a good bath!" she said inspecting him carefully.
"Here are some bits for him" she gave me a some scraps of left overs on a tin plate.
"It's your job to feed him every day I'm far too busy but I'll keep the leftovers for him, and don't forget to wash the plate afterwards!"
That didn't worry me. At last I had my own dog to care for!
Dog food wouldn't be bought, but he was used to eating scraps.

Mailer seemed to sense he was on trial, he behaved very well.
From early morning until late afternoon he spent outdoors, as he was a street dog, I think this suited Mother perfectly.
When he finally decided to come in, he'd eat his food and sleep under the table for the rest of the night.
I was so relieved, he proved no trouble I was in my element! Everything was wonderful! I loved him very much.
Billy and his family moved house soon afterwards and this really pleased me as I often worried in case they'd want him back!

Some days Mailer would wait by the school gate for me and everyone made a big fuss of him, I was very proud and took him everywhere I could.
I felt happier than I'd ever been!

Grandma and Grandad were at last allocated rooms over an Insurance office in Smithdown Road.
Everyone who had lost their homes were given some sort of alternative accommodation and Mother and Dad spent a lot of time with her, making it comfortable. She only had two rooms; a bed sitting room and kitchen no bathroom, a flight of wooden steps from the outside veranda led to her lavatory. In bad weather a bucket had to be used. It was always "bad weather" as far as Grandma was concerned!
Grandad had moved back in with her and they carried on much as before, arguing and shouting. But they settled in their new small flat quite quickly. I believe Grandma enjoyed having her bed in the living room, she would often be lying in it when we visited.
If Mother asked her why she was in bed, she'd say
"Oh, I had an awful headache Maud" and give me a wink!

I now had my own bed again it seemed much softer than I remembered, probably because the Bed Chair was so hard!
Rationing was still in force and it was difficult to make the amounts of food allocated to each person stretch out the week.
I hated only being allowed half a teaspoon of sugar in my tea, and Mother mixing the margarine and butter ration together, to make it last the week!
She worked out all our rations with meticulous precision.
Aunty Milly offered to let us have extra butter and sugar she got on the Black Market, it was double the price of course, but lots of people bought it.
Mother was adamant "I'm not having anything illegal, so tell her to keep it!" Aunty Milly thought she was stupid.
"I'm thinking about you growing children" she used to say.
"She can go without if she wants to, but she has no right to deprive children!" she was annoyed. It was often offered but Mother always refused.
Fruit was in very short supply too, but each time we visited Grandma and Aunt Milly, we would be given two big bags of fruit, usually Pears, Apples and Plums. David and I were always pleased. No Bananas, or Oranges of course.Nobody got those, until the war finished.
Greengrocers were sent a small quantity of fruit, but only occasionally. Aunty Milly always kept most of her allocation for us!
Her customers must have been the losers, but Mother accepted the fruit without question!

CHAPTER TEN
A few months after my eleventh birthday, in 1941 a letter arrived for Dad with O.H.M.S on the envelope, it contained his calling up papers.
He was shocked, he never thought he'd have to join the forces. Neither did anyone else. He and Mother couldn't believe it, they kept reading the letter over and over again.
"I didn't think they would ever call up men of your age, your nearly thirty eight!" she kept saying.
"Don't worry love, I doubt if I'll pass the medical" Dad looked hopeful, but the letter was fluttering in his trembling hands.
Mother began to cry,"How would I manage here on my own, if you're called up?"she wailed. Dad did his best to comfort her.
Then I intervened, "Lots of my friend's Dad's have gone in the Army and their Mother's manage alright" she stopped crying for a minute, and snapped, "That's because the majority of women around here are glad to see the back of them. I happen to have a good husband!"
I didn't know what else to say.

I went out to tell my friends the sad news and much to my surprise, most of them were impressed, "I'll bet your Dad's proud, being called up" said one of them, I'd never thought that, but I began to think about it differently.
Dad passed his medical, much to his surprise and was to join the Royal Army Service Corp. and report to a camp in Matlock Derbyshire, within the week. After three months he would have seven days leave.
Mother was inconsolable, she cried every day after receiving the news.
Dad tried his best to reassure her, to no avail. I went with him to say his farewells to Grandma and Aunty Milly, I was pleased they didn't cry, although they looked sad.
"Look after yourself Cyril" they shouted, from the doorstep, "Don't forget if there's anything you need let us know, and write regularly"
I didn't feel sad at all, I felt proud.
My Dad like lots of my friends Dads was going to fight for our country!
The day he left was dreadful, Mother became hysterical, clinging hold of him, sobbing "You can't leave me on my own like this" poor Dad hadn't any idea of how to cope with her and looked as if he was going to cry himself.
He kept repeating "I have to go love I have no choice, you've got the children, you'll be alright" I felt angry with Mother and thought she should have been proud of him, like I was!

The next few days after Dad left were awful, Mother did her usual household chores but didn't make any meals, we had sandwiches and pies for quite some time.
She was always tearful, and writing daily letters to Dad.
My role in the home altered considerably too, I hadn't realised how reliant she was on Dad.
One early evening I came in after playing to find her sitting in the dark. "I've been calling you for ages, where have you been? she demanded"
Before I had time to reply, she said "I don't know what we're going to do, the light has gone out I don't know how to fix a new bulb, your Dad always did those jobs" I was surprised as I'd seen Jeans Mother replacing a light bulb often,it didn't seem a difficult task?
I was irritated. "Give me the bulb and I'll put it in" I said, rather harshly. I climbed on a chair, it took me awhile to work it out in the dark and then I remembered Jean's Mother giving it a twist.
At last the light came on, I was pleased with myself!
"That's a good girl, you'll have to help me as much as you can now your father's away"she said in a whining voice
I inherited a lot of Dad's jobs; bringing a bucket of coal up from the cellar each day, before going to school, cleaning all the sash windows standing on a chair.
The bedroom windows were far more tricky, sitting outside on the window ledge, with the window pressed hard across my thighs, and Mother instructing me from inside, not to forget the corners!

Dad was due home on leave and I was dying to see him in his uniform!
I hoped we'd have a party as lots of my friend's mothers had big parties when their husbands came home on leave!
Mother was horrified at the suggestion.
I tried my best to persuade her "It would be a great welcome home for him"
"Your Father doesn't want that sort of welcome home!
Seeing us will be enough for him!"
Dad arrived home, unexpectedly.
"I didn't think you would be home until tomorrow" Mother greeted him. I was shocked at how different he looked, his hair had been cut high above his ears, his forage hat sat precariously on the side of his balding head.
When he hugged me, his khaki uniform felt very coarse and smelt of straw. He had white gaiters, heavy black boots,and lots of brass buttons and badges.
Mother made him a cup of tea while he related all his exploits of the past three months.
It looked odd seeing him in his usual chair dressed as he was. He looked like a stranger.
He spent the evening telling us how he'd been training to kill with a bayonet and how gruelling the exercises were, the exhausting manoeuvres in a forest, for days on end.
I listened fascinated, but Mother stopped him "It upsets me to hear all this, your home now and you should forget all that!" Dad looked hurt.
"Sorry love, but that's been my life for the past few months" He chose not to talk about his experiences again, much to my disappointment.
The week passed very quickly, I dreaded the day he'd go back to camp. Mother was again grief stricken and Dad was very quiet. I hated these scenes. Home life was miserable again, Dad's letters brought a bit of cheer but it was short lived.

CHAPTER ELEVEN
Coming home from school one day, I was surprised not to see Mailer in the street as I usually did, I assumed he must be in the house.
"Mailer" I called as Mother opened the door.
"He's not here" she said.
"Well he isn't outside either" I was worried
"I wonder where he could be? I'll go and look for him"
"You don't need to look for him, get in" She pushed me along the hall,
"I took Mailer to Grandma's this afternoon, he's staying there for a while"
"PARDON!" I shrieked, I couldn't believe it! "You took Mailer to stay with Grandma?"
"Yes, and don't speak to me in that tone of voice, Grandma will be safer in that flat, with a dog" Mother seemed very matter of fact about it.
"I'm going to bring him back home right now!" tears were rolling down my cheeks as I made my way to the front door.
"You'll do no such thing" Mother was shouting now, pushing me back into the living room.
"He stays there for the time being and that's it, I don't want to hear another word about it!" I sobbed hysterically I couldn't believe Mother could do such a thing!
"You can't do this to me, he's my dog, I love him, you said I could have him; you never keep promises!" I was yelling at her now.
"Your the meanest Mother in the world. You always stop me having good things and do you know what, I really HATE you!" Mother clenched her teeth, I felt frightened of what she was going to do. She grabbed me by the shoulders, her nose almost touching mine,
"Don't you dare, speak to me like that, do you hear?
You get far more than most children around here and still your not satisfied!"
Her words splashed my face."If your Father heard you, he'd give you a damn good hiding. Now get out of my sight before I lose my temper!" I sobbed and tried to explain how much Mailer meant to me but it made no difference.
I knew she wasn't going to change her mind.

I didn't believe I'd ever have Mailer back again.I stayed in my bedroom most of the evening, feeling very upset and thinking all the time about poor Mailer.
I wished Mother would understand how unhappy she'd made me.
Crying myself to sleep I began to wonder if I was adopted? Especially with all the nasty things she'd done, like not letting me be a bridesmaid, being horrible to Jean, and now, worst of all, she'd given Mailer away although she knew I loved him so much.
I thought about these things over and over again. Surely I reasoned, if you love someone you would want them to be happy? I convinced myself Mother didn't care whether I was happy or not.
I MUST be adopted. That seemed to make sense! I decided I'd find out as soon as I could, and then find my real Mother. There must be papers or something about it, in the house?

Mailer found his way home from Grandma's, on two occasions that week, I was delighted to see him and he made such a fuss of me too. I was amazed how he'd found his way home.
I was sure after the long journey he'd made to reach us, Mother would relent and allow him to stay.
But in spite of my tears and pleadings, on each occasion Mother took him back to Grandma's almost immediately!
I went to see him often, but I always came away having a cry to myself. She liked him and treated him well, but I wished so much he was my dog again.
Whatever Mother had said, I knew now he was going to be with Grandma forever. Although I loved visiting him I hated leaving him too and he'd look at me with doleful eyes, as if to say, "Why are you leaving me here?" It was heartbreaking.

Sometimes when Mother went shopping she'd leave me at home on my own.
I welcomed these times, it gave me a chance to search for my adoption papers, which l felt sure must exist!
I hunted through drawers, boxes, and cupboards but found nothing, only old rent books and receipts.
The only other place I'd seen her put things was on top of the wardrobe, in her bedroom.
Standing on a bedroom chair. I reached up but there weren't any sort of papers there at all, I was disappointed but there was a long leather bound box and thinking it must contain a watch or necklace I decided to have a look and opened it.
Inside lay a rather big yellow rubber tube, one end looked like a babies feeding bottle teat. I couldn't think what it was?
I took it out and scrutinised it carefully, it was coated with what seemed to be talcum powder, my fingers got covered with it.
I was so absorbed I didn't hear Mother opening the front door. Then I heard her making her way upstairs to put her coat in the wardrobe, as she usually did.
I was in a panic and didn't know what excuse to give her for being in her bedroom.
Without thinking clearly I quickly put the chair back in its place, but I still had the box and rubber tube in my hand when Mother entered the room, before she had chance to say anything, I blurted out "I was going to try on your shoes, but when I opened the wardrobe this box and thing fell off the top?"
Mother looked flustered and not annoyed as I'd expected, she seemed to believe my story too?
I dangled the object in front of her "What's this for?" I asked.She looked embarrassed and went rather pink, then snatched it from me and put it quickly in the box and back on top of the wardrobe." Come on downstairs, and don't go in my wardrobe again!"
"But what's it for?" I persisted. She had her back to me walking down the stairs, "Your Father uses at work" I was puzzled, but decided not to ask any further questions!

CHAPTER TWELVE
Dad was due home on leave again, but this time it was Embarkation Leave he was being sent overseas!
Mother couldn't believe it "God knows how long he'll be away this time, and overseas too!" she cried.
I thought my friends would certainly be impressed with this news, I could hardly wait to tell them.
Although Dad was also shocked at being sent overseas, he appeared excited by the prospect.
"There's a rumour we're being sent to the Far East, some fellows think it might be Burma" he told us. rather proudly.
"Burma! I thought it would be Germany, that's where most of the troops are" Mother looked surprised.
"No, if the rumour's right we'll be fighting the Japs" Dad continued "Thats why we've had all that hard training, the Japs are a different lot, to the Germans, they're more ruthless" I listened in awe.
"Somebody said part of the journey would be by plane, I've never been out of England let alone going in a plane" I thought it sounded thrilling, and wondered if I'd ever go anywhere in a plane?
Dad seemed more worried about the plane journey than the destination.

The seven days leave passed quickly and Mother was worse than she'd ever been the day he left, she sobbed most of the morning.
When the time came for Dad to say goodbye tears were streaming down her face, as she clung hold of him on the front step.
I felt I should be crying too, but I didn't feel sad.
I tried my best to force some tears, but no tears seem to be there.
Then I thought of Mailer and a book I'd recently read, "Black Beauty" about a horse that had been badly treated and the tears soon flowed.
My tears seemed to please Mother, she put her arm around me as we waved goodbye to Dad.
Mother continued to be rather helpless without Dad, if David fell or hurt himself in any way, she'd become very tearful and didn't seem able to cope. She'd call me in, even if I was out playing insisting I bathe or dress the cut or scratch.
"I'm too sensitive to do things like that" she'd say.
I still did the other jobs in the house too, getting the coal from the cellar, replacing light bulbs, in fact most of the everyday chores Dad had always done.
Mother was depressed most of the time.
All she seemed to talk about was Dad and most of her spare time was taken up writing letters to him, or waiting for the Postman.
Dad's first letter, took a long time to arrive. She read it out loud to David and I, then read it to herself quite a few times.
The letter was heavily censored so there wasn't a lot of information, except about the intense heat, abundance of flies, and the awful journey, which took days, and how they were transported like cattle to their destination!
But he seemed to have accepted the situation, and even joked about getting a suntan!
He had been sent to Burma as he thought, but we didn't know which part.
The address had a lot of numbers and "Burma" at the end.
When I visited Aunty Milly and Grandma Lawrence they were very pleased and relieved as they'd also received a letter.

Aunty Milly told me she was trying to collect a few things to send him. "Poor Cyril, heaven knows what it must be like out there, he'll need a bit of cheering up" and showed me the beginnings of a parcel she was preparing; writing paper, shaving soap, cigarettes and sweets.(Mostly things she'd bought on the Black Market!) She was making him a fruit cake too, I thought this was a really good idea, but when I told Mother she was livid!
She said if Dad needed anything it was HER place as his wife to send it, not Aunty Milly's! I was tempted to tell her, she wouldn't be able to get all the things Aunty Milly could, but I thought it best not to say anything.

A few weeks later Aunty Milly told me she'd received a letter from Mother telling her not to send Dad any more parcels, stressing it was her job to send Dad anything he needed, not hers!
Aunty Milly and Grandma were incensed they both thought Mother had no right to dictate to them what they should send Dad. "That's typical of your Mother, whatever your Father saw in her I'll never know" Grandma said. I felt so ashamed, I wished Mother hadn't written such an awful letter!

CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Quite a few classrooms at school had been patched up, the Science room being one of them.
Elsie and I hated Science, perhaps because we were frightened of the Science master, he was extremely strict if you weren't paying attention he'd throw a piece of chalk at you or the wooden chalk duster!
If you were caught talking during the lesson, he'd send you to the Headmaster for the cane.
I had the cane a few times for talking, but I never told Mother she'd have said I must have deserved it!

Elsie and I became more aware of the boys in our class and they were certainly interested in us.
We often got love notes passed down the section to us with messages like "Kenny Wilson wants to kiss you" or some such message.
We became very blase, and pretended we were't interested, but we loved the attention and began to take a great interest in our appearance.
We put Vaseline on our eyelids and lips to make them shine and curlers in our hair at night.
We thought we looked lovely and spent lots of time consulting mirrors.
I passed on our beauty tips to Jean but she only laughed,
"You wouldn't catch me putting muck on my face!" she enjoyed being a tomboy.
One day while we were playing in the street she whispered "I've got something to tell you" I couldn't imagine what she was about to tell me then she cupped her hand over her mouth so nobody else would hear, and whispered "Don't tell anybody, but we're "Shifting!" I was surprised and saddened.
"Where are you shifting to?"I whispered back,
"I don't know, they wont tell me" she said looking mysterious. I wondered if this was a figment of her imagination, she enjoyed dramatising things?
She didn't mention it again so I didn't think any more about it.
A few weeks later on my way to call on Jean I noticed a lot of neighbours outside her house huddled together in groups talking, I wondered what had caused the interest?
Jean will know I thought, as I knocked on her door.
"It's no use you knocking there love" one of the women shouted, "The house is empty, they've done a "Moonlight Flit!"
They were all talking quite loudly now.
"No wonder they scarpered, owing such a lot of rent, they owed money to everyone!" another woman said nastily.
I was shocked, my best friend had gone after all.
Nasty remarks about Jean's family were thrown around and as I looked back at the windows I couldn't believe Jean was longer there. "They never told a soul either" shouted someone.
Well she told me I thought but I felt stunned as I walked slowly back to our house.
I didn't repeat the gossip I'd heard to Mother. I just told her Jean and her family had left.
"That was a quick move " she said suspiciously.

I didn't play in the street much after that, I missed Jean a lot.I didn't see any friends from the shelter either, as the raids had almost stopped in Liverpool.
I began to spend more time with school friends.
Nobody found out where Jean and her family had moved to.
I never saw her again.
Each month Mother went to Bibby's the factory where Dad had worked, to collect an allowance they granted to their employees in the forces.
David and I usually went with her and on one of these outings Mother decided to have our photographs taken to send to Dad.
It was obvious lots of people had the same idea, the queue outside "Jeromes" the photographers in London Road was long.
It was a hot sticky day and the wait was awful.
David felt sick and became very weepy. I lifted him up and tried to comfort him, unfortunately he vomited all over me! Mother wasn't pleased but she did her best to tidy us up with her spitted handkerchief.
The foul smell of vomit lingered with me all day.
We waited for the picture to be developed which again took ages.
However the picture was reasonably good, or so Mother thought. Although David looked fragile, almost angelic, with his pale white face and long platinum blonde curls.
I had deliberately tried to adapt a pose, but now I could see how silly I looked.I didn't like the picture at all, I was glad nobody else would see it.
Mother sent it off to Dad in her next letter.

Aunty Milly met David and I one Sunday as usual, but on this occasion she looked very upset, I could tell she'd been crying, I couldn't think why?
"I'm afraid I have some bad news to tell you" she said in a strained voice, "Your poor Uncle Leslie is very ill and the Air Force have sent him straight home to hospital" she looked as if she would burst into tears at any moment.
"What's the matter with him?" I asked,
I couldn't imagine Uncle Leslie being ill, he was so young handsome and fit looking.
She looked very worried,
"They don't know yet, but let's hope he soon improves" we didn't spend long with her that day, she was anxious to visit him.
Mother was surprised to see us back so soon, I told her the news right away, but she didn't seem very interested.
"You'll have to write and tell Dad about Uncle Leslie being ill" I said.
"I'll tell your Father in my own good time, I don't need you or anybody else to tell me what I should do" she replied harshly.

We didn't see or hear from Aunty Milly for a few weeks and I couldn't understand why she hadn't been waiting for us, as she usually did each Sunday on the corner?
Then Mother received a letter, informing her of Uncle Leslie's death, and funeral arrangements.
I was very shocked and sad to hear the news, I never thought Uncle Leslie would die?
"It will be ages before Dad finds out" I said.
Mother was still reading the letter.
"Yes it will" she said, putting the letter on the sideboard.
"Anyway, I wont be going to any funeral" I was shocked
"Why aren't you going?"
I thought with Dad being away, Mother would want to be there in his place?
"I have no intention of going to THAT house whatever the circumstances!"
"But Uncle Leslie is Dad's brother and he's dead" I shouted
I couldn't understand how she seemed to take the news so nonchalantly.
She folded the letter back in its envelope and put in the draw and continued with her polishing, as if she hadn't heard me, there was a long silence then without turning around she said
"You can go to his funeral if you want to"
"Me, on my own?" I was startled and frightened.
I'd never been to a funeral, I didn't know what to expect?
All the stories Jean had told me flashed through my brain, she'd said everyone kept dead relatives in the parlour in an open coffin, so all family and friends could say their last goodbyes.
She'd also said some of her relatives kissed the dead person and expected her to do the same!
It sounded horrendous to me, I'd never really believed her, but now I was having doubts.
Much as I'd liked Uncle Leslie, I didn't want to see him, or kiss him, now he was dead!

CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I decided to attend Uncle Leslie's funeral, although I was still frightened, I didn't know what to expect?
I thought Aunty Milly would be pleased to see me, with Mother refusing to go.
The journey to Grandma's house seemed much shorter than usual as my mind was full of awful thoughts.
Mother had given me a bunch of flowers to take and I had clutched them so tightly they looked already wilted.
I was shaking when I knocked on the door.
The door was opened by Aunty Milly, she looked shocked to see me, but gave me a weak smile.
"Oh Dorothy its you, I thought your Mother would have come, this is no place for a young girl!"
She was dressed in black, and looked awful, her face looked puffy and her eyes were red and swollen.
"Come on in dear, we'll go in the kitchen"
I closed my eyes tightly as I rushed along the hall, I didn't want to see in the parlour!
Aunty Milly ushered me into the kitchen, were Grandma sat by the kitchen table looking extremely old and frail.
"You can stay with Grandma. We'll all be going soon"
She tried her best to sound normal but her voice was faltering.
"Are you sure you don't want to see Leslie, Mother?"
Aunty Milly addressed Grandma. Grandma became tearful and angry,
"How many more times are you going to ask me, I've told you, I want to remember him as he was!"
I was relieved. If I were asked I'd know what to say.

Grandma and I sat in silence at the kitchen table, muffled voices and shuffling noises could be heard in the hall, after awhile we heard the front door close, which prompted Grandma to bury her face in her handkerchief and sob bitterly.
I didn't know what to say or how to comfort her.

"You go in the other room now Dorothy, I'll be alright" she said her hands still pressing the handkerchief over her face.
I knew she wanted to be alone and I was pleased to leave her.
I went into the living room, then I slowly ventured into the empty parlour.
The floor was amass with petals, the sweet fragrance of flowers was overwhelming.
I pulled open the curtains, the sun was shining and my fears had now left me.
I gathered some of the rose petals,and put them in a glass bowl. I thought about Uncle Leslie, and how he used to make me laugh and how unhappy Aunty Daisy would be without him.
How terrible it must be for Grandma and Aunty Milly, and Dad doesn't even know!
It was all very sad and so unreal.
The strongest fragrance in the room was coming from a glass vase of tall white flowers on a table by the window.
They were so perfect in colour and shape almost waxen, I thought they were artificial.
I'd never seen them before.
Grandma called me from the kitchen and said she'd made some tea, I felt uncomfortable as she still looked as if she were about to cry again.
To break the silence I told her how much I liked the lovely white flowers in the glass vase,this seemed to please her.
"Aunty Daisy bought those Lilies they were very expensive too, but she wanted the best for Uncle Leslie. Bring them in here will you dear" she said.
I carried the vase carefully into the kitchen, she took her time stroking and admiring them.
"They are beautiful aren't they, Aunty Daisy brought them here the day dear Uncle Leslie came home for the last time" tears began to roll down her cheeks again.
She took one of them from the water.
"I want you to take this home" she said, between sobs.
"Press it in a heavy book and when you look at it you can remember Uncle Leslie"
I thanked her and told her I would always treasure it, she wrapped it tenderly in tissue paper.
She put her arms around me and hugged me for awhile
"Dorothy, you've been a great comfort to me" I didn't know how, but I was pleased.
When everyone arrived back to the house Aunty Milly gave them all a drink of wine and Aunty Daisy served plates of sandwiches, she looked wretched trying her best not to cry.
I felt very sorry for them all and wished Mother had been there.
I noticed Aunty Milly hadn't eaten a thing and was unusually quiet, then she surprised me, "I think I should take you home now"
After tearful goodbyes from Grandma and Aunty Daisy thanking me for going, Aunty Milly suggested we get the tram to the Pier Head.
I was surprised and pleased, I didn't want to go straight home.
We caught a tram and then while we were sitting on the top deck front seats Aunty Milly produced a Mars bar from her handbag.
"Here is a little treat for you, I could only get one and I think you deserve it"
The thick sweet chocolate bar tasted wonderful.
I thanked her over and over again. She was always so kind and thoughtful.

"This break away from the house, is just what I needed" she said taking in deep breaths of sea air, as we walked along the Pier Head.
"I'm so glad you came Dorothy. You've helped Grandma and me a lot today" I was pleased to hear her words but I couldn't understand how I had helped anyone?
Nevertheless, I felt happy to be with Aunty Milly in spite of the sadness of the day.

Mother asked me a lot of questions about the funeral when I arrived home, but I was very evasive.
I felt angry and hurt she didn't attend the funeral.I thought she was very unkind.

Although I felt so sad that Uncle Leslie had died I was pleased I'd gone to the house to see Grandma and Aunty Milly, and I didn't have to view Uncle Leslie after all.
I don't know what illness he'd died of, when I asked Aunty Milly she'd said it was a tropical disease? But he'd never been abroad?
Years later, I found out he'd died of cancer of the stomach.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN
A lot of changes had taken place at school, we were going into our last year, now being thirteen. Everyone left school at fourteen then, we lost touch with the children that had gone to colleges when they were eleven, June furlong being one of them.
College fees were high and not many parents could afford them. The rest of us never felt in the least bit envious.
In fact, we felt rather sorry for them, having to make new friends!
Our final year teacher was Miss Schneider.
She was highly respected, and never seemed to shout or lose control.
We were all pleased to be going into her class.
Some children said she was German, but that didn't matter to us, although none of us liked Germans after the bombing!
She had an air of grandeur about her, had we been told she was really "Lady Somebody" we would have believed them, without question.
A slim dark haired elegant lady, in her forties, very refined and cultured, never aggressive, but persuasive and quietly spoken.

We didn't do any of the usual school work on our first day, instead she spent the time telling us how to make the most of our abilities and how she would spend time with each of us, finding our potentials.
She emphasised the importance of manners, literature, and reading, none of us had any experience of this kind of teaching, the class was captivated.
"I like to feel proud of my class. I don't tolerate rudeness from anyone, I am here to help you with anything and everything you want to know" she then ended the lesson.
During the next few weeks she taught us more than we'd ever thought possible.
Most of the subjects we'd found boring in previous classes now took on a new dimension.
She had a keen sense of humour which made learning easy and fun.
We were introduced to authors, playwrights, poets, painters.
She discussed our interests, ambitions and explained how we should conduct ourselves in different circumstances, nothing seemed beyond her capabilities.
We developed more confidence, she listened intently to our opinions and discussed them in depth. School was now a pleasure!

Elsie and I saw a lot of each other now, we talked about Miss Schneider at length, we didn't of course, know anything of her private life, but we invented stories that seemed fitting, mostly tragic romantic ones!
Some Saturdays I went to Elsie's house for the afternoon and we'd spend our time trying out new hairstyles or cutting out film star pictures from the "Picturegoer" magazine.
Another pastime was reading the problem pages of Women's magazines and scanning them for free offers samples.
It was always a thrill to have a package addressed to you containing soaps, toothpastes, deodorants and even sanitary pads, which neither of us required, but we kept them hidden until our great day arrived!

Lots of girls at school boasted about starting their periods although nobody used the word- periods- most used silly names like "The Curse" "Country Cousins" or "Poorly" which after awhile Elsie and I copied. But we were still waiting patiently for ours!

When my "time" finally arrived I felt very grown up, and proudly told Mother. She surprised me by not making any comments at all.
She just opened the sideboard cupboard and produced a bundle of pads made from strips of sheeting crudely stitched together, all different shapes and sizes and two safety pins!
"You can use these" she said placing then on the table.
I was disgusted "I'm not using things like that, I've got those samples I sent for!"
But Mother was adamant
"I have no intention of wasting my money buying you those things, these can be washed and used over and over again, you just put them in salt water overnight, then wash them the next day.
I remembered seeing them drying on the clothes line in the yard but I'd always thought they were dusters!
"I don't care, I'm not using them. I'll buy my own!" I shouted.Although I didn't know how I would be able to buy them, I'll go messages or clean some more steps, I thought, I was determined to get the money somehow rather than use those dreadful things Mother had made!

"If they're good enough for me they are good enough for you" she snapped. I never used them, much to her annoyance.

I badly wanted to have a party for my fourteenth birthday, I had it all planned, I'd invite five boys and four girls from my class.
I'd already been to a few of their parties and we'd had a great time.
Mother wasn't keen on the idea and I kept reminding her that I'd never EVER had a birthday party!
I nagged and moaned daily, she must have been fed up listening to me.
Eventually she agreed, and I was more than delighted!

With rationing and food still in short supply a birthday cake was out of the question, but Mother said she would make sandwiches and bake scones.
Some of the parties I'd attended had carrot cake, which I thought tasted lovely, but Mother wasn't very inventive or interested in cooking, but that didn't worry me, I was more interested in what we would do after the tea!
I asked my friends in class for ideas and they suggested Postman's Knock, Truth or Dare and Consequences, but the most interesting idea was Marjorie's, "I'll dress up as a Fortune Teller,and tell their fortunes"
We all agreed this a great idea and quite unique, we talked about how we'd organize it for ages.
Marjorie, from our class was very attractive, with olive skin and thick black flowing hair, her Father was Portuguese, we all agreed she'd be just right for the role of "Gypsy Zelda", the name we'd invented!
She loved acting too and was always dramatic about every day events. She said she could get a long colourful dress.
We would collect as much jewellery as we could and even managed a coin necklace that she could wear across her forehead, over a scarf like a Bandanna.
She'd look convincing.
One of the girls had a wind up gramophone and records which she said she'd bring, so the party couldn't fail!
It was a few months off yet, but I was pleased we had it all arranged.
As we were due to leave school at christmas which wasn't far off, Miss Schneider concentrated her attention daily on our future careers. Everyone had a lots of private talks with her.

I told her I wanted to be a hairdresser, and the hairdresser my Mother attended each week had offered me a job there.
She was horrified, I was surprised at her reaction?
"Don't even consider it!" she said with conviction.
I was puzzled, I thought she'd have been pleased to hear I'd found myself a job, then she went on..
"Dorothy, local hairdressers could never give you the training a top salon could, on Saturday I want you to go to all the hairdressers in Bold street and ask them if they require an apprentice, I will give you a character reference to take with you"

Bold Street was considered to be a very high class shopping area, I never thought I would be able to work there.
The following Saturday I decided to take her advice.
Mother thought it a ridiculous idea and a waste of time especially, as I'd been offered a job already.
"Those places want a lump sum of money to teach you, and we can't afford that. My hairdresser would teach you for nothing, and give you a small wage!" she shouted, she wasn't pleased with Miss Schneider's suggestion.
I understood what she meant, but Miss Schneider had given me a new goal.
I took my time getting ready for the big event, trying my best to look more grown up. I put my hair up in sweeps as it was called, rubbed my cheeks to make them glow, put the usual vaseline on my lips and eyelids. I really thought I looked lovely. There must have been six or seven hairdressing Salons in Bold Street and I decided to call on them all!

I hovered outside the first shop for quite sometime, dreading going in, but then I remembered Miss Schneider's words.
The inside looked very grand, a lady with lovely hair and long red nails sat at a desk "Can I help you?" she drawled. "I would like to know if you need an apprentice at the moment?" I said trying to sound very refined I could feel my cheeks burning.
"We do take apprentices, but there is a fee required for training, can I take your name and address?"
I panicked I was frightened of giving my name and address in case it committed Mother to something, I muttered something about it doesn't matter, and hastily went out with my heart thumping. This was more difficult than I thought.

Most of the salons made the same comments, but I wasn't deterred, I was gradually gaining confidence and began to enjoy seeing inside these lovely salons.
I now realised I would love to work in one of these shops they were so different from the salon Mother frequented each week.
Then I noticed another hairdressing Salon, on the first floor of LLoyds Bank building on the corner of Seel street, a side street off Bold street. " Vincents" it said, in big gold letters across a cast iron balcony.
I ran up the stone steps to the first floor and arrived at a big glass door with the same gold lettering as the front.
A lovely aroma of perfume seemed to welcome me and I was very impressed with the large display cabinet and glass counter containing hair pieces, jewelled hair slides, sparkling tiaras and unusual shaped perfume bottles, it was very overwhelming. I decided to ask to see the manager this time. Something I hadn't done before.
"Do take a seat" said the lady at the counter, she was smiling warmly. I sat down and thumbed through a magazine I'd never seen before, "The Tatler" it was called, full of pictures of ladies in evening dresses attending parties.

A small middle aged gentleman with a white high necked silk overall approached me.
"I understand you want to see me, I am Mr. Vincent" he said.
I stood up and we shook hands "Good afternoon Mr. Vincent, I am Dorothy Lawrence" (I thought Miss Schneider would be proud of me)
"I would like to be an apprentice here" "I said, as quickly as I could.
"That's very interesting, but are you aware high fees have to be paid for the privilege?" I was getting used to this reply, but his accent surprised me, it sounded Italian or Spanish?
"Well, I can't pay any fees but I'd still like to learn hairdressing here" He surprised me by laughing heartily, then stood back looking at me for a moment. I wondered why he thought it funny?
"Come into my office and we'll have a little chat" I followed him to a tiny office at the back of the salon.
"Sit down, and tell me why you think I should take you on as an apprentice?"
I hadn't expected a question like this, but I was pleased.
"I've always wanted to be a hairdresser and my teacher told me only to apply to the best shops, that's why I'm here!"
I pushed my reference across to him. He quickly read it, and looked up smiling. I didn't know what to think.
There was a long pause, then to my amazement he said
"I admire your cheek, It's not often I meet a young girl with such spirit. Against my better judgement, I'm going to take you on. How do you feel about that?"
He studied me intently. "Oh, thank you very much" I said "That's marvellous" I kept wondering if I'd heard correctly? "I will pay you seven and sixpence a week, for the first year and if you do well, there will be an increase accordingly"
He stood up and opened the office door,then called someone named "Gertrude"
Almost immediately, a rather severe looking plump lady came into the office.
"This is my wife, she will tell you everything you need to know"
He left us alone, her stern look gave me the impression she didn't approve of the arrangement.
"When can you start,that's the first question"she read my reference as she asked me.
"I don't leave school until Christmas, I'm not fourteen until January"
I did my best to sound polite and pleasing.
"In that case, you can begin the first of January.
You will need two white overalls, and a packed lunch each day. The hours are eight forty five until six and half day on Saturday, and by the way, we don't tolerate lateness!"
"I will send you a letter of confirmation shortly"
She seemed in a hurry to end the interview, but she was now smiling.
She shook my hand and I thanked her very much, as I made my way out I took another quick look at the luxury of the surroundings. I could hardly believe I was actually going to work in such a lovely place!
I dashed home to tell Mother, she was very surprised and impressed when I told her about Mr Vincent and how he'd said I didn't have to pay any money, and I'd be getting seven and sixpence a week! "Wait until I tell Dad you're going to work in Bold Street.He'll be pleased with that news. You did well for yourself!"
I was thrilled to hear Mother praise me and felt quite proud of myself too.

Nearly all the class had obtained jobs for themselves, Elsie as a colourist in a photographers, Marjorie as a clerk in an Insurance company and most of the boys were going to be apprentices in different trades.
Everyone seemed happy about their future but sad to be leaving Miss Schneider, she complimented us all.
We all assembled in the main hall the day we left.
The Headmaster Mr Brown gave a long talk, about being on our best behaviour at all times, and not to forget the excellent teaching we'd all received, at St Margaret's.
Our class then looked across to Miss Schneider and most of us had tears in our eyes, Marjorie was actually sobbing.
Then we sang a few familiar school songs, when we came to "Forty Years On" we realised for the first time, what the words meant, and most of us were crying.
Back in our classroom Miss Schneider thanked us for being an excellent class, and gave us each a reference, which everyone received on leaving, as no exams were taken.
Marjorie, Elsie and I wanted to buy her a special gift, but sadly we didn't have much money.
Finally we bought her a cheap little Jewel box. None of us liked it much, but it was all we could afford.
We presented it to her just before leaving the classroom, she looked surprised. Tears came to her eyes as she opened it, handling it with great care she said "Thank you all, very much indeed. Its lovely"
We all cried then, taking a last look at the classroom we'd spent so many happy days.

Each of us went home with heavy hearts.
It seemed strange not to be going to school again, but now I had my party to look forward to, I was having it much earlier than my actual birthday. Marjorie, Elsie and I planned it over and over again, we wanted everything to be perfect.
Marjorie's decided she'd tell everyone she couldn't stay long, then when everyone thought she had gone home, she'd dress herself up in our cellar. I would get everything ready, by switching off the light and lighting a candle. To begin the evening we'd play games, then dance to a few records. I think Marjorie was more excited than us, as she loved the drama of it all. When she did a dress rehearsal, we were amazed how realistic she looked. I didn't tell Mother all our plans. I just told her Marjorie was going to get dressed up in the cellar as a Fortune Teller and not to tell the others.
Everything was going to be perfect, I could hardly wait for my first birthday party.

(Note from Dot Buchanan: This piece is part of a larger autobiographical work covering the war years and my life story. I am currently looking for a publisher. If anyone is interested please leave a message in the forum. Then I could contact ww2.feedback@bbc.co.uk
and through the 大象传媒 be put in touch with you. If you are reading this and are not a publisher 鈥� then I hope it evoked some memories of your own, and that you enjoyed it? Do let me know in the forum. Thanks)

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