大象传媒

Mr Calow our teacher was a little bit wayward, he stuttered and I would deliberately goad him by splattering ink on my exercise book. He would call me up to his desk and yell 鈥渨hat鈥檚 this mess in your book鈥�, I would look him straight in the eye and say 鈥渟ir sorry about the marks on the page sir, but my pen slipped sir鈥�, I would keep my eyes firmly fixed on his eyes, this had the effect of making him stutter and stammer causing all the lads in the class to crack out laughing. I would wind him up more by saying 鈥淚 still can鈥檛 see anything wrong with it sir, apart from the ink marks sir鈥�.

Mr Calow cracked you with the ruler and would make you say 鈥榯hank you鈥� as if you鈥檇 received a present, is this what he thought punishment was, some kind of pleasure?
I told my mother about this teacher and his antics and asked if I should say thank you for hitting me with the ruler, 鈥渄on鈥檛 you ever dare say thank you for any punishment鈥�.

I went to school with the sole aim of 鈥榞etting him going鈥� with a sarcastic comment about him, 鈥測ou think you are very funny Foulds, hold your hand out鈥�, so I did and just as he was about to make contact with the edge of the ruler, I鈥檇 snatch my hand away, he tried again and the same thing happened, now he鈥檚 really stuttering and my mate says 鈥淩oy hold your hand out or this time he鈥檒l just about kill you鈥�, so I took my punishment.
鈥淣ow what do you say for a present Foulds?鈥�. I retorted 鈥渕y mother says I have not got to say thank you for hitting me with a ruler鈥�
鈥淲hat did you say?鈥�
鈥淵ou heard!鈥�
鈥淚鈥檒l sort you out lad鈥� and he proceeded to pull the chairs out of the way so he could get at me, it was a very large class and all the desks were close together. He had completely lost his cool, red faced and stammering, he鈥檚 getting closer and my mate tells me 鈥渋f he touches you I will drop him鈥�, at the last minute he came to his senses and cracked out laughing, I had won that day, but I was left in a lot of pain for my troubles, it felt as if my finger ends were broken and I never did say thank you for his kind present.

The smokers were Mr Calow鈥檚 main targets, he always ran out of money mid-week, so he would borrow money from the lads who smoked, saying that he would not betray them to the headmaster and to prove he was genuine he would pay them back with interest.
鈥淲ho鈥檚 going to lend me two shillings and I will give you half a crown back next week, we鈥檒l do it as a lesson on the blackboard and I will show you how much interest you鈥檝e made in a week鈥�. That鈥檚 how we learnt to do percentages. He always paid them back but like all good crooks there is always a catch, some of the lads had lost all the money they had lent him when the gym cage was rifled, all the shorts and slippers went missing and the headmaster had to call the police in to investigate.

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