大象传媒

Three brushes with RAF Barnwood Station Warrant Officer.
1. Shortly after settling into C2 central registry RAF Record Office I emerged from the main building to be brought up short by a bellow of "Airman, stay where you are!" I obeyed and was confronted by a large, red-faced warrant officer who bawled me out for being improperly dressed. I had two buttons of my battledress undone instead of the regulation one. Behind me I heard a snort of laughter which came fom a Flying Officer who had followed me out. The irate warrant officer took the said officer to task for treating this serious matter so flippantly but turned even brighter red when the officer pointed out he was wearing his forage cap back to front. I heard no more about the impending charge.
2. On pay parade we used to make bets on which letter of the alphabet the SWO would miss out. One day an airman arrived late and was halted in his tracks by: "You 'orrible little airman there, what's your name?" "Phillips, sir," came the reply. "Right," said the SWO, "Get fell in with the Fs."
3. Somewhat later I was on duty as orderly corporal and in attendance on our SWO as he issued gardening equipment to the SHGDs (or shithouse wallahs as they were generally known). One appeared, bearing his selected implement, and the SWO duly inscibed his name and last three in the ledger. "What've you got there?" he asked. "Scythe, sir." "How do you spell that?" "Dunno, sir." "Neither do I. Take it back and get a flaming shovel!"

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