大象传媒

Some of the lighter sides of the war are worth relating. Otherwise, I feel that we would have "gone round the bend" with the boredom and the the tragedy of conflict. Do not run away with the idea that these were necessarily pleasant, as you had on most occasions to suppress your laughter, otherwise you could have ended up on a charge. A 252/against "good order and military discipline" This episode may not appeal to today's humour, but if you think carefully about the scene, the conditions and the narrative you might at least feel a curl to your lips.
Picture the scene! The monsoon rain is hammering down, as it approaches you, it sounds as though a locomotive is rushing towards you through a railway cutting. Remember that sound?
Our CO is issuing orders at a start of a Scheme (Army manoeuvre) the Officers are all looking at the CO "bright-eyed and bushy tailed" as he tells us all about the Scheme and the fictious enemy.

In (Sri Lanka) we have been issued with an absolutely useless piece of equipment namely, Wait for it! THE MONSOON CAPE useless because when wearing it, you could do nothing, but ride a bicycle, which we did not have. You actually got wetter and stickier from your own sweat, in a downpour than if you let the cooling monsoon rain pour off your shoulders.
Added to this cape the Officers had the, Ahem! added nicety of a HOOD, which we as the other ranks had not. Of course, even in such a downpour, no Officer would put his hood up, over his cap, as the CO had not covered his cap with his hood. All of a sudden the CO must have thought of the cost of the replacement of his cap and says to his aide-de-camp Jim Page. Jim! Jim! put up me 'ood; put up me 'ood! Jim rushes to obey. No one had thought of the amount of rain that this monsoon will have decant on to us mortals, serving the King.
In raising the hood, Jim deluges the CO with (I would estimate) a good half bucket of rainwater. There you are, within six to ten feet in front of the CO, looking him in the face, where this "Keystone cops" retake is being enacted. Laugh, You dare not. Have you ever felt the pain in your stomach in suppressing a hearty laugh? It is really painful indeed. A wag once said the "Nearest thing a male can have, to giving birth" perhaps he was right, as I experienced this on several occasions during the war or have I a warped sense of humour. I can still visualise this episode at 85 years of age, it has not lost any of its comedy for me, if that is the right word. Perhaps I will be allowed to tell another story at another time.

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