大象传媒

Chapter VII - Battle of Britain
A guardsman swam out to the ship, which was quite some distance from the shore, and clambered aboard with his Bren gun, this to his dismay was promptly thrown overboard. It was explained that the reason for such action was because the Germans dressed in allied uniforms could commandeer a ship, which under these circumstances was quite logical.
We were directed to a hole in the deck then had to climb down a vertical ladder to the hold, where I presumed they would have stored their mines.
I was immediately greeted by a jovial reservist Guardsman friend by the name of Price a slimmed down double of Oliver Hardy and known to all that knew him as 'Snuff Price', so called because whenever he greeted you on a social plane, he would smack the back of his hand with his snuff box and at the same time say 'Have a Sninch of Puff'. After this greeting and congratulations on being rescued, he asked if I had a drink of water and I obliged by handing him my waterbottle, whereupon he took a good swig of my bootlegging Rum and when he finished choking and spluttering we had a good laugh, this episode would always be the topic of conversation whenever we were to meet in the future.
All that we could hear was the throbbing of the ships engine, unaware of the drama being enacted above, until the hatch opened and somebody shouted down 'Stand with your backs against the side of the ship, we are about to be attacked by Stukas'. We couldn't hear their recognised scream as they came down in their vertical dive, but felt the shudder of several near misses, but we were still moving. Soon after we stopped to take on board more rescued, and then another raid with the familiar shuddering as we forego more near misses, until one rocked the ship very violently, but the heart of 'Little Audrey' was still throbbing away thank god, until we eventually reached 'Blighty'. The hatch opened and whilst queuing to climb the vertical ladder I thought of the hopeless situation if anything more serious had happened and who would have opened the hatch? It is afterwards the thought of these adversities that make you sweat.
On coming up into the bright June sunlight of Sheerness, the smiling and welcoming faces of civilisation then looking back at the ship after its heroic encounter, with its superstructure hanging precariously over the side no doubt caused by the one that rocked the ship so violently, who now could not believe in 'Guardian Angels'.
After a tea and wad, supplied by the local civilian ladies who always seemed to be around in times of crisis, we were directed onto a train, destination unknown except again for the driver. I immediately dropped off to sleep, and was to wake up by the sound of voices and on looking out of the window, to my surprise the train was travelling at a walking pace through my own station of Oxford. I hastily marked one of our issued buff cards, which had messages printed on such as; 'I am well,' I am in hospital etc' I put a tick against the appropriate message and shouted to a Porter if he wouldn't mind delivering it for me. This he kindly did, because my mother was to inform me later that just previously she had received a telegram informing her that I was missing. A great relief for her and of course myself. The train and its cargo ended up guess where? Huyton Liverpool, I just can't get away from the place!
We were only to stay a short while before we were gathered together for a pep talk by a Brigadier, and we must have looked a pathetic sight, none of us had a complete uniform or firearms, so we would have been easy picking if Jerry were now to pay us a visit.
We were sent off to rejoin the remnants of the Battalion, who were assembling at 'Lower Slaughter', and being made up to strength, including the replacement of R.S.M. Sheather, who was reported missing, his successor being R.S.M.Hufton. After this was completed, and all issued with new equipment we were informed to prepare to return to France immediately. This wasn't greeted with overwhelming enthusiasm so soon after returning, as we thought we were entitled to a spot of leave first. Fortunately the 'powers that be' must have got the message because they gave us 72hrs leave. On return the 'suicide mission' was cancelled, or I should say postponed? No doubt lessons were first to be learnt from the enemies successful tactics before venturing out their again.

We moved into the park of a large manor house in 'Martin Bigot' on the outskirts of Frome, where we were to take up residence under Canvas. It was here that they decided to give Hitler a shock, by promoting me and my best mate Dennis Ward to L/Corporals, this in its wake led to N.C.O. courses in Leadership, Voice training, Drilling and Disciplinary courses etc., leaving me hoarse for weeks.

In this period of the war, we hadn't got Parachute Regiments, Commando's, Airborne or Armoured divisions, so this meant converting infantry regiments to fulfil these roles. Volunteers were called for and those because of their wayward past were nudged, those who thought anything for change or their mates were going and those who thought that their services couldn't be done without 'Thinks' don't volunteer etc:etc.anyway where else could you get the comradeship the discipline or capabilities other than in a Regiment proven by its historical past.
We just about finished digging up all of the spare ground around Frome on various exercises, so it was decided to move to fresh fields to dig up and conquer, thus landing up at Mere.
Our accommodation was over a milk cooling plant, where on returning from vigorous training sessions, we were giving permission to help ourselves to freshly cooled milk, and when expecting to go off for a few day exercises would stock up with sticks of creamy dried milk.
On one such exercise, with rumours of an invasion scare in the air, we found ourselves in the Littlehampton area where we took up residence for a few days in the empty houses on the sea front and then one night in the grounds of Arundel castle, where in the morning after having a wash and shave in the Sections communal bowl, I threw out the bath water along with a gold signet ring given to me by my father. (So any gold prospectors with their metal detectors, the rightful owner has JFR interlaced on it).
This was all mundane training to us, perhaps those up top were wondering how best they could fit us in their new strategic thinking, but not before we were to spend a week under canvas at Lyme Regis doing the same boring exercises, but having being blessed with glorious weather it gave us the chance to put in quite a bit of target practice by shooting from the cliff tops at targets floated in the sea. If not on guard duty we were allowed out at night until 23:59hrs. On the first night out I had one too many of the local brew, Rough Cider, and because of my condition I realised that I couldn't report to the guard tent, (even with a dozen fruit pies), so I climbed onto the perimeter wall and seemed to float down to what must have been a 15ft drop. I didn't hurt myself, but I was caught and accused of breaking into camp, whereby I was put into open arrest for the rest of the week.

Our postal address was changed once again as we were to move up market to the Royal Victoria Hotel Swanage, overlooking the sea. It was of course bare of furniture, curtains, carpets or heating, but then we were never in residence long enough to enjoy the luxurious comfort of our straw palliasses. It was here that we were to learn of our role in what was to be the 'Guards Armoured Division'. Our 1st Battalion, of which I as a member, were to become Motorised Infantry and equipped with American (Whites) armoured plated International half tracks the 2nd and 3rd Battalions with Sherman and 4th with Churchill tanks the Household Cavalry with armoured scout cars for reconnaissance purposes. We were delighted with the thought that this would be the end of foot slogging, but we were in for a rude awakening.
In the meantime we were to receive a new Commanding officer, who because of his pompous attitude and general disregard to all, including his subalterns whom he would reprimand in front of the men, would strut around in highly polished gaiters and made himself most unpopular to say the least. This general feeling of resentment must have got back to higher authority because we were to wake up one morning to find that we had suddenly received a new commanding officer Lt Col Goulburn a very respected replacement. Unfortunately we were to hear sometime later that the replaced C.O who had been posted to Burma was unfortunately killed in action in circumstances which warrented the highest regards..
During breakfast parades, if in Billets, various pieces of equipment would still be exhibited for the usual inspection, but general fitness was the order of the day this included everybody, regardless. We would cover many miles by running and walking alternatively resting 10mins in every hour, but many a time by agreement and so as not to break the momentum, we would ignore the 10min rest period until we had reached our goal. This was invariably all right, until it was your turn to carry some of the more awkward pieces of equipment, such as the 2inch mortar and ammunition, the Bren gun, but more so the 6ft anti-tank rifle, whereupon on getting a prod in the back of the neck from it could cause questions to be asked as to the culprits birthright. But these uncomplimentary exchanges would for a brief moment break the monotony, although generally, the esprit de corps couldn't be better.

Battalion and Brigade exercises were now the norm, and casualties began to mount as the operations got bigger and bigger and more so with the inclusion of Divisional and eventually Southern Command against Northern Command exercises. The chaos could become enormous as tanks attempting to reach their objectives would meet their counterparts head on down country lanes, having lost their way etc. Artillery on the move, Engineers with their bridging equipment, the Medical Corp, the Signallers laying out their communication cables, all trying to do their bit, whilst Umpires would determine who was to be a casualty, then the unfortunates splintered up and along with those taken prisoner, could, on being released, be made to walk miles to rejoin their units, whereupon they would complain of their captors not sharing with them their rations. Hundreds of vehicles on the move with headlamps blacked out, with the exception of a small light in the centre of the headlamp about as big as an old one penny piece and having to follow behind vehicles showing a small light shining onto a white painted spot on the differential. If the vehicle in the front had cause to stop suddenly the result was invariably obvious, many despatch riders ended up as real casualties.Our training in unarmed or close combat encounters were now revised wherebye we were confident on being apprehended by an armed or unarmed combatant, retalatory defensive action would be instinctive
These large exercises were usually put on for the benefit of the Commanders of their respective Commands, who, whilst the P.B.I. would be sloshing and crawling through the mud, digging in, patrolling etc,they could be pondering over their maps suffering the indignities of their mobile homes, and at a later date would give the result of their deliberations as to what went wrong or alternately 'Well Done Chaps'.
It was on one such occasion that I was to spend my 21st birthday and I happened to be wearing a very nice silver wristwatch given to me by my parents. Unfortunately it stopped working and as it was rather expensive, I returned it to the makers 'Bensons' in London. Having not heard back from them for sometime I contacted them by post, only to be told that their premises had been bombed. 'Amen'.
Invasion scares were in the air again, with rumours rife that the enemy were attempting to land, so to scare them off we were put on 'Stand To' for about 3 or 4days which apparently did the trick.
We move this time to Piddlehinton near Weymouth where we were billeted in Nissan huts and it was from here that Fred Martin, whom I spoke about before when he helped to rescue two Belgian officers, unfortunately left us to join the Parachute Regiment, I say unfortunately because he was the one character that could rally the whole company on Route marches in chorus response to his descriptive caricatures of certain senior ranks in ribald song about their distinctive mannerisms to the tune of either Easter Parade or Quarter Masters Store so much so that the singing of such was banned on approaching built up areas. His favourite expression whenever he came across any difficult or dangerous feat to be tackled would be Shit or Bust and this approach became so inspiring within the Company that it was accepted as the No 4 Coy motto with permission being granted by C.S.M.Ford and the Company Commander for S.O.B to be stencilled on the front of all of our Coy vehicles, a worthy tribute,but unfortunately an eventual epitaph where after being seriously wounded in Crete,we were to hear that he was subsequently killed in a later engagement. (Don't volunteer etc.)
Vigorous training continued, although mine nearly came to an abrupt halt whilst returning from church parade in Weymouth. About 10 of us were sitting on the side panels of a 30cwt canvas covered truck our posteriors protruding over the edge (Seats at that time were not compulsory) when the driver, noted for his rally driving, took a long sweeping bend at speed brushing against a lamp standard, thus knocking those of us sitting on the N/Side panel off our perches to the floor. One unfortunate couldn't move and was groaning in pain, he had received a fractured pelvis.
We had a surprise visit from E.N.S.A. who performed (free) a very well received comedy show, which was in contrast to the one that came a few weeks later. Apart from charging 6d (2&1/2p) entrance fee, which for a start was considered exorbitant, it was not the type of entertainment for the majority who were not attuned to a 'String Quartet.' After a short time the audience started getting restless and were slowly dribbling out, a few were reading and after awhile the viola player went backstage and there was a noise as if she had fallen, someone shouted out 'Thank God She's Shot Herself' to which there was a loud guffaw, after which unfortunately, the majority left leaving the officers behind. Apparently at the end the organiser expressed his disapproval for their reception from such a distinguished Regiment.

We were not in residence long before we were on the move once again, this time to Warminster where in 1942 I was promoted to L/Sgt and along with No 4 Company we had our photograph taken wearing berets in place of S/D caps and it was also here that I was to enhance the Battalion W/Oand Sergeants photograph. Our billets were in empty houses which accommodated 4 to 5 to a room and so was a bit more comfortable I suppose, although the floor was just as hard. Most of the time we had to forgo these luxuries for the hospitality or I should say hostility of Salisbury Plain. This desolate wilderness is bad enough when it isn't raining, but we were not to enjoy either of those experiences for we arrived there when it was snowing. Our presence was required because we were to give a demonstration of attacking a hillock using live ammunition with the support of an artillery creeping barrage.
This exercise was for the benefit of high ranking officers who were in an observation post approx. 1/2 a mile away, it was bitterly cold and after we had trekked for about 2 miles through deep snow to the start point, we then had to dig our fox holes. On arrival our feet were wet but warm, but after having to wait for approx:2 to 3hrs for the order to advance, they were numb and our fingers were literally sticking to the metal parts of our armoury. Perhaps it was taking them that long to focus their binoculars, if they had already done so I am sure they wouldn't have had any problem in translating our French because the air like us, was blue!
At last we were given the signal to advance, the shells were exploding just to our front with the exception of the two or three that dropped short behind us, we were so choked that normally this would have been some concern, but I don't think any of us in our present frame of mind were too worried about the circumstances. Eventually we were called to a halt and we trudged back to base where we were informed it had been a great success, much to the delight as you can imagine of us participants, whose focus was more on the hot stew already prepared.
Emphasis was on speed to meet any prospective situation, as exercises followed exercises, as we practised jumping off the back of vehicles travelling about 15mph. The drill was that you stood on the tailboard with your back to the driver, then you jumped off with your body leaning well forward. The theory was that once your feet hit the ground, the momentum of the vehicle going forward would bring the body to the upright position. There were so many ending up in the prostrate position it was decided to leave these Kamikaze tactics to the Japanese.
We were having to familiarise ourselves with new weapons, new type respirators, uniforms impregnated with an anti gas substance which made us smell like Pole cats, especially when wet, even our best friends weren't shy in coming forward to tell us, but with the introduction of gas capes our uniforms were cleansed of our secret defence.
During this period we had join our No 4 Coy from No 2, their troublesome friend Gdsm Cosbab the one that cooled his feet off in peacetime in the Victoria memorial, but what brought him to us I know not, perhaps it was to make a fresh start. Although I found him a very humerous affable person with a face that gave the impression of innocence, whoa betide anyone he took a dislike to after having a few jars as was to prove soon after we moved to Haslemere because on returning to billets one night after having a drink he picked up his rifle and woke up a room mate to whom he had taken a dislike, with the words 'So & So I am going to part your Eff...g hair'. He fired just above his head the bullet passing through the side of the hut and according to Gdsm Boxer Brown, struck his 15cwt truck which was parked about 50yds away. He was immediately arrested and the next we were to hear of him was that he had been posted to another one of our Battalions serving abroad where hearsay stated that he was awaiting court martial for striking the Quarter Master whom he considered was partaking a more luxurious meal to that of general issue.. 'Honi Soit Qui Mal Y Pense.'Whether that be true or otherwise I know not for sure, but what I do know is that he eventually finished his service in the S.A.S along with Sid Nowland another ex- Company friend of mine who related to me that Cosbab was an inspirational asset in combat, and that is something I could well believe

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