大象传媒

The recruitment campaign was going full belt, particularly for RAF air crew, but unfortunately as it happened the wastage crew was not as bad as had been expected and consequently there were backlogs of people in South Africa, in Rhodesia, in America, Canada and even in Australia that were just sitting there idle, trained air crew with nothing to do, and also people who were partly trained, like I was.
So the air ministry decided to do something about it and all the people who were in the recruitment campaign were given vigorous tests, really bad examinations, and the idea was to inject them all and there were thousands of them, and this is the story of what happened to a lot of them. They were sent in the army, went down the mines, all over the place. Just get rid of them, we don鈥檛 need them anymore, and they were very disgruntled people. And the book I鈥檝e written is the story of what happened to a lot of them, and myself.
Part of the time, I was at a place called Reagent鈥檚 Park, living in transit in a place called Stockley Hall. We came out of the mess hall which was the caf茅, and we heard a noise, and we ran into the air raid shelter at the back. Well a lot of these buzz bombs came over, so it was decided we鈥檇 have a watch on the top of these buildings. We鈥檇 had nightvision tests but failed them badly, but we were given the night shift anyway.
On my first night duty, a buzz bomb came over and was coming right for me, directly at me, at eye level, and it came right for me until it came over the canal. It was coming over and the first thing it hit was the canal. I was hypnotised by it, it was like a snake, I was terrified. I鈥檇 previously thought of what would happen if I saw anything coming, there was 15 steps to where I was to a circular staircase at the back of the building, I thought it would probably take me a couple of minutes to get down. Well when the spell broke, three steps took me there, and by the time the thing exploded I was almost at the bottom. Unfortunately it completely demolished St James鈥� Close, but fortunately the rest of the air crew boys were in the shelter down below, and only one man was killed, a corporal who was doing the movement lists for the next morning, that鈥檚 what we were there for, to be moved around. That was one hairy bit.
Another bit of fun was when I was at flying school and it was quite a good story. The last flights that we had doing circusing bumps, then I had to do a flight test, and while I was doing this, looking outside the window of the aircraft the last time before take off, I noticed a man standing next to a tree with a dog at his feet, he was under the shadow of the branches about thirty feet away but I was able to see that he was wearing a tweed coat with leather at the end of the sleeves, brown corduroy trousers and Wellington boots, and he was leaning on a shooting stick. Turning his attention to the job in hand he turned the plane to the point directly along the field, pushed the lever forward and the plane quickly gained speed on the ground, applied pressure with his right foot and they were airborne and climbing. He slowly taxied back to the take-off point, weaving from side to side so that he could see the engine that was blocking the view in front of him and on arrival at the point, he noticed that the man was still there and didn鈥檛 appear to have moved at all. Three circuits later, he was still there, and he was more than a little concerned that an RAF establishment in wartime, and he felt it was wrong for a civilian to be just standing there watching. As he walked past to the duty pilot to sign off his flying time he noticed harry talking to the instructor. Anyway, he was still concerned about the man, he mentioned it to sergeant paul who just smiled with another instructor. What was wrong with these people? He finally raised it with the CFI, who also smiled and after a short while said 鈥淚鈥檓 surprised we haven鈥檛 seen more of that gentleman, but don鈥檛 worry by any means, strictly speaking, we鈥檙e playing in his back yard.鈥� The field was Windsor great park, Smith鈥檚 lawn 鈥� it was the King! I hadn鈥檛 recognised him!

I鈥檇 taken a group of 24 men from Heaton Park, Manchester to Great Orton. We were in transit, moving about all over the place, I鈥檇 just passed as an air bomber, and was put in charge of 24 young men who weren鈥檛 going anywhere, and who just had to do odd jobs. So we turned up at Carlisle and went to Great Orton, and I met the SWO and he had a job to do and he told us to get ourselves ready in denims and meet him outside. We said good morning to each other, and then he said 鈥淎ll鈥檚 I can say is it鈥檚 a messy job, but somebody had to do it鈥� smiling, and said 鈥済et the lads in the truck, son, you鈥檙e due in here with me.鈥� After he got the lads loaded up in the truck and getting himself in the van with the SWO they drove quite a long distance around the camp and eventually stopped in front of three long big buildings. This area was strictly out of bounds to all male personnel but they鈥檝e made an exception in your case. They were deep within the WAF enclosure. And as they all got out of the vehicle, a stern looking WAF section officer met them. 鈥淢orning, Ma鈥檃m,鈥� the SWO said, 鈥渉ope these lads can solve your problem for you.鈥� The problem was obvious 鈥� two of the blocks were toilet facilities and they could smell the problem from twenty yards away. 鈥淚 sincerely hope so.鈥�
鈥淩ight,鈥� said the SWO, 鈥� two twelve-whole blocks have been frozen up for three whole weeks, but this hasn鈥檛 stopped the little dears from using them, oh no. They鈥檝e filled them up to the brim. They wouldn鈥檛 use the field toilets that were dug for them as an emergency measure because it was too cold 鈥� I think they must have used a trowel to knock the tops off. Anyway, not to put too fine a point on it, the lads had come down to clean them out and we all just stood there looking astonished. The buckets and mops are over there, and enough lice-o to cover the whole of Cumberland. I鈥檝e got a fire hose attatched to that hydrant over there, it has been checked, it isn鈥檛 iced up, so the sooner you get the job done the better. But beware of the valve, it鈥檚 a bit erratic. I went over to the hydrant and after turning the valve slightly I noticed that the water was beginning to come out of the hose end. No problem. I closed the valve and went over to the men. I shouted 鈥淗arrison! You can be in charge of operating the valve. When I shout 鈥渨ater on, you turn it to half power, ok?鈥� I went and picked up the end of the hose and took it to the first cubicle. The stench inside the closed compartment made my eyes water, the pot was indeed full to the brim, and looked as if it HAD been trowelled off. Holding the nozzle in both hands and pointing it towards the centre of the pot I shouted 鈥渨ater on.鈥� No answer. I waited about ten seconds then shouted again, 鈥渨ater on!鈥� Still no answer, and still no water. I turned my head a little and as I did so he unwittingly dropped the nozzle slightly so that it was pointing towards the front of the pot. This time he shouted even louder and as he turned back to face the pot, the water came on, full force. The water hit the front of the pan and like a giant scoop picked up the stinking mixture and bounced it off the back of the bowl, depositing the entire contents of the bowl over my head. I shouted, 鈥渨ater off.鈥� And when the water stopped running, squelching as I did, I walked slowly outside, my blue denim suit was now a chocolatey-brown. The SWO was laughing so much there were tears running down his cheeks, two of the men were rolling around the floor in hysterics and the frosty waf officer said 鈥渙h you poor dear鈥� which made them laugh even louder.

We went to Rivenhall to the bomb dump, getting things ready for 14 days of continuous carpet bombing. We were loading and unloading bombs, fusing them, putting them on trollies 24 hours a day. We were all getting really punch drunk by this time and there was a bit of a lull, I was watching one of the young lads, Slater, he was dodgy, a little bit mental, a bit flaky. One of the things we used was a mark-one tail feather 鈥� it screws in to the back of the bomb and once it鈥檚 in, you can鈥檛 take it out, or the bomb goes off. It鈥檚 not too nice! We fused all these bombs. I was standing at the end of one of these bays watching Slater who was sitting astride of one of the bombs. He appeared to be examining one of the fins. I looked aghast and ran over to Slater, hitting him in the chest with my shoulder and taking both of us over the bomb, landing in a heap at the other side. I shouted 鈥済et the Sergeant, now!鈥� and the man ran off. I shouted to some others 鈥� 鈥測ou, you and you, get that trolley and do not let anyone touch it until the Sergeant arrives. Put this man under arrest, now!鈥� The two men held Slater firmly, I sat down with my head in my hands, and shook almost uncontrollably with the adrenaline. The Sergeant ran over and asked what the hell was wrong. 鈥淟ook at the bomb, Sergeant, the fuse.鈥� The Sergeant walked over to the bomb, looked at the fuse and saw that it was partly unscrewed and said 鈥淢y God! Did he do that?!鈥�
I was still in shock and Slater was still sitting on the floor, now with his head in his hands saying he was sorry and crying. Nothing happened with that, he was diagnosed as being mentally unstable, but that was a very hairy moment, he was just playing with it.

漏 Copyright of content contributed to this Archive rests with the author. Find out how you can use this.