大象传媒

The headmaster who had caned me the first day of arriving at that school was taking us for an English lesson. 鈥淚 would like you to do a portrait on any subject, it is your choice.鈥�
So I wrote a sarcastic portrait of the headmaster, it went something like:

He comes to school on an 鈥榓tom bike鈥�, this had an engine in the rear wheel that belched out blue smoke from its exhaust pipe, it was always breaking down and occasionally I had the job of taking it to Woodslands to be mended and bringing it back. He wore an ex-RAF great coat and trilby hat and spectacles perched on his nose. He has filthy habits, he takes his glass eye out and cleans it with his hanky while sat at his desk, several times heaving deep down from inside his lungs with a gargling sound, he鈥檚 loosened it, its now in his mouth and he promptly ejects it into the waste paper basket, he lifts the waste paper basket up, examines the colour, 鈥測es it鈥檚 a green-un鈥�. He now rubs it with paper to hide all the traces of his green phlegm, job well done headmaster.

He read the portrait of himself, he calls me out to his desk, I thought to myself 鈥業鈥檓 in for in now鈥�. He was grinning from ear to ear, to my surprise he thought it was great and paraded me around the school to show the other teachers this marvellous portrait about him. I could see their sheepish grins as if to say 鈥渃an鈥檛 you see he鈥檚 having a dig at your expense鈥�.

I must admit when I got to know the man a bit better he was quite a nice bloke, I and some other lads were invited to his house. He seemed to me to alter after my mother went to school to see him about extra help.

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